Blonde Story's!
1. A blonde decides to try horseback riding,even though she has had no lessons or prior experence. She mounts the horse,unassisted,and the horse immeidately springs into motion. It gallops along at a steady,rhythmic pace,but the blonde begins to slip from the saddle. In terror,she grabs for the horses maine,but cannot maintain a firm grip.She tries to grab for the horses neck,but she slides down the side of the horse,anyway.The horse gallops along,seemingly impervious to its slipping rider. Finally,giving up her frail grip,the blonde attempts to leap away from the horse and throw herself to safety. Unfortuately,her foot has became entangled in the stirrup,she is now at the mercy of the horses pounding hooves as her head is struck against the ground over and over. As her head batters against the ground,she is meer moments away from unconsciousness,when to her great fortune....................Bill,the Wal-mart greeter,sees her and unplugs the horse.
2. A blondes husband bought her a cell phone for her birthday,and he told her to go shopping,and that he'd call her on her new phone later. The blonde went shopping,and her new phone started ringing,so she answered it. It was her husband.They talked awile,and at the end of their conversation,the blonde said," Well honey,this phone works fine,but how did you know I was at Wal-Mart??"
3. I knew a blonde that was soooo STOOPID she....
Spent 20 minutes looking at the orange Juice bottle because it said "Concentrate",She called me to get my phone number,She put lipstick on her forehead because she wanted to make up her mind,She got stabbed in a shoot out,She told me to meet her at the corner of "WALK" and "DON'T WALK",She tried to put M&M's in alphebetical order,She sat on the TV and watched the couch,She sent me a fax with a stamp on it,She tried to drown a fish,She thought a "Quarterback" was a refund,She got locked in the grocery store and starved to death,If you gave her a penny for her thought's you'd get change back,They had to burn down the school to get her out of third grade,Under Education on her job application she put "Hooked On Phonics",She tripped over the cordless phone,She took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept,She asked for a price check at the Dollar Store,It takes her 2 hours to watch 60 Minutes,If you told her to speak her mind she'd be speachless,She studied for a blood test,She thought Boyz 11 Men was a daycare center,She thought Meow Mix was a CD for cats,She thought you needed a ticket to get on the Soul Train,She sold her car for gas money,When she saw that a movie was rated "NC-17" she went home and got 16 friend's,When she heard that over 90% of all crimes occured in the home she moved,She thinks Taco Bell was where you paid your phone bill,When she missed bus 44 she took bus 22 two times,When she took me to the airport and saw a sign that said "Airport Left" she turned around and went home.
4. ** ACTUAL NEWSPAPER ARTICLE!!**
Killer Biscuits wanted for attempted murder
Linda Burnett,23,of San Diego,was visiting her inlaws,and while there,she decided to pick up some groceries. Several people noticed her in her car with her hands behind her head and her eyes closed.One customer who had been watching her for a while became concerned & walked over to the car.He saw that Linda's eyes were now open and she looked very strange. He asked her if she was ok,and she explained that she had been shot in the back of the head and she'd been holding her brains in for over an hour.The man called the paramedics,who broke into the car ,and Linda refused to remove her hands from the back of her head.They found that Linda had a wad of bread dough on the back of her head. A Pillsbury biscuit canister had exploded from the heat,making a noise that sunded like a loud gunshot,then the dough hit her in the back of the head.When she reached back to find out what it was,she felt the dough and thought it was her brains.She initially passed out,but quickly recovered to hold her brains in until someone noticed and came to her aid. And,yes,Linda is a blonde. |