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Okay, this is old...and gay. Let's start with the obvious: Chris has boobs. Where the hell did THOSE come from and where did they go? Then we have JC...oh, JC, oh my...um...did the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders give you a few tips on posing there or are you just a regular prima ballerina? And Lance? Nevermind...you know you're a girl. I really don't get this "seal" position concept. What did the photographer say? "Okay, everyone, lie down on your stomach and put your feet up in the air like fags."

Oh, gosh, where do I begin? Oh, I know...JC, the thug. Oh, yeah, Justin, who's da homeboy now, huh? HUH? And Chris...my, my, my, what the fuck were you thinking? Okay, granted, yellow is my favourite colour, but, baby, you're not in Alaska, you're not skiing, so loose the goggles, okay? Also, I absolutely hate Chris in caps. Ugh, they make him look like Dumbo. Chris has the biggest ears in the group and caps just totally gives his ears away. Ugh, boy, cover it up.

Hurry up and tuck your drawers in, Chris. Wouldn't want anyone to know what we've been doing. *Wink* *wink* *Nudge*

Okay, Joey (*cough* pimp *cough*) looks like he doesn't get it. I mean, he looks confused. Hell, I would be, too if I were wearing a vinyl coat.
Chris looks absolutely gay and adorable here. He looks like he's saying, "Oh, goodie, our first American award. I'm just so happy."
Oh and look, JC's hoggin' all the action for himself. Surprise, surfreakin'prise.

Yes, I know like every website and its momma has this pic on it, but dammit, I gotta get MY two cents in, too.
Let's start off with Justin: He looks like someone who I went to high school with. Unfortunately for Justin, the guy I went to high school with, let's just call him oh....Cody Boudreaux, well, I didn't like dear 'ole Cody therefore I do NOT like Justin here.
Chris: He looks like he's about to blow chunks. Look at that belly, he must've eaten like six pounds of food before this shoot. Poor guy, so he leans on Justin. Hey, why don't you hurl on him while you're at it, baby? I wouldn't mind that so much.
JC: Put your fucking shirt back on, spaghetti boy and stop digging in your ass, for God's sake!
Lance: Awe! Wasn't he cute and untoned? Also, he reminds me a bit of Satan here. Either that or he's stoned.
Joey: Okay, I hate to admit it, but I think Joey looks the best in this pic. Sorry, Chris, but I think he does. Joey could kick Justin's ass any day, man.

Is this you guys' sorry excuse for a horse? You put my man on a fucking pony? Wait, let me guess, it's 'cause he's short. Hey, man, one of my VERY good friends is only 5'5" and her mare stands 16 hands high so what does this tell you, huh? It's okay, chris, I know you're afraid of heights, but you gotta conquer that fear sometime in your life.

Get your ass to Mars

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Page Updated Fri Dec 10, 1999 11:01am EST