Saddam Hussein Jokes - May the fleas of a thousand camels infest his armpits! - History - http://maxpages.com/bubbashome/SADDAM_HUSSEIN

Last week US Troops invaded an Iraqi Primary School and detained a Teacher. It is understood he was in possession of a ruler, a protractor and a calculator. Clear evidence that Iraq has weapons of maths instruction... Kurt Sharpe,
kurt_sharpe@hotmail.com,
New Zealand

The last Persian war joke
Hebe.B.Quinton@mac.dartmouth.edu

Heard from a co-worker whose login name is JOKE.

Q. What do Miss Muffet and Saddam Hussein have in common?

A. They both have Kurds in their Whey.

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Iraqi tailors
jsalter@ibmpa.awdpa.ibm.com (Jim Salter)

Paraphrased from one of the major news anchors reporting on the Iraqis having arrived for the cease-fire talks:

"Once again, the Iraqis were well-dressed. It seems they have better tailors than military tactics."

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Roommate wanted
rraj@mike.eng.uci.edu (Ravi Raj)

Original !

>> From: hussein@chem.weapons.nyu.edu
>> Subject: ROOMMATE WANTED
>> Message-ID: <1991.Butt.kicked@chem.weapons.nyu.edu>
>> Date: 24 Feb 91 00:00:00 GMT

Hello! My name is Saddam Hussein. I recently moved to New York. I am looking for a roommate to share my basement apartment at 1991 Bombs Helter # -1, NY. The apartment is well furnished with 3 machine guns, 6 toy guns, and 4 hand grenades. I must admit it is in a rather rough neighborhood, but since we will be living underground, we will have nothing to worry about.
I go to school at NYU. I am trying to major in Chemistry, my minor is Weapon Systems. I spend most of my time in the lab conducting experiments. I rarely find time for anything else. Sometimes, not even to read light bulb and matchbox jokes on RHF. I used to work part-time at a nearby Gulf station, but was laid off when gas prices went down. I need cash desperately, and a roommate....

--Saddam Hussein

P.S.: Please don't reply to this account. I have reasons to believe my incoming e-mails are being intercepted by the CIA.

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Picking on Saddam Hussein....
ee5391aa@triton.unm.edu (Duke McMullan n5gax)

University of New Mexico, Albuquerque NM

On Tuesday, Paul Harvey cited a rumor (since denied) that Saddam Hussein's son had been killed in rioting. He noted that they still hadn't managed to Baghdad....

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New drink at my local bar
oconnor@evax10.eng.fsu.edu (James O'Connor)

Florida State University Computing Center

Some commercial for the local bar "BULLWINKLE'S" was advertising a party they were throwing for Saddam losing the war. Part of it was this.....

"...come try the new SCUD PUNCH... I can't tell you what's in it but it goes down real easy!!!!"

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amos shapir

The Hebrew Univ. of Jerusalem, Dept. of Comp. Science.

On the contrary, SCUD jokes are very popular, though mostly silly (I wonder if staying too long in a sealed room affects one's brain?). Some examples:

Where does Saddam hide his missiles? In Scudinavia!

What kind of car does he drive? A Scudillac!

What should one do before crossing a street in Ramat-Gan [the town which had the most hits]? Look to the right, to the left, and upwards!

(From a stand-up comic on TV): "They told us the chances of being hit by a SCUD are like winning the big prize in the state lottery. But they forgot to tell us there are going to be three drawings every night!"

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Iraqi, chuckle
druid@inuxy.UUCP

Saw this on a car wash billboard in Indianapolis:

IRAQI AIR FORCE MOTTO:

I CAME I SAW IRAN

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License plate mottos
eliot@dg-rtp.dg.com (Topher Eliot)

The author of a letter to the editor in today's Raleigh (North Carolina) News and Observer suggested that the Iraqi army should adopt the license plate motto used in North Carolina:

First in Flight

(Kitty Hawk, where the Wright brothers made the first controlled powered human flight, is in North Carolina).

Mini Saddam!

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Rickey and Saddam
carlo@electro.UUCP (Carlo Sgro)

Have you ever noticed that Rickey Henderson and Saddam Hussein are the same man? They must be, since, besides never seeing them in the same place, they both have a sudden need for extra money that they didn't have a year ago and both make their living while running.

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Punishing Saddam Hussein
asylvain@felix.UUCP (Alvin E. Sylvain)

You'll probably get dozens of this one, since I heard it on Arsenio Hall last night. Unfortunately, I failed to get the name of the comedian.

"They've decided to punish Saddam Hussein for invading Kuwait.

They're going to make him speed through LA in a white Hyundai."

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Tomahawks
eric@abode.wciu.edu (Eric C. Bennett)

What do Sadaam Hussein and General Custer have in common?

They both want to know where the hell those Tomahawks are coming from!

Mini Saddam!

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WELFARE@ilncrd.UUCP (A. SOLOMON EAGLSTEIN)

Ministry of Labor and Social Affairs Jerusalem, Israel

Here are a couple of jokes that are floating around Israel:

Q: How does one know if Patriot is kosher?
A: If it chews its cud.

Q: What name is given to newly born Jewish kids?
A: Nachman
Q: What name is given to newly born Arab kids?
A: Saddam
Q: What name is given to newly born Ethiopean kids?
A: Schwartzkopf.

Q: What is said over an unlucky Jew who is hit by a Scud?
A: Scudal V'scudash.

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(These may be a bit esoteric for a wide gentile audience)

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hersh@expo.lcs.mit.edu

An original:

I hear Taco Bell is planning on suing the Iraqi army which has been using their slogan "Make a Run for the Border"

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TS01@music.alleg.edu (TS01000)

Did you hear that Saddam just shot his wife?

He caught her drinking a Busch.

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Iraqi Blowout
jld@hpfipack.fc.hp.com (Jeff Deeney)

(source: myself)

The outcome of the Iraqi war reminds me of a Denver Broncos Superbowl game; a flood of media hype, followed by a complete blowout.

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kgodfrey@bbn.com (Kathy Godfrey)

This is original with a non-net friend of mine, Will Murray:

Q: What is Schwarzkopf's reply to threats from Saddam Hussein?

A: "Yeah? You and what army?"

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Dentists at Desert Storm
V2153A@templevm.UUCP (Eleanor M. Cicinsky)

Now that the war is over, doctors and dentists have been checking the Iraqi POW 's. The dentists are finding that 30 Iraqi soldiers equal one set of teeth.

--part of an opening remark from a Research Administrator's meeting---

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Golfers against Saddam
sane@cs.uiuc.edu (Aamod Sane)

From a New York times advertisement

SADDAM HUSSEIN

Imprinted Golf Balls

* Enjoy driving that face 300 yds. * Excellent Gift * Take out your frustration

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Open the door, let me in
bjb@hubcap.clemson.edu (BJ Backitis (KM4RB))

This was told to me by my girlfriend... it was told to her by a co-worker whose brother just got home from the Gulf region. He flew on some of the air sorties, firing some of the "smart" technology weapons.

Apparently, for several missions this group had been trying to knock out one particularly well-constructed bunker which contained an ammo depot, plus some control operations centers. Several hits to the roof (highly reinforced concrete) proved to be ineffective. So, at one pre-mission briefing, our pilot is told to use a "smart" weapon against the FRONT DOOR of the bunker. The actual target was, in fact, the door lock and handle mechanism, in hopes that a direct hit would make access to the bunker more difficult.

So the mission goes up as scheduled, and the pilot "acquires" his target (the door lock) and fires. As the door was almost as sturdy as the walls, they thought there would be detonation right on the door, but to their surprise the missile kept going right inside the bunker and detonated... in quite a impressive manner, apparently.

Video footage shot from the plane showed that, about one second before the missile was to hit, an Iraqi solder had opened the door!

(I can't guarantee it, but this is supposed to be true)

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Desert Storm headquarters
levy%fndcd.dnet@fngate.UUCP (Mark E. Levy, ext. 8056)

Sign seen on the Marines' first division command center, Saudi Arabia:

MARINES: When you care to send the very best.

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Iraqi Army Regulations
berry@idi.UUCP (Berry Kercheval)

The Iraqi versions of the classic army regulations can be summarized as:

If it doesn't move, hide behind it.

If it does move, surrender to it.

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Soviet measure of quality
jms@netcom.com (John Schonholtz)

Supposedly this joke has been going around Moscow (from the current FORTUNE):

Q: What's the difference between Aeroflot and the Scud Missile?

A: Aeroflot has killed more people.

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Safer as Allied troop than US driver
kyles@microsoft.UUCP

FROM: Dan Quigley @ Microsoft

(Jan - Feb 1991)

Allied KIA's ... 182

People killed in US traffic accidents during same period of time ... 4,440

(source: US News and World Report)

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American Strongman
bobd@zaphod.UUCP (Bob Dalgleish)

[This has been haunting me--I hope it is not deja vu]

[Wash., D.C.]--In a press conference today, President Bush announced that, in light of the great popularity he is enjoying, he wants to be described in news reports as "American Strongman George Bush." "President Bush, while respectful, just does not have that ring to it." Recent events in the Middle East, and Panama have demonstrated not only his manhood but his strength.

When asked if the title shouldn't be changed to "North American Strongman," Bush replied that any tinpot dictator that wanted to take the title away from him, should just go ahead and try. "After all, why should Manuel get a title like that when I helped him get where he got?"

"This should put to rest any lingering doubts in the minds of the people about my manhood. I can now take it out of escrow."

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George Bush, leader of the free world
dag@control.lth.se (Dag Bruck)

Dept. of Automatic Control, Lund, Sweden.

USA Today, March 14, 1991:

George Bush--leader of the free world.

Translated to contemporary English:

George Bush--mother of all presidents.

Man that Saddam Guy is one dumb guy, and his fellow Iraqi aren't to smart either.

I can't believe that he actually has followers. This guy is a complete moron! I mean he thinks he can take over one of the largest, most technological advanced army in the world, and who the hell do he think he is fooling with his chemical weapons. Does he think we are that dumb to figure out he just moved them to a different place? And with that cocky attitude of his calling us the "Big Satan". Look at what we have compared to the idiots over seas

WHO DO YOU THINK IS BETTER?

USA--------------------------------or-------------------------------------IRAQ

Surface peircing tactical nuclear warheads____________Donkey turds(that's his chemical weapon)

Fast, deadly Tanks____________________Donkeys, and rats

M-60, M-16, Bazookas, Grenades___________Pitch forks (Dull pitch forks)and butter knives

Tomahawk Missiles, Hellfire Missiles_____Scud missiles ( The Dictionary says "SCUD----A slap with the open hand" That's good so when we are bombing the crap out of them he is gonna slap us)

Elite Fighting Soldiers, with camouflage, and deadly weapons ___Farmers with towels on their heads, and little pointy sticks.

Saddam I hate to tell ya this But, I'm gonna put my money on the USA. How can one person be so stupid?

Rejected Names For The Iraqi Conflict
10. Operation Delay-The-Inevitable-A-Week-Or-So
9. Operation Best 2-Out-Of-3
8 Operation: From Milton Bradley
7. I Still Know What You Did To The U.N. Weapons Inspectors
6. I Can't Believe It's Not Impeachment
5. When Really, Really Desperate Presidents Attack
4. The Rumble In The Jungle
3. Bill Clinton's Bombin' Countdown To Impeachment
2. The Final Episode Of "Husseinfeld"
1 Chicken Soup For Saddam's Soul

Saddam Hussein Summer Fun Tips
10. Never store fireworks too close to your hidden cache of chemical weapons.
9. Ladies, turn heads at the beach with a skimpy two-piece veil.
8 When it comes to hot dogs, mustard bad, mustard gas good.
7. Your beret makes a great spur-of-the-moment frisbee.
6. When barbecuing, wear hilarious apron that reads: "Kiss the chef or you will be put to death."
5. Thursdays are always half-price at "Wacky Saddam's Family Water Park."
4. Enjoy the cooling breeze from your soldiers waving their flags of surrender.
3. Wet mustache contest!
2. Mix one part iced tea with one part lemonade, pour into large punch bowl, and use to drown your enemies.
1 Two words: camouflage speedo.

Ways Saddam Hussein Celebrated his 61st Birthday
10. Went to Disney's new "Animal Kingdom" and beat a moose to death
9. While holding wrapped present, exclaimed, "It feels like a beret!"
8 Admired his FTD "Wish You Were Dead" bouquet from President Clinton
7. Listened as citizens of Baghdad sang "Happy Birthday"
6. Watched as citizens who didn't sing "Happy Birthday" were shot
5. Read his congratulatory telegram from Satan
4. Saw "The Object of My Affection" -- loved it, loved it, loved it!
3. Played his favorite party game, "Pin the Stead Knife on the Cowardly Traitor"
2. Had a few U.N. dudes in to "his toilet"
1 He got bombed

Bubba
911 Dirt Road
Z-Town	North Carolina	,27597
Confederate States
(333) 123-4567
Don't have'un
NuclearJake123@cs.com

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