Family and Friends - They suffer too... - Health - http://maxpages.com/elliesownpage/Family

There is no doubt that the diseased person suffers emensely, but the suffering of family and friends is often ignored. Watching a loved one slowly kill themselves can be scary, sad, and hopeless. There is no doubt that you will feel extremely helpless.

I remember a time when I was dying...I had few months left in my emaciated, sick body, and my father had a very difficult time excepting this. He was used to being able to fix everything, but he couldn't fix his first-born daughter. He paid for the best treatment in the world, but I wasn't "fixed." After many sleepless nights, he finally began to accept the fact that he couldn't fix me. I was the only one who could save myself.

It is difficult to accept, but you can not save the person. You can offer words of encouragement, support, and love, but you can not fix them. They are the only ones who can save themselves. Recovery is a difficult, frustration process that can only occur when the victim truly wants to get well. You can not force someone to get better. Sure, you can send them off to treatment centers, and put tubes down them, but this will not make them WANT to recover. Nothing but their own will to live will make them recover.

Eating disorders are confusing to understand. Why did this happen? What do I do next? How can I help? Are all questions you are probably experiencing. The best thing to do is to consult a professional, read books, talk to people who have gone through the same thing, and pray.

Feelings of guilt and anger are normal. I remember a time when I was on the computer late at night, and my mom came in crying. She said to me, "I must have been a bad parent because you are going through this." The truth was that my eating disorder had nothing to do with her parenting- it had everything to do with myself and what I had gone through in my life. Try and remember that no one person can CAUSE an eating disorder. They are complex diseases with complex causes. When my mother came in and said that to me, it actually made me feel so much worse. I felt guilty for ending up the way I did, and as a result of my feelings, I didn't eat the next day. It might be normal to feel guilty about it, but it is totally irrational.

Anger. A normal human emotion. You might be angry at yourself for not knowing that there was a problem, the inability that you have to fix it, and not being able to prevent it. People who suffer from eating disorders are masters at keeping the problem a secret. They often lie about what they have eaten, and hide the fact that they are bingeing or purging. There are things that can HELP prevent an eating disorder, but there is NO way to totally prevent it. It is just like cancer. You can do certain things to help prevent it, but you will never be able to totally prevent it. You may also feel angry with the person for not being able to stop the eating disorder behaviors and for continuing to abuse themselves. You may feel angry with the person for causing you pain and you may believe the person is doing this to hurt you. An eating disorder is somewhat of an addiction, and as much as they want to stop, it seems almost impossible sometimes. The best way to let out your anger is to find a therapist, friend, or support group that can listen to your feelings. Keeping them in is only going to make things so much worse.

Naturally, you will be scared for your loved one. It is true that what they are doing can cause death, but your fear is not going to make things any better. If the patients life is in immediate danger, hospitalization is neccessary. If they are under the age of 18, you can put them in the hospital or a treatment center. If they are over 18, you will need to talk to a doctor or a lawyer.

People who suffer from eating disorders have very low self-esteems and feel very unlovable and worthless. Your job as their family and friends, is to let them know that you will love them unconditionally and will be right by their side no matter how bad things may get. When the fight gets rough, they need to know that you will always be there for them to lean on. As much as you would just like to let loose and scream at them, it is important that you let your anger out in a safe manner. Letting your anger out on them will hurt them, not help them.

Outside help is very important. As much as you would like to believe it, YOU can NOT cure them. They can cure themselves, but they can not do it alone. They need a therapist and nutritionist that is trained to work with eating disorders.

Keep a optimistic outlook. Things can get better!

Some things that should NEVER be said...

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Ellie

United States

help4eds@yahoo.com

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Page Updated Sun Aug 12, 2001 11:20pm EDT