You might be a redneck if.......

...There is more carpet on your toilet than on your floor.

 

...You put Ketchup on your Chinese food.

 

...You think the bud bowl is real.

 

...Your favorite beer can't afford to advertise.

 

...The phone number for a pizza deliverly company is written on the wall
above your phone.

 

...Your mail is delivered on every other Thursday.

 

...Your coffee table is also a cooler.

 

...Your lawn fertilizer was in your cow 5 minutes earlier.

 

...Your home phone is three blocks away in a booth.

 

...You put beer in your cereal.

 

...Your favorite seafood is hush puppies.

 

...Your dream home is a bass boat.

 

...Your favorite restaurant has a gas pump in front of it.

 

...You can pick objects up off the floor with your toes.

 

...You've ever spent more than an hour in the grocery store looking for
Venison Helper.

 

...Your favorite NASCAR souvenir is the restult of a wreck.

 

...Your best shoes used to be someone else's.

 

...Your high school band ever played the Waffle House song.

 

...Your favorite kind of wine is strawberry.

 

...You wear cowboy boots without socks.

 

...Your gene pool dosen't have a "deep end."

 

...Your 23-channel CB radio is used to communicate with your family.

 

...When your wife left you, she took the house with her.

 

...You met your wife at a yard sale.

 

...Your tatoo of Elvis was supposed to be a portait of your wife.

 

...You know the Hooters menu by heart.

 

...You honk your horn during love scenes at the drive-in.

 

...You removed your bathroom door so you could watch TV from the commode.

 

...You have your appendix in a jar, on your mantle with a track lighting

focused on it.

 

...Your tools are worth more than your car.

 

...You have more things with Hank Willams, Jr.'s name on it than your own.

 

...You steal the towles when you stay overnight with relatives.

 

...You've ever tried to mail a water melon with food stamps.

 

...You've ever made up your Social Security number.

 

...Your wear your baseball cap to bed.

 

...You have a set of "monster mudder" tires on your station wagon.

 

...At least one corner of your bed is supported by a tire.

 

...You  inherited a Styrofoam cooler.

 

...Your have a grave in your yard.

 

...You need pliers to change your TV channels.

 

...You have a four-door car, but only one door will open and close.

 

...Your lawn mower says moo.

 

...You have a cardboard cut out of Dale Earnhardt inyour living room.

 

...You've ever turned a family member in for a reward.

 

...You didn't know you were cross-eyed until you joined the army

 

...You have a bug light inside your house.

 

...The only time you moved was under a witness protection program.

 

...You had to hitchhike on your honeymoon.

 

...You make you own beef jerky.

 

...You fish coins out of public fountians.

 

...The last thing your ex-wife said to you was, "Its me or them dogs."

 

...You ever wore your sweat suit to a funeral.

 

...Your family car has flames painted down both sides.

 

...You think the play The King and I is about Elvis.

 

...When the judge asked how you plead, you said, "Whatever."

 

...Your basketball hoop was made up of a fishing net.

 

...When it rains, there are more pots and pans in your living room than in your kitchen.

 

...You've unstopped a sink with a shotgun.

 

...When describing your kids you use the phrase "dumb as a brick."

 

...Every car you own is permanetly for sale.

 

...Two of you weddings made "America's Funniest Home Videos."

 

...Your best watch came free with ten gallons of gas.

 

...You repaint the flamingo's in your front yard every spring.

 

...You've ever hot-wired a riding mower.

 

...You've never seen a movie with subtitles.

 

...You've ever mowed your yard and found a car.

 

...The nutcracker is something you did off the high dive.

 

...You've been married 3 times and still have the same inlaws.