| ALIEN HABITS by T. Angle Jeremy Slime's heart, as usual, was in the wrong place - on this particular wintry morning, it was in his pocket, along with a crumpled piece of paper that contained information pertinent to anything except the well-being of one Miss Aubrey Guest. who lived in the flats - or slightly expanded and glorified rooms) - above The Old Coastal Fish Market, which was attached to Jake Embry's famous - or infamous, depending of how one viewed such operations - School For Haircutting Design & Leatherworking. It was often said that at night the school doubled as a gambling parlour, and whether that was true or not was anyone's guess, though I wouldn't place a bet either way... not there, anyway. Anyone noticing Jeremy Slime walking up Towne Street that bright morning might have wondered at the good humour he was in. He had what passed for a smile on what passed for his face, and it was said later he was whistling as he went along. When he got to the front door of the haircutting school, he stopped and looked up to where Aubrey Guest's window overlooked the street. It can't be proven due to the often inaccurate testimony of the witness, Barney Stamp, but it was at this moment he began to whistle. Then he turned and entered the educational establishment of Jake Embry. Barney said he hadn't had a drink that morning, but that only made us wonder all the more if his word was true and without blemish. Heaven knew, or perhaps didn't care to, Barney's drinking habits were about on the same level as Tilly Sunflower's rabid consumerism - well, even you would know better than to stand in her way when there was a sale on at the B-mart Superplaza or the Woolco-Westinghouse Wiring Corporation. Of course, you'd have little reason to visit either of those places, but it's common fact Tilly has too much money to burn and can't set fire to It fast enough - and since those two places sell everything from silver-plated toilets to exotic needles and pins, you should, even if you're dense or a dunce, get the idea by now that Barney, however much of a beloved town character he might be, that, well his love of the inside of a bottle sometimes overtakes him the same way a tablecloth from France will just up and grab at Tilly - and... he can't always be believed. But I'd better get back to the story about Jeremy Slime and Miss Aubrey Guest and what occurred and happened between them. We call her Miss Aubrey instead of just plain Aubrey because she's so old and has never been much more than an old maid, but we'd never say that to her face. She'd likely pull out a handgun and blast us back to the side of town she claims to never have come from, though we all remember that she did. We're not being mean when we call her Miss. We wouldn't think of being maliciously unkind or unthankful that she's still with us or anything like that. That wouldn't be our style, if we have style, that Is. Harry Clement, who lives next door to Keith Westley says we have style, but little class. He being an English teacher and all, I suppose he must know what he's talking about. I surely don't, and I don't think anyone much else does, either. Probably, that's why he fraternizes with people over in Billy's Flats instead of us. But this is all beside the point. We found out later that Old Slimey as we like to call him, had just left his office - he likes to call hisself Smiley, but after all, Old Slimey's a lawyer, even if he does smile a lot - it's a greasy-like smile. Anyway, he had found out something about Miss Aubrey no-one ever knew before, that she was about to become or maybe already had become - the owner of the old Halliday farm, swamp and all. I'd have said 'the proud owner' but I doubt she'd be very proud, owning that place and knowing its history background. That's the place people went out to see all the funny lights back in '58. Oh, they were skitterin' all over the sky, they were - scaring people half out of what wits they had. I never got to see'em, myself. Don't know if I really believe some of the stories, but a feller's gotta believe something. Me, they say I'm the only one around here for miles who didn't see 'em. Anyway, Slimey went over into Jake's place and one of the girls being budgeted off to school there through the government plan said he and Jake went straight out to the back, where the door's always locked and they say they gamble at night. I do know there's bootleg whiskey and the odd case of home brew going out through the alleyway, but personally, I've never been in the place. Pride myself on that, I do. Pride myself on not seeing the aliens, too. I just can't believe in them. A man starts believing in them things, next thing you know, he'll be thinking about elves and fairies and leprechauns and sprites and all sorts of weird and other strangeful things, and then when nobody listens to him, he'll probably turn to drink and end up like poor old Barney there. They say that's what did it to him. He got too close to the aliens. Said they took him up in their ship and he went to Mars though he's very adamant about how it wasn't Mars but some other place like. Anyway, whatever he thought happened, look where it got him. Trapped inside a bottle and can't get out. Hell, he don't want out. So, after staying out back with Jake for a time, Cary - that was the girl's name - she says they came out laughing and carrying on like devils and then Jeremy Slime took the side stairs that brought him up onto the second floor level, where Miss Aubrey's apartment room was located. It would have been right there, staring straight back at him as soon as he went up those steps. Nobody much knows what happened after that. It did occur that there was one heck of a blast that took the roof off that stinky old Fish Market - Jimmy Shanks is still in the hospital. They say he might never fully recover the use of his mind's faculties and facilities due to the shock. Now ain't that something! Not that I believe he really saw anything at all. And the talk of Miss Aubrey's being one of them, too - I can't buy that. Where's the proof? Just because Old Slimey - but I suppose I really and truly shouldn't be talking about him in such a way and manner as to be degrading of the dead and passed on; well, he did get his juicy just desserts and if Miss Aubrey really took his soul out of his body like they whisper about at night when the lights are low, well -it's only to frighten the children into not wanting to go out after dark. It's not safe anyway, according to the radio. But even if she did - just say for a moment she might have been able to do that - she was a little strange, always saying things no-one could understand - then anyway I don't know that it would matter or make much of a difference. There wouldn't have been much of it to make off with. Some say he made a deal and a pact with the devil years back and that's why he was so successful and never failed at anything he did in his life, I wouldn't know about that. Don't believe in no devil myself. Oh no, I don't. It sure was certainly plenty queer, though, that afternoon, just as the clock was striking one, signalling everybody back to the farm, when Barry Edwards came running lickety split down the street screaming, yelling and hollering that the farm was no-place to be seen and that Harry Clement, the English teacher like I said, had packed up his car and gone off to live in Billy's Flats, only saying goodbye because after almost running Barry down he stopped long enough to say so when questioned and asked about it. It was true enough that Jeremy Slime's body looked for all the world and the east hills of China too that something had let all the air out of it, like it had been a balloon, all caved in and lonesome looking like it was. I can't figure out either why Miss Aubrey disappeared. Surely she couldn't have gone off in a space ship because there ain't no such crazy contraption. Don't you think we'd know about it? And they're talking now about how she was really a alien space creature from outer space or somewhere, like she never really was one of us and didn't even belong here, ever to start with in the beginning. Her ma and pa were monsters and big-foots or Martians, they're saying though Barney Stamp says no, they weren't from Mars but from the place they took him, though they never took him anywhere at all, he just makes that up and fabricates the rest. But at least we don't have to go to the farm at one o'clock anymore, though nobody seems to know why. Barney says the reason is because it ain't there no more, but that's no reason, really. Fact is, off everyone's so used to going there every day we all troop out into the street anyway and start in a westerly direction, following the sun, like always. But halfway there, someone takes a notion to turn back and then It dawns on us that, why, there ain't no sense or point going out there because everything's gone and already left. Another funny thing, I can't for the life of me remember what we done out there when we got there. But we always stayed an hour or so. Guess the old memory's goin'; well, it ain't much of a bother. Seems everyone in town's got the same trouble. And now Barney Stamp's gone on the wagon! Can you believe that? Going about telling everyone now that the space aliens have left we can get back to normal and live like decent folks. What's got into him, I don't know. I'll bet that Donny Smithers has him smoking that rangatang stuff he brought back with him from out east. It would be just like Barney to take up a habit! ========================================================================= |
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