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WWF Survivor Series Results:

*Match #1:The Godfather, D-LO Brown and The Headbangers VS The Acolytes & The Dudley Boys
Okay all the members of the God Father's team come out dressed as pimps but Too Gay looks more like clowns. Anyway Buh Buh Ray wants some ho's but Godfather says n..n..nn...NO! Anyway Bradshaw gives Trasher the Clothesline from Heck because this is a family friendly website and Trasher is gone.
Eliminated: Thrasher

Dudley's give Mosh 3D and he is out too.

Eliminated: Mosh

Acolytes get some chairs and attack the Dudley's. They brawl all the way to the back until D'von and Farooq eliminate each other by countout or whatever.. Bradshaw is missing... anyway down to Father and D'lo against BUh Buh Ray. Ray hits a phat dudley bomb from the top rope on D'Lo but D'lo makes the tag. Ho train on Buh Buh Ray and right away D'Lo hit the Lo' Down on Ray to end this mess.

Winners: Pimp Daddy and D'Lo

*Match #2:Kurt Angle VS Sean Stasiak
Joy.. 2 men who haven't even been on Raw or Smackdown ever are gonna be wrestling at the 4th biggest ppv of the year. Meat.. er Stasiak hits the ring looking like he misses some Cho-Cha from Terri. Anyhow... Fink makes a very special intro for Angle..
Fink: The most celebrated real athlete in WWF history KURT ANGLE!

Oh God.. THEY ARE PLAYING THE PATRIOTS MUSIC!! NOOOO I MISS THE PATRIOT! Angle dressed in Red,White, and Blue.Angle looks like he is on crack. Angle with a takedown to start things off but no crowd reaction. Crowd begins to chant BOOOORING BOOOORING and I couldn't agree more. They should give him a freakin chance though. Angle has him in some armbar submission move. Crowd begins to chant LET'S GO REDWINGS! They are amusing themselves... Fucking Marks..

And I am amusing myself by typing the word Marks in this paragraph. Marks. There I said it. Uhh they exchange blows..that sounded funny. Angle loks like he is ready for a heel turn. He grabs the mic and says.. " YOU DO NOT BOO AN OLYMPIC GOLD MEDALIST! I CAME HERE FOR YOU! YOU DO NOT BOO AN OLYMPIC GOLD MEDALIST!"

Stasiak climbs the top rope but Angle moves and Stan the man misses with a crossbody. Angle hits his finisher on Stan which looks like an inverted Death Valley Driver and the crowd boo's. JR and Lawler make a big deal of the crowd reaction. Me smells a heel turn and a Euro Title ( that belt is still there right? ) push.

Winner: The Real Athlete Kurt Angle

*Match #3:Val Venis, Mark Henry, Gangrel & Steve Blackman VS Pete Gas, Joey Abs, Rodney & The Brittish Bulldog
Val hits the ring, followed by that fat piece of chocolate we call Mark Henry. Gangrel followed by Mr. No HEAT Steve Blackman. The Shit Street Posse hit the ring with the Dogg. JR brings up Bret being screwed by Vince McMahon. That's exactly how he said it too. Uhh back to the match.
Match drags on for 10 minutes and finally Henry hits the splash to eliminate Abs but the rest of the mean street pussy have been eliminated by Team Penis er Venis already. Bulldog hits a superplex on Gangrel and he is gone.

Down to Blackman,Penis,Henry VS Bulldogg

Anyway Bulldog eliminates Blackman. Then Venis hits the Cum.....er.....Money Shot on Doggy to win it.

Winners: Venis and Henry

*Match #4:The Whore's VS The Geezers
Match is now ONE FALL ( THANK YOU GOD ) so it's sudden death which should be very soon for Moolah and Young. Uhh after a double team move by the geezer's Moolah ( I wish it was BEAULAH ) pins Ivory. All hell breaks loose. As we have 12 puppies and 4 bulldogs. Debra strips Terri and thats it. THANK GOD
Winner: The Geezers and Tori and Debra

*Match #5:X-Pac VS Kane
Paccer hits the ring as Kane makes his spooky way down to a phat pop. VERY EXCELLENT POP. Too bad he is losing. Anyway I missed the whole f'n match for reasons I can't reveal to the public. But Kane caught XPAC in the tombstone and HHH hit him with a chair.
Winner by DQ: Kane

*The Stone Cold Steve Austin Mystery
Stone Cold Steve Austin is interviewed in the back. Suddenly, Triple H runs in and attacks Austin. HHH then runs away, and Austin follows him into the parking lot. Austin is looking for HHH, then suddenly a truck runs through a fence and hits Austin. Austin is knocked out. The commentators seem very concerned. Jim Ross walks away and goes to the back in the parking lot. The McMahons are also there. Vince McMahon asks Jim Dotson if he saw who was driving the truck. Austin is out cold. McMahon yells at HHH, "You did this you son of a bitch!" This is very confusing. Who was in the car??? Hmmm...

*Match #6:Chris Jericho VS Chyna W/Miss Kitty-I.C TITLE MATCH
Jericho's music hits and the crowd goes wild. Huge pop for Y2J. Chyna then comes down with her new theme along with Miss Kitty, who is looking lovely as usual. They start off pretty even. Hurricanrana is hit by Chyna. The king and Ross are not into this match, due to the Austin incident. Chris Jericho trash talks to Chyna. They're on the outside. Jericho attacking Chyna on the outside. Throws her into the security railing. Jericho throws Chyna back in the ring. Dropkick by Jericho right in Chyna's face. And Chyna kicks out. Jericho seems to be toying with Chyna. Suplex by Jericho. Ross says that Stone Cold Steve Austin was conscience when he was backstage. He says that he saw Austin's arm moving. He says that the EMTs are concerned about Austin's head and neck. Chyna fighting back, but Jericho takes control "agayne." Jericho is getting huge pops by the crowd. They love Y2J. Jericho taunts Miss Kitty. Jericho poses for the crowd and clotheslines Chyna to the outside. Jericho goes after Chyna but Miss Kitty gets involved, and Jericho kisses her. Miss Kitty jumps on Jericho's back, but Jericho shakes her off. Chyna hits a spear on Jericho, and is finally back on offense. Jericho then takes control and gives Chyna a powerbomb. He goes for the pin and Chyna kicks out again! Springboard asai moonsault attempt by Jericho, but he misses. Jericho is in the corner, and Chyna hits a springboard elbow. Jericho grabs the IC title and nails Chyna with the IC title right in the face. The ref doesn't see it. Jericho goes for the pin and Chyna kicks out! Chyna grabs Jericho and hits the Pedigree!! 1-2-NOOO! Jericho kicks out! Great match. Walls of Jericho!!! HUGE POP by the crowd. Chyna not giving up, goes for the ropes, she's very close, but Jericho pulls her back. Chyna then edges her way back, and grabs the ropes! The ref breaks the hold and Jericho thinks he has won. The ref says no, and the crowd boos. Jericho is on the top, and Chyna hits a low blow. Chyna then climbs to the top and NO NO NO PEDIGREE OFF THE TOP. 1-2-3!! NOOOOOOO!!!! CHYNA BEATS JERICHO!!!!?!?!?!? The crowd is stunned, and so am I. Lawler reminds us that Jericho promised he would undergo a sex change if he lost this match. Ha ha.

*Shane McMahon & D-X Segment
Degeneration X is in the McMahon locker room with Shane. HHH says, "don't worry, we're just looking for your dad." Shane says that Vince is in the hospital with Austin because of them. DX says that they had nothing to do with it. HHH then says, "So it's not a triple threat anymore, right?" Shane gets angry and kicks them out of the locker room.

*Match #7:The Hardy Boyz, Edge & Christian VS The Holly's & Too Much
The Hollys come down first to a pretty small reaction. Too Cool comes down to basically no reaction. Why? These guys are hilarious. Edge & Christian come down next, followed by the Hardys. Huge pops for the faces. Scott Taylor and Edge start things off. Brian Christopher err.. Grandmaster Sexy is laughing once again, in his own unique way. Jim Ross constantly mentions Austin being hit by the car earlier tonight. JR doesn't seem into the match at all. Lawler says, "When Grandmaster Sexy comes in, I'm sure you'll get into it." Crash is in, and Matt Hardy. Crash on the outside. Matt Hardy with a crossbody to the outside. Hardcore Holly comes in and goes after Jeff Hardy. Jeff Hardy hits a backdrop over the top rope and nails 4 men. JR is beginning to get on my nerves. He is mentioning Austin every 10 seconds. Lawler seems into this match. I wonder why. Grandmaster Sexy in the ring. Bulldog by Grandmaster. This is kinda hard to keep up with. Grandmaster Sexy puts on those "cool" goggles. G. Sexay accidentally takes out the camera man and loses his goggles. Hardcore Holly is tagged in, and in comes Edge. The crowd is practically silent. Spear by Edge on Hardcore. And another on Crash. G. Sexy does a little dance. Edge accidentally takes out Matt Hardy. Rollup by Hardcore Holly on Edge, and... EDGE has been eliminated. Scotty Too Hotty then pins Matt Hardy. Matt Hardy has been eliminated. Powerbomb by G. Sexay on Matt Hardy, but Hardy kicks out. Dropkick by Scott Too Hotty on Jeff Hardy, but Hardy kicks out. Jeff Hardy on the top rope and and hits a beautiful move on Scotty Too Hotty. 1-2-3. Scotty Too Hotty has been eliminated. Then suddenly, Jeff Hardy has been eliminated. And Grandmaster Sexy has been eliminated. WTF is GOING ON??? Everything is moving too slow, yet too fast. I seriously cannot stand Ross anymore. He hasn't said anything but things about Austin, and "there's a cover." Christian then hits a beautiful move and Crash Holly has been eliminated. Christian tries the victory roll on Hardcore Holly, and Hardcore picks up the win for his squad. Man, this was a very confusing match. Sorry for the slacking details towards the end.
- Winner: Hardcore Holly

*Update on Stone Cold Steve Ausin
Shane McMahon in the back. JR asks for an update on Stone Cold. Shane says that he has not lost consciousness, but has suffered severe head and neck trama. JR asks if there will still be a Triple Threat match. Shane says there will be a Triple Threat match, but it won't be with Stone Cold Steve Austin.

*Match #8:The New Age Outlaws VS Al Snow & Mankind-TAG-TEAM TITLE MATCH
NAO comes out. Road Dogg is on the mic. "Welcome to the Dogg house. Where you know those New Age Outlaws like to kick that shiznit doggy style... with all your mommas." Mankind and Snow come out. Mankind is on the mic: "Just for the record, coming from somebody who knows him very well. Stone Cold Steve Austin is one tough son of a bitch. And as soon as this thing's over, we're gonna be thinking about you all the way. But until then. Al Snow and I are gonna be thinking about two things, and that's your asses." The match gets underway. Neckbreaker by Billy Gunn on Mankind. Mankind kicks out. Sleeper applied on Mankind by Mr. Ass. Mr. Ass and Mankind on the outside. 96% of the commentating in this pay per view is about Stone Cold Steve Austin's condition. Al Snow comes in along with Road Dogg. It should be VERY interesting to see where the WWF is going with this Austin injury thing. Good stuff by the WWF. Mankind is in, and goes after the Road Dogg. Road Dogg thrown outside by Mankind. I wish Joey Styles was commentating. Ross mentions that the Triple Threat match is next. Al Snow and Mankind doing a good job wearing down the Road Dogg. Al Snow with a series of headbutts on the D-O-Double G. Knee lift by Mankind. Road Dogg finally makes the tag. All four men are in the ring. The crowd is dead as usual. The only match they were really into was the Jericho-Chyna match. This is extremely boring. We need Joel Gertner jokes. They're now on the outside. Road Dogg off the apron and jumps on the Al Snow on the outside. Al Snow launched into the turnbuckle with an Irish whip by the Road Dogg. End the match, end the match, end the match. Mr. Ass and Mankind are in the ring. Mankind does a little shake rattle and roll, Road Dogg style, and the crowd actually does something! Fame Asser by Mr. Ass on Mankind! Road Dogg goes for the cover, but Mankind kicks out. Mankind hits a low blow. Snow Plow on the Road Dogg, and Mankind reaches for Socko. Mankind gives Mr. Ass a taste of Socko. Al Snow is hit with Head. Road Dogg trips Mankind, and a spike piledriver by Mr. Ass and the New Age Outlaws come out on top.
- Winners: New Age Outlaws

*Match #9:HHH VS The Rock VS ??????-HEAVYWEIGHT TITLE MATCH
Lawler makes a good point. He says that Vince McMahon is supposed to be the special guest referee in the triple threat match. Austin and McMahon are both in the hospital. What's going to happen?? Then then show the car hitting Austin. Oh man, how sweet would it be if the Rock was driving the car? Or maybe HBK. Little correction on an earlier post. I posted that a "truck" hit Austin. I don't know what the hell I was thinking, but I meant to say a car hit Austin.
The Rock vs. Triple H vs. ??? for the WWF Championship
The Rock comes out first to a good pop. Triple H then comes out. Finkle then makes the announcement. "And their opponent, the Big Show." The Big Show gets a pretty good pop by the crowd, but a lot of them seem pretty confused. The Rock and HHH are doubleteaming The Big Show. The Rock and HHH then go after each other. The Big Show is dominating his opponents. The Big Show nails HHH in the face with his size 20 boot. The Rock comes in and hits a side Russian leg sweep and takes the Big Show down. The Rock then signals for the People's Elbow! The crowd goes wild. The Rock hits the elbow! But HHH makes the save. Crowd chants, "Rocky, Rocky, Rocky." HHH rakes the eye of the Big Show. The Big Show hit the sidewalk slam on the Rock. Another slow paced match. They go to the outside. The Big Show hits a gorilla press on HHH. The Rock "hammering away" on Triple H. They are fighting on the ramp. The crowd is behind the Rock all the way. The Rock hits the Big Show in the head with a fire extinguisher. The Rock hits a suplex on Triple H on the concrete floor. The Big Show picks up the Rock and tries a chokeslam, but HHH goes down low and nails the Big Show. The match is actually getting pretty good. They finally come back near the annouce table. Ummm, what happened to the countout rule? Oh well. The Rock nails the Big Show with the ring bell. Triple H tries to suplex the Big Show, but to no evail. A double suplex by the Rock and HHH onto the Big Show through the poor poor Spanish announce table! Lawler gives us an "Oh my God." The Rock and HHH are battling in the crowd. This match is officially good. The Big Show is still lying down near the Spanish announce table. The Rock and HHH continue to battle. The Rock nails the referee with a clothesline. HHH tries a Pedigree, but the Rock counters! ROCKBOTTOM!!!!!! BUT THERE'S NO REFEREE, BUT THERE'S SHANE MCMAHON!!!! 1-2- ?? WHERE'S 3? WHERE'S 3????!!? JUST KIDDING! HHH kicks out! The Big Show finally gets back up. Shane McMahon is now the referee. This is getting GOOD. The Rock into the steel steps by the Big Show. Triple H PEDIGREES SHANE! MMisterio: THAT WAS MICHAELS MUSIC!!! Wait, I think I heard the beginning HBK's music too. WTF IS GOING ON?!?!? DX is out! And Vince McMahon is out!! McMahon has the title belt! McMahon nails Triple H with the belt!! SUSPENSE! Big Show with a chokeslam on HHH and THE BIG SHOW WINS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHAT THE HELL?? The Big Show has "tears of joy" running down his face. The Rock is having words with Vince McMahon. MMisterio: HOW DO YOU GO FROM BEING STICK IN MIDCARD HELL WITH BOSSMAN TO WINNING THE F***ING TITLE!? And folks, the PPV is over. I, for one, cannot wait for RAW tomorrow.

Pretty good pay per view by the WWF. Who was driving the humme.. I mean car?? What's up with Austin? Why is the Big Show champ? Hopefully these questions and more will be answered on RAW tomorrow.

Thanks for joining us for tonight's Survivor Series coverage! Until next time, good night!

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Page Updated Mon Nov 15, 1999 1:45am EST