 Mind & Body
- A Matter of Attitude for Brain Workouts For a Better Body,
for Falun Gong
for Mind-Body Treatments
for a Daily Fitness Tip
to hear Dream A Little Dream
When health is an issue in one's life on a daily basis, or uncertainty and vulnerability confronts us in any form (e.g. finance, job or marital insecurity, etc.) we experience a myriad of feelings as part of our reaction. But the final experience and meaning of things lies not in the things themselves, but in our attitude towards them! And our expectations, conscious and not, serve as a continual breeding ground for our hurts and disappointments.
We expect illness happens to others; or at least to the old, not when we are young; or when we don't take care of ourselves; or when we are not a good person and deserve it; or are careless or negligent in our healthcare; or have signs and symptoms we could have attended to!
We live our lives believing that through one course comes this outcome or consequence and following another course of living results in other outcomes. As children we learn to do this, or not, and expect one result or another. Typically, be good and do the right thing and good things will happen. If we're bad, bad things happen. But all too often this promise from our parents and our society is broken, never more profoundly than when we get diagnosed with cancer. After the initial shock and incredulity, we think its not fair, why me?, why now?, why didn't the doctor know?, and so on and so on till every expression of injustice and fairness gives rise to our resentment and anger. While these emotions are natural and healthy responses to such a traumatic revelation, we mustn't marry them and do go on to become aware of underlying feelings. Such an attitude of openness and honesty with ourselves can give rise to alternative and effective ways of coping.
For example, anger is also a defense against the awareness of more threatening feelings like fear and helplessness. At its base, we are instantly exposed to our primal vulnerability about life itself. It's not that we don't live forever and life will go on without us, a narcissistic blow to be sure. Or that what we care about and those people and things we love and are attached to will be taken away or end. For many it's the threat of pain and suffering, including the shame and humiliation of becoming less able and more dependent and helpless, that we fear. Whatever the individual concerns that may produce such emotion, all valid and understandable reactions, can and needs to give rise to an attitude that changes our essential perspective about life and how we are going to live it.
This begins with the work of a grieving process. At first, we tend to deny our fate. We may minimize, rationalize, even negotiate a compromise so not to fully face and accept our situation or circumstances that are at first so overwhelming. Even to stay stuck in our anger or resign ourselves to a position of helplessness, or identify as a victim are at first defenses that too often become attitudes about living that are limiting and destructive. They come from getting stalled in the early phases of the grieving process. Going on to accept our fate is not a state of resignation. It is willingness to confront, which allows for an attitude that gives one a different perspective about all the experiences we have (e.g. cancer, loss, or any disappointment). This helps us move from a view of things as simply good or bad to one of opportunity. Even having cancer can be viewed as an obstacle that offers opportunities.
One must realize there's a lot we can do and to begin we must make a commitment to this proactive position. In addition to the obvious and necessary interest and active involvement in our physical healthcare, one must likewise pay attention to the psychological components of our experience. Our different feelings about what happens to us, and about ourselves, as well as the ways we learn to cope or handle them often times proves as much, if not a greater influence on the course of that experience, and our lives in general.
The entire field of psychoneuroimmunology is based on the linkages between our mental states and functioning with those of our bodies in effecting health and illness. Volumes of research and individual experiences that attest to it offer undeniable evidence of this connection between mind and body. The work of Bernie Siegel M.D., Norman Cousins and perhaps more spiritual, the writings of Brian Weiss M.D., all help us to know and experience our personal worlds with different meaning and thus, produce a different outcome.
Carlos Castanada, the fiction writer who takes us along the many journeys of Don Quixote reminds us that sometimes things don't change. You change your way of looking, that's all! And in the final analysis, that's what determines who we are, how well we are, and what we're really able to have while we are here, even what we leave behind! I've learned that in life, pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional. Again, it's A matter of attitude: A matter of perspective.
© Dr. Mark Minson
Licensed Psychologist
Clinical Director, The Institute for Counseling & Psychotherapy
NOCC Professional Advisory Board
Cancer Survivor
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"Be the change you want to see in the world." Gandhi 
"A person's true wealth is the good he or she does in the world." Mohammed (PBUH)
"All things are possible to those who believe." Jesus
"Life is a bridge; enjoy while crossing, but don't build a castle upon it." Upanishads
