Abortion - Nightmare - Spirituality - http://maxpages.com/fromtheheart/Abortion

Abortion

Sometime in life we are overpowered by the decisions we must make. The
decision may be to big or important and there may not be ample time to arrive at the proper conclusion. Therefore we do what we feel is best for us at that precise moment in time. To often these decisions are irrevocable and may alter our lives forever but we must make them nevertheless.

We may taunt ourselves the rest of our life asking “If we had taken a simple
precaution could we have avoided this life altering decision “. The consequence of which will not be known until the decision is made and then unfortunately it may be to late.We often hash these thing over and over in our mind asking ourselves questions such as. Did we take a special moment that was so beautiful and filled with love and turn it into a horrifying experience? Did we take a person that so close to us and drive them away.

I made such a decision once in my life. When confronted with the choice to a
situations I didn't understand and knew nothing about, an Abortion. I panicked and made a choice that I will never forget because it alter my life forever. At the time it seem like it was the proper choice for the both of us or so it seemed. Our bond through Love was shattered and our friendship destroyed. Even though we still have feeling for each other we could never look each other in the eyes again.

As the cut off point drew nearer for her we both decided it would be in her best interest to have the abortion. I wasn't ready to be a father with commitments to a child or wife and she didn't want to have a child born out of wedlock. We both withdrew into our selves to think it over for a few more days. Our promise to each other was that we would call each other on Sunday, the day before we were to leave for the clinic. After a few days of browbeating myself I came to the realization that it was my dream to have a child and I was about to come true. This was what I waited for all my life and God had granted my wish with a woman I loved and it couldn't get any better than that. Finally I reaching my decision and gained enough courage to call.

It was about 11 PM on a Sunday evening that I decided to marry
the woman I loved and father our child. I called to tell the expectant mother and to give her the news she wanted to hear. As she answered the phone I shouted out with joy, will you marry me and have my child. The other end of the phone was silent and then I heard a terrifying scream “its to late” . In a shattered voice I heard her say “ they gave me a special cream to kill the Fetus and I administer it 10 minutes ago." My heart shattered as I now realized what I had done, I had played God, taking a special part of the both of us and killed it.

Even though I was too late with the phone call I assured her that I would not
desert her. We would go to the clinic as planned and I would stay by her side all the way. Never in a lifetime could I have realized what I agreed to do. I walked into a waiting room filed with pregnant woman and was the only male there. As they called her in to the room all I could picture in my mind was an animals being lead to slaughter. While sitting there I could hear the screaming of other women in the procedure rooms as they ripped the fetus from their bodies. Their cry sent chills through my body as they screamed “ My Baby My baby, I want my baby .’’ I will never forget those horrifying scream for as long as I live.

The waiting area was filled with young and old victims from all over the
country. Each of them waiting patiently for their turn to be lead to the slaughter. Each woman in waiting approached me with her story of why she was there. They also thought it was so noble of me to come with her and be by her side of need, but I knew what a heal I was for putting her in this situation in the first place.

From that day forward nothing was ever the same between us. We drifted apart and never bothered looking back. What was once so beautiful between us was now scared with horrible memories. The thought of playing God destroyed my life forever since but the next two years were the worst. I couldn't give my love to any woman or even think of being intimate. A part of me seemed to have died.

The only thing that I am thankful for is that my God is a forgiving God. He blessed me by giving with a second chance at fatherhood and love. I married a wonderful woman that bore me a beautiful son. For this I am thankful but in my heart I will never forgive myself because for one brief moment I tried to play God.

If you are ever faced with this decision in your lifetime I hope you will remember my words and make a better choice then I did. Deep in my heart I will always wonder what my son or daughter would have been like today if I had only given them the chance to live.

Sleep well my friend wherever you may be.

Copyright © YMIRon@aol.com, March 20, 2001

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