THE HOUSE ON HAUNTED TOR THE END
(The screen shows the parlor. Matrix, Ray, Dot, and Mike are all
sitting
quietly, their guns pulled out, staring at each other. The mood is
very
grim.)
DOT: (suddenly bursts out laughing)
RAY: (jumps to his feet) Hah! You blinked! You blinked! I win!
DOT: (laughs again) Well, you were making faces! It’s not fair to make
faces!
RAY: Is it against the rules?
DOT: It should be!
(Both Ray and Dot look at Matrix and Mike for answers.)
MIKE: Nope, I don’t think it’s against the rules. Unless Ray was
smiling.
RAY: I wasn’t smiling.
DOT: You were, too! That’s why I laughed!
RAY: I wasn’t smiling! (Smiles as he says this)
DOT: You were, too! (Leaps at Ray and knocks him to the ground)
MIKE: (looks quite happy, and his voice goes all soft) Here it is. . .
the
final round of the Staring Contest. . . Dot seems to be in the lead. .
.
DOT: (puts hands around Ray’s neck and throttles his head against the
ground) YOU WERE SMILING!
RAY: Help. . ..
MATRIX: (sighs and pulls Dot off of Ray) Face it, you’re out of the
running,
Dot, and now Mike and I have to start over.
DOT: Hmph.
BOB: (enters the room, smiling) Hey, guys! What’s up?
(All eyes in the room turn to Bob)
MIKE: (coughs)
DOT: (Stands up and walks over to Bob) How. . . how are you doing?
BOB: (confused) What do you mean?
DOT: (flustered) Um. . . your wife just died. . . commited suicide. .
..
BOB: Oh yes. . .
RAY: I have a proposition to make: I don’t believe Mouse committed
suicide.
Bob, did Mouse have any reason to hate her existence?.
BOB: None that I know of.
RAY: (nods) Then why would she commit suicide? I believe that she was
murdered!
(The lights flicker on and off)
MIKE: Stupid electricity bill.
DOT: Murdered!
RAY: Yes. And as we’re the only ones in the house, it had to be one of
us
in this room.
BOB: What about AndrAIa?
DOT: AndrAIa? Murderer? (Starts to laugh uncontrollably)
MATRIX: (glares at Bob)
DOT: Who would have the most to gain from Mouse’s death?
RAY: I think I know who. (He puts a hand over his glasses, spins
around
three times, and points. His finger is resting on Mike.)
MIKE: (moans and faints)
RAY: Er. . . (moves his arm slightly to the left, so he is now pointing
at
Bob)
DOT: (gasps)
BOB: You think I killed my wife?
RAY: Sure, mate.
BOB: (scowling) I don’t believe this accusation. I think you’re just
pinning it on me! It was one of you!
MIKE: (he has just regained consciousness, but collapses again at Bob’s
words)
MATRIX: Why would we kill Mouse?
BOB: (laughs) That’s exactly what I would like to know.
MATRIX: I didn’t kill her. But you’re right: someone here did. I’m
going to
my room and I will stay there till morning. I suggest you all do the
same.
Because if anyone runs into me, I’ll assume they’re the murderer and
shoot
them.
DOT: That’s a good idea. . ..
RAY: Isn’t the only way for you to run into someone is if you were
wandering
the halls. . .?
MATRIX: (points his gun at Ray, who raises his hands)
(Everyone glares at each other, then file out of the room)
(The scene switches to the room where Mouse is. The door opens, and
Bob
enters the room. He walks over to the bed and gazes down at the still
form
of Mouse)
BOB: (Sigh) Poor fool. Poor pathetic fool. How I will miss you.
MIKE: You sound loving.
BOB: (whirls around to face Mike, who is standing behind him) You!
What are
you doing here?
MIKE: (points at Mouse) They’ll take her if you don’t watch her.
They’ll
take her if you don’t watch her!
BOB: (picks up Mike) I’m sick and tired of your boogie stories, you
drunken
fool!
MIKE: See? You looked away! They’ve taken her! It’s too late!
BOB: Really? (Drops Mike and looks around. Mouse hasn’t moved) Hey!
MIKE: Sucker! (Dashes from the room)
BOB: Get back here! (He chases Mike, slamming the door behind him)
(The scene changes to AndrAIa’s room. She has manages to escape the
closet,
and is now skipping about the room to Britney Spears music streaming
from a
boombox)
ANDRAIA: (singing badly off-key) I’m STRONGER than
whatever-that-next-word-is. . .
(The music shuts off suddenly)
ANDRAIA: Stupid electricity (She walks over to check the boombox. It
suddenly starts up again, this time with cheesy organ music.) What
the. .
.?
(The camera turns to the window. AndrAIa looks at it and screams. The
phantom of Mouse can be seen hovering outside the window, staring at
AndrAIa. The window opens, and a rope slides through and wraps itself
around AndrAIa’s legs. She screams again and tries to run away, but
trips
over the rope, which retracts back through the window.)
ANDRAIA: Help me! (She runs out of the door, and screams again)
(The phantom of Mouse is hanging from the ceiling)
ANDRAIA: (Screams and runs past Mouse down the stairs. A moldy hand on
the
stairs grabs at her ankle. She gets down to the bottom floor and whirls
around a corner as another moldy hand tries to grab her hair.)
ENZO: (runs past AndrAIa, draped in a white bedsheet covered with pink
clouds) BOO!!!!
ANDRAIA: Enzo! (She shoves him into the wall, and continues running.
She
enters the parlor, where the piano is playing scary music. Long poles
can
be seen reaching down from the ceiling to push the keys. She screams
again,
runs from the room, into the wall, and down into the cellar, where she
collapses to the ground to cry)
ANDRAIA: What’s going on here? Why won’t they leave me alone? The
stupid
TV was right.
BOB: (opens the door) AndrAIa?
ANDRAIA: (Screams, leaps to her feet, whirls around, and shoots Bob)
BOB: Uh. . . (his eyes roll back in his head, and he falls to the
ground)
ANDRAIA: Oops. (Drops her gun, steps over Bob, and goes back upstairs,
trying to act calm)
(The scene switches to the hall. A door opens, and Ray steps out into
the
hall. He looks right, then left, then walks down the hall to the room
where
Mouse is. He opens the door and steps inside)
RAY: It’s all right, darling. It’s just me, Ray. You can get up now.
MOUSE: (yawns and opens her eyes) Hey sugah. I was having a good nap.
RAY: Our plan is going perfectly. They’re all hysterical. And
AndrAIa.
She was perfect.
MOUSE: (looks offended) perfect in what?
RAY: (Blushes) Um, I meant she was perfect for our plan. She’s already
killed Bob. If only she knew it was me that attacked her.
MOUSE: (smiles) So Bob is dead, sugah? Great. Now help me get this
hanging
harness off of me. (She takes off of nightgown, revealing a leather
vest
with ropes attached to it over her normal clothes.) How was I?
RAY: You were perfect, babe. You frightened AndrAIa out of her wits.
(They kiss)
RAY: How did you get from the roof to the hall so fast?
MOUSE: Cardboard cutout.
RAY: Ah.
(The scene changes again. Matrix is pacing around his room, muttering
to
himself. Every so often, he pulls out his gun and shoots the wall)
MATRIX: I need to go investigate that room again. And check out that
wall.
(He shoots the door open, and steps outside. He barely is able to turn
a
corner before he shoots another wall. To his surprise, the bullet goes
right through: the wall is hollow.) Cool. (He starts tapping on it,
and the
wall suddenly opens.) Alphanumeric! (He steps inside, and the wall
closes)
Wait!
(The scene changes to the cellar, where Bob, dead, is still lying. Ray
comes down the stairs. He looks at Bob, kicks him a little, then pulls
a
make-up bag enscribed with the words “Mouse” out of nowhere. He pulls
out
some eyeshadow and lipstick and proceeds to give Bob a makeover. Then
Ray
picks up Bob around the shoulders and starts to drag him toward the
open
wine/acid vat. The lights go off, and various banging sounds are
heard,
followed by a splash and a sizzle. When the lights come on again, the
room
is empty. Then the door opens, and Mouse comes down the stairs)
MOUSE: Ray? Did you take care of Bob?
(The door behind her slams)
MOUSE: Ray?
(One of the doors opens very slowy)
MOUSE: Ray? Sugah, this ain’t funny-
BOB’S DISEMBODIED VOICE: Mouse. . .
MOUSE: (gasp) Bob?
BOB’S DISEMBODIED VOICE: Yes, Mouse. It’s me!
MOUSE: But. . but you’re dead!
BOB’S DISEMBODIED VOICE: I am. . . all because of you.
(The skeleton puppet discovered earlier floats from the closet. The
strings
are visible)
MOUSE: (Screams)
BOB: This is me. The acid had melted off my code. But I now haunt this
place. (He moves closer to Mouse) You were never in love with me. You
only
wanted my money. It was your idea to have this party, so you and your
lover
Ray could kill me. Yes. That’s exactly why you threw this party.
MOUSE: (screams and backs toward open vat)
BOB: (moves even closer to Mouse) You are very intelligent, Mouse.
Your
plan was almost perfect. Almost. But I. . . I came back. Look! (A
puppet
skeleton hand points to the vat, where bones rise to the surface)
MOUSE: (screams, takes a breath, and resumes screaming)
BOB: And now, my wife, you will PAY! (He pushes her into the vat)
(The skeleton falls to ground, the strings getting entangled on the
way.
The real Bob steps out of the closet, laughing, holding a remote
controller.)
BOB: That was fun. Now that’s a party game.
(The cellar door opens, and Mike, Dot, and Matrix enter, all looking
very
fed up)
DOT: I can’t believe that you managed to get stuck in the wall, Matrix!
MATRIX: (Mumbles an embarrassed and unintelligible reply)
MIKE: Yeah, that wall’s an old storage closet. Really fun to play
hide-and-go-seek with.
DOT: But there was a button and everything.
MATRIX: (blushing) Be quiet. Agh! (He trips down the stairs, knocking
Dot
and Mike down with him)
BOB: (blinks in surprise) Um . . . hi. What are you all doing here?
DOT: (gets to her feet) We got bored.
MATRIX: Hey, it’s that skeleton! (Picks it up and starts dancing with
it)
MIKE: Hey! I bought that two Halloween’s ago!
ANDRAIA: (opens the door) Agh! (She falls down the stairs, too, but
quickly
picks herself up and flings herself at Matrix) I. . . I SHOT Bob!
DOT: No, you didn’t.
BOB: (waves)
ANDRAIA: (pales) But. . . (points in different directions)
BOB: (laughs) Yes, you’re obviously confused. I loaded your gun with
blanks, and pretended to be dead.
DOT: I’m really confused.
BOB: (laughs) I know. To put it flatly, I killed Mouse and Ray.
MIKE: (eyes go wide, and his voice goes dramatic) Two more murders. . .
two
more murders to add to the deaths in this house. It is cursed. Two
more
ghosts to walk at night- ah!
MATRIX: Oh, shut-up. (He throws the skeleton puppet at Mike, knocking
him
into the vat of acid)
(Everyone cheers)
BOB: Let's go play pin-the-tail-on-the-donkey.
(all leave)
THE END
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