A Mental Toughness Checklist

1. Learn everything you can about winners who have overcome setbacks and handicaps in order to become successful. By realizing that failure and disappointment have not deterred the great champions in every field throughout history, you'll gain the courage and motivation to pursue your own dreams. Think about the millions of winners you may never have heard or read about winners like my friend Carol Marshall.

In a letter to me she said that long ago and far away as a high school senior, she wanted to be a golf professional, but her career took a different path. She played lots of local tournament golf, got married, had four children, became a single parent, worked as a school counselor for twenty-something years, taught seminars at the university of Wisconsin in Superior and, not too long ago, began teaching golf. Much to her surprise and delight, she learned that there is a teaching division of the Ladies Professional Golf Association; today she is a card-carrying professional golfer, just like she dreamed about in high school more than forty years ago.

2. Don't embrace the idea that you need to "come from behind" in order to get ahead. Learn from the trials and tribulations of others, but do not force yourself into unrealistically high expectations. Be sure that you understand the difference between " No pain, no gain" and "Patience, Pacing and Persis-tence." You don't need to experience physical or emotional pain in order to succeed. That's a dangerous myth that can lead to emotional burnout and physical exhaustion.

3. Give solution-oriented feedback when problem solving. Don't dwell on what went wrong. Instead, focus on what to do next. Winners believe that they have the inner resources to survive any number of setbacks on the way to achieving their goals. They don't waste time studying the damage they may have sustained after encountering a disappointment. It may sound corny, but it's really true that "you aren't beat until the moment you stop trying." Only you can determine when that moment has arrived.

4. Get comfortable with the unfamiliar. Break your daily routines. Put your TV set in the closet for a month. Try a new restaurant. Drive to work using a new highway or street. Make at least one new friend each month, even though not every one of them is likely to become a lifelong buddy. Remember, too, that you can explore new territory emotionally as well as physically. Try to become aware of your ups and downs, of what makes you happy and what makes you sad, and make an effort to be less of a victim of your moods.

5. Think and speak well of your health. Teach yourself and your children to use positive self-talk about fitness. Too much attention paid to minor health irritations may unconsciously suggest that there's some value in being ill. Also, we've come to believe that chemicals, electrical currents and mysterious rays that make going out the door a life-threatening experience.

Certainly there is much to be concerned about, but it's just as certain that the world is now a much safer place for your health than ever before. In 1918, the influenza epidemic killed more Americans than died in World War I. In the 1950s, polio was a real threat to every child in the country. I'm not suggesting that you shouldn't take care of your health. I'm just pointing out the benefits of seeing things in a positive perspective.

6. Verify before you glorify. Don't be a victim of the ads and the fads. The world is full of greedy people trying to put you (or your money) in their pockets. When you encounter something in the media that seems to impress you, check the source. Call the research department of a national publication you trust or a major university you respect.

7. Join with individuals who have already achieved their goal or who are dedicated to goals similar to yours. Avoid associating with people who have the same unresolved problems or who are frustrated by their lack of achievements. Mental toughness means neither going alone nor trusting in erroneous "quick-fix" formulas. Mental toughness does mean learning from the "pros" who have been there many times before.

8. Above all, never forget that the real secret of mental toughness is contingency. Expect the best, plan for the worst and prepare to be surprised. You can't control what others do. But you can anticipate the various alternatives and prepare for them as best as you can. You can also control your responses to what happens. Like Bill Toomey, practice in the rain and bring along your rainy day running shoes even when the sun is shining. Especially when the sun is shining!

© Dr. Denis Waitley