Horror - http://maxpages.com/folklore/Stupidest

It seems a man, wanting to rob a downtown Bank of America, walked into a branch and wrote, "This iz a stikkup. Put all your muny in this bag." While standing in line, waiting to give his note to the teller, he began to worry that someone had seen him write the note and might call the police before he reached the teller window. So he left the Bank of America and crossed the street to Wells Fargo. After waiting a few minutes in line, he handed the note to the Wells Fargo teller. She read it, surmising from the spelling error that he wasn't the brightest light in the harbour, told him that she could not accept his stick up note because it was written on a Bank of America deposit slip and that he would either have to fill out a Wells Fargo deposit slip or go back to the Bank of America. Looking somewhat defeated, the man said "OK", and left. The Wells Fargo teller then called the police who arrested the man a few minutes later in the line back at the Bank of America.

Seattle... When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked on a Seattle street, he got much more than he bargained for. Police arrived at the scene to find an ill man curled up next to the motor home near spilled sewage. A police spokesman said that the man admitted trying to steal gasoline and plugged his hose into the motor home's sewage tank by mistake. The owner of the vehicle declined to press charges, saying that it was the best laugh he'd had in ages.

A woman was reporting her car as stole, and mentioned that there was a car phone in it. The policeman taking the report called the phone and told the guy answering it that he had read the ad in the newspaper and wanted to buy the car. They arranged to meet, and the thief was arrested.

A 45 year old Amy Brasher was arrested in San Antonio, Texas after a mechanic reported to the police that eighteen packages of marijuana were packed in the engine compartment of the car that she had brought to the mechanic for an oil change. According to police, Brasher later said that she didn't realize that the mechanic would raise the hood of the car to change the oil.

David Posman, 33, was arrested recently in Providence, R.I. after allegedly knocking out an armoured car driver and stealing the closest four bags of money. It turned out they contained $800 in pennies, weighed 30lbs each, and slowed him to a stagger during his getaway so that police officers easily jumped him from behind.

Drug possession defendant Christopher Jansen, on trial in March in Pontiac, Michigan, said he had been searched without a warrant. The prosecutor said the officer didn't need a warrant because a "bulge" in Christopher's jacket could have been a gun. Nonsense, said Christopher, who happened to be wearing the same jacket that day in court. He handed it over so the judge could see it. The judge discovered a packet of cocaine in the pocket and laughed so hard he required a five minute recess to compose himself.

Dennis Newton was on trial for armed robbery of a convenience store in a district court this week when he fired his lawyer. Assistant district attorney Larry Jones said Newton, 47, was doing a fine job of defending himself until the store manager testified that Newton was the robber. Newton jumped up, accused the woman of lying and then said, "I should have blown your [expletive] head off." The defendant paused, then quickly added, "-if I'd been the one that was there." The jury took twenty minutes to convict Newton and recommended a thirty year sentence.

R.C. Gaitlin, 21, walked up to two patrol officers who were showing their squad car computer equipment to children in a Detroit neighbourhood. When he asked how the equipment worked, the officer's asked him for a piece of identification. Gaitlin gave them his driver's licence, they entered it into the computer, and moments later they arrested Gaitlin because information on the screen showed Gaitlin was wanted for a two year old armed robbery in St Louis, Missouri.

Tennessee: A man successfully broke into a bank after hours and stole the banks video camera, while the camera was remotely recording. (That is, the videotape recorder was located elsewhere in the bank, so he didn't get the tape of himself stealing the camera).

Louisiana: A man walked into a Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the counter and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash register, the man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk promptly provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled, leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he got from the till? $15. [If somebody points a gun at you and gives you money, was a crime committed?]

Arkansas: seems this guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that he'd just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some booze and run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it at the window. The cinder block bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the head, knocking him unconscious. seems the liquor store window was made of plexi-glass. The whole event was captured on videotape.

New York: As a female shopper exited a convenience store, a man grabbed her purse and ran. The clerk dialled 911 immediately and the woman was able to give a detailed description of the snatcher. Within minutes, the police had apprehended the snatcher. They put him in the car and drove back to the store. The thief was then taken out of the car and told to stand there for a positive ID. To which he replied, "Yes, officer.. that's her. That's the lady I stole the purse from."

Ann Arbor: The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan at 12:50am, flashed a gun and demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn't open the cash register without a food order. When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk said they weren't available for breakfast, The man, frustrated, walked away.

Kentucky: Two men tried to pull of the the front of a cash machine by running a chain from the machine to the bumper of their pick-up truck. Instead of pulling the front panel off the machine, they pulled the bumper off of their truck. Scared, they left the scene and drove home. With the chain still attached to the machine. With the bumper still attached to the chain. With the vehicle's license plate still attached to the bumper.

Florida: A thief burst into a bank one day wearing a ski mask and carrying a gun. Aiming his gun at the guard, the thief yelled,

"FREEZE, MOTHER-STICKERS, THIS IS A FUCK UP!"

For a moment, everybody was silent. Then the snickers started. The guard completely lost it and doubled over laughing. It probably saved his life, because he'd been about to draw his gun. He couldn't have drawn and fired before the thief got him. The thief ran away and is still at large. In memory of the even, the bank later put a plaque on the wall engraved with "Freeze, mother-stickers, this is a f--k up!"

Sign Guestbook

View Guestbook

Visitors: 05376

Page Updated Thu Jul 4, 2002 1:06pm EDT