SoMe DuMb BlOnDe JoKeS - AnD tHeY r AlL vErY cLeAn!!! - Music - http://maxpages.com/furbygirl/Dumb_blonde

Blonde Puzzle
A blonde walked into a bar. She sat down and started chanting, " 37 days! 37 days!" The bartender asked what she was doing, but she didn't answer, just kept chanting "37 days! 37 days!"
Soon more blondes came in, all chanting "37 days! 37 days!" The bartender again asked what they were doing, and one of them held up a little kid's bunny-rabbit jigsaw puzzle and said, " The box says 2-4 years, but we put it together in 37 days!"

Alligator Boots
There was a blonde who was in Louisiana. She decided that while she was there, she would get some authentic alligator skin boots to take home with her as a souvenir.
She shopped all over but the prices were all too high. She was in a store and she made up her mind that she had had enough. "I'll just shoot an alligator and get the skin. Then I can make the boots myself. I'm not paying this much for a pair of boots!" And with that she stomped out of the store. The manager of the store she had made such a scene in earlier drove by a bayou later that day. He was very surprised to see the blonde waist-deep in water, gun aimed, with an alligator coming right at her. She shot the alligator right between the eyes and pulled it up on shore, next to a row of about 10 alligators. "Darn it!" she said, this one's not wearing shoes either!"

Q & A’s
How do you get a one armed blonde out of a tree?
You wave to them!

How are Bigfoot and smart blondes alike?
They both don't exist!

What goes vrooooom... screech, vroooom.........screech?
A blonde at a flashing red light

House on Fire
There was a blond and her house was on fire. She called the fire department and goes "come quick my house is on fire!"
They reply, "Well how do we get there?"
The blond goes" duh! A big red truck!"

Blonde’s Cell Phone
A young man wanted to get his beautiful blonde wife something nice for their first wedding anniversary. So he decides to buy her a cell phone. She is all excited, she loves her phone. He shows her and explains to her all the features on the phone.
The next day the blonde goes shopping. Her phone rings and it's her husband, "Hi Hun," he says "How do you like your new phone?"
She replies, "I just love it, it's so small and your voice is clear as a bell but there's one thing I don't understand though."
"What's that, baby?" asks the husband.
"How'd you know I was at Wall-mart? she quietly replied...

Grenades!!
What do you do if a blonde throws a grenade at you?
Take the pin out and throw it back!

What do you do if a blonde throws a pin at you?
Run like crazy, because she's still got the grenade!!!

The Firing Squad
A blond a brunette and a redhead were charged with a crime and sentenced to be put before the firing squad. The three women being friends were talking before the execution trying to come up with a plan to get out of this horrible situation.
Suddenly the Brunette exclaims, "I got it, just follow my lead!!"
So the executioner comes over to the three women and asks who would volunteer to be the first before the firing squad. The brunette raises her hand and says that she loves her friends too much to see them shot so she volunteers first.
The executioner puts the blindfold on the young lady and the executioner yells out to the firing squad
"READY!!"
"AIM"...
Suddenly the brunette yells "EARTHQUAKE!!!" The men are distracted and she runs away to safety.
The redhead getting the idea volunteers to go second. Once again the executioner yells out to the firing squad
"READY!!"
"AIM!!"
And the red head yells "FLOOD!!" and the men are distracted and she too runs away.
The blond finally understands and she is put before the squad
The executioner yells...
"READY!!"
"AIM!!"
The blond having planned carefully yells out "FIRE!!!!!"

Goin 2 Jamaica!!
A blonde was sitting in first class of her plane waiting for it to take off to Jamaica. The Flight Attendant came back and remarked to the blonde "Excuse me Miss, but your seat is back in coach, you'll have to move."
The blonde replied "I am not moving until this plane lands in Jamaica!"
The Flight Attendant once again demanded that the blonde move back to her seat in coach, but the blonde absolutely refused to move! The Flight Attendant walked towards the front of the plane and disappeared into the cockpit. A few minutes later she came out with the pilot walking behind her. The pilot walked up to the blonde and whispered something in her ear. Immediately the blonde got up from where she was sitting and went back to her seat in coach. The Flight Attendant turned to the pilot and asked, "How did you get her to move?"
The pilot simply said, "I told her first class wasn't going to Jamaica."

Flight School
A blonde went to a flight school, insisting she wanted to learn to fly that day. As all the planes were currently in use, the owner agreed to instruct her on how to pilot the helicopter solo by radio. He took her out, showed her how to start it and gave her the basics and sent her on her way.
After she climbed 1000 feet, she radioed in. "I'm doing great! I love it! The view is so beautiful, and I'm starting to get the hang of this." After 2000 feet, she radioed again, saying how easy it was becoming to fly.
The instructor watched her climb over 3000 feet, and was beginning to worry that she hadn't radioed in. A few minutes later, he watched in horror as she crashed about half a mile away. He ran over and pulled her from the wreckage.
When he asked what happened, she said, "I don't know! Everything was going fine, but as I got higher, I was starting to get cold. I can't remember anything after I turned off the big fan."

New Mail
A man is mowing his lawn and his Blonde female neighbor goes out and open’s her mailbox, after she slams it shut hard. He say's whatever then goes in the backyard to get the rake for raking the leaves, as he does his neighbor goes out to check the mail again and the same thing happens and this repeats itself for about 5 times.
He finally decides to go over, he asks, "Is something the matter?" and she says, "Yeah my computer keeps saying that I have mail.

Golfing with the Blondes
Two blondes were playing golf at a foggy par three, and could see the flag, but not the green. Each hit their ball anyway. When they walked to the green, they discovered one about three feet from the cup, while the other somehow had gone directly in.
They tried to figure out which ball belonged to whom, since they were both using Titleist number threes. Unable to decide, they returned to the Club House and asked the golf pro for a ruling.
After hearing their story and congratulating them both on their superb shots under such adverse conditions he asked, 'OK, so who was playing the yellow ball?'

Double-Decker Bus
A blonde, a red head and a brunette board a double-decker bus. There are two seats left on the bottom of the bus and only one seat in the top of the bus available when they board.
They decided to take turns riding in the top and flipped a coin to see who got the first turn. The blonde won the toss.
A couple of hours later it's the red head's turn so she walks up the stairs, and sees the blonde sitting there scared half to death. She's clutching the seat in front of her so hard that her knuckles are white.
"What's wrong?" the red head asks. "We're havin' a grand old time down below."
The blonde replies, "Yeah, but you've got a driver."

Keys in the Car
A blond walked into a gas station and told the manager, "I locked my keys in my car and I was wondering if you had a coat hanger I could stick through the window and unlock the door."
"Why, sure," said the manager, "we have something that works especially for that."
A couple minutes later, the manager walked outside to see how the blonde was doing. He heard another voice.
"No, no, a little to the left," said the other blonde inside the car.

In Vegas
A blonde was in Vegas vacationing with friends. She was standing in front of the candy machine and put two coins in, turned the knob and a candy bar fell out. She picked up the candy bar and put it in her pocket, then she proceeded to put two more coins into the slot and turned the knob, again a candy bar fell out and she put it in her pocket. She put two more coins into the machine and again turned the knob producing yet another candy bar. A man was watching from a short distance away and walked up to her, he said 'Excuse me Miss? What are you doing?'
And she replies, dud! Im winning here!

More Q & A’s
Q. Did you hear about the blond that broke her arm?
A. She was raking leaves when she fell out of the tree!

Kidnapping
There was a blonde woman who was having financial troubles so she decided to kidnap a child and demand a ransom. She went to a local park, grabbed a little boy, took him behind a tree and wrote this note: "I have kidnapped your child. Leave $10,000 in a plain brown bag behind the big oak tree in the park tomorrow at 7 AM. Signed, The Blonde." She pinned the note inside the boy's jacket and told him to go straight home.
The next morning, she returned to the park to find the $10,000 in a brown bag, behind the big oak tree, just as she had instructed. Also inside the bag was the following note: "Here is your money. I cannot believe that one blonde would do this to another!"

Speeding Blonde
A blonde was speeding in her car, so a police officer pulls her over. He arrests her, and they take away her license
The next day, the blonde was driving on the road again. Another cop pulled her over and asked to see her license. The blonde answers:
"You people are so stupid! Yesterday you take away my license, and now you want to see it again? Gees!"

Blonde Lottery
A blonde buys a ticket and wins the lottery. She goes to Austin to claim it and the man verifies his ticket number.
The Blonde says, "I want my $20 million." The man replied, "No, sir. It doesn't work that way. We give you a million today and then you'll get the rest spread out for the next 19 years."
The Blonde said, "Oh, no. I want all my money right now! I won it and I want it." Again, the man explain that she would only get a million that day and the rest during the next 19 years.
The Blonde, furious with the man, screams out, "Look, I want my money! If you're not going to give me my $20 million right now, then I want my dollar back right now!"

Be Quiet, blondie!!!!
A blonde gets an opportunity to fly to a nearby country. She has never been on an airplane anywhere and was very excited and tense. As soon as she boarded the plane, a Boeing747, she started jumping in excitement, running over seat-to-seat and starts shouting,
"BOEING! BOEING!! BOEING!!! BO..."
She sort of forgets where she is; even the pilot in the cockpit hears the noise. Annoyed by the goings on, the Pilot comes out and shouts "BE SILENT!"
There was pin-drop silence everywhere and everybody is looking at the blonde and the angry Pilot. She stared at the pilot in silence for a moment, concentrated really hard, and all of a sudden started shouting,
"OEING! OEING! OEING! OE...."

On a Freeway
A blonde is driving down the freeway in her car when her boyfriend calls on the cell phone. When she picks up the phone he says, "Hi honey, it's me, I just wanted to call and tell you to be careful, it says on the news that there is a car driving the wrong way on the freeway."
She says, "There's not one, there's hundreds of them!!"

Painting the House
This blonde decides one day that she is sick and tired of all these blonde jokes and how all blondes are perceived as stupid, so she decides to show her husband that blondes really are smart. While her husband is off at work, she decides that she is going to paint a couple of rooms in the house.
The next day, right after her husband leaves for work, she gets down to the task at hand. Her husband arrives home at 5:30 and smells the distinctive smell of paint. He walks into the living room and finds his wife lying on the floor in a pool of sweat. He notices that she is wearing a ski jacket and a fur coat at the same time. He goes over and asks her if she is ok. She replies yes. He asks what she is doing. She replies that she wanted to prove to him that not all blonde women are dumb and she wanted to do it by painting the house. He then asks her why she has a ski jacket and a fur coat on. She replies that she was reading the directions on the paint can and they said, FOR BEST RESULTS, PUT ON TWO COATS.

Test Day
The blonde reported for her University final examination, which consists of 'yes/no' type questions. She takes her seat in the examination hall, stares at the question paper for five minutes, and then in a fit of inspiration takes her purse out, removes a coin and starts tossing the coin and marking the answer sheet - Yes for Heads and No for Tails. Within half an hour she is all done whereas the rest of the class is sweating it out. During the last few minutes, she is seen desperately throwing the coin, swearing and sweating.
The moderator, alarmed, approaches her and asks what is going on. 'I finished the exam in half and hour. But, she says, I am rechecking my answers.'

Snowman
Why is it so hard to build a blonde snowman?
Because you have to hollow out the head.

Premonitions
A blonde and a brunette are walking down the street; all of a sudden the blond sees banana peels a few feet from her,
She says, "Oh, darn, I'm gonna fall again!"

Passwords
Did you here about the blonde who called tech support because when she typed in her password, all she got were little stars?

Bus Ride
A blonde is visiting Washington, DC. This is her first time to the city, so she wants to see the Capitol building. Unfortunately, she can't find it, so she asks a police officer for directions.
'Excuse me, officer,' the blonde says, 'how do I get to the Capitol building?'
The officer says, 'Wait here at this bus stop for the number 54 bus. It'll take you right there.'
The blonde thanks the officer and he drives off. Three hours later the police officer comes back to the same area, and, sure enough, the blonde is still waiting at the same bus stop.
The officer gets out of his car and says, 'Excuse me, but to get to the Capitol building, I said to wait here for the number 54 bus. That was three hours ago. Why are you still waiting?'
The blonde says, 'don’t worry, officer, it won't be long now. The 45th bus just went by!'

Dead Bird
A blonde and a brunette were walking down the sidewalk.
"Look! There's a dead bird!!" the brunette exclaimed.
The blonde jerks her head upwards and studied the cloudless blue sky.
"Where?!?!" She asked.

Stay in the Circle
A blonde was driving in her brand new corvette. Two guys pull her over and tell her to get out of the car. They draw a circle and tell her if she moves out of the circle they will kill her.
They immediately begin to destroy her corvette. When they are all finished they find the blonde standing in the circle laughing. Stunned, they wonder why, and ask her.
She replies, "Because while you weren't looking I stepped out of the circle!

Stranded on a Desert Island
There were three girls -- a brunette, a redhead and a blonde. They each were asked what one thing would they bring to the desert. The brunette said I would bring food in case I got hungry. The redhead said, "I would bring water in case I got thirsty." And the blonde haired girl said, "I would bring a car door, in case it got hot I could roll down the window!"

New Bartender
There was this new bartender on his first shift.
Three women walk in. One is a brunette, one is a redhead, and one's (of course) a blonde. The brunette goes up to the bartender and says, "I'd like an ML."
The bartender smiles and says, "Um, I'm new here, what is an ML?" The brunette says, "Miller Light."
The redhead is next, and she asks for a BL, which the young bartender learns is a Bud Light. The blonde finally has her turn, and asks for a 15.
"Fifteen?" says the confused bartender. "What is a fifteen?"
The blonde rolls her eyes and says, "A seven & seven, duh!"

B u r g e r K i n g
There was a family of blondes in this place in Wisconsin. They couldn't pronounce the name of the city so they were all arguing over how to pronounce it. They go into a fast-food restaurant and there is a blonde at the cash register. One of the family members asks: "Can you please tell us where we are?"
The cashier said really slowly: "B u r g e r K i n g."

Blonde Riddles
1."Blond making cookies"
How do you know if a blond has been making chocolate chip cookies?
There are M&M shells all over the floor.

2."Blond's Computer"
How do you know that a blond has been using the computer?
There is whiteout all over the screen.

3. "The empire state building"
If you dropped a blond and a brunette off the empire state building, who would reach the ground first?
The Brunette because the blond would stop and ask for directions.

4. "Wind tunnel"
What do you call a row of blonds?
A wind tunnel.

5."M&M factory"
Why did the blond get fired from the M&M factory?
She threw out all the ones that said "W".

Dents in da car
A blonde woman was driving her car home one night when she suddenly found herself in the middle of a really bad hailstorm. The hailstones were as big as golf balls and her car gets dented up really bad. The next day she takes it in to a repair shop to have the dents looked at.
The repair guy noticing that she is blonde and quite dingy when she speaks, decides to have some fun and tells her to blow into the tail pipe of the car really hard when she gets home, and that doing this will cause all of the dents to pop out.
When she gets home she starts blowing into the tail pipe as hard as she can, over and over. Just then, her best friend who also is blonde shows up. Her friend sees her blowing into the tail pipe and is quite startled by the action. She blurts out all flippantly, "What are you doing!?"
She tells her the repair guy told her to blow into the tail pipe real hard and the dents would pop out.
Her girlfriend says "Duh! You need to roll up the windows first!"

Hiding a Blonde
A brunette, a red head and a blonde robed a bank, as the police were looking for them they decided to hide in potato sacks...As the police walked by the girls hiding in their potato sacks they first kicked the brunettes bag. She said RUFF! RUFF!, the police are like oh ok its just a dog...they went to the 2nd bag which was the red heads, they kicked the bag the red head said MEOW MEOW...the police said oh well its just a cat...finally they get to the 3rd bad...they kick the bag and the blonde goes... POTATO!! POTATO!!!

Even More Q & A’s
Q: There’s a blonde, brunette, and a redhead all in the seventh grade. Which ones the prettiest?
A: The blonde because she's 18.

Q: A blonde ordered a pizza and the clerk asked if he should cut it in six or twelve pieces.
A: "Six please. I could never eat twelve pieces.

Q: Did you hear about the blonde who died drinking milk?
A: The cow fell on her.

Q: What is dumber than two brunettes that tried to build a house at the bottom of the ocean?
A: Two blondes that tried to burn it down!

Q: Why did the blonde tiptoe past the medicine cabinet?
A: So she wouldn't wake up the sleeping pills.

Top 10 Blond Inventions

1) The waterproof towel
2) Solar powered flashlight
3) Submarine screen door
4) A book on how to read
5) Inflatable dartboard
6) A dictionary index
7) Ejector seat in a helicopter
8) Powdered water
9) Pedal-powered wheel chair
10) Water-proof tea bag

Funny!

this website is CLOSED!!!!!!! Please vist the new one at http://angelishgurl.cjb.net Thank you so much! Love, ..::*angelish*gurl*::..

1/1

furbyeyes@gurlmail.com

Visitors: 03040

Page Updated Wed Feb 28, 2001 3:54pm EST