Successful Relationships

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In order to win in our relationships, we must consciously choose to change how we operate in them. Change begins with a commitment to attain a vision, along with a decision to take action, which is motivated by a desire to grow. This is a continuous process whether done consciously or unconsciously. The purpose of our relationships needs to be about evolution, both individually and collectively.

As human beings typically resistant to change, we wait until our circumstances and/or inner emotional nature mandates a change. We think, "This is the last straw! I have got to change ...!" Only then in most instances are we earnest about making the necessary changes. If you have been wanting to make a change in your relationships, don't look for the change to take place outside of yourself. That change will have to be made on the inside!

There are four ingredients that we must incorporate to achieve change successfully. First, you must really desire to change. Second, you must really want to succeed and be happy. Third, you must truly believe that no temporal energy (fear) can stand up to the eternal energy of the God-Power that lives within you. Fourth, you must know that it is your choice that sets the pace at which you allow change.

TRANSCENDING RESISTANCE

Once a declaration for change has been made, you will experience resistance. And whatever the degree of change you choose will always be challenged by an equal expression of limiting beliefs, which are the true barriers to success. Resistance occurs because change is perceived as a threat to our core belief system.

When a fear is activated by the threat of change, and this fear is not experienced because of avoidance or denial, we automatically revert to the habitual pattern of behavior and recreate the familiar comfort of our protective illusion. We go back to our "old ways," the safe and familiar. The result is impotence, not living to our full potential and failure in achieving our goal!

Fear is only an illusion. It keeps us from taking risks and stepping into the unknown. For most people, the possibility for creating or responding to the opportunity for change and growth stops here.

We must transcend our resistance and self-doubt, acknowledge our fears and continue to move forward anyway! By choosing to move beyond the resistance and experience our fear, risking a new way of being, we avoid failing and thus create a new opportunity for true freedom and unlimited potential in our relationships.

CONTINUING TO CHOOSE CHANGE

Typically, change does not come over night. Oftentimes, you may find yourself going down the old and familiar path. Stop. Quickly redirect your thoughts and choices to the new. Re-affirm your desire to have it be different. Visualize what it feels like, looks like and sounds like. Acknowledge yourself for making new choices in this very moment. Create new strategies if desired. Pace yourself. Be gentle. Love yourself. Just keep making new choices at each possible moment that takes you closer to your goal.

If you don't choose the new path, don't worry, your True Self, seeking a return to integrity, will always create another opportunity or crisis to consciously choose change again! (We incarnated to learn and evolve. Whether it takes a day or a lifetime, it doesn't matter. It is our choice!)

UNIFYING OUR BODY, MIND & SPIRIT

We are a Triune Being, made up of body, mind and spirit and, therefore, can make decisions and choices at all three levels simultaneously. More often than not, they do NOT coincide. It is quite common for our body to want one thing, while our mind seeks another and our spirit desires yet a third. When our choices of mind, body and spirit conflict with each other, the process of creation and change working on all levels produces mixed results. When our being is in harmony and our choices are unified, miracles occur!

By ending the illusion of separation, you shall be delivered back to the source of your inner strength. This is where you will find your true power. The power to do anything. The power to be anything. The power to have anything. For the power to create is derived from the inner strength that is produced through unity mind, body and spirit.

BE THE PERSON IT CAN HAPPEN TO

In your mind, in each moment, your thoughts and level of awareness are making or breaking what your life and relationships can be. Is the opinion you have of yourself filled with love or self-loathing? Are your thoughts constructive or destructive? Are they bringing you greater power with which to face the struggles of each day, or are they keeping you faltering and failing? Is the opinion you have of yourself at this very moment making your present relationship happier or making it depressed?

Your life is only a reflection of what YOU believe you deserve! The universe cannot give you what you do not believe you may have, no matter how much you desire it, because the universe will not violate your own thought about it. It is a law. Believing that you cannot have something is the same thing as not desiring to have it, for it produces the same result. What type of relationship do you feel you deserve?

Know that even the most positive and spiritually aware people still have certain times as they go through life, where negative or difficult periods can occur. The question is are you living in constant negativity or you thinking supportive and loving thoughts? Negativity can occur when we are resisting change. Do you choose to give up your goal to change and return to the familiar comfort of the old way giving into the illusion of your fear? Or do you choose to move beyond your fear and seize the growth opportunity, building a new spiritually-based image that unfolds your Divine capabilities?

Know that there will always be some form of resistance when it comes to making a change whether it is as tiny as a fleeting thought or an uncomfortable back or neck ache, or total dis-ease. To minimize the effects of resistance, you must: realize the only thing that is being destroyed is the "old" in your life to clear the way for even greater good; keep a mental attitude of continual expectancy; and always be open to new ideas, inspirations and intuition flowing from the higher God-Mind with-in.

Realize that you have two selves that live within you. Don't live from your Temporary Self that has been created by the conditionings of society, and usually has a limited appreciation of itself or its possibilities. The Temporary Self lives in fear. Instead live from your Real Self; that spark of life which causes you to have life. Your Real Self lives in love and endless possibilities and creates breakthroughs!

BREAKTHROUGH

Breakthrough occurs when you can re-experience your core feelings in the absence of judgement. Information that had been repressed is now available, clarity occurs, old barriers dissolve and the feelings of peace and freedom are experienced.

Ultimately, all thoughts, ideas, concepts, understandings, decisions, choices and actions are based in and sponsored by love or fear. Everything expresses love, when the expression is in its highest form. Let the present be the only reality upon which you are building your future. Unless you can dream, how do you know where you want to go? Know that if you can dream it, you can create it!

© Jim Kinney

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Keys to successful relationships
It seems to me that most people are interested, perhaps more than anything else, in having successful relationships. One of my radio shows dealt with this topic, and it has become the topic that people love to call about. If you want to increase your level of success in your relationship life, I recommend the following:

1. Work on yourself, not on your partner. You attract what you are, and you attract who you are. It is important to become that which you want to attract.

2. Accept your partner as he or she is. The more accepting you are, the happier the two of you will become. The more you accept your partner, the less you will want to try to change them. And the more you accept you, the less you will want to change your partner.

3. In a successful relationship there can be no forbidden topics. If they are forbidden, they never get dealt with. These include sex and money, which often cause couples the most strife. Overindulging in anything, i.e. alcohol, drugs, gambling, food, etc., cannot just be swept under the rug. When that happens you begin to notice that the rug is getting kind of lumpy.

4. There are good and bad ways to approach conflict resolution. Fight fair! That means no name calling, no putting each other down, and no saying things that you know will hurt the most, as those are impossible to take back later. Seek compromise, and seek a solution that gives both of you as much of what you want as possible. Ladies, if you want Saturday night to be "date night," it is OK for him to watch the ballgame with his friends on an occasional Friday night.

5. Don't take your partner for granted. Don't be controlling, don't be manipulative, and don't get too possessive. Your partner can have friends too.

6. Don't require your partner to have the ability to read your mind. Don't expect them to know everything you want. Tell them! It is important that the two of you have reasonable expectations of and for each other. When someone tells me "If he really loved me, he would know that … " I let her know there is no need to have this argument. All you have to do is let him know.

7. Communicate clearly and openly. Don't send little hints. Don't hide what you really mean in some lengthy combination of words. Tell your partner clearly and politely what is on your mind.

8. Make an effort. Work at your relationship.

If you want unconditional love, buy a collie. I am always amused when someone tells me they are seeking unconditional love from their partner. My response is usually something along the lines of "If your partner were to be abusive to you on a regular basis, would you still love them?" The answer I hope to get is, "No." Relationships often flame out because one or both partners stop doing the work that is needed in order to keep love alive.

9. Treat your partner as you would like to be treated. This is my version of the golden rule. Aretha Franklin's famous song "R-E-S-P-E-C-T" is appropriate right about now.

10. Take responsibility for your behavior. This means no excuses, no blaming and no projecting of something you are doing or feeling onto your partner. If you take responsibility for what you do, your partner will admire you more and you will have increased admiration for yourself.

11. Listen. Pay attention. If you your partner is talking to you don't act disinterested, distracted or preoccupied. Be supportive. Take interest in their life, family and work. Give them your time and your energy and they will respond.

12. Don't criticize. Do you like it when you are criticized? I didn't think so.

13. Make yourself vulnerable. Take a chance; communicate what you are feeling. Women are better known for this ability then are men, however, try it some time men, you might like it and I know your partner will.

14. Don't put someone down to build yourself up. People who do not have much self confidence often attempt to puff themselves up on the backs of others. This can include your spouse if you verbally beat him or her down to make yourself feel superior in some way. What you are really doing is displaying how little confidence you truly have.

A nice happy healthy relationship is there for the taking. If you follow the above suggestions or try to implement at least several of them, I promise you your relationship will improve.©DR. CHARLES J. UNGER