Blonde Jokes (Part 2). - Personal - http://maxpages.com/chinaman/Blonde_Jokes_Part

Q: How can you tell when a blonde is dating?
A: By the buckle print on her forehead.

Q: How can you tell who is a blonde's boyfriend?
A: He's the one with the belt buckle the matches the impression
in her forehead!

Q: How can you tell if a blonde writes mysteries?
A: She has a checkbook.

Q: How can you tell when a FAX had been sent from a blonde?
A: There is a stamp on it.

Q: How can you tell if a blonde is a good cook?
A: She gets the pop tarts out of the toaster in one piece.

Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a guy?
A: The blonde has the higher sperm count.

Q: What's the difference between a blonde and the Panama Canal?
A: The Panama Canal is a busy ditch.

Q: What's the difference between a tribe of pygmies and a
blonde track team?
A: The pygmies are a bunch of cunning runts.

Q: What is the difference between a crazy fighting hockey player
and a blonde?
A: He is fussy by nature and would go to any length to get a puck.

Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a trampoline?
A: You take off your shoes before using a trampoline.

Q: What's the difference between a prostitute, a nymphomaniac,
and a blonde?
A: The prostitute says "Aren't you done yet?"
The nympho says "Are you done already?"
The blonde says "Beige...I think I'll paint the
ceiling beige."

Q: What's the difference between Indiana and a blonde?
A: A blonde has larger hills and deeper valleys.

Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a toothbrush?
A: You don't let your best friend borrow your toothbrush.

Q: What is the difference between a blonde and a shower?
A: A shower has to be turned on to get wet.

Q: What's the difference between a blonde and your job?
A: Your job still sucks after 6 months.

Q: What's the difference between a blond having her period and
a terrorist?
A: You can negotiate with a terrorist.

Q: What is the difference between a blond and a toilet?
A: A toilet won't follow you around after you use it.

Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a rooster?
A: In the morning a rooster says, "Cock'll-doodl-doooo", while a
blonde says, "Any-cock'll-doooo."

Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a limousine?
A: Not everybody has been in a limo.

Q: What is the difference between a blonde and a bowling ball?
A1: You can only get three fingers in a bowling ball.
A2: You can't fit the blonde in the bowling ball.
A3: There is no difference. They're both round and have
three holes to poke.
A4: You don't eat your bowling ball

Q: What is the difference between a blonde and the Grand Old Duke of
York?
A: The Grand Old Duke of York only 'had' 10000 men.

Q: What's the difference between a pit bull and a blonde with
PMS?
A: Lipstick.

Q: Why is it good to have a blonde passenger?
A: You can park in the handicap zone.

Q: Why is a blonde like a turtle?
A: They both get fucked up when they're on their back.

Q: Why should blondes not be given coffee breaks?
A: It takes too long to retrain them.

Q: Why does NASA hire peroxide blondes?
A: They're doing research on black holes.

Q: Why does a blonde insist on him wearing a condom?
A: So she can have a doggie bag for later.

Q: Why does a blonde only change her baby's diapers every
month?
A: Because it says right on it "good for up to 20 pounds."

Q: Why do blondes have see-through lunch box lids?
A1: So they know if it is morning or afternoon.
A2: So that when they're on the train they can tell
if they're going to work or coming home.

Q: Why do men like blonde jokes??
A: Because they can understand them.

Q: Why do blondes like lightning?
A: They think someone is taking their picture.

Q: Why do blondes always drink with straws?
A: Practice.

Q: Why do all blondes all have a dimple on their chin and a
flat forehead?
A: Finger on chin-I don't know. Hits forehead-Oh I get it!

Q: Why do blondes have little holes all over their faces?
A: From eating with forks.

Q: Why do blondes have more fun?
A1: Because they don't know any better.
A2: They are easier to keep amused.
A3: Because they are easier to find in the dark.

Q: Why do blonde's find it difficult to marry?
A: Because you don't have to marry them for sex!

Q: Why do blondes have legs?
A1: So they don't get stuck to the ground.
A2: To get between the bedroom and the kitchen.
A3: So they don't leave trails, like little snails.

Q: Why do blondes have two more brain cells than a cow?
A: So that when you pull their tits, they don't moo.
A2: So they don't shit everywhere when you pull their tits.

Q: Why do blondes drive BMWs?
A: Because they can spell it.

Q: Why do blonde girls have trouble achieving orgasm?
A: *Who cares?*

Q: Why do blondes have periods?
A: They deserve them

Q: Why do blondes have big bellybuttons?
A: From dating blonde men.

Q: What does a blonde and a tampon have in common?
A: They're both stuck up c*nts!

Q: Why do blondes wear tampons?
A: Because crabs like Bungie Jumping too.

Q: Why do blondes drive VW's
A: Because they can't spell PORSCHE!!

Q: Why do blondes put their hair in ponytails?
A: To cover up the valve stem.

Q: Why do blonds have square boobs?
A: Because they forgot to take the tissues out of the box.

Q: Why do Blondes take the pill?
A: So they know what day of the week it is.

Q: But why do brunettes take the pill ?
A: Wishful Thinking.

Q: Why do Blondes have TGIF on their shoes?
A: Toes go in first.

Q: Why do Blondes have TGIF on their shirts?
A: Tits go in front.

Q: Why do blondes like tilt steering?
A: More head room.

Q: Why do blondes drive cars with sunroofs?
A: More leg room.

Q: Why do blonds have orgasms ?
A: So they know when to stop having sex !

Q: Why do blondes wear underwear?
A: They make good ankle warmers.

Q: Why do Blondes like the GST? (GST -- Goods and Services Tax
now in effect in Canada)
A: Because they can spell it.

Q: What is 74 to a blonde?
A: 69 plus G.S.T.

Q: Why do blondes wear green lipstick?
A: Because red means stop.

Q: Why do blondes wear red lipstick?
A: Because red means "Stop, wrong hole."

Q: Why do blondes wear hoop earings?
A: They have to have some place to rest their ankles.

Q: Why do blondes wash their hair in the sink?
A: Because, that's where you're supposed to wash vegetables!

Q: Why do blondes wear their hair up?
A: To catch as much as they can that is over their heads.

Q: Why don't blondes double recipes?
A: The oven doesn't go to 700 degrees.

Q: Why don't blondes make good pharmacists?
A: They can't get the bottle into the typewriter.

Q: Why don't blondes call 911 in an emergency?
A1: They can't remember the number.
A2: She can't find the number 11 on the telephone buttons.

Q: Why do blondes always die before help arrives?
A: They always forget the "11" in "9-1-1".

Q: Why don't blondes eat bananas?
A: They can't find the zipper.

Q: Why don't blondes in San Francisco wear short black mini
skirts?
A: Cause their balls show!

Q: Why don't blonds breast feed?
A: Because they always burn their niples.

Q: Why don't blondes use vibrators?
A: They chip their teeth.

Q: Why don't blondes eat Jello?
A: They can't figure out how to get two cups of water into
those little packages.

Q: Why don't blondes eat pickles?
A: Because they can't get their head in the jar.

Q: What's the first thing a blonde does in the morning?
A1: Introduces themself.
A2: Walks home.

Q: What's the first thing a blonde does after sex?
A: Opens the car door.

Q: What is the worst thing about sex with a blond?
A: Bucket seats.

Q: What important question does a blonde ask his/her mate
before having sex?
A: Do you want this by the hour, or the flat rate?

Q: How many blondes does it take to change a lightbulb?
A1: "What's a lightbulb?"
A2: One. She holds the bulb and the world revolves around her.
A3: Two. One to hold the Diet Pepsi, and one to call, "Daaady!"

Q: What's a blonde's favourite wine?
A: "Daaaady, I want to go to Miaaami!"

Q: What is the difference between a blond and a 747?
A: Not everyone has been in a 747

Q: What do you call a blonde touching her toes?
A: A brunette with bad breath.

Q: Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, a dumb blonde, and a smart
blonde are walking down the street when they spot a $10
bill. Who picks it up?
A: The dumb blonde! because, there is no such thing as Santa
Claus, the tooth fairy, or a smart blonde.
A2: None of them, two don't exist and the dumb blonde thought
it was a gum wrapper.

Q: If a blonde and a brunette are tossed off a building, who
hits the ground first?
A: The brunette. The blonde has to stop to ask for directions.

Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a Porsche?
A: You don't lend the Porsche out to your friend.

Q: What's the difference between a blond and an ice cream cone?
A: Ice cream cones don't lick back.

Q: What is the difference between butter and a blonde?
A: Butter is difficult to spread.

Q: What is the difference between a blonde and "The Titanic"?
A: They know how many men went down on "The Titanic".

Q: What is the difference between a smart blonde and Bigfoot?
A: Bigfoot has been spotted.

Q: Why is a washing machine better than a blonde?
A: Because you can drop your load in a washing machine, and it
won't follow you around for a week.

Q: What do you say to a blonde with no arms and no legs?
A: "Nice tits!"

Q: What does a blonde make best for dinner?
A: Reservations.

Q: What do Darren Millane (Collingwood footballer killed in a
recent car crash) and a blonde have in common?
A: Put either of 'em in a car and their fucked.

Q: What do blondes do with their arseholes in the morning?
A: Pack their lunch and send them to work.

Q: What does a blonde say when she gives birth?
A: Gee, Are you sure it's mine?

Q: What do blondes and cow-pats have in common?
A: They both get easier to pick-up with age.

Q: What does a blonde say when you ask her if her blinker is on?
A: It's on. It's off. It's on. It's off. It's on. It's off.

Q: What does a peroxide blonde and a 747 have in common?
A1: They both have a black box.
A2: Both have a cockpit.

Q: What do you get when you offer a blonde a penny for her
thoughts?
A: Change.

Q: What does a blonde say if you blow in his/her ear?
A: "Thanks for the refill!"

Q: What do blondes do after they comb their hair?
A: They pull up their pants.

Q: What do you call a skeleton in the closet with blonde hair?
A: Last years hide and go seek winner.

Q: What do you call a basement full of blondes?
A: A whine cellar.

Q: What do you call five blondes at the bottom of the pool?
A: Air bubbles.

Q: What do you call a room full of women, half with PMS, half
with yeast infections?
A: A whine and cheese party!

Q: What do you call 3 blondes, a chimp, and another blonde standing on a
street corner?
A: 4 f*cks, 4 f*cks, 4 f*cks, not for a zillion f*cks, 4 f*cks!

Q: What do you call a blonde lesbian?
A: A waste.

Q: What do you call 4 blondes lying on the ground?
A: An air mattress.

Q: What do you call a dumb blonde behind a steering wheel?
A: An Air Bag.

Q: What do you call a blonde between two brunettes?
A: A mental block.

Q: What do you call 10 blondes standing ear to ear?
A: A wind tunnel.

Q: What do you call 15 blondes in a circle?
A: A dope ring.

Q: What do you call an unmarried blond in a BMW?
A: Divorcee'

Q: What do you call a blonde with 2 brain cells?
A: Pregnant.

Q: What do you call a blonde in an institution of higher
learning?
A: A visitor.

Q: What do you call a blonde with half a brain?
A: Gifted!

Q: What do you call a blonde with a dollar on the top of their
head?
A: All you can eat, under a buck.

Q: What do you call a brunette with a blonde on either side?
A: An interpreter.

Q: What do you call a blond with a bag of sugar on her head ?
A: Sweet Fuck All...

Q: What do you call a swimming pool full of blondes?
A: Bobbing for Bimbos.

Q: What do you call 20 blondes in a freezer?
A: Frosted Flakes.

Q: What do you call a fly buzzing inside a blonde's head?
A: A Space Invader.

Q: What do you call a blonde in a tree with a brief case?
A: Branch Manager.

Q: What do you call a smart blond?
A1: A golden retriever.
A2: An indicator of a really bad hangover.

Q: What do you call two nuns and a blonde?
A: Two tight ends and a wide receiver.

Q: What do you see when you look into a blonde's eyes?
A: The back of her head.

Q: What do you get when you cross a blonde and a gorilla?
A: Who knows, there is only so much a gorilla can be forced to
do...

Q: What do you call a hooker and four blondes?
A: Regular price, four bucks, four bucks, four bucks,
four bucks.

Q: What do you call it when a blonde dies their hair brunette?
A: Artificial intelligence.

Q: What do a blonde and your computer have in common?
A: You don't know how much either of them mean to you until they
go down on you.

Q: What do you do when a blonde throes a hand grenade at you?
A: Pull the pin and throw it back.

Q: What do a bowling ball and a blonde have in common?
A1: Chances are they'll both end up in the gutter.
A2: You can pick them up, stick your fingers in them, and throw them
in the gutter and they'll always come back.

Q: What does a blonde put behind her ears to make her more
attractive?
A: Her ankles.

Q: What do you say to a Blonde that won't give in?
A: "Have another beer."

Q: What do Blondes say after sex?
A1: Thanks Guys.
A2: Are you boys all in the same band?
A3: Do you guys all play for the (..............)? insert team
name here.

Q: What does a screen door and a blonde have in common?
A: The more you bang it the looser it gets.

Q: What does a blond and a beer bottle have in common?
A: They're both empty from the neck up.

Q: What do blonds and spaghetti have in common?
A: They both wriggle when you eat them.

Q: What do peroxide blonds and black men have in common?
A: They both have black roots.

Q: What does a blonde owl say?
A: What, what?

Q: What do you call a zit on a blonde's ass?
A: A brain tumor.

Q: What do you get when you turn 3 blondes upside-down?
A: Two brunettes.

Q: What do a blonde and Presdient Gorbachev have in common?
A: They both got fucked by 10 men whilst on holiday.

Q: What's the difference between a blonde and President Gorbachev?
A: He knows who the ten men were.

Q: How many blondes does it take to make chocolate-chip
cookies?
A1: 10. One to mix the dough and nine to peel the smarties.
A2: Three...one to mix the batter and two to squeeze the rabbit.

Q: What did the blonde's mum say to her before the blonde's date.
A: If you're not in bed by 12, come home.

Q: What's the Blonde's cheer?
A: " I'm blonde, I'm blonde, I'm B.L.O.N....ah, oh well..
I'm blonde, I'm blonde, yea yea yea..."

Q: Why did the blonde cross the road?
A: Never mind that! What was she doing out of the bedroom?!?
R: I don't know.
A: Neither did she.

Q: Why did the blonde scale the chain-link fence?
A: To see what was on the other side.

Q: Why did the blonde have a sore navel?
A: Because her boyfriend was also blond!

Q: Why did they stop doing the "WAVE" at BYU?
A: Too many blondes were drowning.

Q: Why did Bush want to send blondes with PMS over to Iraq?
A: They're mad enough to kill and they can retain water.

Q: Why did the blonde fail at being a prostitute?
A: Because she gave blow-jobs literally.

Q: Why did the blonde smile when she walked the marriage aisle?
A: She realized she gave her last blowjob.

Q: Why do blondes give such good blowjobs?
A: Because that's what they train for all their lives.

Q: Why did the blonde tattoo her zip code on her stomach?
A: So her male would get delivered to the right box.

Q: Why did the blonde have tire tread marks on her back?
A: From crawling across the street when the sign said
"DON'T WALK".

Q: Why did the blonde keep a coat hanger in her back seat?
A: In case she locks the keys in her car.

Q: Why did the blonde tip-toe past the medicine cabinet?
A: So she wouldn't wake up the sleeping pills.

Q: Why did the deaf blonde sit on a newspaper?
A: So she could lip read.

Q: Why did God create blondes?
A: Because sheep can't bring beer from the fridge.
Q: Why did God create brunettes?
A: Neither could the blondes.

Q: Why did the blonde wear condoms on her ears?
A: So she wouldn't get Hearing Aides.

Q: Why did the blonde drive into the ditch?
A: To turn the blinker off.

Q: Why did the blonde try and steal a police car?
A: She saw "911" on the back and thought it was a Porsche.

Q: Why did the blonde scale the glass wall?
A: To see what was on the other side.

Q: Why did the blonde want to become a veternarian?
A: Because she loved children.

Q: Why did the blond take her typewriter to the doctor ??
A: She thought it was pregnant becaus missed a period.

Q: Why did they call the blond twinkie?
A: She liked to be filled with cream.

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Page Updated Thu Jan 17, 2008 12:43am EST