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| Author's Note: I have no rights involving ReBoot characters, nor do I have any rights involving the movie "House on Haunted Hill." I was simply watching black-and-white movies at a party and thought it'd be fun to combine the two. Why Bob is in Frederick Lauren's place, I don't know that any more than I know why Matrix is playing Lance. I guess I just wanted to see Bob being evil. The House on Haunted Tor At first glance, the computer screen is blank. Off, perhaps. But after a moment, screams of terror, evil cackles, and scary modem sounds stream from the speakers. This continues for a minute or tow before coming to a stop. At the exact moment the last cackle dies away, the head of Mike the TV appears on the screen: stiff, pale, and serious (sort of). MIKE: (solemn, dramatic whisper) Do you hear that? (glances around) The nulls are moving tonight. (nod). They are restless. They are waiting for you. (Long moment of nervous silence). I am Mike the TV (smiles devilishly and smooths back antenna) I own the House, along with a condo on Baudway. Since the condo was subleased cycles ago, my time-share partner has violated our contract seven times. Since the House was built a hundred cycles ago, seven people including my brother Melvin have been murdered in it (throws head back and laughs for a good five minutes. Stops suddenly, blinks, and returns to solemn, dramatic whisper) I’ve only spent one night in it, and when they found me the next morning, I was nearly deleted. I think it was to everyone’s disappointment. (Scary music plays, and the head of Mike fades away and is replaced by the face of Bob. He is trying to look serious and threatening, but only manages a dopey grin) BOB: Greetings. My name is Bob (dramatic pause) And I’ve rented the House on Haunted Tor for the night. If any of you will spend the next 12 seconds in the House, I will pay you each one million units. Or I will pay your next of kin, in the incident you don’t survive. I’ll be giving a party; a haunted house party. There will be food, drink, nulls, and maybe even a few murders! (Computer screen flashes on and off for a few seconds) The party was my wife’s idea. She’s so amusing. (Starts snickering) Hehe. Never actually used that word. Amusing. Hehe. Um. (Clears throat) Anyway, here are our other five guests. As for yourself, you have till midnight to find the House on Haunted Tor. (Bob fades out, and the screen shows a line of hearses floating up a hill in the darkness) BOB’S VOICE: The funeral cars were my wife’s idea. She’s so amusing. (Laughs again) (The shot focuses on the first hearse. Matrix is inside, looking very bored, trying to take his gun apart) BOB’S VOICE: This is our first guest, Enzo Matrix. Or Matrix, as he prefers. He makes his living as a renegade mercenary. A brave occupation. (Trys to hold back laughter) But wouldn’t you be brave if you were paid for it? (Next is Dot, who is busy going over some files) BOB’S VOICE: This is Dot, the Command.Com of Mainframe. No doubt you’ve seen her many businesses. She says she wants to write a report on nulls, but I understand she is desparate for money. I understand she deals in some. . . illegal. . . .business deals. (Next shown is Mike the TV, looking very nervous. He is twisting his head around so much that he loses balance and falls off the seat) BOB’S VOICE: You’ve already met Mike the TV, the House’s owner. He is a paranoid, annoying TV, a drunk that is afraid of a house. Yet he accepted my invitation just the same. He either needs money or is stupider than I thought. (Mike’s hand appears on the seat and he’s tries to climb up. The car jerks, throwing him back to the floor. The screen changes to focus on Ray Tracer. He seems calm, and apparently has a song stuck in his head, for he is bopping his head to it.) BOB’S VOICE: This is Ray Tracer. He is, ironically enough, a psychologist. Go figure. I think he needs one. He says he wants to use the House in his research on hysteria, but who knows what a surfer.. er, psychologist, really wants. (Last is AndrAIa, who is busily fixing her shirt) BOB’S VOICE: This is AndrAIa. She works for one of my spy oper- I mean, companies. I know for a fact that she needs money. She supports a chocoholicism, you know. (The screen shows the hearses float up the hill towards the Tor) BOB’S VOICE: And that is the last of the guests. Unless, of course, YOU will be attending! (Dramatic pause, followed by Bob bursting into another round of laughter, then coughs.) (The screen shows an empty parlor, elegantly decorated. Several chairs and couches sit in the center, surrounding a coffee table. A piano sis against one wall. A table against another wall is set with goblets and champagne bottles. Near the door is a third table, covered with seven minature coffins. Above all this hangs a crystal chandelier on a frayed cord. The door opens, automatically, and Matrix, Dot, Ray, AndrAIa, and Mike enter the room, all clutching their luggage.) RAY: (frowns) Isn’t this place a bit grim, mates? ANDRAIA: When was the last time a decorator came in? (Wipes dust from piano) MATRIX: And where’s our host?! (Growls and throws down suitcase) DOT: (puts away data pad in suitcase, which she then sets down) It’s not a very warm welcome at all, is it? MIKE: (softly) The only ones happy to see us are the nulls! (All stare) MIKE: They’ll have us all by morning! (He spots the liquor table, dashes over, and starts chugging on a bottle) DOT: (shrugs and looks to others) Are we all strangers to each other? RAY: (confused) Huh? DOT: (sighs) Does anyone know each other? RAY: (even more confused look) DOT: (rolls eyes and turns to Matrix and AndrAIa) Don’t you two know each other? You look cute together. (AndrAIa and Matrix shake their heads, give each other the look-over, and exchange smiles) ANDRAIA: (steps over to Matrix and bats eyelashes) I’m AndrAIa. MATRIX: (gulps) I’m Lance Schrouder- I mean, I’m Enzo Matrix. RAY: What about our host, this Bob fellow? I don’t know him. MATRIX: He just vided me and asked if I wanted a million units. Of course I accepted. ANDRAIA: I work for one of his spy oper- (All stare at AndrAIa) ANDRAIA: (blushes) I mea, I work for one of his companies, but I don’t know him. DOT: I’ve never met the man either. (Looks over at Mike, who is emptying a second bottle) I guess you’re the only one here who knows Bob. MIKE: (hiccups and throws down bottle) Hic- I don’t know him - hic - All the details about - hic - renting the house were done by - hic - vid. (Narrows eyes) Awfully suspic - hic- ous. The suspense is building. DOT: (irritated) Well, since our host is gone, will one you fetch me a drink. (Starts giggling) Fetch. Hehe. ANDRAIA: (mutters something about stupid Command.Com) RAY: (smiles) Of course, my dear. (Kicks Mike) Fetch the lady a drink. Hey, that is fun to say. Fetch. MIKE: (nods and somehow manages to pour scotch into a glass without spilling all of it.) How - hic - did you know - hic - I owned this place? Hic. DOT: (caught off guard) Er. . . (glances at everyone else, who shrug) I don’t know. MATRIX: Strange, since we all just met. RAY: Oh, well. (The door, left open, swings shut with a loud bang. The chandelier shakes) DOT: Who left the door open? (Matrix rushes over to the door and easily pries it away. He gasps.) MATRIX: This thing’s automatic! MIKE: (screams and faints) (The chandelier’s cord snaps, and the whole thing plunges towards the floor where AndrAIa is standing.) MATRIX: AndrAIa! (Leaps to her side and pushes her to safety before she is hit.) ANDRAIA: My nail! MIKE: (regains consciousness) It’s the nulls. (Eyes widen.) They’re moving tonight! (screams) They’ll delete us all! RAY: (nods) I hope they get you first. MIKE: (gasps) They’re after me! (Mike is left sobbing as the scene changes to a handsome, old-fashioned bedroom. Bob enters the room and walks quickly over to Mouse, who is sitting at the vanity, crimping her ponytail.) BOB: The guests are here, darling. MOUSE: (obviously not caring) That’s nice, sugah. BOB: It’s going wonderfully so far. AndrAIa was almost killed by a falling chandelier. MOUSE: That’s nice, sugah. (she sets down the crimper and stands up) Who are these people you invited? Why strangers? Why none of your pals? BOB: We don’t have any friends. MOUSE: That’s right! Your jealously and obvious insanity took core of that. BOB: (laughs) you made the party. I invited the guests! That was our deal. MOUSE: I’m not gonna go to the party, sugah. BOB: (frowns) But my dear- (snickers) I can’t call you that. But my dear, it’s your party. MOUSE: And A’ll cry if I want to. I ain’t going. BOB: (sighs and changes subject) Remember our own little parties? MOUSE: Yeah. Like the time I tried to ram a katana down your throat? BOB: (chuckles) And the doctor thought it was food poisoning. Hm. (both shrug) I’ll never understand that one. MOUSE: (laughs) BOB: (turns serious) You’d do it again if you had the chance, wouldn’t you? MOUSE: (smiles and kisses Bob) Y’know I would sugah, if you hadn’t given my katana to the orphan binomes. Poor Annie Binome. BOB: (kisses her back) Of all my wives, you’ been the most disagreeable. It I gave you a million units, would you go away. MOUSE: (shakes head) BOB: You want it all, don’t you, darling? MOUSE: I deserve it all. (Sits back down) BOB: (walks to other side of the room) So when may I say you’ll be coming down to the party? MOUSE: I toldja, Bob. I ain’t coming down. BOB: (grabs her hair) You’ll be coming down! MOUSE: Never! BOB: I’ll take the scrunchy! MOUSE: (gasps) Not my scrunchie! BOB: Say you’l come down! (Forces back laughter) Say it! MOUSE: No! I mean- Yes! Yes, damn you! BOB: (lets go of hair) Hurry up, then, darling. (Both giggle as screen blackens) To be continued. . . . |
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