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| Do Essex girls seem |
 |
| Strange to you? or is it just my uncle? |
this is all from my uncle Richard i think hes got a problem with the people from Essex.
Q. What is the difference between an Essex man and a Essex girl?
A. The Essex girl has a higher sperm count
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Q. What does a Essex girl say after having sex ?
A. What team do you guys play for?
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Q. What's the difference between Gorbachev and a Essex girl?
A. Gorby knows the names of the eight people that fucked him!
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Q. What do Essex girls use for protection during sex?
A. Bus Shelters.
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Q. How does a Essex girl turn the light out after sex?
A. She shuts the Cortina's door.
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Q. How do you make a Essex girl's eyes sparkle?
A. Shine a torch into her ear.
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Q. How can you tell if a Essex girl is having a bad day?
A. Her tampon is behind her ear and she can't find her pencil.
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Q. Why does a Essex girl wear knickers?
A. To keep her ankles warm.
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Q. Whats the difference between an Essex girl and an ironing board?
A. Occasionally you have trouble getting the legs apart on an ironing board.
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Q. What is the difference between a supermarket trolley and a Essex girl?
A. A supermarket trolley has a mind of its own.
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Q. What's the difference between a Essex girl and the Titanic?
A. You know how many men went down on the Titanic.
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Q. Why is a Essex girl like an old washing machine?
A. They both drip when fucked.
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Q. How do you know when a Essex girl's has an orgasm?
A. She drops her bag of chips.
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Q. What does a Essex girl do with her cunt after sex?
A. She takes him down the pub.
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Q. How many Essex girls does it take to make a chocolate chip cookie?
A. Five. One to stir the mixture and four to peel the smarties.
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Q. What's the similarity between an Essex girl and a dog's turd?
A. The older they get, the easier they are to pick up!
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Q. What's the difference between an Essex girl and a washing machine?
A. You can dump your load in a washing machine without it following you
around whining for a week.
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Q. Why are Essex girls only allowed 30 minute lunch breaks?
A. It takes too long to retrain them if they take an hour.
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Q. Why was the Essex girl so pleased to complete a jigsaw puzzle in 18
months?
A. Because the box said "From 2 to 5 years"
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Q. What does an Essex girl say after her doctor tells her that she's pregnant.
A. Is it mine?
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Q. What's the difference between an Essex girl and a fridge?
A. A fridge doesn't fart when you take your meat out.
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Q. What do you call an Essex girl with an IQ of 150?
A. Basildon
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Q. What's the similarity between Essex girls and carpenters
A: They both have saws in their box
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Q. How do you make an Essex girl laugh on a Saturday?
A. Tell her a joke on a Wednesday
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Q. Why does an Essex girl drool?
A. Because she is full.
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Q. What's the first three things an Essex girl does in the morning?
1: Says "Thanks guys... "
2: Introduces herself.
3: Goes home.
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Q. What's the difference between a computer and an Essex girl?
A. You only have to punch information once into a computer.
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Q. If an Essex girl and a Surrey girl jump out of an airplane at the same
time, which one would hit the ground first?
A. The Surrey girl; the Essex girl would have to stop to ask directions.
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Q. Why is it good to have an Essex girl passenger?
A. You can park in the handicapped spots.
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Q. What's the similarity between Robert Maxwell and Essex Girls ?
A. Both go down in Teneriffe.
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Q. What does the label in an Essex girls knickers say?
A. NEXT!
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Q. Why do Essex girls wear so much hair spray?
A. So they can catch all the things going over their heads.
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Q. Why do Essex girls wear hoop earrings?
A. So they'll have someplace to rest their ankles.
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Q. What is the difference between Bigfoot and an intelligent Essex girl?
A. There have actually been sightings of Bigfoot.
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Q. What does it mean if you see an Essex girl with square boobs?
A. She forgot to take the Kleenex out of the box.
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Q. How do you plant dope?
A. Bury an Essex girl.
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Q. What do Essex girls and computers have in common?
A. You don't know what you are missing until they go down on you.
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Q. What did the Essex girl say after the guy blew her in the ear?
A. Thanks for the refill.
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Q. What's the difference between an Essex girl and the Panama Canal?
A. One's a busy ditch.....
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Q. Why do Essex girls like tilt steering wheels?
A. More head room.
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Q. Why don't Essex girls like pickles?
A. They can't get their head in the
jar.
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Q. What do you call six Essex girls in a row?
A. A wind tunnel.
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Q. What do you call a Surrey girl between two Essex girls?
A. An interpreter.
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Q. What is the difference between an Essex Girl and a Cream Egg
A. It costs 20p to lick out a cream egg!
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Q. What's the mating call of an Essex girl?
A. Gosh, I'm so drunk!
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Q. What's the mating call of a Surrey girl?
A. Are all the Essex girls gone?
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Q. How is an Essex girl like a beer bottle?
A. They are both empty from the neck up.
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Q. What do you call an Essex girl with a whole brain?
A. A Golden Retriever!
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Q. Why is an Essex girl like a turtle?
A. They both get fucked when they're on their back.
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Q. How do you kill an Essex girl?
A. Put spikes in their shoulder pads.
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Q. Why do Essex girls work seven days a week?
A. So you don't have to retrain them on Monday.
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Q. How do Essex girls pierce their ears?
A. They put tacks in their shoulder pads.
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Q. How many Essex girls does it take to change a lightbulb?
A1: "What's a lightbulb?"
A2: One. She holds the bulb and the world revolves around her.
A3: Two. One to hold the Diet Pepsi, and one to call, "Daddy!"
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Q. How do Essex girl braincells die?
A. Alone.
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Q. Why do Essex girls wear red lipstick?
A. Because red means "Stop, wrong hole."
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Q. Why do Essex girls have TGIF on their shirts?
A. Tits Go In Front.
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Q. What does an Essex girl put behind her ears to make her more attractive?
A. Her ankles.
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Q. What do you say to an Essex girl that won't give in?
A. "Have another beer."
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Q. What's an Essex girl's favorite wine?
A. "Daaaady, I want to go to Ibiza!"
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Q. What's the difference between an Essex girl and a Porsche?
A. You don't lend the Porsche out to your friends.
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Q. Why do Essex girls wash their hair in the sink?
A. Because that's where you wash vegetables!
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Q. What do you call an Essex girl with a pound coin on the top of her head?
A. All you can eat, under a quid.
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Q. How does an Essex girl part her hair?
A. (Action of scissoring legs apart).
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Q. How do you get an Essex girl to marry you?
A. Tell her she's pregnant.
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Q. Why did the Essex girl scale the glass wall?
A. To see what was on the other side.
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Q. What do you do if an Essex girl throws a grenade at you?
A. Catch it, pull out the pin and throw it back.
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Q. What do you see when you peer into an Essex girl's eyes?
A. The back of her head.
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Q. Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, a dumb Essex girl, and a smart Essex
girl are walking down the street when they spot a $10 bill. Who picks it up?
A. The dumb Essex girl. Why?
There is no such thing as Santa Claus, the tooth fairy, or a smart Essex girl.
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Q. How does an Essex girl like her eggs in the morning?
A. Fertilized.
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Q. Why did the deaf Essex girl sit on a newspaper?
A. So she could lip read.
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Q. What do you call an Essex girl lesbian?
A. A waste.
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Q. Did you hear about the Essex girl lesbian?
A. She kept having affairs with men!
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Q. What's the difference between an Essex girl and a bowling ball?
A. You can only get three fingers in a bowling ball.
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Q. Why did the Essex girl stop using the pill?
A. It kept falling out.
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Q. But why do Surrey girls take the pill ?
A. Wishful Thinking.
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Q. Why don't Essex girls use vibrators?
A. They chip their teeth.
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Q. Why aren't there many Essex girl gymnasts?
A. When they do the splits they stick to the floor.
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Q. Why do Essex girl girls have trouble achieving orgasm?
A. Who cares?
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Q. What did the Essex girl say when asked "ever been picked up by the
fuzz?"
A. "No, but I've been swung around by the tits."
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Q. How are a bowling ball and an Essex girl alike?
A1: You can pick them up, stick your fingers in them, and throw them in the
gutter and they'll always come back.
A2: They're both round and have three holes to poke.
A3: You can only get 3 fingers in a bowling ball.
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Q. How did the Essex girl try to kill the bird?
A. She threw it off a cliff.
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Q. What's the difference between an Essex girl and a limousine?
A. Not everybody has been in a limo.
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Q. What do you say to an Essex girl with no arms or legs?
A. "Nice tits!"
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Q. How does an Essex girl interpret 6.9?
A. 69 interrupted by a period.
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Q. What do a Ford Escort door and an Essex girl have in common?
A. The more you bang them, the looser they get.
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Q. How do you brainwash an Essex girl?
A. Giver her a douche and shake her upside-down.
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Q. What do you call 15 Essex girls in a circle?
A. A dope ring.
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Q. What's the difference between an Essex girl wife and your job?
A. Your job still sucks after 6 months.
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Q. What's the irritating part around an Essex girl's vagina?
A. The Essex girl!
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Q. How do you describe an Essex girl surrounded by drooling idiots?
A. Flattered.
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Q. Why did the Essex girl drown in the pool?
A. Someone stuck a scratch & sniff at the bottom.
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Q. What's the difference between an Essex girl and a terrorist?
A. You can negotiate with a terrorist.
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Q. What is the worst thing about having sex with an Essex girl?
A. Bucket seats.
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Q. What do Essex girls do for foreplay?
A. Remove their underwear.
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Q. Why do Essex girls put their hair in ponytails?
A. To cover up the valve stem.
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Q. Why did the Essex girl go halfway to Norway then turn around and come home?
A. It took her that long to figure out a 14 inch Viking was a TV set.
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Q. What did the Essex girl name her pet zebra?
A. Spot.
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Q. How do you get an Essex girl pregnant?
A. Come in her shoes and let the flies do the rest.
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Q. What did the Essex girl customer say to the buxom waitress (reading her nametag)?
A. "Debbie... that's cute. What did you name the other one?"
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Q. What do you call a fly buzzing inside an Essex girl's head?
A. A Space Invader.
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Q. Why did the Essex girl have a bruised navel?
A. Her boyfriend's from Essex too.
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Q. Why did God create Essex girls?
A. Because sheep can't bring beer from the fridge.
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Q. Why do Essex girls have one more brain cell than a cow?
A. So when you pull their tits, they don't shit on the floor.
Q: What do you call an Essex girl with half a brain?
A: Gifted!
Q: What do you call an Essex girl with 2 brain cells?
A: Pregnant.
Q: How do you brainwash an Essex girl ?
A: Give her a douche and shake her upside down.
Q: How does an Essex girl part their hair?
A: By doing the splits.
Q: Why aren't Essex girls good cattle herders?
A: Because they can't even keep two calves together! |
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