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Businessman vs Businesswoman
COMPUTERS
Corporate World
EMOTIONS
EMPLOYMENT ADS
He and She
HOW TO LIVE
JOKES
PERSONALITY TESTS
Personality Traits
PROFESSIONS
Reference
They Have Our Link
Variety
Women and biz
POPULAR EMAILS
Communication
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| Genders communicating: What a woman says: "This place is a mess! C'mon! You and I need to clean up. Your stuff is lying on the floor, and you'll have no clothes to wear if we don't do the laundry right now!" What a man hears: "blah, blah, blah, blah, C'MON blah, blah, blah, blah, YOU AND I blah, blah, blah, blah, ON THE FLOOR blah, blah, blah, blah, NO CLOTHES blah, blah, blah, blah, RIGHT NOW!" ***************** This was sent to me by a friend of mine: IN PRAISE OF OLDER WOMEN > An older woman will never wake you up in the middle of the night & ask you, "What are you thinking?" An older woman doesn't care what you think. > An older woman always carries a condom in her purse. A younger woman is still hoping the guy might have one on him. > An older woman is a cheaper date. A younger woman will cost you 12 beers, but an older woman will sleep with you after a cup of a herbal tea. > The older a woman gets, the stronger her libido gets and the older a man gets, the weaker his libido gets ... which is why nature intended young guys to go out with older women and young women to go out with older men. > An older woman can wear bright red lipstick during the day without looking like she just had an adventure inside a jam jar. This is not true of younger women or drag queens. > An older woman is into free sex! An older woman is almost always already attached to someone, so there's no need to develop a phobia about committing to her. The last thing she needs in her life is another clingy, whiny, dependent lover! > > Older women are more honest. An older woman will tell you that you are an asshole if you're acting like one. A young woman will say nothing, just in case it means you might break up with her. > An older woman will never get pregnant and then suddenly demand that the two of you get married. In fact, if you impregnate an older woman, you will probably be the last to know... > Older women have jobs with dental plans. Younger women can't help you when your teeth get knocked out playing hockey. > An older woman will never accuse you of "using her." She's using you. > Older women take charge of the situation. An older woman will call you up and ask you for a date. A younger woman will wait forever, by the phone, for you to call... > Older women know how to cook. Young women know how to dial Pizza Hut Take out. > An older woman will introduce you to all of her girlfriends. A younger woman will avoid her girlfriends when she's with you, in case you get any ideas... > Older women are psychic. You never have to confess to having an affair, because somehow they always know. > Older women often own an interesting collection of lingerie that they have acquired from admirers over the years. Young women often don't wear underpants at all, thus practically eliminating all possibility of a strip-tease. > An older woman will agree to go to McDonald's with you for a meal. Younger women are too nervous to eat anything in front of somebody that they might possibly boff later. > Older women are dignified. They are beyond having a screaming match with you in the middle of the night in a public park. > Older women are experienced. They understand that sometimes, after 12 beers, a boy just can't get it up. A younger woman may need some time to grasp this fact. > An older woman has lots of girlfriends ... and most of them will want to boff you too. > An older woman will never accuse you of stealing the best years of her youth because chances are someone else has stolen them first. 5/00 ******** HAZMAT FEDERAL SHEETS: An oldie, but a classic!! HAZARDOUS MATERIALS INFORMATION SYSTEM - MATERIAL SAFETY DATA SHEET WOMEN: A Chemical Analysis ELEMENT: Woman SYMBOL: Wo DISCOVERER: Adam ATOMIC MASS: Accepted as 118 lbs., but known to vary from 75 to 550 lbs. OCCURRENCE: Copious quantities throughout the world PHYSICAL PROPERTIES: 1. Surface usually covered with a painted film. 2. Boils at nothing, freezes without reason. 3. Melts if given special treatment. 4. Bitter if incorrectly used. 5. Found in various states ranging from virgin metal to common ore. 6. Yields to pressure applied to correct points. CHEMICAL PROPERTIES: 1. Has a great affinity for gold, silver, platinum, and precious stones. 2. Absorbs great quantities of expensive substances. 3. May explode spontaneously without prior warning, and for no known reason. 4. Insoluble in liquids, but activity greatly increased by saturation in alcohol. 5. Most powerful money-reducing agent known to man. COMMON USES: 1. Highly ornamental, especially in sports cars. 2. Can be a great aid to relaxation. 3. Very effective cleaning agent. TESTS: 1. Pure specimen turns rosy pink when discovered in natural state. 2. Turns green when placed beside a better specimen. HAZARDS: 1. Highly dangerous except in experienced hands. 2. Illegal to possess more than one, although several can be maintained at different locations as long as specimens do not come into direct contact with each other. HAZARDOUS MATERIALS INFORMATION SHEET - MATERIALS SAFETY DATA SHEET MEN: A CHEMICAL ANALYSIS ELEMENT: MAN SYMBOL: Ego DISCOVERER: Eve. Discovered by accident one day when she had a craving for ribs. ATOMIC MASS: Accepted as 170 lbs, known to vary from 98 to 360 lbs. OCCURRENCE: Large quantities in all populated areas. Highly concentrated deposits at all sporting events and areas known as "singles bars". Extremely low quantities can be found in any location where cleaning up is required. (See Women and Slave Labor) PHYSICAL PROPERTIES: 1. Surface often covered with hair--bristly in some areas, soft in others. 2. Boils when inconvenienced, freezes when faced with Logic and Common Sense. 3. Melts if treated like a God. 4. Can cause headaches and severe body aches; handle with extreme caution. 5. Specimens can be found in various states ranging from deeply sensitive to extremely thick. 6. Becomes stubborn and unyielding when pressure is applied; yields only when subtlety, subterfuge, flattery are applied. CHEMICAL PROPERTIES: 1. Is repelled by concentrated quantities of precious and semi-precious metals and stones (See Jewelry Store). However, is attracted to small quantities of these when viewed worn against the skin of a woman. It is believed woman's skin combines with the aforementioned to create a highly magnetic attraction for this element. 2. May explode spontaneously if wallet is opened. 3. Requires copious quantities of substances known as attention, reassurance, and stroking. 4. When saturated with Alcohol will be fairly inert and will repel most other elements. 5. Is repelled by most household appliances and common household cleansers. 6. Is repelled by small children clothed in diapers, particularly those of the malodorous variety. 7. Is rendered non-functional when confronted with the items in #5 & #6 8. Is neutral to common courtesy and fairness. 9. Is impervious to embarrassment. 10. Most powerful embittering and aggravating agent known to woman. 5/00 ************** A boss' 45th birthday: Two weeks ago was my 45th birthday, and I wasn't feeling too hot that morning anyway. I went to breakfast knowing my wife would be pleasant and say "Happy Birthday," and probably have a present for me. She didn't even say "Good Morning," let alone any "Happy Birthday." >I thought, "Well, that's wives for you. The children will remember." The children came in to breakfast and didn't say a word. When I started to the office I was feeling pretty low and despondent. >As I walked into my office, my secretary, Janet said,"Good Morning Boss, "Happy Birthday." And I felt a little better; Someone had remembered. >I worked until noon. Then, Janet knocked on my door and said, "You know, it's such a beautiful day outside and it's your birthday, let's go to lunch, just you and me." >I said, "By George, that's the greatest thing I've heard all day. Let's go." We went to lunch. We didn't go where we normally go; we went out into the country to a little private place. We had two martinis and enjoyed lunch tremendously. >On the way back to the office, she said, "You know, it's such a beautiful day. >We don't need to go back to the office, do we?" I said, "No, I guess not." She said, "Let's go to my apartment." After arriving at her apartment she said, "Boss, if you don't mind, I think I'll go into the bedroom and slip into something more comfortable. " Sure," I excitedly replied. >She went into the bedroom and, in about six minutes, she came out carrying a big birthday cake, followed by my wife, children, and dozens of our friends. All were singing Happy Birthday...and there on the couch I sat......naked. BASIC MATH About romance: Smart man + smart woman = romance Smart man + dumb woman = pregnancy Dumb man + smart woman = affair Dumb man + dumb woman = marriage About work: Smart boss + smart employee = profit Smart boss + dumb employee = production Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime About men and women: A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs. A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need. A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife. A successful man is one who makes more money that his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man. To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little . To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all. Married men lived longer than single man, but married men are a lot more willing to die. Any married man should forget his mistakes, there's no use in two people remembering the same thing. Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed. Women somehow deteriorate during the night. A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't. A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does. A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument. There are 2 times when a man doesn't understand a woman - before and after marriage. ****************** ITS GREAT TO BE A MAN: Your last name stays put. The garage and the basement is all yours. Wedding plans take care of themselves. Chocolate is just another snack. You can be president. You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park. Car mechanics tell you the truth. You don't give a rat's ass if someone notices your new haircut. The world is your urinal. You never have to drive to another gas station because this one's just too icky. Same work...more pay. Wrinkles add character. Wedding Dress $5,000; Tux rental $100. People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them. New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet One mood, ALL the damn time. Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat. You know stuff about tanks. A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase. You can open all your own jars. You can leave the motel bed unmade. You can kill your own food. You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness. If someone forgets to invite you to something, he or she can still be your friend. Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack. You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passenger seat. Three pairs of shoes are more than enough. You can quietly watch a game with your buddy for hours without ever thinking: "He must be mad at me." You can drop by to see a friend without having to bring a little gift. If another guy shows up at the party in the same outfit, you just might become lifelong friends. You are not expected to know the names of more than five colors. You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt. You almost never have strap problems in public. You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes. The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades. You don't have to shave below your neck. One wallet and one pair of shoes, one color, all seasons. You can do your nails with a pocketknife. You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache. Cristmas shopping can be accomplished for 25 relatives on December 24th, in 45 minutes. > And this came from a guy, by the way... We Women: We got off the Titanic first. We can scare male bosses with mysterious gynecological disorder excuses. We've never lusted after a cartoon character or the central figure in a computer game. Taxis stop for us. We don't look like a frog in a blender when dancing. No fashion faux pas we make could ever rival The Speedo. We don't have to fart to amuse ourselves. If we forget to shave, no one has to know. We can congratulate our teammate without ever touching her ass. We never have to reach down every so often to make sure our privates are still there. We have the ability to dress ourselves. We can talk to people of the opposite sex without having to picture them naked. If we marry someone 20 years younger, we're aware that we look like an idiot. There are times when chocolate really can solve all your problems. We'll never regret piercing our ears. We can fully assess a person just by looking at their shoes. |
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