Pammie's Story - A young woman's struggle with anorexia nervosa - Health - http://maxpages.com/elliesownpage/Pammies

I will start at the beginning, I have always been
petite, a small child. I grew up with four older
brothers and one older sister. I was the youngest, and
I got teased a lot. In seventh grade my sister
began to loose weight, a lot. I started
maturing. I saw her everyday eat nothing, and me eat,
not gaining weight, but I still felt as though food was
wrong. In the summer of 97 I started my "diet". I
made a goal to be the smallest person alive, so I began
to cut foods out of my diet, exercise everyday for
hours, I played every sport possible and would go to
those games empty but allow myself to drink something
after the game because I knew I hadn't eaten all
day. Then in the winter of 98 I met my
boyfriend David. HE was so sweet, but it made my
whole situation worse because his sister was tiny. I
wanted to be smaller (even though she is 3 inches
shorter) By now my sister is getting better....it was
just a small thing luckily!! but me it was not.. I
wanted to be anorexic, I watched movies and tv shows
on EDs and took notes on how to hide food. My doctors
never noticed cause they though I was small because
that is how I was made. I am the same size now as I
was in 7th grade and 2 inches taller. My docs were
wrong. Then in 9th grade, it was a on and off
thing. I would go a month with food and a month
without. I was doing OK in some ways, but
struggling with my feelings. I was fat in my
eyes. 10th grade is when it all started. I was a
cheerleader. My best friend got to be on the top of
the mount cause she was smaller(she was healthy
though) I though I was to fat then and I went on the
most dangerous diet ever. I cut all my meals out of my
diet. I lived of a few things a day. I began to loose weight but not to much
because of my small frame, and already being small it
was difficult to loose, making it more difficult for
me. I continued this for the whole year, I hated
myself, the way I looked and my so called figure. My
boyfriend David got very suspicious of me and began to
worry...
oh yea, in the summer of 99 I purged for the first
time and continued to do so. It has never
stopped.
then in the summer of 2000, I went to my physical
and my boyfriend forced me to tell the doctor even though I did
not believe i had a problem. I had lost a lot weight
for me... so I told her about my eating habits, she
said" you have anorexia nervosa". I had reached my
goal.. I was an anorexic!!!! sadly it got worse, I
was branded with the name"the anorexic" and I got
worse, I would binge before my docs appointment to
make sure i didn't loose until I couldn't binge
anymore and I did loose.. I went into serious states
of depression and I started my junior year of High
school.
and everyone knew, I could not get always with not
eating lunch... so I started to eat lunch, nothing
else just lunch... then, the Idea of laxatives came
into my mind.. and I took them,20 at time... making my
self sick with them, I began to love the feeling of
emptiness.. I still do... i loved being able to feel
my hips sticking through my body and knowing there was
nothing in me...... why.. there was never anything
traumatic in my life to blame this on, it just
happened... so now in the spring of 2001 I was
admitted to the hospital... for two weeks I was there
and I ate and I gained, not at all near my goal
weight but they discharged me. and here I am today
still struggling. not to close to being better, but
fighting.... I will try and continue this fight,
because I know it can be won!! I will complete my
story when I am better but for now I have to take it
step by step, I know this has happened for a reason,
God is trying to teach me something, but until I learn
what that is I don't think I can get better, so I will
keep searching for the answer.
thanks for reading
Pammie

pruth16@yahoo.com

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Ellie

United States

help4eds@yahoo.com

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Page Updated Sun Aug 12, 2001 11:20pm EDT