Adult Jokes - I know that these jokes are pretty dirty, but I don't care who looks at them. I mean thats a bunch of crap, I'm not even "of age"! - Jokes - http://maxpages.com/hellacooljokes/Adult

1. How do you know if you have a high sperm count?

When she has to chew before she swallows.
2. Two cowboy dudes were drinking in a bar & talking about sex.

The 1st cowboy says he likes to do it rodeo style.

The 2nd cowboy asks how do you do it rodeo style?

The 1st cowboy explains, "Get her in bed on all fours, doggie style & whisper in her ear, "Your sister likes it this way too." Then try to hold on for 8 seconds."

3. One day an elephant is lying on the jungle floor with a thorn stuck in his foot.
An ant comes along and offers to take the thorn out of the felled elephants foot.
The ant proceeds to remove the thorn and the elephant then turns to the ant and says "How can I ever repay you ?" To which the ant replies "Well I've never screwed an elephant, let me fuck you and we'll call it quits " so the elephant turns round and the ant crawls up behind its tail and just as the ant enters the elephant a coconut falls out of the tree and hits the elephant on the head.
the elephant cries out and the ant shouts "That's right bitch take it all".

4. Two guys in the pub one says to the other "my wife`s a dirty filthy slut" the other guy say`s "why do you say that " the first guy replies" because she wont wash the dishes so I can piss in the sink"

5. An old man, Mr. Smith, resided in a nursing home. One day he went into the nurses office and informed Nurse Jones that his penis had died. She realized that he was old and forgetful and decided to humor him, "It did? I'm sorry to hear that",she replied. Two days later Mr. Smith was walking down the halls of the nursing home with his penis hanging outside of his pants. Nurse Jones saw him and said, "Mr. Smith! I thought you said your penis died!?" "It did", he replied, "Today's the viewing!"

6. Four nuns are waiting to get to heaven. The first nun approaches the gate
and God asks her if she has anything to declare, she says "Yes, I once saw a mans penis." God says "Go wash your eyes in the Holy Fountain and enter the gates of Heaven. The second nun approaches, and God asks if she has anything to declare, and the nun says "Yes I once touched a mans penis." God says "Go wash your hands in the Holy Fountain and enter the gates the heaven." The third and fourth nun start arguing, and when God asks what's wrong, the third nun says, "I want to gargle in the Holy Fountainfirst before she sticks her ass in it."

7. 2 friends were camping out one night, when all of the sudden one of them
jumps up screaming, "A SNAKE JUST BIT ME ON THE TIP OF MY PENIS!!". The other friend said, "don't worry, I am going to town to find a doctor, I will be right back!". So he goes to town, and finally finds a doctor. "Doctor!! My friend just got bit by a snake!!!" the friends says. "It's ok", the doctor says, "all you have to do is suck the poison out." .The friend says thank you, and runs back to the camp site. The injured friends asks, "WHAT DID THE DOCTOR SAY? WHAT DID HE SAY?" ,the other friends replies, "doctor said you gonna die!"

8. So the other day, my friends and I went to this "Gentleman's' Club." One of my buddies wanted to impress us, so he pulls out a $10 bill. The "dancer" came over to us, and my friend licked the $10 and put it on her butt. Not to be outdone, my other friend pulls out a $50 bill. He calls the girl back over, licks the $50, and puts it on her other cheek. Now the attention is focused on me. What could I do to top that? I got out my wallet, thought for a minute....

I got out my ATM card, swiped it down her crack, grabbed the 60 bucks, and headed for the door.

9. Ok there's this guy who takes really good care of his body, jogged 6 miles a day, ate right and all. One day he looks in the mirror admiring himself and notices he is tan all over except for his penis. He decides to do something about this. He goes to the beach completely undresses and buries himself in the sand except for his penis which he leaves sticking out. Two old ladies walking on the beach, one using a cane, see the thing sticking out of the sand. The one old lady begins to move it around with her cane and remarks to the other old lady saying, "there really is no justice in this world". The other old lady said, "what do you mean by that"? So the first old lady says, "look at that-----when I was 20 I was curious about it. When I was 30 I enjoyed it when I was 40 I asked for it when I was 50 I paid for it when I was 60 I prayed for it when I was 70 I forgot about it And now I'm 80, and the damn things are growing wild, and I'm too old to squat.

10. There was a group of army men marching down a road at night looking for a place to stay. They came upon a farm house and knocked on the door. A old farmer answered, the Sargent asked if they could spend the night. The man said yes but he only had room for one man. The Sargent yelled out to Private Peters you spend the night here and we will go down the road and find the rest of us a place to stay. They went on down the road and came upon a whorehouse where they proceeded to knock on the door. A women leaned out the window and asked what do you want. The Sargent replied we need a place to stay. The women asked how many are there of you, to which the Sargent
said 39 without Peters. The women then said well grease your fingers and
come on in boys.

Zac Brewer

Michigan

USA

kidrokc12@aol.com

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Page Updated Tue Jul 23, 2002 8:45pm EDT