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VALUABLE LESSONS FROM OUR PARENTS All the things my mother taught me: TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE - "If you're going to kill each other, do it outside - I just finished cleaning!" RELIGION - "You better pray that will come out of the carpet." FORESIGHT - "Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident." FLEXIBILITY - "Will you *look* at the dirt on the back of your neck!" STAMINA - "You'll sit there 'til all that spinach is finished." WEATHER - "It looks as if a tornado swept through your room." PHYSICS PROBLEMS - "If I yelled because I saw a meteor coming toward you; would you listen then?" BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION - Stop acting like your father!" What my father taught me: LOGIC: "Because I said so, that's why." IRONY - "Keep laughing and I'll *give* you something to cry out." OSMOSIS - "Shut your mouth and eat your supper!" HYPOCRISY - "If I've told you once, I've told you a million times - don't exaggerate!!!" THE CIRCLE OF LIFE - "I brought you into this world, and I can take you out." ENVY - "There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do!" TIME TRAVEL: "If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!" |
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