Success In Self-Defense And Self Image: What Can Teachers And Parents Do About It - A Parent's Guide To Kidnap Prevention - Children - http://maxpages.com/firstdefense/Self_Image_And_Self

(Copyright 1999)
Bellman Communications
All Rights Reserved

SUCCESS IN SELF-DEFENSE AND SELF-IMAGE:
WHAT CAN TEACHERS AND PARENTS DO ABOUT IT?

Written By:

Jim Marks, Ph.D., Ed.D
Professor of Psychology and Education

Teachers and counselors are well aware that each child builds a self-image. Each child looks within and pictures himself or herself as succeeding or failing. While the tendency is to see oneself as static, unchanging, and set in stone, in reality the image we have of ourselves is not even close to what really is the case. The growth of this self-image can be redirected and accelerated by the individual himself. Each individual can build his or her own self-confidence and self-esteem, but teachers and parents can do a lot to accelerate the process. Because those who seek out children to kidnap and rape are cowards, they search for children who appear to be an easy target, just as do the bullies of the playground. One of the biggest weapons we have to prevent these kinds of attacks is to develop the kind of self-image that shouts the fact that we are confident in our ability to handle problems and, if necessary, to thwart an attack.

A feeling of being a successful person has a reciprocal relationship to self image, and therefore, to personal safety. George Bernard Shaw said, "Success covers a multitude of blunders."

Self-image is like a tree. It grows from both internal and external influences. If a tree is scrawny and stunted, water and light will not produce the same kind of growth that it does from a healthy, robust sapling. Just so, the self-image for success will grow faster in some than in others with the same external stimulation. For success, the individual must choose external stimulation (or activity) that nutures a strong, positive self-image that will be projected to others. Some things teachers and parents can do to help children to be safer are listed below:

1. CHOOSING A GOAL: Children may choose several goals to work on, but not too many goals to start. If a child wants to play a musical instrument, help him or her select the instrument carefully and to practice for success. Parents should encourage such activities but not expect a young Mozart to develop overnight. A goal is just that -- something to strive for through diligence and hard work. Students should be encouraged to get good grades; but if a child decides for himself or herself that he or she should be getting all "A's" and "B's" or act in a school play, that is so much better, because that motivation which is strongest is that which comes from within oneself. Teach kids to choose and focus on the goal or goals!

2. SET DAILY AND OTHER SHORT-TERM OBJECTIVES: A goal is like a star or total victory in war. We may never achieve our goals completely, but each day we can move closer. A child's daily objectives move him or her in the right direction. If the goal is to learn a foreign language, a boy or girl can set a DAILY objective; for example, "To pronounce correctly twenty proper names." tomorrow, the objective might be, "Learning how to use some common verbs." Daily objective(s) will carry a child closer to the achievement of his or her goals. Children need to be taught to set these short-term goals rather than seeking to reach an ultimate goal all at once. The latter approach can lead to the child being overwhelmed by the amount of work that needs to be done to reach the ultimate goal. The negative thoughts that probably would follow would be counter-productive to the objective of increasing the child's self-image so as to diminish his or her chances of appearing to be an easy victim.

3. TEACH CHILDREN TO FOCUS THEIR ENERGIES. If the child's goal is to make more money next year in a part time job, he or she will need to concentrate his or her energies and direct them toward moneymaking. The child will have to set a daily goal of getting to the job on time, and will need to realize that he or she will have to miss some shows, and books will lie unread. The child may not achieve a goal of $100,000, but he or she certainly will get closer if he or she realizes the need to focus his or her energies and to exert willpower to KEEP FOCUSED!

4. TEACH CHILDREN TO CHOOSE SUCCESSFUL TECHNIQUES: Tom Sawyer and Huckleberry Finn chose a bent spoon to dig a tunnel under an imagined prison wall. After a few blisters (and minimal earth displacement) they finally decided they could use a spade and just pretend it was a bent spoon. With a chosen goal, defined objectives, and focused energy, teach children to choose techniques and strategies that will advance them steadily toward their goals. For example, one brash 15 year old self-defense student finished her first month of training and immediately set out to sell herself as an instructor in self-defense at a local Recreation and Parks Center employment office. Another young student decided while he was in middle school that he wanted to be a teacher. His own teacher helped him to choose the strategy of setting sort-term, realistic objectives. He volunteered to put in extra time helping teachers of children with disabilities at the neighboring elementary school. When he graduated from high school he entered a teacher training program at a nearby university. He reached his goals and truly was a success. Kids need to be taught to set short-term objectives and activities that will take them step by step toward their goal.

5. TEACH CHILDREN TO ENJOY WORK. People can control their state of mind. Unfortunately, too many people, children and adults, do control it, but in the wrong way. Parents and teachers need to avoid grousing, grumbling, fussing, and complaining about the work they have to do! Set the right example. Children will model it! Harry Truman enjoyed telling a story of the negative and positive boys. The negative boy was given every imaginable new toy at Christmas and left alone in his room for thirty minutes. At the end of the time he was scowling and angry because a windup key was lost and he had cut his fingers on a toy tank. The positive boy was given a pile of horse manure with a toy shovel that had a broken handle. But when they looked in on him at the end of thirty minutes, his face was full of smiles and he said, "With all this stuff around, there must be a horse down there somewhere!" Teach children to be happy as they work. Teach children that they should not postpone all of their enjoyment until the job is complete. Yes, we control our state of mind. We all have to learn to enjoy our work. Teach children to reward themselves with the satisfaction of success! Teach them to smile! A smile on one's face can reach deep into the unconscious mind and work wonders! There must be a horse down there somewhere!

6. PRACTICE! "Practice makes perfect," so they say. But if practice never quite achieves perfection, it does move you closer to your chosen goal. Whether you practice kicking field goals, sewing in a zipper, a martial arts techniques, playing Hamlet, tracking pulsars, or skinning a fish, your repeated experiences lead toward your goal. If a child has to give an oral report, she should practice before a mirror. If possible, she should practice it in the same place where she will give it. She must make that place her own, her home field. She should practice in front of a critical friend. A child should be taught that he or she should shoot baskets or kick goals for hours if he or she wants to make the team. Parents can suggest that he or she could set up an audience of stuffed animals. A sixty year old woman with multiple sclerosis enrolled in a jujitsu self-defense program at a local YMCA. Through diligent practice, determination and hard work, and a variety of colored belt ranks, today, she holds a black belt! She never gave up. Teach children to practice and to hang in there for success! NEVER SURRENDER!

7. TEACH CHILDREN TO MEASURE THEIR PROGRESS. If one achieves daily objectives and moves a little closer to a chosen goal, he or she should know it. Knowledge of progress will serve as a reward for accomplishment. His or her achievements (and what has been learned) would be "reinforced", as B.F. Skinner and Edwin Thorndike put it. Any self-made record of their progress will do. Usually, the child can keep a simple chart. Each day's progress should be added to the record. an uncomplicated line graph would do. The simpler the better. It may sound silly, but it works! Whatever a child does, from hopscotch, to brain surgery, his or her progress should be measured. The child should see success in a tangible form and be happy! Remember to reward (reinforce) the child. He or she deserves it, and the result will be an improved self-image.

8. TEACH CHILDREN TO REVISE TECHNIQUES AND PRESS ON. As the child measures and evaluates his or her progress toward a chosen goal, and continuous practice, the child will find techniques that could be more effective. Psychological research shows that people will move faster and faster the closer they come to their goals. Teach children to select the best techniques available, to revise techniques and strategies following measurement and evaluation. finally, teach children to persevere. The results will be well worth the effort.

So, we are saying that children have to be taught the techniques we've just discussed. The results will be an enhanced self-image, which in turn, will lead to greater and greater success and self-confidence. That self-confidence will be obvious to others, and the result will be greater safety for your child or student.

Defense Concepts
8240 Louise Avenue
Northridge,	California	91325
mushinryu@aol.com

Visitors: 04099

Page Updated Fri Dec 26, 2003 12:46am EST