A whole selection of jokes!!! - Game Codes - http://maxpages.com/coolcheater/The_Jokes

YO MAMA IS LIKE

Yo momma like potato chips-- Fri-to Lay
Yo momma like a screen door, after a couple bangs she tends to loosen up!
Yo momma like the pillbury doughboy - everyone gets a poke!
Yo momma like a doorknob - everyone gets a turn!
Yo momma like a T.V. set, even a three year old can turn her on!
Yo momma like a bus, fifty cents and she's ready to ride!
Yo momma like a golf course, everyone GETS a hole in one!
Yo momma like the railway system, she gets laid all over the country!
Yo momma like a tomato source bottle, everyone gets a squeeze out of her!
Yo momma like a shotgun: one cock and she blows!
Yo momma like a hardware store: 4 cents a screw!
Yo momma like Domino's pizza-- Something for nothing
Yo momma like a refridgerator: everyone likes to put their meat in her!
Yo momma like cake mix, 15 servings per package!
Yo momma like a rifle... four cocks and she's loaded.
Yo momma like a bowling ball. She's picked up, fingered, and then thrown in the gutter.
Yo momma like a bus: Guys climb on and off her all day long.
Yo momma like a Toyota: "Oh what a feelin'!"
Yo momma like Orange Crush: "Good Vibrations!"
Yo momma like a bubble-gum machine... five cents a blow.
Yo momma like chinese food: sweet, sour and cheap!
Yo momma like a vaccuum cleaner.....a real good suck.
Yo momma like a potatoe chip seller on 42nd street, "LAYS! LAYS!..."
Yo momma like castlebury stew: servings are family size

YO MAMA IS SO NASTY

Yo momma so nasty when she goes to a hair salon, she told the stylist to cut her hair and she opened up her shirt
Yo momma so nasty She gotta put ice down her drawers to keep the crabs fresh!
Yo momma so nasty she made speed stick slow down.
Yo momma so nasty she brings crabs to the beach
Yo momma so nasty she made right guard turn left.
Yo momma so nasty the fishery be paying her to leave
Yo momma so nasty she has to creep up on bathwater.
Yo momma so nasty that her sh*t is glad to escape.
Yo momma so nasty Ozzie Ozbourne refused to bite her head off
Yo momma so nasty I called her for phone sex and she gave me an ear infection.
Yo momma so nasty lice consider her a great vacation place
Yo momma so nasty she was declared quarentine since before she was born
Yo momma so nasty she joined the four horseman: war, death, famine, disease and Yo momma
Yo momma so nasty the bitches teeth look like she got jumped by the Cavity Creeps!!!
Yo momma so nasty she has two pussys and they both stink.
Yo momma so nasty she went swimming and now we have the dead sea
Yo momma so nasty skunks run from her

YO MAMA'A SO SHORT

Yo momma so short you can see her feet on her drivers lisence!
Yo momma so short she has to use a ladder to pick up a dime.
Yo momma so short she can play handball on the curb.
Yo momma so short she does backflips under the bed.
Yo momma so short she models for trophys.
Yo momma so short she is the original Q-tip
Yo momma so short she poll vaults with a toothpick

YO MAMA'S SO DIRTY

Yo momma so dirty she has to creep up on bathwater.

YO MAMA'S SO DARK

Yo momma so dark she went to night school and was marked absent!
Yo momma so dark she spits chocolate milk!
Yo momma so dark that she can leave fingerprints on charcoal.
Yo momma so dark she has to wear white gloves when she eats Tootsie Rolls to keep from eating her fingers.
Yo momma so dark when people refer to Darkness comming in the future they refer to her next visit.
Yo momma so dark they made a movie of her heart transplant called "From the darkest heart of Africa"

SO POOR

Yo momma so poor when I saw her kicking a can down the street, I asked her what she was doing, she said "Moving."
Yo momma so poor she can't afford to pay attention!
Yo momma so poor when I ring the doorbell I hear the toilet flush!
Yo momma so poor when she goes to KFC, she has to lick other people's fingers!!!
Yo momma so poor when I ring the doorbell she says,"DING!"
Yo momma so poor she went to McDonald's and put a milkshake on layaway.
Yo momma so poor your family ate cereal with a fork to save milk.
Yo momma so poor her face is on the front of a foodstamp.
Yo momma so poor she was in K-Mart with a box of Hefty bags. I said, "What ya doin'?" She said, "Buying luggage."
Yo momma so poor she drives a peanut.
Yo momma so poor she waves around a popsicle stick and calls it air conditioning.
Yo momma so poor burglars break in her house and leave money
Yo momma so poor you go out for sunday pushes of the skateboard

SO OLD
Yo momma so old I told her to act her own age, and the bitch died.
Yo momma so old she has Jesus' beeper number!
Yo momma so old her social security number is 1!
Yo momma so old that when God said let the be light, she hit the switch'
Yo momma so old that when she was in school there was no history class.
Yo momma so old she owes Jesus 3 bucks!
Yo momma so old she's in Jesus's yearbook!
Yo momma so old she has a picture of Moses in her yearbook.
Yo momma so old her birth certificate says expired on it.
Yo momma so old she knew Burger King while he was still a prince.
Yo momma so old she was a waitress at the Last Supper.
Yo momma so old she ran track with dinosaurs.
Yo momma so old her birth certificate is in Roman numerals.
Yo momma so old she sat behind Jesus in the third grade.
Yo momma so old and old she knew the Virgin Mary when she was 10 and said, "Li'l Mary will never amount to anything".
Yo momma so old she was Jesus Wet Nurse
Yo momma so old shes blind from the big bang
Yo momma so old even God calls her mother!
Yo Mama's So Greasy
Yo momma so greasy she used bacon as a band-aid!
Yo momma so greasy she sweats Crisco!
Yo momma so greasy Texaco buys Oil from her
YO MAMA'S TEETH

Yo momma teeth are so yellow traffic slows down when she smiles!
Yo momma teeth are so yellow she spits butter!
Yo momma teeth are so yellow I can't believe its not butter
YO MAMA IS SO LAZY

Yo momma so lazy she thinks a two-income family is where yo daddy has two jobs.
YO MAMA IS SO SKINNY

Yo momma so skinny she hula hoops with a cheerio
Yo momma so skinny she has to wear a belt with spandex.
Yo momma so skinny she turned sideways and dissapeared.
YO MAMA IS SO BALD

Yo momma so bald even a wig wouldn't help!
Yo momma so bald you can see whats on her mind
Yo momma so bald that she took a shower and got brain-washed.
YO MAMA IS SO TALL

Yo momma so tall she tripped over a rock and hit her head on the moon.
Yo momma so tall she did a back-flip and kicked Jesus in the mouth.
Yo momma so tall she tripped in Michigan and hit her head in Florida.
YO MAMA IS SO FLAT

Yo momma so flat she's jealous of the wall!
YO MAMA'S GLASSES

Yo momma's glasses are so thick that when she looks on a map she can seen people waving.
Yo momma's glasses are so thick she can see into the future.
YO MAMA'S HOUSE

Yo momma house so small she has to go outside to eat a large pizza.
Yo momma house so small you have to go outside to change your mind.
Yo momma house so dirty roaches ride around on dune buggies!
Yo momma house so dirty she has to wipe her feet before she goes outside.
YO MAMA'S HAIR

Yo momma hair so short when she braided it they looked like stiches.
Yo momma hair so short she curls it with rice.
YO MAMA'S HEAD

Yo momma head so big she has to step into her shirts.
Yo momma head so big it shows up on radar.
Yo momma head so small she use a tea-bag as a pillow.
Yo momma head so small that she got her ear pierced and died.

YO MAMA IS SO HAIRY

Yo momma so hairy you almost died of rugburn at birth!
Yo momma so hairy she's got afros on her nipples!
Yo momma so hairy she look like she got Buchwheat in a headlock.
Yo momma so hairy Bigfoot is taking her picture!
Yo momma so hairy she wears a Nike tag on her weave so now everybody calls her Hair Jordan.
Yo momma so hairy she looks like a Chia Pet with an afro!
Yo momma so hairy she shaves with a weedwhacker

YO MAMA IS SO SLUTTY

Yo momma so slutty she could suck-start a Harley!
Yo momma so slutty she could suck the chrome off a trailer hitch ball!
Yo momma so slutty when she got a new mini skirt, everyone commented on her nice belt!
Yo momma so slutty she was on the cover of wheaties, with her legs open, and it said "breakfast of the champs"
Yo momma so slutty that I could've been your daddy, but the guy in line behind me had the correct change.
Yo momma so slutty she had her own "Hands across her ass" charity drive
Yo momma so slutty that when she heard Santa Claus say HO HO HO she thought she was getting it three times.
Yo momma so slutty I fucked her and I's a chick!
Yo momma so slutty she blind and seeing another man.
Yo momma so slutty John Holmes just looked at her and got AIDS
Yo momma so slutty she is known as Homecomming Disease
Yo momma so slutty she has Trojan written on her gumline.

YO MAMA IS SO DIRTY

Yo momma so dirty she has to creep up on bathwater.

YO MAMA'S NOSE

Yo momma nose so big you can go bowling with her boogers!
Yo momma nose so big she makes Pinochio look like a cat!

YO MAMA IS SO GREASY

Yo momma so greasy she used bacon as a band-aid!
Yo momma so greasy she sweats Crisco!
Yo momma so greasy Texaco buys Oil from her

YO MAMA'S TEETH

Yo momma teeth are so yellow traffic slows down when she smiles!
Yo momma teeth are so yellow she spits butter!
Yo momma teeth are so yellow I can't believe its not butter
YO MAMA IS SO LAZY

Yo momma so lazy she thinks a two-income family is where yo daddy has two jobs.

YO MAMA IS SO SKINNY

Yo momma so skinny she hula hoops with a cheerio
Yo momma so skinny she has to wear a belt with spandex.
Yo momma so skinny she turned sideways and dissapeared.

YO MAMA IS SO BALD

Yo momma so bald even a wig wouldn't help!
Yo momma so bald you can see whats on her mind
Yo momma so bald that she took a shower and got brain-washed.

YO MAMA IS SO TALL

Yo momma so tall she tripped over a rock and hit her head on the moon.
Yo momma so tall she did a back-flip and kicked Jesus in the mouth.
Yo momma so tall she tripped in Michigan and hit her head in Florida.

YO MAMA IS SO FLAT

Yo momma so flat she's jealous of the wall!

YO MAMA'S GLASSES

Yo momma's glasses are so thick that when she looks on a map she can seen people waving.
Yo momma's glasses are so thick she can see into the future.

YO MAMA'S HOUSE

Yo momma house so small she has to go outside to eat a large pizza.
Yo momma house so small you have to go outside to change your mind.
Yo momma house so dirty roaches ride around on dune buggies!
Yo momma house so dirty she has to wipe her feet before she goes outside.

YO MAMA'S HAIR

Yo momma hair so short when she braided it they looked like stiches.
Yo momma hair so short she curls it with rice.

YO MAMA'S HEAD

Yo momma head so big she has to step into her shirts.
Yo momma head so big it shows up on radar.
Yo momma head so small she use a tea-bag as a pillow.
Yo momma head so small that she got her ear pierced and died.

YOU'RE A REDNECK IF..

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Most of this here
material is attributed
to Jeff Foxworthy Your house still has the
"WIDE LOAD"
sign on the back.

You think a stock tip is advice on worming' your hogs.

Taking your wife on a cruise
means circling the Dairy Queen.

You think God looks a lot like Hank Williams, Jr., and heaven looks a lot like Daytona Beach, Florida.

You think the last words to
The Star Spangled Banner are
"Gentlemen, start your engines."

Your father executes the "pull my finger"
trick during Christmas dinner.

You believe dual air bags refer
to your wife and mother-in-law.

You've got more than
one brother named 'Darryl'.

You think the OJ Trial is a
Sunkist and Minutemaid taste test.

You were acquitted for murdering
your first wife after she threw
out your Elvis 45's.

You think watching professional
wrestling is foreplay.

Your front porch collapses
and four dogs git killed.

The people on Jerry Springer's show
remind you of your neighbors

You've been married three times
and still have the same in-laws.

Your sister is the third generation of women in your family to conceive a baby as a result of an alien abduction.

You carried a fishing pole into Sea World.

You lit a match in the bathroom and your house exploded right off it's wheels.

Your huntin dawg had a litter of puppies in the living room and nobody noticed.

You think safe sex is a padded headboard.

You think subdivision is part of a math problem.

You think there's nothin wrong with incest
as long as you keep it in the family.

You can get dog hair from out of your belly button.

You have a bumper sticker that says,
"MY MOTHER'S AN HONOR STUDENT
AT SOUTH LITTLE ROCK JR. HIGH."

You take a six-pack cooler to church.

Your family tree has no forks.

You have refused to watch the Academy Awards since "Smokey and the Bandit" was snubbed for best picture.

You had to remove a toothpick
for your wedding pictures.

You use a weedeater in your living room.

You consider your license plate personalized because
your dad made it in prison.

You have a rag for a gas cap.

The blue book value of your truck goes up and down depending on how much gas it has in it.

The third grade teacher says little Bubba
could be a mathematical genius
because he's got thirteen fingers.

Fifth grade was the best six years of your life.

You have to go outside to get
something out of the 'fridge.

A seven course meal is a bucket of KFC and a sixpack.

One of your kids was born on a pool table.

You have spray painted your
girlfriend's name on an overpass.

Your lifetime goal is
to own a fireworks stand.

Someone asks to see your ID and you
show them your belt buckle.

Your dad walks you to school because
you are both in the same grade.

Mailpouch sends you Christmas cards.

Your house doesn't have curtains,
but your truck does.

You need one more hole punched in your card to get a freebie at the House of Tattoos.

The Halloween pumpkin on your front porch has more teeth than your wife.

You have flowers planted in a
bathroom fixture in your front yard.

On your first date you had to ask your
Dad to borrow the keys to the tractor.

You think the Mountain Men in Deliverance
were just "misunderstood".

If you refer to the fifth grade
as, "your senior year".

Three quarters of the clothes you
own have LOGOS on them.

Your `huntin dawg' cost more than the truck you drive him around in.

Your belt buckle weighs more than three pounds.

You've been to a funeral and there were more pick-ups than cars.

You just bought an 8-track
player to put in your truck.

You've ever climbed a water tower
with a bucket of paint
to defend your sister's honor.

It's easier to spray weed killer
on your lawn than mow it.

You think the three primary colors are
John Deere Green, Ford Blue, and Primer Gray.

Your pickup has a two-tone paint job
-- primer red and primer gray.

Ya can't get married to yer sweetheart
cause there is a law against it.

You've been on TV more than 5 times
describing the sound of a tornado.

The beer can collection in the
town museum is the big tourist attraction.

You dated your daddy's current wife in high school.

Your aunt and your grandmother went
to the funeral and had a fight over
who gets to be the widow.

You can tell your age by the
number of rings in the bathtub.

You think Possum is
"The Other White Meat"

You can change the oil in your truck
without ducking your head.

During your senior year you and
your mother had homeroom together.

You're a lite beer drinker 'cause you start drinkin beer when it gets light.

You think the stock market
has fence around it.

Your stereo speakers used to belong
to the Moonlight Drive-in Theater.

You own a homemade fur coat.

Your entire family has ever sat around
waiting for a call from the Governor
to spare a loved one.

Your wife has ever said,
"Come move this transmission
so I can take a bath."

You think loading the dishwasher
means getting your wife drunk.

YOU REFER TO THE TIME YOU WON
A FREE CASE OF MOTOR OIL AS
"THE DAY MY SHIP CAME IN."

The FBI surrounded your trailer park
twice so far this year.

You think a woman who is
"out of your league"
bowls on a different night.

You've ever had to scratch your sisters
name out of a message that begins,
"For a good time time call..."

You know yer a redneck when you take a load to the dump and bring back more than you took

Your whole family is Democrats
except little Mary.
She got to readin'.

Your brother-in-law is your uncle
AND your grandfather.

You think Genitalia is an Italian airline.

you might be a redneck if....
Your parents met at a family reunion.

You believe that beef jerky and Moon Pies
are two of the major food groups.

You stare at an orange juice container
because it says, "CONCENTRATE".

YOUR IDEA OF HIGH-QUALITY ENTERTAINMENT
IS A SIX-PACK AND A BUG-ZAPPER.

You wonder how service stations
keep their restrooms so clean.

Anyone in your family died right
after saying, "Hey, y'all watch this!".

You couldn't learn to swim
because
your gene pool is too small.

Your wife's job requires her
to wear an orange vest.

You have the local taxidermist's
number on speed dial.

On Thanksgiving Day you have
to decide which pet to eat.

Your school fight song is "Dueling Banjos".

You think "taking out the trash"
means taking your in-laws to a movie.

Your coffee table used to be a cable spool.

You got Clapper devices controlling the appliances in your house.

You hammer bottle caps into the
frame of your front door to make it look nice.

The Home Shopping operator recognizes your voice.

The taillight covers of your car
are made of red tape.

You have every episode of Hee-Haw on tape.

You've ever been involved in a
custody fight over a hunting dog.

The KKK kicked you out for being a bigot.

Your kids take a siphon hose
to "Show and Tell."

You think a hot tub is
a stolen bathroom fixture.

The gas pedal on your car
is shaped like a bare foot.

You think a turtleneck is
a key ingredient for soup.

You think the French
Riviera is a foreign car.

Your toilet paper has page numbers on it.

You no longer drink wine ever since
the screw cap got caught up your nose.

You think that Dom Perignon is a mafia leader.

That billboard that says,
"SAY NO TO CRACK"
reminds you to pull up your jeans.

Your wife's hairdo was once ruined
by a ceiling fan.

You go to your family reunion looking for a date.

You think a Volvo is part of a woman's anatomy.

Your Junior/Senior Prom had a Daycare.

Your high school basketball game got rained out.

You've got more than three cousins
named 'Bubba'.

YOU'VE EVER COME HOME
AND FOUND CRIME SCENE TAPE
ACROSS YOUR FRONT PORCH.

You have a close relative named "Cletus".

You ever won first prize in a tobacco spittin contest.

Your child's first words were
"Attention K-Mart shoppers!"

Your honeymoon was in Little Rock.

You do your serious Christmas shopping at the Flying J truck stop.

You have the word "howdy"
in your answering machine message.

You wish your outhouse was as nice
as those at the state park.

Last year you hid yer kids'
Easter eggs under cow pies.

Jack Daniels makes your list
of "Most Admired People"

Your dog can't watch you eat
without getting sick.

You think the winter olympic sport of curling
is part of the "Big Hair" competition.

You've painted a car with house paint.

You're banned from the Little R

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Page Updated Sun May 13, 2001 4:11pm EDT