The Platonic Friends Test. - Are you a schmuck? - Personal - http://maxpages.com/chinaman/The_Platonic_Friends

This highly unscientific test will measure how much ofa schmuck you are. For the purpose of this test we will ignore the historic meaning of the word schmuck and define a schmuck ourselves.

Schmuck: n, a person who attempts to enter intorelationships with those persons who are not interested and by doing so finds themselves taken advantage of and/or hurt over and over again, exe. Dave is always taking Wendy out and buying her things, but they aren't even going out, what a Schmuck. v, an act, or series of acts characteristic of the behavior of a schmuck, exe. Dave is always schmucking all over Wendy.

And now to the test. Follow the directions for each section and check your score against the scale at the bottom. Yes, it is possible to get a negative score.

Section one: Words

For each of the following sentences, if you have heard them from someone whom you were interested in, but not going out with. Give yourself 1 point, but if you have used any of these on someone who was interested in you, Subtract one point. If you have both used and heard them, then they cancel each other out and no points are awarded. Unlike purity tests, technicalities do not count.

1. "I think we should just be friends"

2. "I just don't think of you in that way"

3. "I like you, I just don't like you in that way"

4 "I think of you as a brother/sister"

5. "I don't want to ruin our friendship"

6. "I don't want to hurt you"

7. "I know you to well to go out with you"

8. "It's to late in our friendship now"

9. "It would just be to awkward"

10. "I'm not ready for a relationship right now"

11. "I'm looking for someone just like you"

12. "I just wish I could find a nice guy/gal"

13. "Why don't you introduce me to (one of your friends)"

14. "Why don't I introduce you to (one of their friends)"

15. "I met this great guy/gal"

16. "I like you to much to go out with you"

17. "I don't want to ruin a good thing"

18."I'm not sure what I'm looking for right now"

19. "I can't take the chance that I'd hurt you"

20. "You're to nice"

21. "You're just not my type"

22. "You're cute, but I'm just not attracted to you in that way"

23. "You only want me because you can't have me, it will pass"

24. "I just can't deal with you liking me right now, can't we just keep things the way they are"

25. "I love you, but I'm not in love with you"

Section 2: Interaction

In this section, give your self a point for everything you have done with someone whom you were interested in dating but the feelings weren't mutual. You had to have had the feelings toward them at the time of the occurrence, no we had the same naptime in kindergarten stuff. Also all of the situations had to have occurred in non dating situations, and the person must have had no desire for furthering the relationship at any point in the encounter.

26. Gone to a movie, just the two of you.

27. Paid for the movie

28. More than once with the same person.

29. More than 5 times with the same person.

30. Gone out to dinner, just the two of you.

31. Paid for dinner.

32. More than once with the same person.

33. More than 5 times with the same person.

34. Gone on a walk or hike of greater that took more than 2 hours, just the two of you.

35. Gone on a trip or excursion that took more than 6 hours, just the two of you.

36. Gone on an overnight trip, just the two of you.

37. Shared a bed.

38. Shared a bed, just the two of you.

39. Gone on group outings "acting" as a couple.

40. Pretended to be going out to avoid undesirables at parties or other outings.

41. Had the person fall asleep on you.

42. Had the person fall asleep in your lap.

43. Stayed up past dawn talking (computer chat counts)

44. Stayed out past 2 PM with the person in an all night eating establishment (exe, Denny's)

45. Held hands

46. Hugged

47. Kissed

48. Had them cry in your presence.

49. Cried on your shoulder or any other part of your body.

50. Purchased a gift

51. ...of a value greater than 10 dollars

52. ...of a value greater than 50 dollars

53 ...of a value greater than 100 dollars

54. Purchased jewelry of a value greater than 5 dollars (no bubble gum machines)
55. Purchased flowers, candy, or similar "romantic" gifts

56. Gone out with them on Valentine's day

57. Gone out with them on Valentine's day, just the two of you.

58. Ate dinner at their house, with the family (no stop off for snacks)

59. Ate dinner at their house with the family on a major holiday.

60. Ate dinner at the house so often that you were all but adopted by their family.
61. Given backrubs

62. More than 5 times

63. Initiated backrub session.

64. Seen them partially nude.

65. Seen them completely nude.

Section 3: Personal Action

These are things that you did because of your platonic friend, for your platonic friend or to your platonic friend.

66. Lied to them about how you felt about them

67. Got so upset about the situation you broke something in frustration

68. Get drunk and maudlin about them

69. Played scenarios in your mind where you come out and declare your

true feelings to them.

70. ...Whereupon you proceed directly to frenzied yet sensitive, passionate, and completely fulfilling lovemaking.

71. Rehearsed elaborate and impassioned declarations of your love

72. Tell them how it would be such a big mistake if you were to get together with them to avoid confrontation

73. Consciously avoid them.

74. Have difficulty deciding whether to sign letters to them with "love" or "your friend"

75. Fall into an uncontrollable depression over the situation.

76. Seek out opportunities to touch casually (brush when walking)

77. Seek out opportunities to touch more than casually (hug)

78. Copped a feel

79. ...And got caught

81. Fought with a friend because of your attraction to them

82. Lost a friend because of your attraction to them.

82. Given advice on how to help the person's current relationship.

83. ...And purposefully given bad advice to break them up

84. Spread lies in order break them up

85. Actively plotted to break them up.

86. Wanted to hurt the person's current significant other because of they way they were treating them.

87. Wanted to hurt the person's SO out of jealousy

88. Actually gotten in a fight with the person's SO over the person.

89. ...That came to blows.

90. ...With someone ending up hospitalized.

Section 4: Outside appearances

If your friend's have done or said this to or of you.

91. Described you as a schmuck, or a like term.

92. Warned you that "It's going to happen again"

93. Had a group of your friends take you out with the primary purpose of trying to get you over someone you had been trying to get.

94. Had friend's warn people you were interested in that you were prone to schmucking.
95. Had mutual friends angry at the person you were after for "leading you on"

Section 5: Web Based

Self explanatory

96. Did you visit Joe Logon's page and identify with it.

97. Did you bookmark it and show it to your friends.

98. Did you write a page about platonic relationship?

99. Anytime you took this test, did you say to yourself "He forgot...."

100. And finally.... do you think you're a schmuck.

Scoring:

-25-0 Pond Scum
You should be shot. You're the reason this page has to exist, may you die a thousand deaths.

0-25 Pond Algae
You're the person who gets what you deserve, sure, you've schmucked, but odds are you've done you're share of creating schmucks.

25-50 Lilly Pads
What are you doing taking this test, you're bordering on normal and well adjusted, come back when one of the Pond Scum REALLY has their way with you and we'll talk.

50-75 Tadpoles
There is still hope for you, not much but some. Pick yourself up and go after some other untouchable soul and perhaps one day you can become
a....

75-90 Frog
Ahh, my people, let us join in collective weeping of the one that got away.

90-100 Toad
Ahh, you people. The manipulative type who work to get what they want at any cost, no sympathy here, if your score is this high, you've crossed the line from schmuck to "stalker".

ItsOnlyJT@aol.com

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Page Updated Thu Jan 17, 2008 12:43am EST