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| The screen again displays the parlor. Dot is sitting in an arm chair, data pad in lap. AndrAIa sits on one of the couches, filing her nails and gazing fondly at Matrix, who is playing “Impromptu” on the piano. Ray is cruising about the room on his board. Mike the TV is also sitting on a couch, staring blankly at a wall, humming softly. Without warning, he jumps up and rips off the arm of the couch, revealing a secret box. He pulls a butter knife from the box and waves it around as he dashes about the room. MIKE: This is what she used to murder my brother and her sister! (Everyone looks at Mike, surprised) MIKE: (Narrows eyes) She found them, and chopped off their heads! (Lights suddenly flicker) The bodies were then ripped apart and hid throughout the house, in places you would never think, but the heads. . . (his voice drops to a whisper) The heads were never found. (Stunned silence) RAY: (chokes back a laugh) Maybe she kept them as trophies. DOT: (frowns) That’s a grim thought. Trophies? MATRIX: I have a bowling trophy. ANDRAIA: (frowns) RAY: (is unable this time to hold back laughter) MIKE: (shakes head) But... but my sister-in-law didn’t bowl! (Jabs blade of butter knife at Ray) She buried the heads in the walls. Sometimes at night. . . (starts to cry) You can hear them whisper to each other. And then they cry! (Loud sobbing) RAY: (pushes away butter knife) I thought they never found the heads. MIKE: They ... sniff. . . didn’t. RAY: Then . . . how do you know they’re in the walls? MIKE: Because they are! RAY: (shrugs) Whatever. MIKE: (pulls away knife and points it at Matrix) Listen to them! MATRIX: (grabs butter knife from Mike’s hand) (The door opens, and Bob steps into the room.) BOB: (with dopey smile) Greetings- (Everyone starts giggling) BOB: (also giggling) Um... not greetings... um... hello. (More laughter) BOB: (shakes head and collects self together) Hi. I’m Bob, your host for this evening. MATRIX: (muttering) It’s about time. MIKE: (runs up to Bob, still acting as if he were still holding the butter knife) You can’t have us stay here! The nulls are moving! (Moans) BOB: (blinks in confusion) Um.... Er.... DOT: (groans and puts head in hands) BOB: Uh... my wife will be down shortly. MIKE: (waving hands) The nulls will get her! BOB: (laughs sadisticly) Not my wife, bud. ANDRAIA: (raises hand) So... exactly why are we here? BOB: (sadistic laugh) Oh, it’s just a party. (Looks at Mike) Why don’t we start the evening off by a little tour of the house? MIKE: Me? (Smiles, eyes shining) DOT: Could I get a drink first, sir? (looks over at table) MIKE: I’m the drunk here! BOB: Certainly, my dear. Anyone else? (Kicks Mike) Go get her a drink. The screen fades into a hallway. The group is walking slowly, fearfully studying the faded walls. Mike is in the lead, with all the power and ego of a tour guide. MIKE: This is the place where we found the dead rat. . . and that’s the wall we just replaced last cycle. . . ANDRAIA: (Screams) MATRIX: What is it? (Grabs her arm) Are you okay? ANDRAIA: (points at stain on carpet) What in the User’s name is that?! MIKE: (looks at stain) Oh, that’s where someone spilled grape juice. DOT: (screams) NOOOOOO!!!!!!!! THOSE STAINS DON’T COME OUT!!!!!!!! MIKE: (sighs) Tell me about it. BOB: Um, Mike? This is all really fascinating, but... this is supposed to be a haunted house party. MIKE: I don’t follow. BOB: (smacks self on head) RAY: Show us some of your signs of ghosts and nulls, mate. (Does finger quotations and laughs condescendingly) MIKE: (looks around the hall, searching for something to show off. Finally, his eyes rest on something, and he smiled happily and points to a spot on the ceiling) Move under THAT! DOT & ANDRAIA: (nod and walk under the ceiling) BOB: More grape juice? MIKE: (shaking) No.... It’s BLOOD! (Throws head back and cackles) ANDRAIA: We don’t bleed. . . (a drop of blood drips from the stain on the ceiling toward Dot and AndrAIa) MATRIX: AndrAIa! (He leaps over to push her out of the way. As he does, he accidently knocks Dot into the drop’s path) ANDRAIA: I broke another nail! DOT: (shrieks and wipes blood onto Bob’s sleeve) BOB: Ew! (Starts to freak out) Get it off! Get if off! DOT: Don’t worry. (Pulls out a package of Shout wipes and hands them to Bob) RAY: (studies ceiling) Y’know what? I doubt this is actual blood! Is this from the heads, Mike? MIKE: (rocks back and forth from leg to leg) It’s the nulls. . . the nulls are moving tonight. . . MATRIX: (Sighs and reaches for gun) Will he ever shut-up? BOB: (uses about ten Shout wipes before handing the package back to Dot) What about taking us to the cellar, Mike? Wasn’t someone murdered there? MIKE: (glares at everyone before speaking) Someone has been murdered in every room of this house! (Lights suddenly flicker) MIKE: (sighs) I need to get the electricity fixed here. (Opens door to cellar and falls down the flight of stairs) . . . .Ouch. . . . MATRIX: (Is the first of the group to descend the staircase. He steps on Mike at the bottom. He looks around, rather indifferently, at a bare wine cellar. There are shelves of bottles, a mechanism with wheel, a door on the floor, and several doors on the walls) Boring! DOT: Boring? I like boring! (She is the next to race down the stairs. She trips over Mike and falls) ANDRAIA: (tries to leap over Dot and Mike, but catches the heel of her boot on the last step and falls) RAY: Dog-pile! (Leaps onto everyone else from the top of the stairs) BOB: (sighs and mutters something about commoners as he gracefully descends the stairs before tripping at the bottom) MATRIX: (laughs and steps over to wheel) What’s this thing do? MIKE: (sticks head out from under Dot’s back) No touchy! You’ll destroy us all! MATRIX: (eyes light up and he begins to twist it) MIKE: Noooooooooo!!!!!!! (Leaps out of body pile and kicks Matrix in the shin) My wheel-thingy! No touchy! MATRIX: (rolls eye and steps away) Freak. (The people pile disipitates, and everyone wanders off into various areas of the cellar) BOB: So tell us about the murder here. Didn’t a form owner make energy shakes here? MIKE: (nods) Gather around for a story! Come on! (Waves hands like an idiot until everyone is sitting in a circle around him) ANDRAIA: (smiling) Isn’t this fun? MIKE: (pulls out flashlight and holds it up to his face) There once lived in the house a sprite whose hobbey was energy shakes. He would experiment with different flavors down here. RAY: (raises hand) Like Crazy Banana? MIKE: (nods) Yes. Crazy banana. RAY: And Mint Truffle and Potato? MIKE: (Makes face) Mint Truffle? Ew. But yes, he did make Mint Truffle shakes. But. . . his wife didn’t like energy shakes. RAY: (shocked) She didn’t like Mint Truffle? MATRIX: I like Mint Truffle. DOT: (shakes head) Mint Truffles too expensive to make. MIKE: She hated ALL of the flavors! ANDRAIA: (Screams) MIKE: (puts away flashlight and walks over to wheel) So you know what happened to her? (He tries to turn the wheel, but is too weak) Um, Matrix? A little help here? MATRIX: (stands up, puts pinky finger around wheel, and turns. The door on the ground opens up, revealing a tub of energy shakes) ANDRAIA: He threw his wife in there? User, what a way to go! (Prepares to dive in) DOT: Me first! MIKE: I wouldn’t jump in if I were you. DOT: You just don’t like energy shakes. BOB: Didn’t he feel the vat with acid and throw her in? (Silence. Dot and AndrAIa step back) DOT: It’s still not in there, is it? MATRIX: Only one way to find out. (He picks up Mike and moves as if to throw him in) ANDRAIA: Matrix! MATRIX: (bows head apologetically and sets down Mike) ANDRAIA: You’re supposed to kick him in! RAY: I’ve got a better idea. (He glances around the room before spotting a rat trap on the floor. Caught in the trap is the binome with the afro. Ray picks up the trap and chucks it, along with the binome, into the vat. (Trap and binome go under, but sizzling foam rushes to the top of the water. Finally, a lump of rust rises to the surface) ANDRAIA: (gives a small cry and turns away. Sounds of gagging are heard) MIKE: (solemn voice) It destroys everything. DOT: Darn. And that could be a perfectly good energy shake. BOB: (clears throat and walks as far from the vat as possible) Shall we go back upstairs for Pin-the-tail-on-the-donkey? DOT: What are you? 0 .6? (All go up the stairs save for Matrix and AndrAIa) MATRIX: So why are you here? ANDRAIA: (smiles) I should be asking you the same question. What do you have to do with Bob? MATRIX: (shrugs) Like I said upstairs, I don’t know him. But I don’t turn down a million units. Still. . . a million units is a lot of money even for someone as rich as Bob. There must be more to this. . . Oh my User, am I thinking? Just ignore me! ANDRAIA: (laughs shyly) You won’t have to think when you’re rich. As for me, my boss just came up to be one day and said that I was invited to Bob’s party. I need the money badly. MATRIX: What for? ANDRAIA: (Blushes) It’s kinda embarrassing. . . MATRIX: Ah, it can’t be that bad! ANDRAIA: (turns around, unable to face Matrix) Well. . . My father used to work for a chocolate factory. Perhaps you’ve heard of him. His name was Willy Wonkasci. MATRIX: (starts humming “The Candy Man”) ANDRAIA: All went well. But then this little boy took over. We were kicked out as the factory was switched to producing cheap generic brand cola. I. . . I have no where else to get chocolate now for free. (Starts sobbing) I have to buy chocolate now. MATRIX: (is deeply touched. He puts his arms around AndrAIa.) It’ll be okay. You’ll get your money. ANDRAIA: (nods and wipes away tears) MATRIX: (takes his arms away and heads toward the nearest door) Let’s see what’s in these. (He opens the door) Closet. (He opens the next door) Skillfully made skeleton puppet. (Closes the door) For a bunch of murderers, none of the owners kept any interesting stuff! ANDRAIA: Skeleton puppet? What in the net would you use that for? MATRIX: (shrugs and opens the third door) This one’s empty. (He steps inside, followed by AndrAIa) Now this is exciting! I wonder. . . (for no apparent reason, he starts tapping on the wall) ANDRAIA: Why are you doing that? MATRIX: Oh, just for no apparent reason. Wanna help? ANDRAIA: Sure. (Starts tapping) MATRIX: (Taps up high, then gradually taps lower. Finally, he hits a section of the wall that sounds hollow.) ANDRAIA: Cool! (She taps around the wall and breaks into “Rondo Ala Turca”) MATRIX: This wall is hiding something. I wonder if we’ll ever know. (He steps outside, AndrAIa following) Wait! (He takes six large steps to the forth door, which he opens. Inside, he takes two giant steps to the wall. He frowns, and goes back to the other closet, in which he also takes two giant steps to the wall) There’s a secret room in there! ANDRAIA: Duh, ya think? MATRIX: Go back to the other closet. When you here me tap, tap back. ANDRAIA: Okay. (She returns to the fourth closet. As she enters it, Hexadecimal’s face momentarily flashes in the light from the first closet. AndrAIa does not see Hex and proceeds to tap on the wall with Matrix) This is fun! MATRIX: I know! Do you know “Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star?” (They immediately set into various songs. Suddenly, AndrAIa hears spooky music. She turns to her side and sees Hex. HEX: (cackles) ANDRAIA: (Screams bloody-murder and jumps against the wall) HEX: (She holds up her hands near her face and makes funny faces at AndrAIa before floating past and out the door) ANDRAIA: (continues to scream) MATRIX: (appears at the door) AndrAIa! Are you all right?! Did you break another nail? ANDRAIA: (Points past the door) I saw a ghost! MATRIX: (starts laughing) ANDRAIA: You don’t believe me! MATRIX: How can I? ANDRAIA: You didn’t even question me? MATRIX: Hey, that’s what they do in the real movie. ANDRAIA: (shakes head) No, the real Lance actually asked questions that weren’t sarcastic. MATRIX: What’s your point? ANDRAIA: Ooh! (She slaps Matrix, leaves the closet, and runs up the stairs) To be continued. . . . |
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