Hi guys! My name is Naked Nine, and I am fourty-five years-old. I live near Edwina Darling, who I think has been spying on me. I am usually naked. I am a member of the naturist group, and I am campaigning that normal folk like you guys can run free naked, without all those complaints about what you wear and spending money on stupid clothes which are so unnecessary. My name is Nine. But on the street people call me Naked Nine. That's pretty clever, huh?! No idea how they came up with that. Here's a photo of me soaking up the sun rays. Look away if you have a heart condition or are carrying child.
Not bad for a fourty - five year-old, huh?! Anyway, this page is dedicated to my thrilling adventures, as I like to call them. Ha ha! I'm a hoot. If you would like to e-mail me about my amazing campaigns, or amazing life, please do. Naked_nine1959@yahoo.co.uk is address. I would be delighted.
Anyway, here's one of my amazing adventures!!!!!!!!
You see, one day, yesterday, I was prancing around my room, naked as always, when I noticed a light on across the street. And by chance it was Edwina's house. I didn't know that then of course. No I swear I didn't! So I stood there for a while, and I noticed two beautiful wonderful amazing absolutely fabulous intelligent (oh, hang on, I wouldn't know that from afar, would I? I really havn't been spying on them *cough*) young ladies, and they were drinking vodka and smoking cigarettes. Well, I was captivated by their beauty! I really couldn't look away. It seemed as though they were having a whale of a time (see what I did there? Whale, me ... oh nevermind)
Suddenly Edwina's head turned. It was rather frightening. It was like the penguin in Wallace and Gromit (i like that programme a lot) and I was really so utterly scared. I jumped up, displaying my organs to put her in a state of shock. Little did I know, Katherine had called the press, and about a million people came to look at me at the window, all shouting abuse and chucking tomatoes, which didn't go very far because I live at least 20.579 metres away and it is a known fact that every human being can only throw a tomatoe as far as 20.578 metres (i have a lot of time) So anyway they were taking pictures of me, but I didn't really mind because I have a beautiful body. I even started to pose.
So the next morning, whilst I was eating my Golden Nuggets (it's a cereal don'tchaknow!) I got a phone call from a friend. "Why are you naked in the paper this morning, sonny old chap?" She cried. "Mother, listen, it was a mistake, they caught me red - handed." This is the picture my mother saw:
Okay, I know, I cheated, I'm not naked: I have a cap on. But I'm self-concious of my bald head, you see. It's rather embarrassing. But I'm sure you can see through it if you try.
Well, that's what happened yesterday. I'll tell you what happened the day after yesterday (hint: today) another time. Goodbye!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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