Depression
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I want you all to know going through depression is natural. Know that if you do something such as cutting yourself you may regret it in the future. All teens and
pre-teens including myself may go through bad times. We can prevent some of the
issues by writting a diary or taking notes on life. How would that help, you ask. See
a diary lets us express what we are feeling. It's like a best friend, just you don't have to worry about anyone telling anyone about your little dirty secrets. A period is also natural. It may be scary at first, especialy if you are at school when it happends.
All you have to do is remember that you are not the only one. Be sure to carry pads or tampons in your bag to school so if it does ever happend you are all geared up.
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Stages of Life
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Sexual Development Stage 1:
Age: less than 10 years old
No breast budding
No pubic hair growth
Sexual Development Stage 2:
Age: 9 - 13 years
Small breast buds
Fine, delicate, fuzzy pubic hair growth
Sexual Development Stage 3:
Age: 12 - 14 years
Enlarging breast buds
Increased pubic hair, mainly in the center and not extending out to thighs or upward; dark and coarser
Sexual Development Stage 4:
Age: 12 - 15 years
Noticeable growth of pubic hair in a triangle, the shape it will take in adulthood
Underarm (axillary) hair growth visible
Breasts form mounds
Menarche
Sexual Development Stage 5:
Age: 14 - 18 years
Breasts fully formed
Pubic hair is adult in quantity and forms an upside-down triangle, a shape common to women
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Coming out to your parents
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KNOWING WHAT TO EXPECT
Most Follow Typical Stages
The purpose of this is to inform gay and lesbian young adults about the process most parents go through when their child's homosexual orientation is disclosed.
The stages to be explained are: shock, denial, guilt, expression of feelings, personal decision-making, true acceptance.
The process assumes that you have wrestled with the issue of whether or not to come out to your parents and that your decision is affirmative. The approach and suggestions offered in the following are based on the assumption that you suspect one or both of your parents will be understanding, if not supportive, given adequate time.
This pamphlet may not be helpful if you have serious reservations about their ability to cope and you suspect they could sever their relationship with you.
They Go Through Stages Differently
A caution: Each family is unique. Although most are likely to follow the stages outlined here, allow some latitude for your own parents. The illustrations and suggestions given here will be drawn from conversations with parents who have attended the Philadelphia Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays meetings.
Few parents are "model" cases that perfectly fit the following description. Knowing what to anticipate and how to respond in a helpful way will enable you to take the big step with some degree of knowledge and support.
QUESTIONS TO ASK YOURSELF
Be Clear in Your Own Mind
Are you sure about your sexual orientation? Don't raise the issue unless you're able to respond with confidence to the question "Are you sure?" Confusion on your part will increase your parents' confusion and decrease their confidence in your judgment.
Are you comfortable with your gay sexuality? If you're wrestling with guilt and periods of depression, you'll be better off waiting to tell your parents. Coming out to them may require tremendous energy on your part; it will require a reserve of positive self-image.
Do you have support? In the event your parents' reaction devastates you, there should be someone or a group that you can confidently turn to for emotional support and strength. Maintaining your sense of self-worth is critical.
Are you knowledgeable about homosexuality? Your parents will probably respond based on a lifetime of information from a homophobic society. If you've done some serious reading on the subject, you'll be able to assist them by sharing reliable information and research.
What's the emotional climate at home? If you have the choice of when to tell, consider the timing. Choose a time when they're not dealing with such matters as the death of a close friend, pending surgery or the loss of a job.
Can you be patient? Your parents will require time to deal with this information if they haven't considered it prior to your sharing. The process may last from six months to two years.
What's your motive for coming out now? Hopefully, it is because you love them and are uncomfortable with the distance you feel. Never come out in anger or during an argument, using your sexuality as a weapon.
Do you have available resources? Homosexuality is a subject most non-gay people know little about. Have available at least one of the following: a book addressed to parents, a contact for the local or national Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays, the name of a non-gay counselor who can deal fairly with the issue.
Are you financially dependent on your parents? If you suspect they are capable of withdrawing college finances or forcing you out of the house, you may choose to wait until they do not have this weapon to hold over you.
What is your general relationship with your parents? If you've gotten along well and have always known their love -- and shared your love for them in return -- chances are they'll be able to deal with the issue in a positive way.
What is their moral societal view? If they tend to see social issues in clear terms of good/bad or holy/sinful, you may anticipate that they will have serious problems dealing with your sexuality. If, however, they've evidenced a degree of flexibility when dealing with other changing societal matters, you may be able to anticipate a willingness to work this through with you.
Is this your decision? Not everyone should come out to their parents. Don't be pressured into it if you're not sure you'll be better off by doing so -- no matter what their response.
THEY'LL EXPERIENCE LOSS
Parents and Children Switch Roles
When you come out to your parents, you may find your parent-child roles reversed for a while. They will need to learn from your experience. As your parents deal with your disclosure, you must assume the "parenting" role by allowing them time to express their feelings and make progress toward new insights.
This will not be easy. You'll want them to understand and grasp this important part of your life right away.
It will be easy for you to become impatient. You'll need to repeat many of the same things. Just because you've explained something once does not mean they heard it. Their understanding will evolve slowly -- painfully slowly -- at the beginning. Their emotional reactions will get in the way of their intellectual understandings.
Allow them time and space. Consider your own journey; you've been working on this issue for years! Although the issues your parents will work through are similar to those you've dealt with, the difference is that you're ahead of them in the process. Be patient.
Separation And Loss
Many families take the news as a temporary loss -- almost as a death -- of the son or daughter they have known and loved. Elizabeth Kubler-Ross describes the stages related to the death of a loved one as denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. Just as in grief, the first reaction of parents of gays and lesbians centers around separation and loss.
I remember one morning when my son was fixing breakfast at the stove, as I sat at the kitchen table reading the newspaper. I looked at him and wanted to say, "I don't know who you are, but I wish you'd leave and send my son Ted back."
Parents experience loss when their child comes out, but it probably will be only temporary.
Not An Absolute Progression
Although the stages described here apply to most people, they are not an absolute progression for everyone. Sometimes a stage occurs out of order; occasionally one is skipped. Some progress through the stages in three months, others take years.
A few -- often due to self-pity -- make no progress at all. In any case, the initial feeling is usually one of loss.
Most parents think they know and understand their children from the day of their birth. Even though they cling to old stories -- and sometimes evidence confusion in telling some of them -- most remain confident that they know what's going on inside a child.
They lose the perception they once had of their child and don't yet know if they will like the real person who is replacing that idea. Those who experience the biggest shock when their child comes out probably are those who suffer the greatest feeling of loss and rejection.
It's not that they separate from the child as much as it is that they feel their child has willfully separated from them.
A Traumatic Discovery
They sense the separation -- which you've probably been aware of for years -- for the first time. It's a traumatic discovery. With understanding and patience from all parties, that relationship can be restored. In fact, in most cases it improves because it's based on mutual honesty.
STAGE 1: SHOCK
If They Have No Idea About You
An initial state of shock can be anticipated if you suspect that your parents have no idea what you're about to share. It may last anywhere from ten minutes to a week; usually it wears off in a few days. Shock is a natural reaction that we all experience (and need for a while) to avoid acute distress and unpleasantness.
Explain that you haven't been able to be completely honest with them and you don't like the distance that has occurred over the years. Affirm your love for them. Say it more than once. Although they may not initially respond positively to your profession of love, it will penetrate in the hours when they are alone and thinking about it.
Remind them that you are the same person today that you were yesterday: "You loved me yesterday, before I told; I haven't changed since then. I'm the same person today that I was yesterday."
Some Parents Already Know
Occasionally, a parent will experience no shock at all: "I always knew you were different; I considered this as a possibility. It's O.K. I love you. You'll have to help me understand and accept the reality."
Sometimes they say, "We'd known for a long time because of a letter you left on the table last summer; we've been waiting for you to tell us." In these instances your task will be considerably easier, as they've already worked through some of the stages on their own.
STAGE 2: DENIAL
A Shield from Threat
Denial helps to shield a person from a threatening or painful message. It is different from shock because it indicates the person has heard the message and is attempting to build a defense mechanism to ward it off.
Denial responses take many forms: hostility ("No son of mine is going to be queer."), non-registering ("That's nice, dear, what do you want for dinner?"), non-caring ("If you choose that lifestyle, I don't want to hear about it."), or rejection ("It's just a phase; you'll get over it.").
Their perception of your homosexual orientation will be distorted by the messages they've received and accepted from our homophobic society. The manner in which the denial is expressed can range from a serene trance to hysterical crying or shouting. Many parents take a middle-of-the-road approach; they cry frequently.
We Thought He Was Confused
My wife and I were sure that our son had been caught up in some form of gay liberation
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SAY NO!
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Although you want to be cool in your school, somethings just go to far. Someone who you think is your friend may just be using you. Alot of bad kids have got good kids into drugs and other bad things. I am going to refrace a story of "Drugs" that I have already learned in D.A.R.E.
Drugs, SAY NO!
Michael an A-B student has now turned into a F student. Why, you ask. Michael has been forced into drugs by the 8th graders. Michael at only 12 years old wanted to be cool so he did everything the kids wanted him to do. He shop lifted, smoked sum puffs and even drank. He also had "sex", sex is where the oppisite sex meet bodies. "Sex" is natural but you should only have it when married. Having "sex" earlier in age is a sin against god and is not needed. Masterbating is alot better then having "Sex" and if you ever feel horney with a guy/girl remember to fallow god and do the right thing. Anyways back to the story. Michael would go home stoned, and drunk. His parents were really worried they didn't know what to do. He screamed and yelled for no reason. His parents relized something was wrong. The next day they kept him home from school. His parents talked to him and tried to help. It only made things worst. He started to cry tears and scream inside you could see the flaming of fear and death in his eyes. He told his parents what had happend, he wasn't proud then. But he has been sent to rehab and now is proud and healthy again. The kids that drugged him are also being sent to rehab.
I hope you listioned to this story and are ready to fallow the right path.
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Is marijuana use addictive?
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Long-term marijuana use can lead to addiction for some people; that is, they use the drug compulsively even though it often interferes with family, school, work, and recreational activities. According to the 2001 National Household Survey on Drug Abuse, an estimated 5.6 million Americans age 12 or older reported problems with illicit drug use in the past year. Of these, 3.6 million met diagnostic criteria for dependence on an illicit drug. More than 2 million met diagnostic criteria for dependence on marijuana/hashish. In 1999, more than 220,000 people entering drug abuse treatment programs reported that marijuana was their primary drug of abuse.
Along with craving, withdrawal symptoms can make it hard for long-term marijuana smokers to stop using the drug. People trying to quit report irritability, difficulty sleeping, and anxiety.59,60 They also display increased aggression on psychological tests, peaking approximately 1 week after they last used the drug.
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What are the long term effects of cocaine use?
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Cocaine is a powerfully addictive drug. Once having tried cocaine, an individual may have difficulty predicting or controlling the extent to which he or she will continue to use the drug. Cocaine's stimulant and addictive effects are thought to be primarily a result of its ability to inhibit the reabsorption of dopamine by nerve cells. Dopamine is released as part of the brain's reward system, and is either directly or indirectly involved in the addictive properties of every major drug of abuse.
An appreciable tolerance to cocaine's high may develop, with many addicts reporting that they seek but fail to achieve as much pleasure as they did from their first experience. Some users will frequently increase their doses to intensify and prolong the euphoric effects. While tolerance to the high can occur, users can also become more sensitive (sensitization) to cocaine's anesthetic and convulsant effects, without incre?g the dose taken. This increased sensitivity may explain some deaths occurring after apparently low doses of cocaine.
Use of cocaine in a binge, during which the drug is taken repeatedly and at increasingly high doses, leads to a state of increasing irritability, restlessness, and paranoia. This may result in a full-blown paranoid psychosis, in which the individual loses touch with reality and experiences auditory hallucinations.
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Alcohol
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Certain children are more likely than others to drink heavily and encounter alcohol-related difficulties, including health, school, legal, family, and emotional problems. Kids at highest risk for alcohol-related problems are those who:
Begin using alcohol or other drugs before the age of 15.
Have a parent who is a problem drinker or an alcoholic.
Have close friends who use alcohol and/or other drugs.
Have been aggressive, antisocial, or hard to control from an early age.
Have experienced childhood abuse and/or other major traumas.
Have current behavioral problems and/or are failing at school.
Have parents who do not support them, do not communicate openly with them, and do not keep track of their behavior or whereabouts.
Experience ongoing hostility or rejection from parents and/or harsh, inconsistent discipline.
The more of these experiences a child has had, the greater the chances that he or she will develop problems with alcohol. Having one or more risk factors does not mean that your child definitely will develop a drinking problem. It does suggest, however, that you may need to act now to help protect your youngster from later problems. For example, if you have not been openly communicating with your child, it will be important to develop new ways of talking and listening to each other. Or, if your child has serious behavioral difficulties, you may want to seek help from your child’s school counselor, physician, and/or a mental health professional.
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Myth
It's more acceptable for boys to masturbate than girls.
Fact
It's natural for boys and girls to masturbate - both do it.
Myth
A child who masturbates has been exposed to sexual information that is not appropriate for his/her age.
Fact
From birth, children explore their bodies by touching. They learn this feels good. Showing knowledge of sexual acts besides masturbation could mean they've been exposed to inappropriate sexual information.
Myth
Masturbation causes acne or loss of eyesight.
Fact
This oldie but goodie probably ties to the fact that teenagers generally start masturbating around the same time puberty hits, which is also the time of acne and when many teens get glasses.
Myth
Masturbation causes hair to grow on your palms.
Fact
About 98% of adults have reported that they've masturbated at some time in their lives. I don't know anyone with hair on their palms. How about you?
Myth
Teenagers shouldn't masturbate often, as they will lose the ability to have children.
Fact
Teenagers will tend to masturbate more often than adults as their hormone levels are at the highest they will be in their lifetime. Remember to knock when their door is closed - and don't worry - they will still be able to give you grandchildren.
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Bump, Bump, Bump
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