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| A few days ago, I conducted the most sadistic, twisted, accidental and wonderfully horrible test. In my english class we have to write two pages about a random word everyday and occasionally read them out loud. I was feeling bitter one day and I spewed out one, long, two-page rant about no one in particular in my class, which of course I have lovingly re-typed below: There is someone in this class that is driving me up the wall. Just from being in the same room with them I start to think that I'm going to blow out all four walls with some kind of mental power surge. It seems that everything that eminates from their mouth is so ass-lancingly stupid, so mind numbingly idiotic that sometimes I wonder how she can still function as a human being to begin with. But you don't know who I'm talking about. Now it's in the back of your mind "Hmmm... I wonder if maybe she's talking about me." Now your scanning through all the remarks you've made in class, every glance that might have me thinking that you're as dumb as a bag of dead mice. Now you're certain I'm talking about you. I wave of embarrassment passed over your body about a moment ago and your face is starting to get a little red. Shifty eyes, scanning over your classmates, knowing that everyone must think the same about you. Everyone must be laughing at you behind your back at your mispronunciations and mediocre daily topics and book reports. It's amazing that we've put up with you for this long. The minutes are ticking by so slowly and you can't think of anything else but getting out of this class. Looking down at your notebook feeling 30 pairs of eyes telepathically calling you a stupid sack of bladder waste. Now you're mad, now you can't believe that I would talk about you in front of the class in such a string of insults. Bitch. Bitch bitch bitch. Now you're frantically trying to cover up all your blatant mistakes with cheesy excuses to make yourself feel better. Trying to tune out my voice. The voice that has and continues to destroy the ego that you've built around yourself. Yes, it's happening to you. Yes, everyone knows it's directed at you. Yes, your life is a pathetic sequence of mistake after mistake. Maybe you should just go home and put an end to it all. Not because of something that I've said, but because of the way you've interpretted it. "You have offended yourself, I have done nothing but exist." Hee hee. I didn't write it to be funny. I wrote it because I was in a bad mood and I don't have any enemies that I can say this about (well, enemies that I would say this about without anonymity) so I just put my pen to the paper and this is what jetted out. Diarrhea of the hand, if you will. But besides all that, the class laughed and laughed. Then they stopped laughing and asked me who I was talking about, if anyone at all. Then I laughed and laughed and said "well, I don't know" in the most innocent of all innocent innocence. After class I was barraged again and refused to say anything about my muse. So, what did they do, Adriann? I'll tell you what they did noble readers. They assumed it was some girl in class which we will dub Madame ALSG (ass-lancingly stupid girl). I didn't write it about her but I will give her the credit she deserves. Hot damn, she is dumb. So the whole class assumes it's about her and then SHE just went along with it and assumed it was written about her too. Tee hee! SO all throughout the day I was getting compliments for telling off M. ALSG. I felt a little guilty that I had (apparently) completely destroyed this girl's self image. But it quickly passed and I reveled in my power. I couldn't wait for her to confront me about it the next day but, alas, she wasn't there. She was in today, though, and I couldn't help but laugh when I saw her. But the whole class had forgotten (so it is in high school) and that made me sad. Writer's Editorial: How fucking lame is this girl?! She doesn't even have the self esteem to refute someone telling off a random person in the room. A rant obviously made just to see what would happen and she took it personally. Thank god for stupid people. I would never get a laugh if it weren't for people like M. ALSG taking everything as a direct attack on herself. Because you know, I don't have anything better to do than make people feel bad about themselves. Honostly, I don't.... |
 Cypress1991@hotmail.com |
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