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ADVENTURES OF THE FROG

A man takes the day off work and decides to go out golfing. He is on the second hole when he notices a frog sitting next to the green. He thinks nothing of it and is about to shoot when he hears, "Ribbit, 9 Iron." The man looks around and doesn't see anyone. Again, he hears, "Ribbit, 9 Iron," He looks at the frog and decides to prove the frog wrong, puts the Club away, and grabs a 9 iron. Boom! He hits it 10 inches from the cup. He is shocked. He says to the frog, "Wow that's amazing. You must be a lucky frog, eh? "The frog replies, "Ribbit Lucky frog." The man decides to take the frog with him to the next hole. "What do you think frog?" the man asks. "Ribbit, 3 wood." The guy takes out a 3 wood and, Boom! Hole in one. The man is befuddled and doesn't know what to say. By the end of the day, the man had golfed the best game in his life and asks the frog, "OK where to next?" The frog replies, "Ribbit, Las Vegas." They go to Las Vegas and the Guy says, "OK frog, now what?" The frog says, "Ribbit, Roulette." Upon approaching the roulette table, the man asks, "What do you think I should bet?" The frog replies, "Ribbit, $3000, black 6." Now, this is a million-to-one shot to win, but after the golf game, The man figures what the heck. Boom! Tons of cash comes sliding back across the table. The man takes his winnings and buys the best room in the hotel. He sits the frog down and says, "Frog; I don't know how to repay you. You've won me all this money and I am forever grateful." The frog replies, "Ribbit, Kiss Me." He figures why not, since after all the frog did for him, he deserves it. With a kiss, the frog turns into a gorgeous 15-year-old girl. "And that, your honor, is how the girl ended up in my room. So help me God or my name is not William Jefferson Clinton."

THE GENIE

A man was walking along a California beach and stumbled across an old lamp. He picked it up and rubbed it and out popped a genie.

The genie said "OK, OK. You released me from the lamp, blah blah blah. This is the fourth time this month and I'm getting a little sick of these wishes so you can forget about three. You only get one wish."

The man sat and thought about it for a while and said, "I've always wanted to go to Hawaii but I'm scared to fly and I get very seasick. Could you build me a bridge to Hawaii so I can drive over there to visit?"

The genie laughed and said, "That's impossible! Think of the logistics of that! How would the supports ever reach the bottom of the Pacific? Think of how much concrete...how much steel!! No...think of another wish."

The man said OK and tried to think of a really good wish. Finally, he said, "I've been married and divorced four times. My wives always said that I don't care and that I'm insensitive. So, I wish that I could understand women... know how they feel inside and what they're thinking when they give me the silent treatment....know why they're crying, know what they really want when they say 'nothing'... know how to make them truly happy...."

The genie said, "You want that bridge two lanes or four?"

A POPE IN A HURRY

When the pope last visited the U.S., he was in a hurry to get from one event to the next. He hopped in the back seat of his limousine, and asked the driver to step on it.

The driver sped down the highway, but it wasn't fast enough for the pope. "Please go faster," he told the driver. So the driver went faster.

Still not going fast enough to get there in time, the pope tried again, urging the driver to speed up.

Finally, the pope suggested that the driver pull over immediately and switch seats with him. The driver, not knowing what else to do, pulled over and got in the back seat.

The pope took his seat behind the wheel of the car and flew down the highway. After only a few miles, a police car, with flashing red and blue lights, pulled the pope over. When the officer saw who was in the driver's seat, he *really* didn't know what to do. He went to his radio and called in.

"Chief," he said, "I pulled a speeding limo over, but I'm not sure what to do."

"Give him a ticket," said the chief.

"But he's very important," replied the officer.

"Who is it, the mayor?" asked the chief.

"No, he's more important than the mayor."

"The governor?"

"No," said the officer, "more important than the governor."

"Well, who is it? Is it the president?" asked the chief.

"I don't think so."

"Well, WHO is it then?" demanded the chief.

"Chief, I don't know who it is, but his driver is the pope."

THE BLONDE AND THE LAWYER

A lawyer and a blonde woman are sitting next to each other on a long flight from LA to NY. The lawyer leans over to her and asks if she would like to play a fun game. The blonde is tired and just wants to take a nap, so she politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks. The lawyer persists, saying that the game is really easy and a lot of fun.

He explains how the game works: "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me, and visa-versa."

Again, she politely declines and tries to get some sleep.

The chauvinistic lawyer figures that since his opponent is a blonde he will easily win the match, so he makes another offer:

"Okay, how about this? If you don't know the answer you pay me only $5, but if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $50."

This catches the blonde's attention and, figuring that there will be no end to this torment unless she plays, she agrees to play the game.

The lawyer asks the first question. "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?"

The blonde doesn't say a word, reaches in to her purse, pulls out a five-dollar bill, and hands it to the lawyer.

Now, it's the blonde's turn. She asks the lawyer, "What goes up a hill with three legs, and comes down with four?"

The lawyer looks at her with a puzzled look. He takes out his laptop computer and searches all his references. He taps into the Airphone with his modem and searches the Net and even the Library of Congress. Frustrated, he sends E-mails to all his co-workers and friends he knows. All to no avail.

After over an hour, of searching for the answer he finally gives up. He wakes the blonde and hands her $50.

The blonde politely takes the $50 and turns away to get back to sleep.

The lawyer, who is more than a little frustrated, wakes the blonde and asks, "Well, so what IS the answer?"

Benino212@aol.com

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Page Updated Sat Mar 13, 1999 9:36am EST