Blonde Jokes. - No offense intended. If you're blonde and smart, congratulations, and remember that these are jokes made for humorous purposes only. - Personal - http://maxpages.com/chinaman/Blonde

Q: How do blonde braincells die ?
A: Alone.

Q: How do you brainwash a blonde?
A: Give her a douche and shake her upside down.

Q: How do you change a blonde's mind?
A1: Blow in her ear.
A2: Buy her another beer.

Q: How do you measure a blonde's intelligence?
A: Stick a tire pressure gauge in her ear!

Q: HOW DO YOU KEEP A BLONDE BUSY ALL DAY?
A: Put her in a round room and tell her to sit in the corner.

Q: HOW DID THE BLONDE DIE ICE FISHING?
A: She was run over by the zambonis machine.

Q: How do you get a blonde pregnant?
A: Come in her shoes and let the flies do the rest.

Q: How do you get a blonde to marry you?
A: Tell her she's pregnant.

Q: What will she ask you?
A: "Is it mine?"

Q: How do you get a blonde off of your knees?
A: Come.

Q: How does a blond spell farm?
A: E-I-E-I-O

Q: How does a blond kill a fish?
A: She drowns it.

Q: A blond going to London on a plane, how can you steal
her window seat?
A: Tell her the seats that are going to London are
all in the middle row.

Q: How does a blonde hold her liquor?
A: By the ears.

Q: How do you know a blond likes you?
A: She screws you two nights in a row.

Q: How do you know a blonde has just lost her virginity?
A: Her crayons are still sticky.

Q: How does a blonde moonwalk?
A: She pulls down her panties and slides her ass along the floor!

Q: WHY IS A BLONDE LIKE AUSTRALIA?
A: They're both down under, and no one cares.

Q: WHY DOES A BLONDE LIKE THE NUMBER 77?
A: She likes to be 8 (ate) more.

Q: WHY DON`T BLONDES LIKE ANAL SEX?
A: They don`t like their brains being screwed with.

Q: WHY CAN`T BLONDES WATER-SKI?
A: When they get their crotch wet they think they have to lay down.

Q: WHY ARE BLONDES LIKE PIANOS?
A: When they aren't upright, they're grand.

Q: WHY ARE BLONDES SO EASY TO GET INTO BED?
A: Who cares?

Q: Why can't blondes count to 70?
A: Because 69 is a bit of a mouthful.

Q: Why are only 2% of blondes touch-typists?
A: The rest are hunt'n peckers.

Q: How is a blonde like peanut-butter?
A: They spread for the bread.

Q: What do you call a blonde on a waterbed?
A: Cherry Float

Q: WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN A BLONDE THROWS A PIN AT YOU?
A: Run like Hell....she's got a hand grenade in her mouth.

Q: WHAT DO YOU CALL A BLONDE GOLFER WITH AN IQ OF 125?
A: a foursome.

Q: WHAT DO YOU GIVE THE BLONDE WHO HAS EVERYTHING?
A: Penicillin.

Q: What do you call a blond mother-in-law?
A: An air bag.

Q: What nickname is most used by blondes in order to boost
their popularity?
A: B.J.

Q: Why are blonde's coffins Y-shaped?
A: Because as soon as they are on their backs, their legs open.

Q: Why do Blondes wear earmuffs?
A: To avoid the draft.

Q: Why do blondes get confused in the ladies room?
A: They have to pull their own pants down.

Q: Why do blondes wear panties?
A: To keep their ankles warm.

Q: Why should you never take a blonde out for coffee?
A: It's too hard to re-train them.

Q: What do blondes do for foreplay?
A: Remove their underwear.

Q: What do blonde virgins eat?
A: Baby food.

Q: What's the mating call of the blonde?
A: "I'm *sooo* drunk!"

Q: What is the mating call of the ugly blonde?
A: (Screaming) "I said: I'm drunk!"

Q: What's the mating call of the brunette?
A1: "All the blondes have gone home!"
A2: Has that blonde gone yet?
A3: When is that blond bitch going to leave!?

Q: What's the mating call of the redhead?
A: "Next!"

Q: How do you make a blonde laugh on
Saturday?
A: Tell her a joke on Wednesday.

Q: WHAT IS BLONDE AND GREEN AND JUMPS FROM BED TO BED?
A: A prostitoad.

Q: WHAT IS 68 TO A BLONDE?
A: Where she goes down on you and you owe her one.

Q: What is the blonde doing when she holds
her hands tightly over her ears?
A: Trying to hold on to a thought.

Q: Why did the blonde stare at frozen orange
juice can for 2 hours?
A: Because it said 'concentrate'.

Q: WHY DID THE BLONDE BAKE A CHICKEN FOR 3 AND A HALF DAYS?
A: It said cook it for half an hour per pound, and she weighed 125.

Q: WHY DID THE BLONDE PUT HER FINGER ON THE NAIL WHEN SHE WAS HAMMERING?
A: The noise gave her a headache.

Q: WHY DID THE BLONDE HAVE BLISTERS ON HER LIPS?
A: From trying to blow out lightbulbs.

Q: Why did the blonde climb up to the roof of the bar?
A: She heard that the drinks were on the house.

Q: Why don't blondes have elevator jobs?
A: They don't know the route.

Q: Why do blondes work seven days a week?
A: So you don't have to retrain them on Monday.

Q: WHAT IS THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN ELVIS AND SMART BLONDES?
A: Elvis has been sighted.

Q: WHAT IS THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN BLONDES AND TRAFFIC SIGNS?
A: Some traffic signs say stop.

Q: WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A BLONDE AND A LIGHTBULB?
A: The lightbulb is smarter, but the blonde is easier to turn on.

Q: WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A BLONDE AND A BITCH?
A: A blonde will fuck anyone, a bitch will fuck anyone but you.

Q: WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A BLONDE AND A SHOPPING CART?
A: The shopping cart has a mind of its own.

Q: WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A CORN FARMER WITH EPILEPSY AND
A BLONDE WITH DIARRHEA?
A: One shucks between fits.

Q: What's the difference between a blonde and an ironing board?
A: It's difficult to open the legs of an ironing board.

Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a walrus?
A: One has whiskers and fishy flaps, and the other is a walrus.

Q: What's the difference betweena blonde and a brick?
A: When you lay a brick it doesn't follow you around
for two weeks whining.

Q: What is foreplay for a blonde?
A: Thirty minutes of begging.

Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a broom closet?
A: Only two men fit inside a broom closet at once.

Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a phone booth?
A1: You need a quarter to use the phone.
A2: Only one person can use the phone at once.

Q: What does the Bermuda Triangle and blondes have in common?
A: They've both swallowed a lot of semen.

Q: What did the blonde do when she noticed that someone had
already written on the overhead transparency?
A: She turned it over and used the other side.

Q: What did the blonde say when she knocked over the priceless
Ming vase?
A "It's OK Daddy, I'm not hurt."

Q: How does a blonde commit suicide?
A: She gathers her clothes into a pile and jumps off.

Q: How do you plant dope?
A: Bury a blonde.

Q: Why did god give blonds 2% more brains than horses?
A: Because he didn't want them shitting in the streets during parades.

Q: How do you get a one-armed blonde out of a tree?
A: Wave to her.

Q: How does a blonde measure his/her IQ?
A: With a tire gauge! (da da dum)

Q: How does the blond turn on the light after she
has had sex?
A: She opens the car door.

Q: How does a blonde get pregnant?
A: And I thought blondes were dumb!

Q: How does a blonde part their hair?
A1: (Action of scissoring legs apart)
A2: By doing the splits.

Q: How do you get a blondes eyes to twinkle?
A: Shine a torch in her ears.

Q: How do you tell when a blonde reaches orgasm?
A1: She drops her nail-file!
A2: Who cares?
A3: She says, "Next".
A4: The next person in the queue taps you on the shoulder.
A5: He's had his clothes for about 2 minutes.
A6: I mean, who really cares?
A7: The batteries have run out.

Q: How do you make a blonde's eyes light up?
A: Shine a flashlight in their ear.

Q: Why do blondes wear shoulder pads?
A: (With a rocking of the head from side to side) I dunno!

Q: How do you kill a blonde?
A: Put spikes in their shoulder pads.

Q: How do blondes pierce their ears?
A: They put tacks in their shoulder pads.

Q: How does a blonde like her eggs?
A: Unfertilized.

Q: How do you drown a blond?
A1: Put a mirror at the bottom of the pool.
A2: Don't tell her to swallow.
A3: Leave a scratch and sniff at the bottom of the pool.

Q: How do you tell if a blonde did your landscaping?
A: The bushes are darker than the rest of the yard.

Q: How does a blonde high-5?
A: She smacks herself in the forehead.

Q: How do you describe a blonde, surrounded by drooling
idiots?
A: Flattered.

Q: What do you call a blonde with ESP and PMS?
A: A know-it-all bitch.

Q: What's the difference between a counterfeit dollar and a
skinny blonde?
A: One's a phony buck.

Q: What's the difference between a chorus line of blondes and
a magician?
A: A magician has a cunning array of stunts.

Q: What is the best blonde secretary in the world to have?
A: One that never misses a period.

Q: What does a blonde think an innuendo is?
A: An Italian suppository.

Q: What is every blonde's ambition in life?
A: To be like Vanna White and learn the alphabet.

Q: WHAT CAN SAVE A DYING BLONDE?
A: Hair transplants.

Q: WHAT DID THE BLOND SAY WHEN SHE WOKE UP UNDER THE COW?
A: What are you guys still doing here?

Q: WHAT ARE THE WORST SIX YEARS IN A BLONDE'S LIFE?
A: Third Grade.

Q: WHAT DID THE BLONDE SAY ABOUT BLONDE JOKES?
A: She said they were pretty good, but they might offend some
Puerto Ricans.

Q: WHAT DID THE BLONDE THINK OF THE NEW COMPUTER?
A: She didn't like it because she couldn't get MTV.

Q: What did the blonde do when she heard the British were
coming?
A: She stopped sucking.

Q: What did the blonde say when she was showed her newborn baby in the
delivery room?
A: I'm not going to suck anything *that* small.

Q: What do UFO's and smart blondes have in common?
A: You keep hearing about them, but never see any.

Q: What does a blond say during a porno?
A: There I am!!

Q: Why doesn't a blondes guts fall out of her twat when she stands?
A: Because the vaccum in her head keeps them in place.

Q: What's the difference between having sex with a blonde and
eating Jell-o?
A: Jell-o wiggles when you eat it.

Q: What do you get when you cross a blonde and a lawyer?
A1: I don't know, there are some things even a blonde won't do.
A2: Something that when it gives you a blow job, it won't
stop until it gets blood.

Q: Why was the blonde wearing her sunglasses?
A: She was having sunny periods.

Q: What two things in the air can get a blonde pregnant?
A: Her feet!

Q: How can you tell when a blonde is wearing pantyhose?
A: When she farts, her knees bag.

Q: What's the disease that paralyzes blondes below the waist?
A: Marriage.

Q: How is a blonde like a frying pan?
A: You have to get them hot before you put in the meat.

Q: How does a blonde interpret 6.9?
A: A 69 interrupted by a period.

Q: How do you make a blond laugh on Monday mornings ?
A: Tell them a joke on Friday night !

Q: How do you describe the perfect blonde?
A: 3 feet tall, no teeth, and a flat head to rest your beer on.

Q: How do you confuse a blonde?
A: You don't. They're born that way.

Q: Why do blondes hate M&Ms?
A: They're too hard to peel.

Q: How do you know when a blonde has been making chocolate
chip cookies?
A: You find M&M shells all over the kitchen floor.

Q: What job function does a blonde have in an M&M factory?
A: Proofreading.

Q: Do you know why the blonde got fired from the M&M factory?
A: For throwing out the W's.

Q: Why don't blondes like making KOOL-AID?
A: Because they can't fit 8 cups of water in the little
packet.

Q: Why does a blonde have fur on the hem of her dress?
A: To keep her ankles warm.

Q: How can you tell a blonde had a bad day?
A: Her tampon is behind her ear and she doesn't know what
she did with her cigarette.

Q: What does a blonde say after multiple orgasms?
A: Way to go team!

Q: How can you tell if a blonde has a vibrator?
A: By the chipped tooth.

Q: How do you keep a blonde in suspense?
A: (I'll tell you tomorrow.)

Q: How do you keep a blonde busy?
A: Write 'Please turn over' on both sides of a piece of paper.

Q: Why do blondes wear shoulder pads?
A: To keep from bruising their ears.

Q: Why do blondes have vaginas?
A: So guys will talk to them at parties.

Q: Why does the blonde stand in front of a window during a
thunder storm?
A: She loves taking pictures (flashes, got it?).

Q: What do you call a blonde with a runny nose?
A: Full.

Q: What does a blonde answer to the question "Are you sexually active?"
A: "No, I just lie there."

Q: What's the first thing a blonde says in the morning?
A: "Thanks, guys..."

Q: What do you call 10 blondes at the bottom of the pool?
A: Air pockets.

Q: What does "Bones" McCoy say before he performs brain
surgery on a blonde?
A: "Space. The final frontier......"

Q: How many blondes does it take to screw the entire Bengals
team?
A: Just One... Boomer Esiason.

Q: What's brown and red and black and blue?
A: A brunette who's told one too many blonde jokes.

Q: What do you call a brunette and three blondes on a corner?
A: You don't, you see if you've got 3 condoms.

Q: How does the blonde car pool work?
A: They all meet at work at 7:45.

Q: What happens when a blonde gets Alzheimers disease?
A: Her IQ goes up!

Q: Why was the blonde disappointed with her trip to England?
A: She found out Big Ben is only a clock.

Q: Why can't blondes make ice cubes?
A: They always forget the recipe.

Q: Why do blonde's find it difficult to marry?
A: Because you don't have to marry them to have sex with them!

Q: Did you hear about the blonde that said she would do
anything for a fur coat?
A: Well, now she can't button it.(prego)

Q: Did you hear about the blonde that robbed a bank?
A: She tied up the safe and blew the guard.

Q: Did you hear about the blonde who had an apendix operation?
A: Well, now she is making money on the side.

Q: Did you hear about the scared blonde nurse down by the water?
A: She won't go DOWN ON THE DOC.

Q: Did you hear about the blond that was treated at the emergency
room for a concussion and severe head wounds?
A: She tried to commit suicide by hanging herself with a bungie cord.

Q: DID YOU HEAR ABOUT THE BLONDE THAT ALMOST CAUSED A WRECK?
A: The spare tire in her trunk blew out.

Q: DID YOU HEAR ABOUT THE BLONDE DOCTOR?
A: She shaved her patients, then took off their clothes.

Q: DID YOU HEAR ABOUT THE BLONDE THAT ATE MOUNTAIN OYSTERS?
A: She was dragged 200 yards.

Q: DID YOU HEAR BOUT THE BLONDE WHO COULN'T WAIT TO SEE "20,000 LEAGUES
UNDER THE SEA"?
A: She said that she loved baseball, and was surprised that there were
so many teams.

Q: DID YOU HEAR ABOUT THE BLONDE WHO STOOD IN FRONT OF A MIRROR WITH HER
EYES CLOSED?
A: She wanted to see what she looked like asleep.

Q: DID YOU HEAR ABOUT THE NEW FORM OF BIRTH CONTROL FOR BLONDES?
A: They take off their makeup.

Q: Why won't a blonde drink beer at the beach?
A: She's afraid to get sand in her Busch.

Q: Why do blondes wear tight skirts?
A: To keep their legs together.

Q: Why did the blonde keep ice cubes in the freezer?
A: So she could keep the refrigerator cold.

Q: How did the blonde break her leg playing hockey with the Toronto
Maple Leafs?
A: She fell out of the tree.

Q: HOW MANY BLONDES DOES IT TAKE TO SCREW IN A LIGHTBULB?
A: Blondes screw in back seats, not in lightbulbs, silly.

Q: How many blondes does it take to play Hide and Seek?
A: One.

Q: Why couldn't the blonde write the number ELEVEN ?
A: She didn't know what ONE came first...

Q: Why don't blondes talk when having sex?
A1: Their mothers told them not to talk to strangers.
A2: Their mothers told them not with their mouths full.

Q: What do you call a blonde with 90% of her intelligence gone?
A: Divorced.

Q: What do you call a blonde without an asshole?
A: Divorced.

Q: How many blondes does it take to make a circuit?
A: Two, One to stand in the bathtub, and another to pass her the
blow dryer!

Q: How is a blonde like a postage stamp?
A: You lick'm, stick'em, and send'em on their way.

Q: How do you describe 3 prostitutes and a blonde?
A: Ho, Ho, Ho, and to all a good night.

Q: How did the blonde try to kill the bird?
A: She threw it off a cliff.

Q: How did the blonde break her leg raking leaves?
A: She fell out of the tree.

Q: How did the blonde die drinking milk?
A: The cow fell on her.

Q: How did the blonde burn her nose?
A: Bobbing for french fries.

Q: How can you tell which blonde is the waitress?
A: She is the one with the tampon behind her ear, wondering
what she did with her pencil.

Q1: How can you tell if a blonde's been using the computer?
A: There's white-out on the screen.
Q2: How can you tell if another blonde's been using the computer?
A: There's writing on the white-out.

Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a computer?
A: You only have to punch information into a computer once.

Q: What did the blonde think of the new computer?
A: She didn't like it 'cos she couldn't get channel 9....

Q: How can you tell if a blonde has been in your refrigerator?
A: By the lipstick on your cucumbers.

Q: How can you tell if a blonde works in an office?
A: A bed in the stockroom and huge smiles on all the
bosses' faces.

ItsOnlyJT@aol.com

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Page Updated Thu Jan 17, 2008 12:43am EST