Home
Mooses Cyber Friends
Members Page
Mooses Favorite Links
Mooses Jokes HAHAHA
DONT CLICK HERE
Cool Moose Songs
Mooses Playable Games
Moose Game Reviews
Project OverMoose
Mooses Codes
Tubbys Great Adventure
Mooses Best Friend
Test
Mooses Favorite Games
Cool Moose Facts
|
This page is devoted to jokes. WARNING MANY OF THESE JOKES MAY BE ABOUT BLONDES, OUR APOLOGIES.
Blonde Jokes:
There where these 3 blonde women that wanted to be policemen. So the blondes go into the police station for the job but first they have to pass a test. The first blonde goes in and the man asks her what she can tell about the suspect in the photo. (Note:The photo of the suspect is from the side.) So the blonde says "well he must be half blind since he only has one eye". The guy says no and that it is a side photo. So the next blonde comes in and says "well he must be hard of hearing because he only has 1 ear" The man says " no!!!, it is a side photo!!!!" So its the last blondes turn and she goes in there and looks at the photo. She says, "well, I believe that the suspect wears contacts. So the guy says, "well, I'm going to have to check on that". So he comes back and says "wow, how did you know the suspect wore contacts?" And the blonde replies, "well, it sure would be hard to buy glasses if you only have 1 eye and 1 ear"!
Submitted by Zakman.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
One day a blonde walks into this store and tells the salesperson "I want that microwave" and he said "we don't sell to blondes". So the next day she comes in as a brunette and tells the sales person she wants that microwave and he said we don't sell to blondes. So the next day she comes in as a black haired person. She tells the salesperson she wants that microwave and he says we don't sell to blondes and she says, "how do you know I am blonde?" "Because its a TV not a microwave."
Submitted by ladybug20089.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
This blonde called her boyfriend and when he answered she started to pout and cry. "Josh, I've been working on this dam puzzle for two days and one night, come over and help me." "Here try it for one more day and call me tomorrow." he says. The next day she calls again and he replies... "Try it one more time alright?" next day... "Come on just try it one more time and then I'll come." The next day comes, Josh finally arrives at his g-friend's house. When she takes him to her kitchen he replies... "Put your stupid corn-flakes away and go back to bed!"
Submitted by Kim-the blonde.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
How do you confuse a blonde?
Blue.
Submitted by Liz.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
How many blonde jokes are there?
One—the rest are all true!
Submitted by Keith.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
What's the difference between a blonde and a bottle of beer?
The beer won't get jealous when you have another!
Submitted by McDJG.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
What do you call a blonde with 90% of her intelligence gone?
Divorced.
Submitted by Izzo_Girl.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A young blonde executive was leaving the office one evening when she noticed the CEO standing in front of the shredder with a piece of paper in his hand. "Listen," said the CEO, "this is important, and my assistant has left for the day. Can you make this thing work?" "Certainly," she replies, flattered that the CEO had askedher for help. She turned the machine on, inserted the paper, and pressed the START button. "Excellent!" replied the CEO, "I'll need two copies."
Submitted by One Fine Piece of Ace.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A blonde by the name of Julie was getting pretty desperate for money. So she decided to go to the richer part of town and try to get a job as a handywoman. She rang the doorbell at the first house she came to, and a man answered the door. She asked if there were any odd jobs she could do, and he replied, "Well, actually, we need the porch painted—how much do you want?" Julie said she felt $50 was fair. He replied, "OK, the ladders, paint, and other tools you need are in the garage." When the man closed the door, his wife, who had overheard the conversation asked him, "$50?!? Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?" The man replied, "She must have, she was standing right on it." About 45 minutes later, the doorbell rings again, and the man is surprised to find Julie there. She tells him that she's done, and states that she even had enough paint to do two coats. As the man is reaching into his wallet to pay her, Julie says, "Oh, and by the way, that isn't a Porsche—it's a Ferrari."
Submitted by Skinnyminnie44
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A blonde gets in an elevator and sees a man standing there. She tells him, "TGIF, sir," to which he replies, "S-H-I-T, ma'am." Surprised, she replies, "Excuse me, I was just trying to be nice — T stands for 'Thank,' G stands for 'goodness,' I stands for 'it's,' and F stands for 'Friday.' The man replies, "S stands for 'Sorry,' H stands for 'honey,' I stands for 'it's,' and T stands for 'Thursday.'
Submitted by Pit Bull
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
One day, a blonde, brunette, and redhead were walking along a beach. Suddenly, a bird flies over and craps on the redhead. The blonde tells the brunette, "Quick, go get some toilet paper!" The brunette replies, "By the time I get back, the bird will be gone!"
Submitted by MiSs ThAng
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A blonde goes to Florida for some alligator boots. No matter which store she goes to, she can't find the boots. A few days later a manager of one of the stores is driving home at night and sees the blonde knee-deep in a swamp. All around her, alligators are lying belly-up. The manager stops and watches the blonde. Suddenly, the blonde grabs an alligator, wrestles it, and turns it over. She looks at its feet and says, "Damn! This one isn't wearing boots either!"
Submitted by Mistress Diablo
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
What's the difference between a rooster and a blonde?
The rooster says "cock-a-doodle-doo!", and the blonde says, "Any cock'll do!"
Submitted by Amy
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Why don't blondes know how to write the number "11"?
They don't know which "1" comes first!
Submitted by Kristi
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Why did the blonde stop using the pill?
It kept falling out!
Submitted by Tyler
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Farmer John was a sheep farmer. He raised sheep all over his property. One day, a beautiful young brunette came up and asked him, "Farmer John, if I can tell exactly how many sheep you have in your fields, can I have a lamb to take home and raise myself?" Farmer John agreed, knowing wholeheartedly that he had way too many to guess accurately. The beautiful, young brunette told him that he had 376 sheep in his field. Farmer John was beside himself. Being a man of his word, he told her to go and pick out the one she wanted and bring it back to him so he could untag the ear. For about an hour the brunette was out in the field. Finally she returned with her choice. Farmer John looked and her and asked, "Now, can I ask you a question?" The brunette complied. Farmer John asked, "If I can tell you what color your hair was before you dyed it, can I please have my dog back?"
Submitted by Bubba the Love Sponge
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q:How does a blond kill a fish?
A:She drowns it
Q:how does a blond kill a bird?
A:she throws it off a cliff
Submitted by pingu
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
There was a blond, a brunette, and a redhead riding in a car, and they ran a stop sign and a cop started chasing them. So they got a little farther ahead and saw three burlap bags lying in the ditch. They stopped the car and each of them got into one of the bags. Now, the cop caught up with them and saw the empty car and the three bags. So he went up to the bag with the brunette in it and kicked it. The brunette said "meow, meow", and the cop said, "oh, there's a kitty in this bag. And he kicked the one with the redhead in it and she said, "arf, arf", and the cop said aw, there's a puppy in this bag. Finally, he went up to the bag with the blond in it and kicked it and she said, "potato"
Submitted by Jenni
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A Blonde girl goes to work one day crying because she found out her mom had just died. Her boss asks her 'What's wrong?? Why are you crying??'. She replies 'I just found out that my mom passed away'. The Boss decides to let her have the day off but she insists on working so that she can keep her mind off her mom. A few hours later her boss decides to check on her and he goes in to her office and see's her crying histerically. He asks again 'Why are you crying??' she says 'My sister called saying that her mom died too'.
Submitted by AV
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
This brunette walked into this shoe store for blondes and she noticed that TGIF was on all the shoes, she walked up to the sales clerk and said Gee, blondes must really like Fridays! The clerk said why do you say that? The brunette said because TGIF is on all the shoes! The clerk said Nope that stands for TOES GO IN FIRST!!!
Submitted by Evelyn K.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A painting cotracter was speaking to a woman about a job. She sad she wanted the first room a pale blue. He wrote it down, went to the window opened it and yelled "GREEN SIDE UP." They walked into the second room and she said she wanted it a soft yellow color. He wrote that down, went to the window opened it and yelled, "GREEN SIDE UP." The woman was curious but didn't say anything. They walked into the third room and she said she wanted a warm rose color. The painter wrote that down and went to the window and opened it, he yelled "GREEN SIDE UP." Finally the woman asked, "why do you keep yelling that out the window?" "I'm sorry," he replied, "but I have a crew of blondes laying sod across the street.
Submitted by Ginsing
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
There was a fire at the blond's house and she decided to call 911. So she call's 911 all upset and crying " You have to come over and help me my house is on fire." The fireman says "Ok, lady calm down, How do we get there?" The blond states " DUH?? The BIG RED TRUCK.
Submitted by de blonde
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
There were three people traped on an island: a blond,a brunette,and a redhead.
The redhead looked across the water and estimates the distance to be about 20 miles, so she announces that she is going to try to swim across. She swims 5 miles and gets tired. She swims 5 more before she gets to tired and drowns.
The brunette thinks to herself, "I wonder if I can make it." Out loud she says, "I guess it's better than staying here to starve." So she tries to swim out. She has more endurance than the redhead and she swims 10 miles before she's even tires. She swims 5 more before she drowns.
The blond says, "I wonder if they made it? I guess I better try." So she swims 5,10,19 miles! Just 1 mile from shore she says, "I'm just too tired!" So she turns around and swims back.
Submitted by bf's
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q. HOW DID THE BLONDE ALMOST DIE?
A. SHE WAS RIDING A HORSE AND SHE STARTED TO HIT HER HEAD ON THE GROUND SO THE K-MART MANAGER SHUT OFF THE MERRY-GO-ROUND.
Submitted by Peppy Cheerleader
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Why does a blonde drive a BMW?
Cuz she can spell it...
Submitted by Sven "Joker" Jacobs
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A Blond goes to a company party and wins a thermos for the doorprize. she asks her co-worker, "What's a thermos?"
He says "It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold."
"Oh!" The next day at work, she brings it with her. Her boss, who is also a blond, says "What's that?"
The Blond says "It's a thermos." Her boss asks her, "What's that?"
She says "It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold." Her boss asks her, "What do you have in it?"
The blond says, "Two cups of coffee and a pop-sickle."
Submitted by Missy
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q:What do you call a blonde holding a balloon
A:Siamese twins
Submitted by Road Dog
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
How Do You Confuse A Dumd Blond?
Put Her In A Room Shaped Like A Circle And Say Go Sit In The Corner..
Whats The Difference Between A Dumb Blond And A Dead Shunk On The Road?
The Skunk Has Skid Marks In Front Of It..
Submitted by King Shawn
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A blonde and a brunette were walking through the wood when they found a set of tracks. The blonde said "Look at those deer tracks." The brunette said "those aren't deer tracks. They are moose tracks." They were still arguing about it two hours later when the train hit them.
Submitted by bald as a cue ball
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Why didn't the blonde change her babys diaper for a month?
Because the package said good for up to one month.
Submitted by Brewdog
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A blonde was walking on the opposite of the river from a brunette.
The brunette yells across to the blonde, "Hey, how do I get to the other side?"
The blonde hesitates, looks back and replies, "You ARE on the other side!"
Submitted by Barbie "Barbwire"
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
How is a blonde like a a bottle?
They're both empty from the neck up
Submitted by smart blonde
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A blonde is at the library, she opens a book and says "what are these funny markings on the paper?"
The librarian says, "Words."
Blonde: do you have any picture books?
Librarian: Why?
Blonde: I can't tell what the "w u r d s" mean.
Librarian: Oh, well we have the children books.
Blonde: No.
Librarian: We have books with pictures of guys.
Blonde: All I have to do to see guys is flip up my mini skirt and wait for a while and they come to my door.
Submitted by Jason R.007
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
What's the difference between a Doberman pinscher and a blonde with PMS?
Lipstick.
Submitted by
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
1 night at a local bar a brunett,a redhead,and a blonde walked in and ordered a drink.The readhead walked in and asked the bartender"Can I have an rw?"The bartender asked "What the hell is an rw?"she replyed"Red Wine,DUH."So she drank and left.Then the brunette walked in and ordered a ww.The bartender asked what that was and she replyed "DUH White Wine."Then the blonde walked in and ordered a 15 .The bartender asked what that was and she replyed "Duh a 7 and 7!
Submitted by nyboy86
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A blonde goes in to apply for a job and she fills out an application. She takes it up to the man and he says you forgot three blanks. He asks how old are you, so she counts on her fingers and finaly reaches 22, okay then how tall are you so she tries to messure herself she says 5'2, okay then what is your name, she nodes her head back and forth for a few seconds and says Jenifer. He said, "Okay I get how you got your age and your height, but how you you get your name by noding your head back and forth?" She replies, "I was singing 'Happy birthday to you, Happy birthday to you, Happy Birthday dear Jenifer...'"
Submitted by peppy
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: How do you confuse a blonde?
A: Set her down at a Macintosh computer, and tell her to right click on something.
Submitted by Spike
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q:How did the blonde die while drinking milk?
A:The cow fell on her.
Submitted by nolan
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: Why did the blonde tip toe past the medicine cabinet?
A: Because she didn't want to wake up the sleeping pills.
Submitted by Marta Komadowski
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
There were a blonde and a brunette driving and the brunette goes to the blonde, "Go check my blinker!"
"Does it work?"
Blonde:
"Yes"
"No"
"Yes"
"No"
Submitted by Nehcterg
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
There was a blonde who walked into a hair salon to get her hair done. she said to the man "Please, I would like you to perm my hair, I'm getting sick of it!" "Alright ma'm said the hair dresser, "but I need you to take off your headphones first"
"No I can said the blonde "I have to keep them on" "Fine said the man. So he did the perm then the lady left. About two months later, the lady comes back in asking for her hair to be highlighed. The man said okay but she would have to take off the headphones. But she insisted that she keep them on.
The man did her hair then put her under the dryer. About 10 minutes later, she was fast asleep. The man was curious as to why the headphones were so important. So he took them off her head and she stoped breathing. He put the headphones on and the tape said "Breathe in, breathe out, breathe in breathe out...."
Submitted by Mackenzie
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Three Blondes sitting at a bar. The were all chanting over and over "51 days...yes....51 days"...They were all so happy with each other. The bartender was starting to become a bit curios when this occured for quite a period of time.
He asked "You have been sitting here for 3 hours and all you say is 51 days...tell me why would three young ladies be sitting at a bar chanting 51 days ?"
"Well," replied on the girls, "today we completed a jigsaw puzzle that took us 51 days"
"So!" replied the bartender.
"Well...on the box it says 3 - 5 years !"
Submitted by Amy
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: How do you know that a fax came from a blonde??
A: There is a stamp on it.
|
|