Eminem - 1-8 - Songs - http://maxpages.com/crazybaby/The_Slim

1: Public Service Announcement

This is a public service announcement brought to you in part by Slim Shady.
The views and events expressed here are totally fucked,
And are not necessarily the views of anyone.
However the events and suggestions that appear on this album are not to be taken lightly.
Children should not partake in the listening of this album with laces in their shoes.
Slim Shady is not responsible for your actions.
Upon purchasing this album you have agreed to try this at home.
Anything else?
Yeah, don't do drugs.

2: My Name Is (explicit version)

hi, my name is...
what? my name is...
who? my name is...Slim Shady
hi, my name is
huh? my name is...
what? my name is...Slim Shady

Excuse me
Can I have the attention of the class for one second

hi kids, do you like violence (yeah yeah yeah)
wanna see me stick nine inch nails through each one of my eyelids? (uh huh)
wanna copy me and do exactly like i did? (yeah yeah)
try 'cid and get fucked up worse than my life is?
my brain's dead weight, i'm tryin to get my head straight
but i cant figure out which Spice Girl i wanna impregnate (umm)
and Dr. Dre said (Slim Shady you a basehead)
uh uh (then why's your face red, man you wasted)
well since age twelve i felt like i'm someone else
'cuz i hung my original self from the top bunk with a belt
got pissed off and ripped Pamela Lee's tits off
and smacked her so hard i knocked her clothes backwards like Kriss Kross
i'll smoke a fat pound of grass and fall on my ass
faster than a fat bitch who sat down too fast
come here slut (Shady wait a minute that's my girl, dog)
i dont give a fuck, God sent me to piss the world off

hi, my name is...
what? my name is...
who? my name is...Slim Shady
hi, my name is
huh? my name is...
what? my name is...Slim Shady

my English teacher wanted to flunk me in junior high
thanx a lot, next semester i'll be thirty-five
so i smacked him in his face with an eraser,
chased him with a stapler
and stapled his nuts to a stack of papers
walked in a strip club, had my jacket zipped up
flashed the bartender and stuck my dick in the tip cup
extra-terrestrial, runnin' over pedestrians, in a spaceship
while they screamin (let's just be friends!)
ninety-nine percent of my life i was lied to
i just found out my mom does more dope than i do (damn)
i told her i'd grow up to be a famous rapper
make a record about doin drugs and name it after her
you know you blew up when the women rush your stands
and try to touch your hands like some screamin Usher fans
this guy at White Castle asked me for my autograph (dude, can I get your autograph?)
so i signed it 'Dear Dave, Thanks for the support, asshole.'

hi, my name is...
what? my name is...
who? my name is...Slim Shady
hi, my name is
huh? my name is...
what, my name is...Slim Shady

stop the tape, this kid needs to be locked away (get him)
Dr. Dre, don't just stand there, operate!
i'm not ready to leave, it's too scary to die
i'd rather be carried inside a cemetary and buried alive
am i comin or goin? i can barely decide
i just drank a fifth of vodka, dare me to drive? (go ahead)
all my life i was very deprived
i ain't had a woman in years, my palms are too hairy to hide
clothes rip like the Incredible Hulk
i spit when i talk, i fuck anything that walks (come here)
when i was little i used to get so hungry i would throw fits
(how you gonna breast feed me mom you aint got no tits!)
i lay awake and strap myself in bed, wit a bullet proof vest on
and shoot myself in the head (bang) till i'm steamin mad
and by the way when you see my dad, tell him that i slit his throat in this dream i had

hi, my name is...
what? my name is...
who? my name is...Slim Shady
hi, my name is
huh? my name is...
what, my name is...Slim Shady

3: Guilty Conscience

Meet Eddie, 23 years old
fed up with life and the way things are going,
he decides to rob a liquor store,
but on his way in, he has a sudden change of heart
and suddenly, his conscience comes into play

(Dr. Dre)alright stop, now before you walk in the door of this liquor store,
and try to get money out the drawer,
you better think of the consequences (who are you?)
i'm your motherfuckin conscience
(Eminem)that's nonsense
go in and gather the money and run to one of your aunt's cribs
and borrow a damn dress and put on a blonde wig
tell her you need a place to stay, you'll be safe for days
if you shave your legs with Renee's razor blades
(Dr. Dre)yeah, but if it all goes through like it's supposed to,
the whole neighborhood knows you and they'll expose you
think about it before you walk in the door first
look at the store clerk, she's older than George Burns
(Eminem)fuck that, do that shit, shoot that bitch
can you afford to blow this shit? are you that rich?
why you give a fuck if she dies? are you that bitch?
do you really think she gives a fuck if you have kids?
(Dr. Dre)man, don't do it, its not worth it to risk it (your right) not over this shit (stop), drop the biscuit (i will)
dont even listen to Slim yo he's bad for you
(Eminem)you know what Dre, i dont like your attitude

Meet Stan, 21 years old
after meeting a young girl at a rave party,
things start getting hot and heavy in an upstairs bedroom,
once again, his conscience comes into play

(Eminem)now listen to me, while you're kissin her cheek
and smearin her lipstick, slip this in her drink
now all you gotta do is nibble on this little bitch's earlobe
(Dr. Dre)yo this girl's only 15 years old
you shouldnt take advantage of her, that's not fair
(Eminem)yo look at her bush, does it got hair? (uh huh)
fuck this bitch right here on the spot bare
till she passes out and she forgot how she got there
(Dr. Dre)man ain't you ever seen that one movie Kids?
(Eminem)no but i seen a porno with San Nubiaz
(Dr. Dre)shit, you wanna get hauled off to jail?
(Eminem)man fuck that, hit that shit raw dog and bail

Meet Grady, a 29 year old construction worker
after coming home from a hard days work,
he walks in the door of his trailer park home
to find his wife in bed with another man (what the fuck?!)

(Dr. Dre)alright calm down, relax, start breathin
(Eminem)fuck that shit, you just caught this bitch cheatin
while you at work she's with some dude tryin to get off?
fuck slittin her throat, cut this bitches head off
(Dr. Dre)wait, what if there's an explanation for this shit
(Eminem)what? she tripped, fell, landed on his dick?
(Dr. Dre)shit, alright Shady
maybe he's right Grady
but think about the baby before you get all crazy
(Eminem)okay, thought about it, still wanna stab her
grab her by the throat, get your daughter and kidnap her
that's what i did, be smart, dont be a retard
you gonna take advice from somebody who slapped Dee Barnes?
(Dr. Dre)what you say?
(Eminem)what's wrong, didnt think i'd remember?
(Dr. Dre)i'ma kill you motherfucker
(Eminem)ah ah, temper, temper
Mr. Dre, Mr. NWA, Mr. AK Comin Straight Outta Compton, yall better make way
how in the fuck you gonna tell this man not to be violent?
(Dr. Dre)cuz he don't need to go the same route that i went
Been There, Done That
aw fuck it, what am i sayin? shoot em both Grady, where's your gun at?

4: Brain Damage

Scalpel (here)
Sponge (here)
Wait he's convulsing...he's convulsing
Were gonna have to shock him (oh my god), we're gonna have to shock him! (oh my god)

these are the results of a thousand electric volts
a neck with bolts
(nurse we're losin him check the pulse!)
a kid who refused to respect adults
wore spectacles with taped frames and a freckled nose
a corny lookin white boy scrawny and over dishonary
cuz i was always sick of brawny bullies pickin on me
and i might snap one day just like that
i decided to strike back and flatten every tire on the bike rack
my first day in junior high this kid said
"its you and i. three o'clock sharp this afternoon you die"
i looked at my watch it was 1:20
i already gave you my lunch money what more do you want from me?
he said "dont try to run from me, you'll just make it worse"
my palms were sweaty and i started to shake at first
something told me (try to fake a stomach ache it works)
i screamed "ow! my appendix feel it may get burst!"
"teacher teacher! quick i need a naked nurse!"
"whats the matter?"
"i dunno my leg it hurts!"
"leg? i thought you said it was your tummy"
"oh, i mean it is but i also got a bum knee!"
"Mr. Mathers, the fun and games are over,
and just for that stunt you're gonna get some extra homework"
"but dont you wanna give me after school detention?"
"nah, that bully wants to beat your ass and i'ma let him"

brain damage ever since the day i was born
drugs is what they used to say i was on
they say i never knew which way i was goin
but everywhere i go they keep playin my song
brain damage
brain damage ever since the day i was born
drugs is what they used to say i was on
they say i never knew which way i was goin
but everywhere i go they keep playin my song
brain damage

way before my baby daughter Hailie
i was harassed daily by this fat kid named D'Angelo Bailey
in eigth grade the dude acted obnoxious cuz his father boxes
so everyday he'd shove me in the lockers
one day he came in the bathroom while i was pissin
and had me in the position to beat me into submission
he banged my head against the urinal till he broke my nose
soaked my clothes in blood grabbed me and choked my throat
i tried to plead and tell him we shouldnt beef
but he just wouldn't leave he kept chokin me and i couldnt breathe
he looked at me and said "you gonna die honkey"
the principal (whats goin on here?) walked in and started helpin him stomp me
i made em think they beat me to death
holdin my breath for like 5 minutes until they finally left
then i got up and ran to the janitor's storage booth
kicked the door hinge loose and ripped out the 4 inch screws
grabbed some sharp objects, brooms and foreign tools
this is for every time you took my orange juice
or stole my seat in the lunchroom and drank my chocolate milk
everytime you tipped my tray and it dropped and spilled
i'm gettin you back bully, now once and for good
i cocked the broomstick back and swung hard as i could
and beat him over the head with it till i broke the wood
knocked him down and stood on his chest with one foot
made it home later that same day
started readin a comic and suddenly everything became grey
i couldn't even see what i was tryin to read
i went deaf and my left ear started to bleed
my mother started screamin "what're you on drugs?
look at you, you're gettin blood all over my rug!" (i'm sorry)
she beat me over the head with the remote control
opened a hole and my whole brain fell out of my skull
i picked it up and screamed "look bitch what have you done"
"oh my god i'm sorry son" shut up you cunt
i said fuck it, took it and stuck it back up in my head
then i sewed it shut and put a couple of screws in my neck

brain damage ever since the day i was born
drugs is what they used to say i was on
they say i never knew which way i was goin
but everywhere i go they keep playin my song
brain damage
brain damage ever since the day i was born
drugs is what they used to say i was on
they say i never knew which way i was goin
but everywhere i go they keep playin my song
brain damage
its brain damage
i got brain damage
its brain damage
its probably brain damage
fuck its brain damage
brain damage
i got brain damage
its brain damage

5: Paul

Hey, what's going on, this is Paul Rosenberger, attorney of law.
Listen, I listened to the rough copy of your album
And uh, you know I've just got to be honest with you
Can you tone it down a little bit?
Because there's only so much I can explain.
Give me a call.

6: If I Had

Life.. by Marshall Mathers
What is life?
Life is like a big obstacle
put in front of your optical to slow you down
And everytime you think you gotten past it
it's gonna come back around and tackle you to the damn ground
What are friends?
Friends are people that you think are your friends
But they really your enemies, with secret indentities
and disguises, to hide they true colors
So just when you think you close enough to be brothers
they wanna come back and cut your throat when you ain't lookin
What is money?
Money is what makes a man act funny
Money is the root of all evil
Money'll make them same friends come back around
swearing that they was always down
What is life?
I'm tired of life

I'm tired of backstabbing ass snakes with friendly grins
I'm tired of committing so many sins
Tired of always giving in when this bottle of Henny wins
Tired of never having any ends
Tired of having skinny friends hooked on crack and mini-thins
I'm tired of this DJ playing your shit when he spins
Tired of not having a deal
Tired of having to deal with the bullshit without grabbing the steel
Tired of drowning in my sorrow
Tired of having to borrow a dollar for gas to start my Monte Carlo
I'm tired of motherfuckers spraying shit and dartin off
I'm tired of jobs startin off at 5.50 an hour
then this boss wonders why I'm smartin off
I'm tired of being fired everytime I fart and cough
Tired of having to work as a gas station clerk
for this jerk breathing down my neck driving me berzerk
I'm tired of using plastic silverware
Tired of working at Builders Square
Tired of not being a millionaire
But if I had a million dollars
I'd buy a damn brewery, and turn the planet into alcoholics
If I had a magic wand, I'd make the world suck my dick
without a condom on, while I'm on the john
If I had a million bucks
it wouldn't be enough, because I'd still be out robbing armored trucks
If I had one wish
I would ask for a big enough ass for the whole world to kiss
I'm tired of being white trash, broke and always poor
Tired of taking pop bottles back to the party store
I'm tired of not having a phone
Tired of not having a home to have one in if I did have it on
Tired of not driving a BM
Tired of not working at GM
tired of wanting to be him
Tired of not sleeping without a Tylenol PM
Tired of not performing in a packed colliseum
Tired of not being on tour
Tired of fucking the same blonde whore after work
in the back of a Contour
I'm tired of making knots with a stack of ones
Having a lack of funds and resorting back to guns
Tired of being stared at
I'm tired of wearing the same damn Nike Air hat
Tired of stepping in clubs wearing the same pair of Lugz
Tired of people saying they're tired of hearing me rap about drugs
Tired of other rappers who ain't bringin half the skill as me
saying they wasn't feeling me when nobody's as ill as me
I'm tired of radio stations telling fibs
Tired of J-L-B saying "Where Hip-Hop Lives"
But if I had a million dollars
I'd buy a damn brewery, and turn the planet into alcoholics
If I had a magic wand, I'd make the world suck my dick
without a condom on, while I'm on the john
If I had a million bucks
it wouldn't be enough, because I'd still be out robbing armored trucks
If I had one wish
I would ask for a big enough ass for the whole world to kiss
You know what I'm saying?
I'm tired of all of this bullshit
People telling me to be positive
How'm I 'sposed to be positive when I don't see shit positive?
Know what I'm sayin?
I rap about shit around me, shit I see
Know what I'm sayin?
Right now I'm tired of everything
Tired of all this player hating that's going on in my own city
Can't get no airplay, you know what I'm sayin?
But ey, it's cool though, you know what I'm sayin?
Just fed up
That's my word

7: '97 Bonnie and Clyde

just the two of us
baby, your dadda loves you (just the two of us)
and i'll always be here for you (just the two of us)
no matter what happens (just the two of us)
your all i got in this world (just the two of us)
i would never give you up for nothing (just the two of us)
just the two of us
nobody in this world is ever gonna keep you from me (just the two of us)
i love you

Come on, hey hey, we goin' to the beach
grab a couple of toys and let dadda strap you in the car seat
Where's Mama?
She's takin' a little nap in the trunk...
Oh, that smell, dadda must have runned over a skunk
now I know what you're thinkin'
it's kind of late to go swimmin',
but you know your mama, she's one of those types of women-
that do crazy things, and if she don't get her way, she'll throw a fit
don't play with dadda's toy knife, honey, let go of it
and don't look so upset, why you actin' bashful?
don't you wanna help dadda build a sand castle?
your mama said she wants to show how far she can float
and don't worry about that little boo-boo on her throat
it's just a little scratch it don't hurt
her was eatin' dinner while you was sleepin' and spilled ketchup on her shirt
mama's messy, ain't she
we'll let her wash off in the water
and me and you can play by ourselves, can't we?

just the two of us
just the two of us
and when we ride
just the two of us
just the two of us
just you and i
just the two of us
just the two of us
and when we ride
just the two of us
just the two of us

see honey,
there's a place called heaven and a place called hell
a place called prison and a place called jail
and dadda's probably on his way to all of 'em except one
cause mama's got a new husband and a step-son
and you don't want a brother do ya? (Nah)
maybe when you're old enough to understand a little better, I'll explain it to ya
but for now we'll just say that mama was real, real bad
she was bein' mean to dad and made him real, real mad
but I still feel sad that I put her on time out
sit back in your chair honey, quit tryin' to climb out
I told you it's okay, hey hey, wanna baba?
take a night-night, nana-boo, goo-goo ga-ga, humma goo-goo caca
dad'll change your nighty
clean the baby up so her can take a nighty-nighty
you're dad'll wake her up as soon as we get to the water
'97 Bonnie and Clyde, me and my daughter

just the two of us
just the two of us
and when we ride
just the two of us
just the two of us
just you and i
just the two of us
just the two of us
and when we ride
just the two of us
just the two of us

wake up sleepy head we're here
before we play, we're gonna take mommy for a little walk along the pier
hailie, don't cry honey, don't get the wrong idea
mama's too sleepy to hear you screamin' in her ear
that's why you can't get her to wake
but don't worry, dadda made a nice bed for mommy at the bottom of the lake
here, you wanna help dadda tie a rope around this rock?
we'll tie it to her footsie then we'll roll her off the dock
ready now, here we go, on the count of three
one, two, three...weeeeeeeeee
there goes mama splashin' in the water
no more fightin' with dad, no more restrainin' order
no more step dadda, no more new brother
blow her kisses bye-bye, tell mama you love her
we'll go play in the sand, build a castle and junk
but first, just help dad with two more things out the trunk

just the two of us
just the two of us
and when we ride
just the two of us
just the two of us
just you and i
just the two of us
just the two of us
and when we ride
just the two of us
just the two of us

just the two of us
just me and you baby
just the two of us
that's all we need in this world
just the two of us
just me and you
just the two of us
your dadda will always be here for you
your dadda's always gonna love you
remember that
if you ever need me i'ma always be here for you
if you ever need anything, just ask
dadda will be right there
your dadda loves you
i love you baby

8: Bitch

Justin? It's Zoe.
Kelly did not have me call, however
I just listened to Eminem in her car and
it is the most disgusting thing I have ever heard in my entire life.
And I seriously wanna call his fucking agent
And tell him how fucking disgusting he is
It, like, makes me upset and
I'm now nausious and I can't eat lunch. Goodbye.

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Page Updated Sat Aug 5, 2000 11:12am EDT