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This is the Life of Me! Chipard Commentator Lawrence FireStone Douglas

Chipard,The Man,The Commentator,The Chugger

Table Of Contents
Chapter 1:Born To Chug
Chapter 2:Hell of a Commentator(Side Chapter,School REALLY BYTES)
Chapter 3:The Myth
Chapter 4:Life as A Commentator
Chapter 5:NHL(Chipards Contract Side Chapter)
Chapter 6:DCWA
Chapter 7:CWA
Chapter 8:EAW(Side Chapter,Poem for The Giant Hogans Father R.I.P)

Chapter 1:Born To Chug
Pg.1 I Was born August 25,1969 in Belchertown,MA,Hell I have lived my whole life there. Ever Since I lived here,I was an Awesome Sleeper,Awesome Commentator,Everywhere I went around the House I always Commentated on what was going on. I knew when I grew up,I would be an Awesome Commentator or play by play man,hell as your reading this book your Hearing Ernust's and My EAW Theme playing in the background of this book,and as you can tell,We were born for Commentating.
Pg.2 There was also something that I was Too,Extremely Hyper. I never mean it it just comes out of me,Say,If my Dog went to Sleep I would yell "OH MY GOD OH MY GOD MY DOG WENT TO SLEEP AHHH AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHGGHAAHHHHHHHHHH"and I'd Wake him up Eventually and then I'd Say "OH MY GOD OH MY GOD HE AWOKE FROM SLEEP!!AHHH HHHHHHAHJSHHAHHHHHHHHAHHHHHHHHHH!!!" and I then had to get taken to a Mental Facility sometimes to control my Mind better.
Pg.3 And then Of Course,There is Chugging. Ever since I was 5 to Age 16 when I finally stopped going into Chugging Contests,I had won every Chugging Match ever. And I still continue to do so. I am 30 Years old and I've been Undefeated for 25 years in my Chugging Career. No One could beat me at it.I was Unstoppable
Pg.4 One Time,like 15 Years Ago,I was 15 at the time,I was in The Belchertown Sun Valley Chugging Contest,A Big One,Winner took home $50,000. I knew I could do it,but,this was one of my toughest challenges,I was against Everington Firelee. A Dumb@$$,but like me could Chug just as good as me.
Pg.5 During that contest we kept on Chugging for 5 straight Hours with us Drinking anything they had. Then,One of my Childhood Friends and still Currently friend today,Ernie Douglas came and put Knock-Out Medicine in his Chocolate Milkshake.He drank it,and 10 seconds later he was knocked out!! I was the Winner,and no one knew Ernie did it until I just put that in my Book.I gave 50% of the money to Ernie and we had a Hell Of alot of spending money,Like we Do today.

Chapter 2:Hell Of A Commentator
Pg.6 At home I would play with my Wrestling Figures and do Events and Commentate better than Bud Selig or Danny Rockmore. I would do Very Impressive Commentary that keeps me Very Famous as of today. My Parents were quite surprises I could do Awesome Play By Play Commentary. They agreed I was better than those names listed above. I was the Krem-De-La-Krem at Commentating.Simply "The Best".
Pg.7 My friend Ernie Douglas(Long before We were known as Chipard and Ernust)played with Wrestling Figures and Our parents were into our Fantasy Wrestling Fed. They were chanting "EAW SUCKS,EAW SUCKS!!" at one of our shows which we took as a compliment.

SCHOOL SUCKS
Pg.8 During my life,Me,Ernie,and Mark Mougolas,would go to school and Commentate,Chug,Eoug,or Moug,on what is going on. During school we would Yawn and chant "SCHOOL REALLY BYTES,SCHOOL REALLY BYTES!!!" Of Course,we'd get in trouble,Me,Ernie,and Mark are against School because of The Following Reasons
Pg.9
1)We Dont Get Paid
2)We dont get enough Vacation Time even though we should because we are so nice to work for free.
3)Its so freakin' boring and We always forget the next day on what we learned.
4)It feels like your Enslaved.
5)You get LOADS of Classwork and Homework.
6)IT REALLY BYTES GOATNADS!!!
Pg.10
The only thing,that I can see is good about school is after your done,you can FINALLY get some REAL $Money$ AHHHAHAHAHAHAHHHHHHHHAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Geez,As you can tell,I am Never EEEEEVVVVEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRR HYPER!!!! I know these pages are short,but you got to fit the right stuff on the right pages in a book or else your book would ABSOLUTELY SUCK!!

Chapter 3:The 'Myth'
Pg.11 One Thing Chipard Commentator Lawrence Firestone Douglas is is a Myth! His Phenominal Commentary System that I have. The "Chugger". The Commentator. The Tag Team. The Stable. Everything is a Myth to Chipard because Chipard,Ernust,and Mark are Simply a Myth to Everyone.
Pg.12 Lets Start off with the Chugger. I am Undefeated in it for Past 25 Years I've been in the sport of Chugging. I have an Olympic Gold Medal for Chugging which is a Big Award to me!! It Is!! The Commentator. Ohh Yeah,The Commentator,One of the Best In any Wrestling Business along with my Partner Ernust Commentator Firestone Douglas(AND NO WE ARE NOT BROTHERS,We just So happen to have the Same Last name. We are not even COOOUUUSSSSIIIINNNSSSSS!!!!!). Anyway,Chipard and Ernust and Marcus have been In alot of Wrestling Federations Commentating there mouths off.(More on that later.)
Pg.13 With tons of Catch Phrases,for Example,The Classic,The Oneannnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnaaaaaaaa "Ahhhhhhhhahhhhhhhaaahhhhhhhhaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhahajuhkjdhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" After a punch we'd be screaming everyones Ear off with that Quote. Eventually causing someone to go Deaf cuz they were behind us in the Front Row when we were screaming.
Pg.14 The Tag Team. Chipard and Ernust,Ernust and Chipard,We were an awesome Tag Team in EAW. No one could beat us.(NOTE:We only fought 2 matches in our Career and we won. Looking to be 3-0 after a win with the Giant Hogan after "The EAW Royal Rumble". We've only got to fight 1 Tag match and that was against Hardyboy Harrison and Freddy Fagot on Latenight a Year ago.And we defeated the other 4 jobber tag teams at Halloween Havoc so we are 2-0 currently. We would keep on competing(You believe us)BUT "We've got too much commentating to do". Or else,right now,We'd be the EAW Tag Team Champions.WE COULD!! Follow The 3 I's and Believe me you can do anything!!!
Pg.15 As a stable,which hasn't gotten much publicity lately,Chipard,Ernie,Marcus,and Buttsavage could kick the living hell out of anyone that crosses there path.If you recall Royal Rumble 97' when Chip,Ernie,Mark,and Buttsavage made there dayview they ended the Career of The Legion Of Doom. AHHHHHAHHHHHAHHHHHHHHAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAHHHHHHHH. The reason we did that is not simply to look like "Big Shots" on our dayview. Its because LOD crossed our path. We wont bother you,well maybe on commentating,but we wont beat you up unless you mess with us,Remember that Giant Hogan!! Until then,LEETTSS COOOMMMEENNNTTAAATTTEEE

Chapter 4:Life as a commentator
Pg.16 Basically,Life was good as a commentator if you were in an Official League and not a Backyard or Independant League. Thats what I started out in was a Backyard Fed called EAWS. Which basically meant ExtremeAwesomeWrestlingSucks. I mean it Rules! It does ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh someone just hit my arm and made me write ExtremeAwesomeWrestlingSucks in my book and there is no way you can take this ink off!!(You ALL BELIEEEEEEEVE ME)right? PEOPLE THESE DAYS!!!!!!
Pg.17 It is very tough to get a good high-paying Commentating Job. EAW gave us that. But in EAWS,Damn it someone hit my arm again!!! Well anyway,they could no only pay $10 a show. That seems like a lot to people in Africa or SwahiliVille or whatever. IT DOESN'T MATTER WHERE THEY LIVE!!
Pg.18 Even when you are a Commentator you can get into fights,If you all saw the Royal Rumble,as im writing this book,Me and Ernie had a match with Giant Hogan. We BEAT Giant Hogan to a pulp,but we got beaten even more to a bloody pulp,I am injured as im writing this book,I have two Fractured hands,A Torn ligament in my groin,A humoungous spinal Injury for getting thrown nearly 50 ft. from a balcony threw a ladder,Ironing board and our Commentators Table,Me and Ernie were out cold as we both got covered for the 3 count. To find out about Ernies injuries,check the next Eougger,or it could be in his book too.
Pg.19 But usually other than Wrestling,me and Ernust are on the move travelling from city to city almost 24 hours and 7 days a week. Well maybe not 7 days,but we travel alot and after a while,it starts to suck. But we go throught to get our weekly pays from EAW and CWA(Note.We only commentate for CWA as Chipard "Choug"O"las and Ernust commentates as Ernust "Eoug"O"las).
Pg.20 We got employed with several Wrestling organizations. We have gotten employed with 4 Wrestling organizations such as EAWS,DAMN IT,Damn Fan hit my arm again to make me accidently write that,HMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMPPPPPPPPPPPPPHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!! Then we got employed with DCWA,CWA,and EAW,which Ernust and Chipard are working with now. Well You all think Chipard Douglas and Ernie Douglas only worked for Wrestling. We have worked for another Professional Sports Organization such as.................

Chapter 5:NHL
Pg.21 How could you not have guessed,you didn't even see The Chapter Name!! Well Yes,Me and Ernust have worked for the NHL. We have seen Great teams play over the last 15 years and saw 15 Stanley Cups,broadcasting all of them. We have broadcasted so many Teams and have been follower Commentators for all there teams. The Teams we have worked with as Follower Commentators is Phoenix Coyotes(Stanley Cup 2000 Winners),Anaheim Mighty Ducks(Arch-Rivals now),Buffalo Goats,(Now back to Sabres),and the Chicago Blackhawks.

Side Chapter:Chip Douglas's NHL Contract
Pg.22 I am sorry to say my NHL Contract has expired but right now I am in negotiations for another 2-Year Contract with Owner of NHL Jerry Springer. If I get a new contract I will tell Everyone on 'The Daily Chugger'. I hope to get a New NHL Contract Very Soon!!

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Page Updated Wed Feb 16, 2000 4:01pm EST