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How To Keep A Healthy Level Of Insanity

1) At lunch time, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point a hair dryer at passing cars. See if they slow down.

2) Page yourself over the intercom. Don't disguise your voice.

3) Insist that your e mail address is: Xena-Warrior-Princess@companyname.com

4) Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that.

5) Encourage your colleagues to join you in a little synchronised chair dancing.

6) Put your garbage can on your desk and label it "IN."

7) Develop an unnatural fear of staplers.

8) Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.

9) In the memo field of all your checks, write 'for sexual favors.'

10) Reply to everything someone says with, "That's what you think."

11) Finish all your sentences with "In accordance with the prophecy."

12) Adjust the tint on your monitor so that the brightness level lights up the entire work area. Insist to others that you like it that way.

13) Dont use any punctuation

14) As often as possible, skip rather than walk.

15) Ask people what sex they are. Laugh hysterically after they answer.

16) Specify that your drive-through order is "to go."

17) Sing along at the opera.

18) Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don't rhyme.

19) Find out where your boss shops and buy exactly the same outfits. Wear them one day after your boss does. (This is especially effective if your boss is of the opposite gender.)

20) Send e-mail to the rest of the company to tell them what you're doing. For example, "If anyone needs me, I'll be in the bathroom, in Stall #3."

21) Put mosquito netting around your cubicle. Play a tape of jungle sounds all day.

22) Five days in advance, tell your friends you can't attend the potluck party because you're not in the mood.

23) Call the psychic hotline and don't say anything.

24) Have your co-workers address you by your wrestling name, Rock Hard.

25) When the money comes out of the ATM, scream "I Won!", "I Won!""3rd time this week!!!"

26) When leaving the zoo, start running towards the parking lot, yelling "Run for your lives, they're loose!"

27) Tell your boss, "It's not the voices in my head that bother me, its the voices in your head that do."

28) Tell your children over dinner. "Due to the economy, we are going to have to let one of you go."

29) Every time you see a broom, yell "Honey, your mother is here!"

30) UsE RAnDoM cAPiTaliZaTiON iN EvEryTHiNg YOu wrITe

31) Arrive at a meeting late, say you're sorry, but you didn't have time for lunch, and you're going to be nibbling during the meeting. During the meeting eat 5 entire raw potatoes.

32) Put a chair facing a printer, sit there all day and tell people you're waiting for your document.

33) "Hi-lite" your shoes. Tell people that you haven't lost your shoes since you did this.

34) Slap the boss's face every time he interrupts your afternoon nap.

35) Pee up your office door, your desk or your cubicle and growl at anyone that comes near.

36) Follow delivery men around in pure James Bond style, but make it very obvious.

37) Persistantly call your bosses 'sweetcheeks' and wink at them in front of everyone.

38) Whenever you answer the phone, do so in a french accent, and slowly change it to a japanese accent.

39) Belch loudly over the intercom, then ask if anyone wants to hear a fart.

40) When the boss starts talking to you, open and drink a bottle of ketchup.

41) Put those hole reinforcing circles on the center of you eyeglasses. Now go to that executive meeting.

42) Turn your monitor facing the wall, if anyone asks what you're doing, say that this is the most interesting side of the monitor

43) Have races in the corridors with chairs that don't have wheels on them

44) Hold open automatic doors for people.

45) Threaten to jump out of a ground floor window.

46) Bring empty crisps and buscuit packets and sandwich bag to work in your packed lunch box and pretend to eat it. Make sure the wrappers are different each day, you need variety in life.

47) Replace the mouse with a real mouse.

48) Delibrately get colleagues names wrong.

49) Ask at a newsagent if they will read the paper to you or at least give you the general jist of it.

50) Eat stink bombs before french kissing.

51) Drive to work and walk back.

52) Ask to borrow a pencil, snap it infront of their face, then point at the car park and ask which one is theirs.

53) Wear socks on the outside of your shoes.

54) End all sentences with ".co.uk".

55) Play bagpipes in meetings.

56) Go to an interview, act like your the interviewer

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Page Updated Thu May 29, 2003 9:23am EDT