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Little Johnny Jokes
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| Little Johnny Jokes!!! |
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| Jokes about that little terror. . . |
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| TEACHER: Johnny, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago. LITTLE JOHNNY: Me! SUBSTITUTE TEACHER: Are you chewing gum? LITTLE JOHNNY: No, I'm Little Johnny. TEACHER: Johnny, how can one person make so many stupid mistakes in one day? LITTLE JOHNNY: I get up early. TEACHER: Didn't you promise to behave? LITTLE JOHNNY: Yes, Sir. TEACHER: And didn't I promise to punish you if you didn't? LITTLE JOHNNY: Yes, Sir, but since I broke my promise, I don't expect you to keep yours. TEACHER: Johnny, why do you always get so dirty? LITTLE JOHNNY: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground then you are. TEACHER: Why are you late? LITTLE JOHNNY: Because of the sign. TEACHER: What sign? LITTLE JOHNNY: The one that says, "School Ahead, Go Slow." TEACHER: I hope I didn't see you looking at Don's paper. LITTLE JOHNNY: I hope you didn't too. LITTLE JOHNNY: I don't think I deserve a zero on this test. TEACHER: I agree, but it's the lowest mark I can give you. MOTHER: Why did you get such a low mark on that test? LITTLE JOHNNY: Because of absence. MOTHER: You mean you were absent on the day of the test? LITTLE JOHNNY: No, but the kid who sits next to me was. LITTLE JOHNNY: Dad, can you write in the dark? FATHER: I think so. What do you want me to write? LITTLE JOHNNY: Your name on this report card. TEACHER: Well, at least there's one thing I can say about Little Johnny. FATHER: What's that? TEACHER: With grades like these, he couldn't be cheating. TEACHER: In this box, I have a 10-foot snake. LITTLE JOHNNY: You can't fool me, Teacher ... snakes don't have feet. HYGIENE TEACHER: How can you prevent diseases caused by biting insects? LITTLE JOHNNY: Don't bite any. TEACHER: Johnny, use "defeat," "defence," and "detail" in a sentence. LITTLE JOHNNY: The rabbit cut across the field, and defeat went over defence before detail. TEACHER: If you received $10 from 10 people, what would you get? LITTLE JOHNNY: A new bike. TEACHER: If you had one dollar and you asked your father for another, how many dollars would you have? LITTLE JOHNNY: One dollar. TEACHER (sadly): You don't know your arithmetic. LITTLE JOHNNY (sadly): You don't know my father. TEACHER: If I had seven oranges in one hand and eight oranges in the other, what would I have? LITTLE JOHNNY: Big hands! BOY: Isn't the principal a dummy! GIRL: Say, do you know who I am? BOY: No. GIRL: I'm the principal's daughter. BOY: And do you know who I am? GIRL: No. BOY: Thank goodness! Two five-year-old boys are standing at the potty to pee. One says, "Your thing doesn't have any skin on it!" "I've been circumcised." the other one says. "What's that mean?" "It means they cut the skin off the end." "How old were you when it was cut off?" "My Mom said I was two days old." "Did it hurt?" "You bet it hurt, I couldn't walk for a year!" A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. She started her class by saying, "Everyone who thinks you're stupid, stand up!" After a few seconds, Little Johnny stood up. The teacher said, "Do you think you're stupid, Little Johnny? "No, ma'am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!" Little Johnny watched, fascinated, as his mother smoothed cold cream on her face. "Why do you do that, mommy?" he asked. "To make myself beautiful," said his mother, who then began removing the cream with a tissue. "What's the matter?" asked Little Johnny. "Giving up?" The math teacher saw that little Johnny wasn't paying attention in class. She called on him and said, "Johnny! What are 2 and 4 and 28 and 44?" Little Johnny quickly replied, "NBC, CBS, HBO and the Cartoon Network!" At Sunday School they were teaching how God created everything, including human beings. Little Johnny seemed especially intent when they told him how Eve was created out of one of Adam's ribs. Later in the week his mother noticed him lying down as though he were ill, and asked, "Johnny what's the matter?" Little Johnny responded, "I have a pain in my side. I think I'm going to have a wife." Little Johnny's kindergarten class was on a field trip to their local police station where they saw pictures tacked to a bulletin board of the ten most wanted criminals. One of the youngsters pointed to a picture and asked if it really was the photo of a wanted person. "Yes," said the policeman. "The detectives want very badly to capture him." Little Johnny asked, "Why didn't you keep him when you took him picture?" |
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