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| Broken |
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| Broken, a SongFic by Moffit “Losing Grip” by Avril Lavigne Rating: PG, but has an overall depressing tone. Consider yourself warned. Disclaimer: Not mine. [Are you aware of what you make me feel.. Baby? Right now I feel invisible to you, Like I’m not.. Real.] He didn’t even see me anymore, that much was obvious. Hell, he didn’t seem to see any of us. His eyes were turned inward, seeing the past replaying in his mind, over and over and over… [Didn’t you feel me lock my arms around you? Why’d you turn away?] He refused to let us touch him, we were lucky he let us get this close as it was. He just huddled in the corner of his room, mumbling over and over about how it was all his fault. [Here’s what I have to say.. I was left to cry there, Waiting outside there, Grinning with the lost stare..] It wasn’t his fault he had died. It wasn’t anybody’s fault. It had been an accident. We all felt grief over his death, but I think it hit him the hardest. He had just pulled into himself when it happened, silent tears trickling down his face, staring at the wreckage, but unseeing. [That’s when I decided. Why? Should I care? ‘Cause you weren’t there When I was scared. I was so alone.] Sometimes he would rage at us, screaming at us, tearing at his hair and we had to forcefully stop him from knocking holes in the wall. It usually took all three of us to hold him down, he was that strong. Tears would streak down his face the whole time. ********** [You. You need to listen! I’m starting to trip, I’m losing my grip, And I’m in this thing alone.] I really think he’s starting to lose it. He doesn’t see us; he doesn’t hear us. Once he started to laugh manically, like he couldn’t stop. Then I slapped him, and it was as if the blow rocked him to his soul. He just stopped everything; he was in shock I believe. Somehow that seemed worse. ********** [Am I just some chick you place Beside you, to take somebody’s place? When you turn around, Can you recognize my face?] Today he seemed almost normal. At dinner, he seemed to be in his right mind. Until I realized he would talk to me like I was someone else. It wasn’t me he was seeing anymore. The realization alarmed me. ********** [You used to love me, You used to hug me. But that wasn’t the case.. Everything wasn’t ok..] We had no choice. We couldn’t take care of him like this by ourselves. It wasn’t something we did easily, but he needed professional help. If only it didn’t feel as if we were dumping him off on someone else.. [I was left to cry there, Waiting outside there, Grinning with the lost stare..] He looked so lost, watching us leaving him behind. But then, I can’t even be sure he knew what was going on. ********** [That’s when I decided. Why? Should I care? ‘Cause you weren’t there When I was scared. I was so alone.] It hurt, visiting him and having him stare right through me. He just sat there. Sometimes he would seem to be listening to me as I tried to talk to him, but the replies I got had nothing to do with what I was talking about. Indeed, he was replaying old conversations they’d had before he died. ********** [You. You need to listen! I’m starting to trip, I’m losing my grip, And I’m in this thing alone..] It was more than getting to me. Sometimes I wondered why I couldn’t do the same thing. Why couldn't I lose myself like he did? It seemed so much easier to let others take care of things for me. Lord knows we all have our own trouble trying to deal. But something in me wouldn’t let me break down like that. It was both relieving and hellish at the same time. ********** [Crying out loud, I’m crying out loud.. Crying out loud, I’m crying out loud.. Open your eyes! Open up wide!] He won’t snap out of it. I don’t think he ever will. He’s going to be one of those crazies your mother warned you to stay away from. You never knew if he was going to just grin at you like nothing had happened, or if he would go into a blinding rage until orderlies rushed in to restrain him and give him tranquilizer shots. It was disheartening to watch. [Why? Should I care? ‘Cause you weren’t there When I was scared. I was so alone.] ********** I hardly go to see him anymore. I can’t seem to help it. He doesn’t know I’m there anyway. He never truly sees any of us. He just sits there on his bed, knees drawn up to his chest, and rocks back and forth, conversing with a ghost. In his hand is his world, a little silver cross that he never lets go of. For some reason, I never thought the Perfect Soldier would break. I guess he wasn’t really perfect, after all... [Why? Should I care? If you don’t care, Then I don’t care! We’re not going anywhere..] owari Rate this fic! Back to Fanfics by Moffit Back to Fanfics |
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