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| February 24, 2001 MY DCHL SUMMER VACATION by Fivecentsux77 SO HALF A SEASON HAS COME AND GONE. THERE MIGHT BE SOME SUPRISES LIKE DC ACTUALLY MANAGING A WINNING TEAM? WHAT IS THAT ABOUT...BUT WITH ALL KIDDING ASIDE LETS TAKE A QUICK LOOK AT THE 1ST HALF. EAST- 1.PHILLY- NO SUPRISE THERE EVEN THOUGH IT MAKES THIS MAN VIABLY SICK 2.TOR- SUPRISE SUPRISE NOT REALLY BUT YEAH SOMEWHAT SUPRISING CONSIDERING THOMAS AND ROBERTS ARE NO LONGER THERE 3.TAMPA BAY- THIS IS ANOTHER REASON THAT NEW DIVISION CRAP HAS TO GO THE FIRST REASON YOU ASK? LOOK WHOS 2ND!!! 4.ISLANDERS- AFTER LAST YRS EAST FINAL APPEARENCE IT SEEMS THEY WANT IT ALL.. AQUIRING YASHIN MIGHT HELP THAT CAUSE.. DEFENSE IS A MAY SHOP FOR MORE DEFENSE 5. PITTSBURGH-IT SEEMS THE CUP REUNION TEAM IS WORKING BETTER THAN EXPECTED THEN AGAIN LOOK AT THE STEELERS 6. NJ- WHAT THE HELL AM I DOING IN NEW JERSEY? VERY DISAPOINTING SO FAR... SHOULD BE HIGHER MAYBE SOME TRADES WILL KICK THEM IN THE ASS OR MAYBE NOT 7.MON- HAS STRUGGLED SINCE THE SUPRISING BUT SHORT STRONG START TO THE SEASON HENCE MILLI VANILLI MUST BE GM "ONE MONTH WONDERS" 8. ATL- WHAT THE HELL IS THAT ABOUT TED TURNERS TRASH PICKERS IN THE TOP 8 WITH HARDLY NO BODY THAT CAN REALLY TAKE THE TORCH AND RUN WITH IT WELL MAYBE BILL MUCKALT WILL BE THE ANSWER..YEAH RIGHT AND JFK WAS KILLED BY OSWALD ONLY. 9-15- ALL IS NOT GOOD AT MSG THE STRUGGLIN RANGERS ARE MOVING UP SLOWLY BUT IS IT TOO LATE? MAYBE LETS HOPE SO....CAROLINA IS HANGING STRONG MAYBE A TRADE WILL WORK EH MAYBE NOT........OTT TRADING SEEMS TO BE THE WORD THESE DAYS IN OTT OUT IS YASHIN AND IN CZERKAWSKI, ALLISON AND MCABE MAYBE NOW THEY WILL START TO CLIMB BUT GOAL TENDING IS STILL HURTING OTT (HINT HINT WINK WINK)......BUFF- REIGNING CHAMPS ARE LEARNING THE HARD WAY THAT ONE GM'S MISTAKES TAKES A TOLL FOR A MILLENIUM (AT LEAST THATS WHAT IT FEELS LIKE).....WASH- SHOWING A STRONG WILL BUT CAN THAT GET THEM TO THE PLAYOFFS? PROBABLY NOT HEY ANYONE WANT A BEER?.........FLA- WELL WHAT CAN YOU SAY ABOUT THE BURE LESS PANTHERS ............NOT MUCH............AND FINALLY THE TROUBLED FRANCHISE WE ALL LIKE TO PICK ON THE BOSTON BRUINS THE GM GAMBLED EARLY WITH SOME TRADES AND THAT MIGHT HAVE HURT THEIR CHANCES AND IT LOOKS LIKE IT HAS SO FAR DEAD LAST IN EAST BUT NOT BY MUCH WEST- 1.DUCKS- WILL THIS BE 2ND CUP IN 3 YRS? GOD I HOPE NOT DIE KARIYA WOULD YOU ALREADY 2.COL- VERY STRONG MAYBE A CUP FINALIST THEY ARE STRONG ENOUGH..BUT THEY HAVE SEEM TO RUN OUT OF ROGAINE 3.ST LOUIS- VERY STRONG EVEN AFTER TRADING PRONGER (OVERRATED DMAN I MUST SAY) 4.EDM- TYPICAL CROWE FASHION IF THEY WANNA WIN THEY HAVE TO TRADE "STICK SIDE" SALO 5.SJ- HASNT BEEN TOO BUSY ON TRADE FRONT BUT MAYBE SOON AS WE NEAR THE PLAYOFFS THEN AGAIN PUNCH A SHARK IN THE NOSE AND IT GOES AWAY 6.CALGARY- SUPRISE SUPRISE UNBEATEN IN 18 HELPED OUT ALOT AND BURE IS BAKIN BISCUITS ONCE AGAIN AND WITH OUT JONSSON THEY STILL DID WHAT THEY DID BUT DONT BE SUPRISED IF SHOPPING FOR A GOALIE COMES UP IN CONVERSATION 7.PHO- SHOULD BE HIGHER MAYBE 8. LA - YES LA IS IN THE TOP 8 BUT HOW? EVERYONE IS BASICALLY TRADED EVEN THE MASCOT WAS SENT PACKING 9-15.....CHI- IS DOING WELL AT 24-24-2 BUT GOALTENDING IS WHAT IS HOLDING THEM BACK(HINT HINT WINK WINK)............DALLAS- UNDER ACHEIVING BUT STILL FIGHTING FOR #8 AND ALSO FIGHTING BELFOURS NYQUIL ADDICTION.............COLUM- NOT BAD FOR EXPANSION ............DET- THIS YRS BOSTON (IS DC RUNNING THIS SQUAD?) IS DET THE NEW RETIREMENT HOME?................VAN- NEEDS TO DO SOMETHING TO GET BACK IN WITH JUST OVER 30 GAMES LEFT...........MINN - SEE COLUM......................NASH-MAY WIN THE RACE FOR SPEZZA OR KOVOLCHUK THE HIGHLIGHT OF THEIR SEASON WAS ACTUALLY WINNING 10 GAMESO THERE YOU HAVE IT ISLES ARE ONCE AGAIN CHALLENGING PHILLY FOR #1 WILL THEY PULL IT OFF THAT WOULD BE SOMETHING , ANAHEIM IS STRONG REALLY NOTHING BAD HAPPENING THERE , BOSTON IS HORRIBLE OH WAIT WERENT THEY HORRIBLE LAST YR? OOOPS I DID IT AGAIN! SO NOT MUCH FOR TRADING BUT SOME BIG TRADES HAVE HAPPENED LETS TAKE A LOOK INTO THE BIG TRADING CRYSTAL BALL AND SEE WHAT WE SEE......................SHIT I DONT SEE ANYTHING .....OH WELL HAPPY SECOND HALF TO ALL AND GOOD LUCK OH AND BY THE WAY .......NEUTER YOUR PETS TO KEEP THE PET POPULATION DOWN AND I MEAN CASTRATE THEM WITH BROKEN COKE BOTTLES HAPPY HOCKEY :) SEAN ASST COMMISH OF THE DCHL April 11, 2001 MY FIRST SUSPENSION BY Dcmarine26 DCHL'S MOST NOTORIOUS GM IS BACK IN THE SPOTLIGHT ONCE AGAIN IN THE MIDDLE OF A MAJOR SCANDAL. AFTER MOVING TO TORONTO FOR SEASON SIX, EVERYTHING SEEMED TO BE GOING SMOOTHLY FOR DC, HE WAS ACTUALLY MANAGING A WINNING TEAM,LOOKING AT A SOLID PLAYOFF RUN AND GAINING BACK THE RESPECT OF HIS FELLOW GMS. BUT NOW, DANKERRI THE COMMISH HAS MACKED DOWN A 10 DAY SUSPENSION ON DC, THE FIRST SUSPENSION IN DCHL HISTORY, DC WAS CHARGED AND FOUND GUILTY BY A PANEL OF HIS PEERS FOR TRYING TO SIGN A BANNED GM, ALL IN ALL ITS NOT THAT BAD FOR DC, HE WILL SPEND 10 DAYS IN THE DCHL MAXIMUM SECURITY PRISON AND FIVE WILL BE THE GUARD DOING THE SUICIDE WATCH EVERY 15 MINUTES. WELL THATS ALL FOR NOW, DC WILL BE BACK!!!!!!! April 12, 2001 DCHL GRADES by Anonymus here are my grades for the dchl team---------fowards------defense-------goaltending 1-anaheim- A B- B- FOWARDS ARE STACKED DEFENSE IS AGING HEBERT IS A ? CLOCK IS AGAINST HIM 2-ATLANTA-C+ D- C+ THIS TEAM HAS NO OFFENSE OTHER THAN DAZE AND SHANTZ OTHER THAN THAT THIS TEAM IS IN FOR A LONG SEASON AND ISLANDER FANS THOUGHT THEY HAD IT BAD 3-BOSTON-B B B ALL AROUND THIS TEAM WILL DOMINATE IF GRAHAM HOLDS UP 4-BUFFALO- B- B A+ THIS TEAM IS NOTY OFFENSIVLY A POWER HOUSE BUT WITH THE DEFENSE AND THE DOMINATOR A RUN TO THE CUP IS NOT A IMPOSSIBILITY 5-CALGARY-B+ B+ B THIS TEAM WILL ATTAIN LAST YRS STATUS BUT NOT MUCH MORE THE BROTHERS BURE CAN DO ONLY SO MUCH 6-CAROLINA- D C B WITH ONLY 3 WEAPONS ON OFFENSE ILL BE AMAZED IF THEY CLIMB HIGHER THAN 9TH IN EAST RICHTER ADDS RESPECTABILITY BUT NOT WITH THAT TEAM IN FRONT 7-CHICAGO- B+ C+ C+ YET ANOTHER NON PLAYOFF YR FOR CHI GOALTENDING IS STILL HOLDING THEM BACK 8-COLOMBUS- F F F THE LESS SAID ABOUT THIS TEAM THE BETTER 9-COLORADO- A B- A AH YES IT IS GREAT TO BE A COL FAN UNLESS OF COURSE ITS PLAYOFF TIME ROY WILL NOT BE ABLE TO KEEP THIS AVALANCHE FROM FREEZING IN MID FLIGHT BUT MAYBE SELANNE HELPS WHEN HES HOT 10-DALLAS-C+ B+ B+ DALLAS IS A TEAM DISMANTLED AND IT PROVES BELFOUR IS ONLY AS GOOD AS THE TEAM THAT STANDS IN FRONT OF HIM WHEN HES NOT ON COLD MEDICATION 11-DETROIT- B B- B SHANNY WAS THE GREAT WHITE HOPE AND HES MOVED ON SO HAS FEDEROV SO WHAT WILL BECOPME OF THIS SQUAD? NOT MUCH ROCKIN IN DETROIT CITY SORRY CHARLIE! 12-EDMONTON-B+ B- B+ WELL THIS TEAM IS DESTINED FOR GOOD THINGS THE PLAYOFFS MAY BE ONE OF THEM SALO NEEDS TO BE WELL BETTER THAN HIMSELF FOR THIS TEAM TO WIN THE SHINY CUP 13-FLA-D- D- F THIS TEAM WAS FUCKED BEFORE IT GOT LAID SOMEREASON IN THE MIDDLE OF A FIRE SALE 14-LOS ANGELES-C- D+ B TUREK THATS ALL YOU NEED TO KNOW HOPE HE STOPS THE 60 SHOTS A GAME HES GONNA FACE 15-MINNESOTA- F D- D THIS TEAM IS IMPROVED WITH BEEZER AND GABORIK SHOULD HAVE A BETTER SEASON 16-MONTREAL- B B- B- THIS TEAM WILL FINISH NO BETTER THAN 7TH EAST UNLESS THEY WIN THEIR DIVISION 17-NASHVILLE- C- D- C+ SPEZZA SHOULD HELP OFFENSIVLY BUT THEY LONG FOR THE DAYS OF DUNHAM 18-NEW JERSEY- B+ C A MARTIN MARTIN MARTIN GOOD SCORING DEFENSE WILL RELY ON STEVENS RAFALSKI AND NEIDS TOO MUCH TIME FOR THE TRADE TABLE 19-ISLANDERS- B- B- B+ OVERALL THE TEAM IS BALANCED THE BULIN WALL IS A NICE TOUCH AND DEFENSE IS GOOD AT BEST PLAYOFFS YES NO MORE THAN THAT 20-RANGERS- B B D FLAHERTY KILLS THIS SQUAD EVERYONE JUST PRACTICE THE CHANTS OF 1994! 1994! 21-OTTAWA- B C+ B- PLAYOFFS FOR OTTAWA FINALLY A BIG MOMENT AS BIG AS WHEN SCOTLAND WAS FREED 22- PHILADELPHIA- A B- B NO REASON WHY THEY CANT REPEAT ALTHOUGH THEIR DIVISION IS STRONG LINDROS SHOULD BE TRADED FOR A BLAKE OR A MACINNIS OR RAY BOURQUE 23- PHOENIX- C+ B D WHAT WADE FLAHERTY IS TO THE NY RANGERS MANNY FERNANDEZ IS TO PHOENIX 24- PITTSBURGH- B+ D D MARIO AND JAGR HE HE HE ONLY EXCITEMENT IN DA BURGH 25- SAN JOSE- C+ C+ B- THIS TEAM HAS GONE FROM GLORY TO OH SHIT WE LOST AGAIN? 26- ST. LOUIS- B- C- B- THIS TEAM WILL FIHT FOR POSITION LONG SEASON AHEAD 27-TAMPA BAY- C+ C+ D TOO MUCH TO HANDLE IN THE EAST FOR THEM MAY SUPRISE THO 28-TORONTO-B B A- ALL AROUND GOOD TEAM WILL CHOKE IN 1ST RD AGAINST ATLANTA ONCE AGAIN 29-VANCOUVER- C+ C- C+ I TAKE A QUOTE FROM THE MOVIE MAJOR LEAGUE "WHO THE FUCK ARE THESE GUYS?" OR " THESE GUYS ARE SHITTY" WELL THEY WILL CONTINUE TO BE SHITTY 30-WASHINGTON- C+ D A KOLZIG SAVES THIS TEAM FROM A WEAK DIVISION --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- AND NOW PREDICTIONS FOR THE PLAYOFFS WEST EAST 1.COLORADO 1.ISLANDERS 2.ANAHEIM 2.TORONTO 3.ST.LOUIS 3.WASHINGTON 4.EDMONTON 4.PHILLY 5.CALGARY 5. NEW JERSEY 6.DALLAS 6.OTTAWA 7.SAN JOSE 7.ATLANTA 8.DETROIT 8.BUFFALO ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- PREDICTIONS FOR CUP YAY THE FUN PART COL WILL CUT IT CLOSE IN THE WEST SO WILL ANAHEIM BUT I THINK IF EDM OR THE BLUES GET HOT THEY WILL FIGHT IT OUT FOR THE CUP CHANCE IN THE WEST IN THE EAST I PREDICT ISLANDER, PHILLY AND SUPRISE NJ TO FIGHT IT OUT BUT PHILLY WILL BEAT ISLANDERS IN EAST FINALS AS FOR THE CUP WELL I PREDICT A 7 GAME SERIES BETWEEN EDM/STL AGAINST PHILLY PHILLY WILL BE VICTOURIOUS MY PREDICTIONS AS FAR AS DCHL AFTER THIS SEASON HERE ARE MY TOP PREDICTIONS 1.DC WILL GET FIRED 2.NEW GM IN TOR, CAR, SJ, WASH, VAN, FLA, NYI 3.ISLES GM WILL STEP DOWN AND REMEMBER 4 GREAT SEASONS OF PLAYOFFS AND DISSAPOINTMENTS SO LONG FIVE!! (NOW I CAN FINALLY GET TIM CONNOLLY IN TRADE :) )) 4.DAN WILL HAVE A NERVOUS BREAKDOWN AS PHILLY FANS CALL FOR HIS HEAD 5.LAKERMAN WILL RETIRE ONCE AGAIN NOW THE TROPHY CERAMONY STANLEY CUP-PHILLY CONNE SMYTHE-JOHN LECLAIR NORRIS-DARRYL SYDOR SELKE-MIKE PECA CALDER-ILYA KOVOLCHUK JENNINGS- HEBERT/GIGUERE VEZINA- CHECHMANEK GM OF THE YR-NHL MAN/DANKERRI/FIVECENT/JAS(WILL BE HARD DECISION) HART-WEIGHT ART ROSS-LIKE YOU NEED TO ASK THAT LESTER B PEARSSON-SAME AS ABOVE LEAST VALUABLE PLAYER-FEDEROV WILL WIN AGAIN WORST GM- NO NEED TO NAME NAMES I THINK WE ALL KNOW WHO IT IS TRIGGER HAPPY AWARD-BLINK183JAGR UR TEAM SUX AWARD-FLORIDA PEPTOL BISMO AWARD-FIVECENTSUX77 LADY BYNG-STEVIE Y AGAIN PRESIDENTS TROPHY-ISLANDERS OR COLORADO CLARENCE CAMPBELL-EDMONTON PRINCE OF WAILS-PHILLY ROCKET RICHARD-PAVEL BURE MASTERSON-DAVE SCATCHARD RED LIGHT RACICOT AWARD-WADE FLAHERTY WELL THERE YOU HAVE IT FOLKS MY PREDICTIONS IF YOU HAVE ANY COMMENTS OR VENTING YOU CAN EMAIL THIS ANONYMOUS GM AT ..MATHA4CBWITHU@AOL.COM HAVE A GREAT SEASON EVERYONE June 28,2001 DC'S BREAKDOWN by dcmarine26 EASTERN CONFERENCE 1st-Montreal- why this team is in 1st place, i have no fuckin clue 2nd-New Jersey- the devils might make it to the finals or they might just chooooooke!!! 3rd-Washington-Kariya! Kariya! Kariya! DCHL's new one man squad. Yzerman is old and kolzig is the most overrated fuck to ever put on skates. did i mention kariya? 4th-Flyers- Dan and Captain Concussion are teaming up for what might be another cup and should take hold of the eastern conference. 5th-Buffalo-Pavel Bure with 30 goals and 2nd in league with 62 points, another one man squad to the list 6th-Islanders- Ronning,Isbister and Seans favorite little commie fedorov are lightin up the lamp out on the island, chris osgood is red hot with 26 wins, looks like the wings...oops i mean isles should have a good playoff run. 7th-Pittsburgh-Mario has turned bad boy with 169 penalty mins and Jagr is gone, aubin having a good season, so much for skips 91 cup reunion team. 8th-Boston- Shanahan is the talk of beantown with 29 goals, Grahame is sharp in net, no longer the troubled little franchise but they are gonna have to do more to hold onto 8th. 9th-Panthers- The Dominator is not doing his magic and this one man squad is not going anywhere. 10th- NYR-same old story, 70 million dollar payroll and the rags still suck. 11th-Toronto- recently acquired veteran pat verbeek, sundin the only allstar, cujo having an off year, could make a run for it but i doubt it. 12th-Ottawa-Yashin is suckin and Guerin is suffering from a bad case of the shits,another dissapointing season for jas 13th-Tampa Bay- eh waste of time 14th-Atlanta- gotta love ted turners trash pickers 15th-Carolina- IceHockeysk8r is currently up there on the list for the " YOU SUCK " award, DCHLS most prized award. DC's "Western Conference Breakdown" coming soon to a DCHL NEWSSTAND near you! |
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