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Joy Division
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CaterpillarsNu Metal Songinterviews
Miss Black America|
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| Caterpillars |
| if your little brother spends a lot of time in his room don't worry he's just massaging his Caterpillar |
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| Caterpillars The growing phenomenon of caterpillar collecting in schools has been criticised by a leading teachers union today The craze originated in Japan where it was thought up by inventor Rijo Hirashitti as a way for children to enjoy the fauna of the outdoors without auctally going outside. The idea was picked up by the Gonadawa corporation and sold over 5 billion caterpillars world-wide. The craze was introduced to Britain via the Saturday morning children show Caterpillar captors where the hero Normans beloved grandmother falls into a coma after slipping on a piece of dead whale. To revive her Norman must collect all 150 caterpillars and insert them into his grandmothers aurora. On his quest he is accompanied by a talking kangaroo called rodekil and a lovable old rogue called tojo. At boney M secondary school in Bexhill the pupils devotiation to the collection of Caterpillars is typical of most pupils around the country Pupil one- I’ve got all the best ones . the Uzbekistani perpendicular , the lesser spotty carathisis sapper , the tupee and cardigan wearing Dire straits fish , . But I’ve yet to get the pedristan jumping bugle shaped satan spawn but their pretty hard to get. Pupil 2- I really wanted the velvet cushion slithering spectacular you see and there was this man in a overcoat who said he’d give me one if I gave him £70 so I went home and got my fathers briefcase and laptop and mothers inhaler and sold them to this lady in funny clothes. Interviewer-don’t you think they would have minded Pupil 2-oh no my parents said they just want me to be happy and I'm sure that deep down there’d be pleased that they are somehow contributing to my all round happiness which can be achieved by the possession of a velvet cushion slithering spectacular Interviewer-did you get your velvet cushion slithering spectacular Pupil-2 yeah but the man said I had to do something as well but I’d rather not go into that Interviewer-so are you finally happy Pupil 2-oh yes I am as happy as I ever could be. I mean yeah my mum was hopistalised because I really bad asthma attack and my dad was sacked from work for losing confidential documents but since I’ve got my velvet cushion slithering spectacular on the whole my life has is the happiest yet. Teachers however has a dimmer views of the effect that caterpillars are having on their pupils education Teacher-its amazing how much caterpillars influences the running of the school for example if you go into a classroom before a lesson then you'll find at least 2 or 3 caterpillar related problems, somebody’s Nicholas parson nutcrackers special has been squashed or a fight over a Taiwanese frigate under internal investigation from naval authorities. All things that if caterpillar weren’t the prevalent trend would not interfere with the running of the school Parents have also complained. They say that children have to buy their collection over and over again as they turn into chrysalis and eventually butterflies and fly way so children are stuck into a cycle of buying over the same caterpillars over and over again over a period which may last up to eternity. the Gonadawa corporation counter this with a statement saying the Gonadwawa corporation fully anticipated the maturity cycle of caterpillars and wishes to point out the educational value within it. Children who buy caterpillars learn through them the values of caring, responsibility and friendship with mans fellow creatures. The eventual metaphmorphisis from caterpillar to butterfly teaches children the skills of being able to cope with desertion in later life. Parents who deny their children the wonders of caterpillars mut be aware that if could obstruct their growth in both emotional social and mental capacities and that they themselves are block their childs path towards success and enlightment. A darker side to caterpillars craze was revealed when a Tristam Beaker St John decided to let us enter the world of caterpillar beating. TBJ-I was just walking along the Roy Hattersley broadwalk into the Cecil Parkinson corn exchange when these boys you know quarter inch trousers Jamirqioui t shirts grandad caps the whole lot came up to me and demanded my Tawny wobbler which was just about sticking out my trouser pocket well I said not on your nelly obviously and the leader hit me and made off with my Tawny Wobbler. We wired Tristam up with a state of the art secret camera made entirely of jelly gave him the most prized caterpillar of all the doublefisted venomous duckbilled 80's throwback and sent him down the Roy Hattersley broadwalk into the Cecil Parkinson corn exchange hoping that he would be attack again. The Jamiriqoui loving ruffians of the previous attack had vanished but their place had been taken by some vicious looking youths dressed as firemen. Fireman- give me that doublefisted venomous duckbilled 80's throwback TBJ-not on the hair of my chinny chin chin Fireman punches TBJ and steals the caterpillar The gonadawa corporation aren’t having it all they own way green groups have protested against the mass harvest of caterpillars at sites around the globe and there are signs that caterpillar stocks could run out in the next months. If that happens most of the caterpillar addicts at Boney M secondary with be forced to go into the cocoon of puberty and emerge as the dead headed moth of teenage angst (looks depressing auctally isn’t.) |
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