Blonde Jokes (Part 3). - Personal - http://maxpages.com/chinaman/Blonde_Jokes_Part

Q: Why did the blonde go half way to Norway and then turn
around and come home?
A: It took her that long to discover that a 14 inch Viking was
a television.

Q: Why didn't the blonde want a window seat on the plane?
A: She'd just dyed her hair.

Q: Why didn't the blonde want a window seat on the plane?
A: She'd just blow dried her hair and she didn't want it
blown around too much.

Q: Why did the blonde stop using the pill?
A: Because it kept falling out.

Q: Why did the blonde get so excited after she finished her
jigsaw puzzle in only 6 months?
A: Because on the box it said From 2-4 years.

Q: Why aren't there many blonde gymnasts?
A: Because when they do the splits, they stick to the floor.

Q: WHATS THE DIFFERANCE BETWEEN A FRIDGE AND A FANNY?
A: A FRIDGE DOSN'T FART WHEN YOU TAKE THE MEAT OUT.

Q: How do you confuse a blonde?
A: Ask her to alphabetize a bag of M&Ms.

Q: Why does it work?
A: "Does 3 come before E, between M and W, or at the end?"

Q: Why did the blonde call the welfare office?
A: She wanted to know how to cook food stamps!

Q: What is the blonde's favorite potato chip?
A: Free-to-lay (Frito-Lay).

Q: What is the blonde's favorite battery?
A: Ever-ready.

Q: What is blond, brunette, blond, brunette, ....?
A: A blond doing cartwheels.

Q: What is the connection between a blonde and a halogen headlamp?
A: They both get screwed on the front of a Ford Escort.

Q: What do you call it when a blonde gets taken over by a demon?
A: A vacant possession.

Q: Why did the blonde fail her drivers license ?
A: She wasn't used to the front seat!

Q: Why did she finally pass her test?
A: She took the examiner with her

Q: Did you hear about the blond skydiver?
A: She missed the Earth!

Q: Did you hear about the blond who had two chances to get pregnant?
A: She blew it both times!

Q: What do a moped and a blond have in common?
A: They're both fun to ride until a friend sees you on one.

Q: How do you know when a blond's been in your frige?
A: Lipstick on the cucumbers!

Q: What do a blonde and an instant lottery ticket have in common?
A: All you have to do is scratch the box to win

Q: Why are blondes so sexually promiscuous?
A: Who cares

Q: What is the difference between a blonde and an inflatable doll?
A: About 2 cans of hair spray

Q: What's the quickest way to get into a blondes pants?
A: Pick them up off the floor

Q: What did the Blonde get on her A.C.T.?
A: Nail polish!

(Appendix: For those of you who are Brits, the A.C.T. is a
College entrance examination. Highest score possible is 36. Average
is about 18-20, I think.)

(Visual Joke)
Q: What did the blonde say when she tried driving stick for the first
time?
A: "How do you shift this thing?" (you make jacking off motions)

Q: Where do blondes go to meet their relatives?
A: The vegetable garden.

Q: How many blondes does it take to play tag?
A: One.

Q: What's the difference between a lesbian finger-fucking a blonde
and a Schwinn at the side of the road?
A: One's a bike in a ditch, and the other's . . . .

Q: What do you call four Blondes in a Volkswagon?
A: Far-from-thinkin

Q: Why don't they let Blondes swim in the ocean?
A: Because they can't get the smell out of the tuna.

Q: What happened to the blonde tap dancer?
A: She slipped off and fell down the drain.

Q: Why do blondes occupy about 90% of the net bandwidth?
A: Because they keep accidentally deleting their copies of the
Blonde Joke List.

Q: What is the irritating part around a blonde's vagina?
A1: The Blonde!
A2: The other guys waiting their turn.

Q: What did the blonde say when asked if she'd ever been
picked up by 'the fuzz'?
A: 'No. But I've been swung around by the tits.'

Q: What did the blonde say when she looked into a box of
Cheerios?
A: "Oh look! Donut seeds!"

Q: What did the blonde name her pet zebra?
A: Spot.

Q: What's a blonds' favourite rock group?
A: Air Supply.

Q: Whats black and fuzzy and hangs from the ceiling ?
A: A blond electrician

Q: Why are dumb blonde jokes so short?
A1: So brunettes can remember them.
A2: Because blonds are so SHALLOW a long joke wouldn't fit.

Q: Why wasn't the Virgin Mary a blonde ????
A: She wouldn't have been old enough to bear children!

Q: Why are blondes hurt by peoples words?
A: Because people keep hitting them with dictionaries.

Q: What did the blonde do when she got her period?
A: Looked around for the bastard that must have shot her?

Q: Why are blondes like cornflakes ?
A: Because they're simple, easy and they taste good.

Q: Why can't blondes put in light bulbs?
A: They keep breaking them with the hammers.

Q: What is a cool refreshing drink for a blonde?
A: Perri-air

Q: Did you hear about the blonde coyote?
A: Got stuck in a trap, chewed off three legs and was
still stuck.

Q: When is it legal to shoot a blonde in the head?
A: When you have a tire pump to reinflate it!

Q: What is a blonde's favorite part of a gas station?
A: The Air Pump!

Q: Why was the blonde upset when she got her Driver's License?
A: Because she got an F in sex.

Q: Did you here about the blonde who shot an arrow into the
air?
A: She missed.

Q: Why are there no dumb brunettes?
A: Peroxide.

Q: What did the blonde's right leg say to the left leg.
A: Nothing - they've never met.

Q: What is the blonde's chronic speech impediment?
A: She can't say "No".

Q: What is it called when a blonde blows in another blond's ear?
A: Data transfer.

Q: Whats the difference between a Blonde and a Supermarket
Trolley.
A: A supermarket trolley has a mind of its own.

Q: Why can't blondes be cattle ranchers?
A: They can't keep their calves together!

Q: What was the blond psychic's greatest achievment?
A: An IN-body experience!

Q: When does a brunette have 1/2 of a brain?
A: After a dye job.

Q: What's a blonde's favorite nursery rhyme?
A: Humpme Dumpme.

Q: What did the blonde customer say to the buxom waitress (reading
her nametag) ?
A: "'Debbie'...that's cute. What did you name the other one ?"

Q: What goes VROOM, SCREECH,VROOM, SCREECH,VROOM, SCREECH?
A: A blonde going through a flashing red light.

Q: Why are there lip stick stains on the steering wheel after a
blonde drives a car?
A: Cause she blows the horn!!!!!

Q: Why is a blonde like a door knob?
A: 'Cause everybody gets a turn.

Q: Why is a blonde like railroad tracks?
A: 'Cause she's been laid all over the country.

Q: Did you hear about the blonde lesbian?
A: She kept having affairs with men!

Q: What does a blonde do if she is not in bed by 10?
A: She picks up her purse and goes home.

Q: If an blonde and a brunette jumped off a bridge,
who would die first?
A: The brunette -- because the blonde would have to
stop and ask for directions.

Q: To a blonde, what is long and hard?
A: Grade 4.

Q: What is the definition of gross ignorance?
A: 144 blondes.

Q: Why is 68 the maximum speed for blonds?
A: Because at 69 they blow a rod...

Q: What is the difference between a blonde and
a refrigerator?
A: A refrigerator doesn't fart when you pull your
meat out of it.

Q: Why aren't blondes good cattle herders?
A: Because they can't even keep two calves together!

Q: What did the blonde say to the physicist?
A: "Why, I just _love_ nuclear fission! What do you use for bait?"

Q: Did you hear about the blonde couple that were found frozen to death
in their car at a drive-in movie theater?
A: They went to see "Closed for the Winter".

Q: Why won't they hire a blonde pharmacist?
A: They keep breaking the prescription bottles in the typewriters.

Q: What is the definition of the perfect woman?
A: A deaf and dumb blonde nymphomaniac whose father owns a pub.

Q: Why is a blonde like an old washing machine?
A: They both drip when they're fucked.

Q: How would a blond punctuate the following?:
"Fun fun fun worry worry worry"
A: Fun period fun period fun NO PERIOD worry worry worry!

Q: Why is the blonde's brain the size of a pea in the morning?
A: It swells at night.

Q: A blonde is walking down the street with a pig under her arm.
She passes a person who asks "Where did you get that?"
A: The pig says, "I won her in a raffle!"

Q: A blonde ordered a pizza and the clerk asked if he should
cut it in six or twelve pieces.
A: "Six, please. I could never eat twelve pieces."

Q: HOW DOES A BLONDE PREPARE FOR SAFE SEX?
A: She puts on rubber based lipstick.

Q: What's a blonde's idea of safe sex?
A: Locking the car door.

Q: Why did the blonde keep failing her driver's test?
A: Because every time the door opened, she jumped into the back seat.

Q: What did the blonde do when she heard that 90% of accidents
occur around the home?
A: She moved.

Q: What's five miles long and has an IQ of forty?
A: A blonde parade.

Q: Why is it okay for blondes to catch cold?
A: They don't have to worry about blowing their brains out.

Q: Did you hear about the blonde who tried to blow up her
husband's car?
A: She burned her lips on the tailpipe.

Q: THERE WAS A BLONDE AND A BRUNETTE WHO WERE ABOUT TO COMMIT SUICIDE.
THEY BOTH JUMPED OFF A TALL BUILDING, AND A COUPLE OF SECONDS LATER,
THE BRUNETTE HIT THE PAVEMENT, BUT NOT THE BLONDE. WHAT HAPPENED
TO HER?
A: She got lost.

Q: A GUY ASKED HIS BLONDE WIFE
"HOW DID YOU GET THE CAR IN THE LIVING ROOM"?
A: She said "I drove it through the kitchen and took a left."

Q: SOMEONE ASKED IF A BLONDE BELEIVED IN SMOKING.
A: She said "Yes, I've seen it done."

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Page Updated Thu Jan 17, 2008 12:43am EST