BEING MARRIED TO OR HAVING A RELATIONSHIP WITH AN MS PERSON - Personal - http://maxpages.com/happymspage/Relationship_Between_A

BEING MARRIED TO OR HAVING A RELATIONSHIP WITH
AN MS PERSON

Many people wonder if they could have a relation-
ship with a person who has Multiple Sclerosis and they
don't. There are a lot of people who have done it and
succeeded, and there are many for who is has not
worked out.

When you are thinking about this kind of relation-
ship, you have a lot of things to consider. The most
important thing, your future. You may have met this
person because you were the caregiver of a member of
the family, or the person themselves. This is something
to give a great deal of thought to.

At the beginning, the person with MS might do
quite well. A bad day here or there, but nothing you
both can't take care of. A great deal of people when
they were diagnosed with MS, knowing that they might
here this diagnosis, think that they have dealt with
all of the problems in their minds already. You
think you have accepted the impact of what the disease
could mean. Some feel as if they have finished
grieving over the fact that many of their dreams won't
come true. Many of them may not, but is you have this
attitude right from the beginning, then you have
already given up. My feeling is if you have given up,
then that kind of person should not even think of a
long time relationship with someone who does have MS.

If anyone is serious about this type of relation-
ship, they better have a very strong love for each
other. Multiple Sclerosis is an illness that can
change from minute to minute, hour to hour, day to day
etc. You have to be prepared for any of the changes
that could occur. Keep in mind that some of those
changes may be dragist ones. Some you may not have
thought of. You have to be prepared for the unexpected.

There are a group of people who have MS, but don't
look it, "But You Look So Well" group. Don't let this
fool you. They can be hurting more than you know. A
lot of these people keep their hurts inside, afraid to
let people know. Hopefully, they will stay that way,
and get no worse. However, you do have to be prepared
that this could change, and very rapidly. Making plans
to go somewhere is also something to think about. It
could be something that you have looked forward to for
a long time, and at the last minute you have to cancel.
People, that you think you know, cannot understand this.
The person with MS looks fine so why are they cancelling?
Unless you are in their shoes, even if you try extrem-
ely hard, you can't know. Only the person with the MS
or someone else with MS can only know.

I am not trying to tell people a relationship
of this type could never be. I just want them to know
some of the pitfalls they may face. My husband has
done more than I think he ever thought he would have to
do, and then some. I am one of the lucky ones. We have
had bad moments, but we were able to put many things
aside because of a very strong love that we have for
each other. I am sure, that if this were not the case,
we would still be married.
He is my friend and my husband.

Your partner has to try and understand the times
when you are cranky, irritable, nothing pleases you.
The person is not doing this on purpose, its just
one of those things that go along with MS. Even if
the person with MS tries very hard to hold back how
they feel, more often than not, they can't. I know
that with my own husband, who really understands a lot,
I feel bad because for whatever reason we don't go
some place, it always comes back to me why we did't do
something.

What I am saying, is go into the relationship with
your eyes wide open.

Written by Eileen (Lobosgirl)

Eileen Lukeman and Richard Tanner

FL.

Eileen(Lobosgirl) and Richard (RET1000) both at aol.com

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Page Updated Wed May 7, 2008 9:45am EDT