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| Q. What do a Rubix cube and a penis have in common? A. The longer you play with them, the harder they get. Q. What does an old woman have between her breasts that a young woman doesn't? A. A navel. Q. What is the difference between a woman and a washing machine? A. You can bung your load in a washing machine and it won't call you a week later. Q. Why did god create Adam before he created eve? A. Because he didn't want anyone telling him how to make Adam. Q. What is a lesbian's favorite thing to eat? A. A Klondike Bar Q. What did the elephant say to the naked man? A. "How do you breath through something so small?" Q. Why don't women where watches? A. There's a clock on the stove! Q. What doesn't belong in this list : Meat, Eggs, Wife, Blowjob? A. Blowjob: You can beat your meat, eggs or wife, but you can't beat a blowjob. Q. Have you heard about the new super-sensitive condoms? A. They hang around after the man leaves and talks to the woman. Q. What's worse than getting raped by Jack the Ripper? A. Getting fingered by Captain Hook. Q. What do a walrus and Tupperware have in common? A. They both like a tight seal. Q. What's the difference between a wife and a wheelie bin? A. You only have to take out a wheelie bin once a week. Q. What did the two lesbian frogs say to each other? A. WE DO TASTE LIKE CHICKEN! Q. What did the banana say to the vibrator? A. Why are you shaking she's going to eat me. Q. What would happen if the Pilgrims had killed cats instead of turkeys? A. We'd eat pussy every Thanksgiving. Q. What's the difference between love and herpes? A. Love doesn't last forever. Q. How do you make your girlfriend scream while having sex? A. Call her and tell her. Q. A man noticed that his credit card had been stolen but didn't report it. A. The thief was spending less then his wife. Q. Why do women have small feet? A. So they can stand closer to the kitchen sink. Q. Why do men die before their wives? A. They want to. Q. How do men sort out their laundry? A. Filthy, and filthy but wearable. Q. What's the difference between a man and ET? A. ET phoned home. Q. Why haven't they sent a woman to the moon yet? A. It doesn't need cleaning. Q. Why is a pap smear called a pap smear? A. Because women wouldn't do them if they were called cunt scrapes. Q. What's the difference between your paycheck and your cock? A. You don't have to beg your wife to blow your paycheck! Q. What do you call kids born in whorehouses? A. Brothel sprouts. Q. What's the difference between a 40 year-old man, and a 40 year-old woman? A. A 40 year-old woman dreams of having children, a 40 year-old man dreams of dating them. Q. What's white, smells, and can be found in panties? A. Clitty litter Q. I married Miss Right. A. I just didn't know her first name was "Always." Q. Why is psychoanalysis quicker for men than for women? A. When it's time to go back to his childhood, he's already there. Q. How do you know when your cat's done cleaning himself? A. He's smoking a cigarette. Q. Did you hear about the constipated mathematician? A. He worked it out with a pencil. Q. Who's the world's greatest athlete? A. The guy who finishes first and third in a masturbation contest. Q. Why do men pay more for car insurance? A. Women don't get blow jobs while they're driving Q. Why do schools in West Virginia only have Drivers Ed two days a week? A. Because they need their cars for Sex Ed the other three days a week! Q. Three words to ruin a man's ego... A. "Is it in?" Q. What is the cheapest meat? A. Deer balls, there under a buck. Q. How does a guy know if he has a high sperm count? A. If the girl has to chew, before she swallows. Q. What's in the toilet of the star ship enterprise? A. The captains log. Q. What do you call a woman with her tongue sticking out? A. A lesbian with a hard-on. Q. What do you get when you cross Raggedy Ann and the Pillsbury Dough Boy? A. A red headed bitch with a yeast infection. Q. What do you call two lesbians with their period? A. Finger painting. Q. Did you hear they came out with a new lesbian shoe? A. They're called Dikes. They have an extra long tonge and only take one finger to get off! Q. What's the difference between tampons and cowboy hats? A. Cowboy hats are for ass holes. Q. How can you tell when an auto mechanic just had sex? A. One of his fingers is clean. Q. Why does a penis have a hole in the end? A. So men can be open minded. Q. What's the biggest fish in the world? A. A hore, if you catch one you can eat her for months. Q. How can you tell if your girlfriend wants you? A. When you put your hand down her pants and it feels like you're feeding a horse. Q. Have you heard about the new 'Mint flavored birth control pill for women that they take immediately before sex? A. They're called 'Predickamints' Q. What is the difference between a golf ball and a g-spot? A. Men will spend two hours searching for a golf ball. Q. What's the difference between a toad and a horny toad? A. One goes "ribbit" the other goes "rub it".' Q. Did you hear about the guy who finally figured out women? A. He died laughing before he could tell anybody. Q. What's the difference between Mad Cow disease and PMS? A. Nothing. Q. How do you confuse a female archaeologist? A. Give her a used tampon and ask her what period it's from. Q. Why does the bride always wear white? A. Well aren't all kitchen appliances that colour? Q. Whats the difference between parsley and pussy? A. Nobody eats parsley. Q. What's green, slimy and smells like Miss Piggy? A. Kermits Finger Q: What do you do with 365 used rubbers? A: Melt them down, make a tire, and call it a Goodyear. Q: What's the difference between sin and shame? A: It is a sin to put it in, but it's a shame to pull it out. Q: What's the speed limit of sex? A: 68 because at 69 you have to turn around. Q: What's the ultimate rejection? A: When you're masturbating and your hand falls asleep. Q: Why did Raggedy Anne get thrown out of the toy box? A: Because she kept sitting on Pinocchio's face moaning, "Lie to me!" Q: Why is air a lot like sex? A: Because it's no big deal unless you're not getting any. Q: What did the egg say to the boiling water? A: "How can you expect me to get hard so fast? I just got laid a minute ago." Q: What did the potato chip say to the battery? A: If you're Eveready, I'm Frito Lay. Q:What's the best thing about a blow job? A:Ten minutes of silence! Q: What's the difference between a lesbian and a Ritz cracker? A: Ones a snack cracker, and the others a crack snacker! Q: What's another name for pickled bread? A: Dill-dough Q: Why did Frosty the Snowman pull down his pants? A: He heard the snowblower coming. Q: What do you call a lesbian dinosaur? A: Lickalotopuss. Q. What is the difference between a bachelor and a married man? A. Bachelor comes home, sees what's in the refrigerator, goes to bed. Married man comes home, sees what's in the bed, and goes to the refrigerator. |
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