A Brief History of My Life Along Side of My Website - Personal - http://maxpages.com/chinaman/A_Brief

July 11, 2005
Alrighty. Let the special 3.0 updates begin.....

RE-UPDATED MONDAY 3:06PM (FULLY UPDATED)
A Not-So Brief History of This Website and the Last 7 or so Years of My Life
Back in the fall of 1998, a bunch of weird and rediculous things happened that would help shape me into the complete and utter bum that I am today. A few of those things that would later impact the building of this site happened to be 1)My introduction into high school life at Stagg 2)A hormonal overload over how many "pretty bitches" were walking around Stagg 3)My first truly and utterly "bad" grade 4)A Homecoming weekend few on Earth deserve having and 5)A falling out with the "cliqueiest" group of friends I ever had. All of this just so happened to coincide with my discovery of the "World Wide Web" which I pretty much became enamored with forever and ever up to this day. I spent my days struggling through high school life while attempting to control my hormones while my nights consisted of absorbing information from every webpage possible like a Bounty paper towel roll absorbing piss.
By January 1999 I convinced myself that I had read everything interesting there was to read on the web. I cut down my net time significantly for a little while, but then good old Mr Scott Sanders, a high quality buddy of mine at the time, showed me his webpage. It was nothing special by any measure, but it made an impression on me. All it consisted of was a few jokes about prototypical dumb blonde bitches, a story of how someone drank too much Mountain Dew thereby killing himself, and a few pokes and jabs about high school culture and society.
Next thing you know, I'm on Geocities trying to build my own website.
My first attempt was deadly ugly. My knowledge of html code rivaled only the smartest infants on Earth. This was back in the day before everyone was blogging, myspacing, and facebooking, and all you had to do was type and click everything and you could make your information available to every horny teenage boy and perverted 50 year old man on the net. Needless to say, it wasn't a very good first attempt.....
.....or second attempt on Angelfire, or subsequent attempts (about 4 of them) up until I found Maxpages.
Maxpages just so happened to be the first legitimate "type and click" host for personal webpage builders that I ran into. Yeah sure, you'll never see pictures on this site due to the stupidness of this host, but back then I wanted intellectuals and open minded people visiting my site. I had built a concept that goes completely against the attention span of the age bracket I attmpted to target:
a website you actually have to completely READ.
No fancy images, no hot chicks, no funny photos, just 100% pure as the driven snow, paint drying, grass growing, boring ass TEXT.
Theories, blonde jokes, surveys, quizzes all made up the original "1.0" Edition of this website.
Oh yeah. And it wasn't called "The Essential". In my haste to give my site a flashy title, I settled on a cocky, bullheaded, "I think I'm too smart for my own good" title in "The House of Intellect". I know. It might have been the worst website title in the history of website titles. But that title lasted for 4 years before "The Essential" came to bear fruits.
Anyway, I might have updated "The House of Intellect" with a new theory or some new jokes maybe once every couple of weeks and the site just kinda moseyed along.
So for the next 4 or so years I trotted and skipped along through Stagg during "The House of Intellect" Era. Played volleyball but I became inelligible because I was unmotivated, did track for like 3 practices until once again I became unmotivated, then finally settled on the "No Motivation Necessary" Stagg Chess Team where we ate pizza, made fun of Doc Egly, and were clearly the most badass chess team in the history of chess teams (not that it's all that difficult of an accomplishment really).
As for the friends in my life, I can't forget the Darryl Lusks, Brian Millers, the Matt Hermanns, the Ryan Lobers, the Joey Hilliards, the Northside Kids, and the rest of the kids who have come and gone oh so quickly.
The girls in my life back then on the other hand can go smoke a cock. I doubt I need to tell them twice.
Gotta get back to the chess team because this is pretty much where the rest of my life started. Gotta throw my props out to Dan Racic, Chris Kupka, and Aleks Modestas for their roles on the team. Through those 3 I met a lot of cool kids. Racic brought into my life a group of fun loving, chillaxing group of kids that had their share of drama, but nonetheless, I did have fun with them for the time I was with them.
After that little phase I started hanging out with these 5 girls from Reavis which was Exhibit A for the argument against a strictly platonic relationship with the opposite sex, amongst many other things. But to this day, I don't think I've seen more weird/fun things than I did with those girls. So here's to Michele, Ann, Kathy, Jen, and Alani.
After that, back to Dan Racic and his group where a became enamored with a girl to the point of stupidity, I started a future partner in crime named Mujahid Ghori THEN, there was a place called G-Zone.
In case you didn't know, G-Zone is a small and friendly cyber cafe out in Deerfield, Illinois which is about 45 minutes to an hour away. Gotta thank Alain DeLoria for taking me there and getting me hooked to Warcraft 3 and that place in general. Just the next day after my debut into that place, I IM Justin Young (a kid who I barely knew and barely ever talked to) and asked him if he wanted to go. He was bored enough so he said yes and brought Paul and Bob with him. The rest is just about history for this era. We kept going back like every day making those crazy ass drives. Some days Justin, Bob, and I would go, Bob would want to go home, so we'd leave, dump Bob off, then come right back for more. We were your typical Counter Strike addicts.
Eventually summer ended, I was off to Eastern. I can't say there was anything highly remarkable about that whole experience. I was home once a month, probably more to keep up with the Counter Strike antics and to check on the Stagg chess team (nice to meet you Ken Beaver). I also threw my name into Brittney Everett's hat, so I had to check back and see her a lot. Next thing you know it's late January 2003 and all of a sudden I had the urge to change my website to "The Essential"....
Besides massive changes and good times abound, I had to get away from the snottiness of "The House of Intellect". I needed a webpage anyone and everyone could enjoy. I'd still leave that clever wittiness that carried "Intellect", but I'd decided that blogging and journaling my "Essential" happenings would be the best way for people to see a possible every day update on my website. If you look back to January 2003, you'll notice that not many people were blogging and journaling. Yeah, it was out there, but few were doing it. I start to do it, and not coincidently enough, every friend of mine has a livejounal or webpage of their own. No one can tell me my website didn't have an impact on people's lives. (JUST KIDDING)
Anyway, I had an excuse to change the website from "The House of Intellect" to "The Essential". Actually, I had 4 excuses in the form of 4 girls from Marian Catholic named Nicole, Katie, Carrie, and Emily. A whole shitload of us were at the pool hall and hung out with them (I came back to town just to witness these brand new gems that Muj and Andrew were talking about). Lots of goofy things happened, then we went to eat where more goofy things happened, and that was that. No need to repeat all the events in detail (even though I still remember it like it was yesterday). I already beat the subject to death here on "The Essential", but it was that Marian Catholic update that had 116 people a day visiting my site for the next year. I had 5000 hits on my page at the start of "The Essntial" era, and in just 2 and a half years since then, i've gained another 15,000 hits on top of the original 5000, all because of some goofy, sexy, girls from Marian Catholic.
The rest of it is a blur from there. Muj and I have taken stabs in the dark with those old Marian Catholic girls, but we did it more out of sheer amusement. Pretty obvious we'll never see those girls again, but they made this site what it is today. Other events that helped to build this site were the 2003 IHSA State Chess tournament where Mark McCarthy's Sandburg girls debuted, the 2003 IHSA State Cheerleading Finals where there was a girl named Brittney Everett, me later ending up finally getting a girlfriend in the form of Brittney, the "Boys of Summer Era" with basement battles, and Michigan, and smoking too many cigerettes, and Bend it Like Beckham, and hijinx and scandal in front of the Glen Ellyn White Hen, and who knows what else, but Justin, Bob, Andrew, Muj, Ken, Kev, Mark, and Brittney all remember that summer.
All good things come to an end though. For the sake of Brittney having fun and my own unselfish idiocy, I let Brittney leave for Cincinatti single. Turned out great for her and I'm glad for her, and I'd do it again and again and again so long as she has a good time over there. I worked my ass off at Eastern (my last semester there) met a bunch of crazy fucks on my Taylor 1 South floor, had great times with them including a floor party few would ever forget, then the bombshell hit and I wasn't going there next semester.
From there it's pretty easy. I ended up being a pool hall junkie. Met a guy named Pete, who introduced me to Marlene, and that was that from there. I'll just mention Marlene, Susie, and Jess because they all had their time as my "Girl of the Moment". Things turn out what they are for a reason. I just see my odd relationships with pool hall girls as easy lessons. Not just the girls too, but I've got a whole new group of best friends in the form of Dan Pan, Sumo, Barry, Gaulin, and Josh, without losing Beaver, Jarr, and many others. Many of you out there hate this whole pool hall thing. Maybe someday I'll snap out of it. But it's what I do for the moment and I'll probably be sad once it's all over. I'm happy I met all the Alsip kids, and a second mother and father in Ed and Kelly, and the sexy new employee (who just so happened to go to Marian Catholic as well) named Victoria Helena Pakla (we may hear a lot from her in the future). I've learned a lot in my year and a half at Pro-Tyme, and despite the heartache, the stress, and the unlimited amount of drama, I'd trade it all for nothing.
So here we are in a new era of "The Essential". I picked this time to change the site because I've got a funny feeling there will be some good shit coming soon. The last time I said that on this site and I revamped it up like this, the Marian Catholic girls showed up.
What will be my next "Essential"?
Enjoy.
-Joseph Thomas Emperado

JT's Top 10 Essential Ken Beaver Moments:
10)Lauren Kracic Rejects
9)Ken and I Take $80 off of Lucky and Ryan
8)Caffine Pills
7)Smoking During a Volleyball Game
6)Palm Reading Heather Wolf
5)"Yes" to Rachel Dickman, Then "No" to Rachel Dickman in Order to Say "Yes" to Ms. Faklis Senior Year Homecoming
4)An Ashbary Ex-Cutter Who Deep Throated a Butter Finger and a Paper Towel Roll at Pro-Tyme
3)Pre-Andrea "Fucking Around" at U of I
2)A 14 Year old Glen Ellyn Girl Who Just Graduated Jr High (He did NOT have sexual relations with this woman)
1)A New Zealander, a Miss Teen USA Contestant (Who Has a Business Card), and a Mormon on a Short Cruise

JT's Top 10 Essential Site Moments:
10)Aleks Modestas's Cottage Memorial Day Weekend (2002)
9)Bob Roubik's Basement (2003)
8)Anything Ken Beaver (2002-Present)
7)IHSA State Chess Tournament (2003)
6)The G Zone Era (2002-2003)
5)The Pro-Tyme Era (2004-Present)
4)Taylor 1 South Floor Party (2003)
3)Ludington, Michigan (2003)
2)The Boys of Summer and Brittney Everett (2003)
1)Marian Catholic Girls (2003)

JT's Top 10 Essential Moment Makers:
10)The Eskimos
9)Mike Radke
8)Marco Foster
7)Justin Young
6)Bob Roubik
5)Pro-Tyme Regulars
4)Lincoln-Way Girls
3)Marian Catholic Girls
2)Mujahid Ghori
1)Ken Beaver

JT's Top 10 Essential Things and People to look for in the future:
10)Me With a Job (Wow. Now you KNOW this list is bullshit.)
9)The Next Ken Beaver Misadventure
8)The 25 Sexiest Essential Girls and The 25 Essential Sexiest Guys
7)A Possible Return of Some Old Familiar Names
6)Something Unexpected With the Opposite Sex and I (Good or Bad?... I dunno. That's why it's "Unexpected" you moron.)
5)A Brand New Pro-Tyme Generation
4)Some Crazy Ass Party in the Unknown Near Future (Maybe 4th of July, Maybe Bob's 20th Birthday, Maybe None of the Above)
3)Reasons to Visit and Party at U of I Once a Month: Victoria Pakla, Andrea Fish, Ken Beaver, Kevin Jarr, etc.
2)Cosmetology School
1)Fall 2005: The Final Crossroad?

JT's Top 10 Songs of the "Essential" Era:
10)Maroon 5 - She Will Be Loved
9)Further Seems Forever - New Year's Project
8)Brand New - The Quiet Things That No One Ever Knows
7)The Juliana Theory - August in Bethany
6)Further Seems Forever - On Legendary
5)Finch - What it is to Burn
4)The Ataris - The Boys of Summer
3)Dashboard Confessional - This Ruined Puzzle
2)The Juliana Theory - The Closest Thing
1)Straylight Run - Existentialism on Prom Night

ItsOnlyJT@aol.com

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Page Updated Thu Jan 17, 2008 12:43am EST