 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
|
Cool Links
Recent Updates
Results
Speech Of The Week
FAQ
CWA Television
CWA Intensity
CWA Intensity 2002HomeCWA IntensityCWA Attitude
CWA AttitudeCWA Attitude ContinuedCWA Battle Royal
CWA Battle Royal 2001CWA Meltdown
CWA MeltdownCWA Holiday Holocaust
CWA Holiday HolocaustCWA Misery
CWA MiseryWrestler Bios
Wrestler BiosWrestler Bios 2|
|
| Wrestler Bios--Continued |
| More reasons why the CWA is a wrestling association! |
| ||||||
| Joey- Ht: 7'11" Wt: 599(?) lbs. Hometown: Chino, CA Finishing Move(s): Joeybomb Background: Joey Alcaraz was born to a busy executive man for Poncho's Giveaway and to a lonely housewife who was clearly being beaten. Later on, Joey's parents would go on to produce two of the fattest and ugliest girls you've ever senn in your life. Despite these hardships, Joey still wanted to become famous, just like his idol, former President Ronald Reagan. But one day, Joey saw a wrestling show that would forever change his life. He was already 7'11" at the age of 5, and so he decided to eat like hes never eaten before! And so Joey ate. And ate. And ate. Pretty soon, he weighed over...well, the numbers too big, so lets just use the number 599 for his weight. Anyways, Joey decided that he wanted to be a Cattle kid, so he enrolled a Howard Cattle Elementary, where his IQ was worse than that of a wet piece of cauliflower. Soon, Joey met another kid just like him; except he wasnt tall, fat, and dumb; no no, the kid was short, fat, and dumb. His name was George, and he'd be Joeys best pal. Yes Joey was doing just fine, until the day his heart skipped a beat. After the heart attack, he met the girl of his dreams. Her name was Lori. Joey fell madly in love with her, and asked her out several times, each answer replying in "No, get away from me, you fagg-ot!" Joeys heart was broken. But his dreams were still intact. Now Joey is a teenager. He still loves Lori, but now when he asks her out, she replies with "No! Don't you get it? You're nothing but a fat fagg-ot, you fag!" He and George decided to join the CWA as a team. Although they have broken up now for theyre love for Lori and different foods, Joey still anxiously awaits his time to shine. George Ht: 5'5" Wt: 343 lbs. Hometown: Chino, CA Finishing Move(s): Double Armed Georgedriver Background: Long ago in the year of 1986, a young boy named George Eder was born and raised on the bayous of Chino, CA. He was born to a busy businessman who liked to drink and have sex with midgets, and to a lonely housewife who slept in a closet and could speak no English. George's parents would later go on to produce the fattest and ugliest girl you have ever seen in your life. George grew up nice and plump, but also grew up spoiled too. George and Linda(his sister) would become two EXTREMELY spoiled children. One day George's dad was busy beating George's mom in a drunken rage, when George and Linda both asked their dad for a Mercedes. He said no, but they kept demanding a Mercedes for each of them. He tried to give them money, but they wouldnt quit. He even bought them a puppy, N64s, new clothes, and former president Jimmy Carter, but they still would not quit. So George's dad hung himself. George felt so sad after the funeral that he decided that he would try to make a go in education. He became a Cattle kid and enrolled in Howard Cattle elementary, where he had the IQ of a piece of lint. George would later meet Joey Alcaraz, a tall, fat, and dumb kid who had suffered a near fatal heart attack an hour ealier. They became the best of friends and would go on to join the CWA together. Now there's something about George that you must know. See, ever since his dad died, George got this weird laugh. Whenever someone would say something, he would respond with a long dumb laugh, followed by a word that may have been said by the person or may have popped up in his head. George is one to never love a girl, but lately, he's been playing mind games with Joey's head by stalking Lori, but to tell you the truth...he's starting to like it now. Watch out when those two collide at Attitude. The Cereal Killer Ht: Unknown Wt: Unknown Hometown: Kellogg County, Rhode Island Finishing Move(s): The Snap-Crackle-Pop Background: The Cereal Killer grew up in Kellogg County, Rhode Island. You may not recognize him now, but he was originally Mikey, the kid that always ate the Life cereal. One day he was doing the commercial, when he discovered that NO ONE liked Life cereal. No one. Na-da. Zip. NONE. It drove him insane. It made him hate cereal and want to kill cereal. One day Commishioner Atma found the Cereal Killer terrorizing the Trix Rabbit in an abandoned gay whorehouse(Ray the Gay was there a lot). He saw him tie the hungry rabbit to a chair that had a mysterious white substance beneath it, and the killer played a broken record that kept saying "Trix are for kids!" Unfortunately, he was playing it on an old record player that had been abandoned in the factory, and as part of its special Gay-o-matic feature (it was a Retro Gay 9000 player) it soon changed the broken record into "Its Raining Men" being played repeatedly. The Cereal Killer was pissed, and started to beat up Tony the Tiger. Atma, watching from the safety of a barrel with a naked man on it, watched Cereal Killer do a move on Tony he had never seen before. Finally, he got the courage to ask Cereal Killer to join the CWA. And so, he did. Now watch out for the CWA's newest star, because he just might Snap, Crackle, and Pop your ass to victory! Mr. Conceited Ht: 6'2" Wt: 273 lbs. Hometown: Chino, CA Finishing Move(s): Conceited Slam, Austin Lock, Austinsault Background: Austin Andrade was born in 1987 to a highly religious family. Years earlier, the parents would create a daughter who was known by many as "The Blob". His dad was a police officer with a strange addiction to Tabasco and lettuce, and his mother was a big bitch known to many as "Mama Blob". Austin was neglected as a child, but he decided to prove himself to his family. Austin soon found a love for the trumpet, and became the best band member in his whole elementary band of 1 person. Austin felt mighty proud now, and the ego boost for Mr. Conceited would begin. But soon, his dreams would get somewhat shattered. One day, while Mama Blob was making herself a Joey cassarole(thats a cassarole with anything in it), she was smashing the empty Coke cans she found with her frying pan to make it small enough to cook. Austin accidently got in the way, and the frying pan flew right into Austin's jaw. Austin would soon lose his darling goatee with 5 hairs on it, as well as a normal voice. He would forever carry a lisp that made him sound gay(he wasn't though...he just really really likes N'Sync and talking on the phone). Austin no longer felt the need to be in the band, and so he turned to his 6th love: wrestling. Now Austin(or Mr. Conceited, because he loves himself so much) is a top star in the CWA, has a girlfriend he never talks to, and is a musician again, this time playing wonderfully(sarcasm) at the french horn. But youd better watch out...he may be a mama's boy, and he may have a lisp, and he may be conceited, and he may sniff men's crotchs(its not gay though its force of habit!), youd better watch out, or hell hit you with the Conceited Slam and make you tap! Matrix Ht: 6'3" Wt: 225 lbs. Hometown: Chino, CA Finishing Move(s): Swanton Bomb, Consecutive Suplexes Background: Matrix was born in the streets of LA. His mom was a hooker and his Dad was a former hiflyer who liked to drink and rape nuns. Matrix was donated to the fun and gay foster home right next to Damion High. After being repeatedly beaten and fucked by his foster parents Matrix ran away. He soon found a school that he really loved to attend. The school of WCW wrestling. He studied all types of wrestlers and wresling moves. He even studied the true art of being a no good redneck and sleeping with 8 year old girlies. When he was 12 years old he burned down his foster parents house down and shot his mother. But his anger only grew. He got a big ego boost, and did the unthinkable. He beat Eric Bischoff in a "Best-Of-The-Best Raping Little Girlies" contest, which you all know you must never do. Bischoff was so pissed that after screwing someones 10-year old he fired Matrix and got him out of the WCW. Matrix was depressed. He tried to drink his problems away, but it reminded him too much of the WCW lifestyle. He even tried to make fun of gay guys like Kenny, but even then Matrix was unhappy. He decided one day to end it all. But luckily, a do-gooder named Tim , who was desperately searching through trash cans for old porn, saved Matrix from the worst. Tim was also the CWA Commishioner, and saw some talent in the washed-up WCW wannabe. He decided to hire Matrix. After this, Matrix was happy, and impressed many fans with his unique style of wrestling. He even did a variety of consecutive suplexes no one had seen before. Then he did the Swanton Bomb and the fans were happy. Now Matrix is a rising star in the CWA. Will he be at Attitude? How should I know, go ask him yourself...bitch. COMING SOON: Bios for Solar,the rest of Hype, Chris Strife, Jimmy Utah, and possibly Ricky Z!!! |
 Sign Guestbook |
 View Guestbook |
|
. |
| Visitors: 00085 |