BLONDE JOKES - http://homestead.com/bestjokes0/Chat.html - Entertainment - http://maxpages.com/bestjokes/Blonde

Q: What do you call a blonde with half a brain? A: Gifted!2. Q: How do blonde braincells
die?A: Alone.3. Q: What do you call a blonde with 2 brain cells? A: Pregnant.4. Q: How
do you brainwash a blonde?A: Give her a douche and shake her upside down. 5. Q: What
do you call it when a blonde dies their hair brunette? A: Artificial intelligence.6. Q: How
does a blonde part their hair? A1: (Action of scissoring legs apart)A2: By doing the
splits.7. Q: Why aren't blondes good cattle herders? A: Because they can't even keep two
calves together! 8. Q: What did the blonde's right leg say to the left leg? A: Nothing.
They've never met.9. Q: Why do blondes wash their hair in the sink? A: Because, that's
where you're supposed to wash vegetables! 10. Q: When does a brunette have 1/2 of a
brain? A: After a dye job.11. Q: Why didn't the blonde want a window seat on the plane?
A1: She'd just dyed her hair.A2: She'd just blow dried her hair and she didn't want it blown
around too much.12. Q: Why do blondes wear their hair up? A: To catch everything that
goes over their heads. 13. Q: Why is it good to have a blonde passenger? A: You can park
in the handicap zone.14. Q: What was the blonde psychic's greatest achievment? A: An
IN-body experience!15. Q: Why is a blonde like a turtle?A: They both get fucked up when
they're on their back. 16. Q: What do Darren Millane (Collingwood footballer killed in a
recent car crash) and a blonde have in common? A: Put either of 'em in a car and their
fucked. 17. Q: What's a blonde's favorite nursery rhyme? A: Humpme Dumpme.18. Q:
How do you make a blonde's eyes light up? A: Shine a flashlight in their ear.19. Q: How
do you get a blondes eyes to twinkle? A: Shine a torch in her ears.20. Q: Why should
blondes not be given coffee breaks? A: It takes too long to retrain them.21. Q1 How can
you tell if a blonde's been using the computer? A: There's white-out on the screen.Q2:
How can you tell if another blonde's been using the computer? A: There's writing on the
white-out.22. Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a computer? A: You only
have to punch information into a computer once. 23. Q: What do a blonde and your
computer have in common? A: You don't know how much either of them mean to you
until they go down on you.24. Q: What did the blonde think of the new computer? A: She
didn't like it because she couldn't get channel 9. 25. Q: Why do blondes wear shoulder
pads? A: (With a rocking of the head from side to side) I dunno! 26. Q: How do you kill a
blonde? A: Put spikes in their shoulder pads.27. Q: How do blondes pierce their ears? A:
They put tacks in their shoulder pads. 28. Q: Why don't blondes eat Jello?A: They can't
figure out how to get two cups of water into those little packages.29. Q: What do you call
a blonde with a dollar on the top of their head? A: All you can eat, under a buck.30. Q:
Why don't blondes eat pickles?A: Because they can't get their head in the jar. 31. Q: Why
don't blondes eat bananas?A1: They can't find the zipper.A2: They cant find the pull
tab.32. Q: Why do blondes wear hoop earrings? A: They have to have some place to rest
their ankles. 33. Q: Why do blondes where big hoop earrings? A: To put their feet
through.34. Q: What does a blonde put behind her ears to make her more attractive? A:
Her ankles.35. Q: Why do blondes wear green lipstick? A: Because red means stop.36. Q:
Why do blondes wear red lipstick? A: Because red means "Stop, wrong hole." 37. Q: How
can you tell if a blonde has been in your refrigerator? A: By the lipstick on your
cucumbers.38. Q: Why don't blondes use vibrators?A: They chip their teeth.39. Q: Why
do blondes wear underwear?A: They make good ankle warmers.40. Q: What do blondes
do for foreplay?A: Remove their underwear.41. Q: Why don't blondes in San Francisco
wear short black mini skirts? A: Cause their balls show!42. Q: What's the mating call of
the blonde? A: "I'm *sooo* drunk!"43. Q: What is the mating call of the ugly blonde? A:
(Screaming) "I said: I'm drunk!"44. Q: How did the blonde die ice fishing? A: She was run
over by the zambonis machine. 45. Q: What's a brunette's mating call?A: Has that blonde
gone yet?A2: When is that blonde bitch going to leave!? A3: "All the blondes have gone
home!"46: Q: Why do blondes drive BMWs?A: Because they can spell it.47. Q: Why do
blondes like the GST? (GST -- Goods and Services Tax now in effect in Canada)A:
Because they can spell it.48. Q: What is 74 to a blonde?A: 69 plus G.S.T.49. Q: Why do
blondes have TGIF on their shoes? A: Toes Go In First.50. Q: Why do blondes have TGIF
on their shirts? A: Tits Go In Front.51. Q: What do you call a brunette with a blonde on
either side? A: An interpreter.52. Q: What do you call a blonde between two brunettes? A:
A mental block.53. Q: How do you change a blonde's mind? A1: Blow in her ear.A2: Buy
her another beer.54. Q: What do you say to a blonde that won't give in? A: "Have another
beer."55. Q: What do blondes do with their arseholes in the morning? A: Pack their lunch
and send them to work. 56. Q: What's the first thing a blonde does in the morning? A1:
Introduces themself.A2: Walks home.57. Q: How does a blonde like her eggs in the
morning? A: Fertilized.58. Q: How does a blonde like her eggs?A: Unfertilized. 59. Q:
What's the first thing a blonde does after sex? A: Opens the car door.60. Q: How do
blondes turn the light on after sex? A: Kick open the car door.61. Q: Why do blondes like
tilt steering? A: More head room.62. Q: Why do blondes drive cars with sunroofs? A:
More leg room.63. Q: What is the worst thing about sex with a blonde? A: Bucket
seats.64. Q: What do blondes say after sex?A1: "Thanks, Guys!"A2: "Are you boys all in
the same band?" A3: Do you guys all play for the team? A4: Who were all those guys?65.
Q: Why is a blonde like a door knob? A: Because everybody gets a turn.66. Q: Why is a
blonde like railroad tracks? A: Because she's been laid all over the country. 67. Q: What
important question does a blonde ask her mate before having sex? A: Do you want this by
the hour, or the flat rate? 68. Q: Why do blonde girls have trouble achieving orgasm? A:
*Who cares?*69. Q: Why do blondes have orgasms?A: So they know when to stop having
sex! 70. Q: How do you tell when a blonde reaches orgasm? A1: She drops her
nail-file!A2: Who cares?A3: She says, "Next".A4: The next person in the queue taps you
on the shoulder. A5: He's had his clothes for about 2 minutes. A6: I mean, who really
cares?A7: The batteries have run out.71. Q: What does a blonde say when you blow in
their ear? A: "Thanks for the refill!"72. Q: What is it called when a blonde blows in
another blonde's ear? A: Data transfer.73. Q: Why do blondes use tapons with extra long
strings? A: So the crabs can go bungee-jumping.74. Q: How can you tell which blonde is
the waitress? A: She is the one with the tampon behind her ear, wondering what she did
with her pencil.75. Q: What did the blonde customer say to the buxom waitress (reading
her nametag) ?A: "'Debbie'...that's cute. What did you name the other one ?" 76. Q: Why
do blondes have more fun?A1: Because they don't know any better.A2: They are easier to
keep amused.77. Q: How many blondes does it take to change a lightbulb? A1: "What's a
lightbulb?"A2: One. She holds the bulb and the world revolves around her. A3: Two. One
to hold the Diet Pepsi, and one to call, "Daaady!" 78. Q: What's a blonde's favourite wine?
A: "Daaaddy, I want to go to Miaaami!"79. Q: What do you call a basement full of
blondes? A: A wine cellar.80. Q: Why are there no dumb brunettes?A: Peroxide.81. Q:
Why does NASA hire peroxide blondes? A: They're doing research on black holes. 82. Q:
What does a peroxide blonde and a 747 have in common? A1: They both have a black
box.A2: Both have a cockpit.83. Q: What is the difference between a blonde and a 747?
A: Not everyone has been in a 747.84. Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a
limousine? A: Not everybody has been in a limo.85. Q: What does a blonde say when she
gives birth? A: Gee, Are you sure it's mine?86. Q: What did the blonde say when she
found out she was pregnant? A: "Are you sure it's mine?"87. Q: What do you call 10
blondes standing ear to ear? A: A wind tunnel.88. Q: What do you call 15 blondes in a
circle? A: A dope ring.89. Q: Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, a dumb blonde, and a smart
blonde are walking down the street when they spot a $10 bill. Who picks it up?A1: The
dumb blonde! because, there is no such thing as Santa Claus, the tooth fairy, or a smart
blonde.A2: None of them. There is no such thing as Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy or a
smart blonde and the dumb blonde thought it was a gum wrapper.90. Q: Why did the
blonde scale the glass wall? A: To see what was on the other side.91. Q: What do you do
when a blonde throes a hand grenade at you? A: Pull the pin and throw it back.92. Q: Why
do blondes take the pill?A: So they know what day of the week it is. 93. Q: Why did the
blonde stop using the pill? A: Because it kept falling out.94. Q: Why did the blonde have a
sore navel? A: Because her boyfriend was also blond! 95. Q: If a blonde and a brunette are
tossed off a building, who hits the ground first?A: The brunette. The blonde has to stop to
ask for directions. 96. Q: What happens when a blonde gets Alzheimers disease? A: Her
IQ goes up!97. Q: What's the difference between Indiana and a blonde? A: A blonde has
larger hills and deeper valleys. 98. Q: Whats the difference between a blonde and a
Porsche? A: You don't lend the Porsche out to your friend. 99. Q: What's the difference
between a blonde and a toothbrush? A: You don't let your best friend borrow your
toothbrush. 100. Q: What is the difference between butter and a blonde? A: Butter is
difficult to spread.101. Q: What is the difference between a blonde and a bowling ball?
A1: You can only get three fingers in a bowling ball. A2: You can't fit the blonde in the
bowling ball. A3: There is no difference. They're both round and have three holes to
poke.A4: You don't eat your bowling ball102. Q: What do a bowling ball and a blonde
have in common? A: Chances are they'll both end up in the gutter. 103. Q: What is the
difference between a blonde and "The Titanic"? A: They know how many men went down
on "The Titanic". 104. Q: What is the difference between a smart blonde and Bigfoot? A:
Bigfoot has been spotted.105. Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a telephone?
A: It costs 30 cents to use a telephone. 106. Q: What's the difference between a blonde
and a guy? A: The blonde has the higher sperm count. 107. Q: What is the difference
between a blonde and the Grand Old Duke of York?A: The Grand Old Duke of York only
'had' 10000 men. 108. Q: Why is a washing machine better than a blonde? A: Because you
can drop your load in a washing machine, and it won't follow you around for a week.109.
Q: What do blondes and cow-pats have in common? A: They both get easier to pick-up
with age. 110. Q: What does a screen door and a blonde have in common? A: The more
you bang it, the looser it gets. 111. Q: What does a blonde and a beer bottle have in
common? A: They're both empty from the neck up.112. Q: What do blondes and spaghetti
have in common? A: They both wriggle when you eat them.113. Q: Why did the deaf
blonde sit on a newspaper? A: So she could lip read.114. Q: What do peroxide blondes
and black men have in common? A: They both have black roots.115. Q: What do you call
a blonde with a bag of sugar on her head? A: Sweet Fuck All...116. Q: How do you
drown a blonde?A1: Put a mirror at the bottom of the pool. A2: Don't tell her to
swallow.A3: Leave a scratch and sniff at the bottom of the pool. 117. Q: Why did the
blonde drown in the pool? A: Someone left a scratch and sniff at the bottom of the pool.
118. Q: Why do blondes have square boobs? A: Because they forgot to take the tissues
out of the box. 119. Q: How many blondes does it take to make chocolate-chip cookies?
A1: 10. One to mix the dough and nine to peel the smarties. A2: Three...one to mix the
batter and two to squeeze the rabbit. A3: Two...one to make batter and one to peel the
M&Ms. 120. Q: How do you tell if a blonde did your landscaping? A: The bushes are
darker than the rest of the yard. 121. Q: What did the blonde's mom say to her before the
blonde's date? A: If you're not in bed by 12, come home. 122. Q: What's the blonde's
cheer?A: " I'm blonde, I'm blonde, I'm B.L.O.N....ah, oh well.. I'm blonde, I'm blonde,yea
yea yea..."123. Q: What do you get when you offer a blonde a penny for her thoughts? A:
Change.124. Q: How does a blonde moonwalk?A: She pulls down her panties and slides
her ass along the floor! 125. Q: Why do blondes find it difficult to marry? A: Because you
don't have to marry them for sex! 126. Q: What do you get when you cross a blonde and a
gorilla? A: Who knows, there is only so much a gorilla can be forced to do. 127. Q: Why
does a blonde only change her baby's diapers every month? A: Because it says right on it
"good for up to 20 pounds." 128. Q: How did the blonde try to kill the bird? A: She threw
it off a cliff.129. Q: How does a blonde kill a fish?A: She drowns it.130. Q: Why did the
blonde get so excited after she finished her jigsaw puzzle in only 6 months?A: Because on
the box it said From 2-4 years. 131. Q: What do you say to a blonde with no arms and no
legs? A: "Nice tits!"132. Q: How does a blonde high-5?A: She smacks herself in the
forehead.133. Q: How do you amuse a blonde for hours? A: Write 'Please turn over' on
both sides of a piece of paper. 134. Q: Why aren't there many blonde gymnasts? A:
Because when they do the splits, they stick to the floor. 135. Q: Why do blondes have
legs?A1: So they don't get stuck to the ground. A2: To get between the bedroom and the
kitchen. A3: So they don't leave trails, like little snails. 136. Q: Why did the blonde go half
way to Norway and then turn around and come home?A: It took her that long to discover
that a 14-inch Viking was a television.137. Q: What is the irritating part around a blonde's
vagina? A1: The blonde!A2: The other guys waiting their turn.138. Q: How do you
describe a blonde, surrounded by drooling idiots? A: Flattered.139. Q: Why do blondes
always die before help arrives? A: They always forget the "11" in "9-1-1". 140. Q: What
did the blonde say when asked if she'd ever been picked up by "the fuzz"?A: "No. But I've
been swung around by the tits." 141. Q: What do you call a swimming pool full of
blondes? A: Frosted Flakes.142. Q: What do you call 20 blondes in a freezer? A: Frosted
Flakes.143. Q: How does a blonde interpret 6.9? A: A 69 interrupted by a period.144. Q:
What's the difference between a blonde having her period and a terrorist?A: You can
negotiate with a terrorist.145. Q: What did the blonde say when she looked into a box of
Cheerios? A: "Oh look! Donut seeds!"146. Q: Why do blondes have two more brain cells
than a cow? A1: So they don't shit everywhere when you pull their tits. A2: So that when
you pull their tits, they don't moo. 147. Q: Why don't blondes breast feed?A: Because they
always burn their nipples. 148. Q: Did you hear about the blonde lesbian? A: She kept
having affairs with men!149. Q: Why do blondes put their hair in ponytails? A: To cover
up the valve stem.150. Q: What did the blonde name her pet zebra? A: Spot.151. Q: What
do you call a fly buzzing inside a blonde's head? A: A Space Invader.152. Q: What's a
blondes' favourite rock group? A: Air Supply.153. Q: What do you see when you look
into a blonde's eyes? A: The back of her head.154. Q: Why do blondes drive VW's?A:
Because they can't spell PORSCHE!155. Q: How do you make a blonde laugh on Monday
mornings? A: Tell them a joke on Friday night!156. Q: Why did God create blondes?A:
Because sheep can't bring beer from the fridge. Q: Why did God create brunettes?A:
Neither could the blondes.157. Q: What do you call a blonde in a tree with a brief case? A:
Branch Manager.158. Q: How did the dumb blonde break her leg raking leaves? A: She
fell out of the tree.159. Q: Why do blondes have see-through lunch box lids? A1: So they
know if it is morning or afternoon. A2: So that when they're on the train they can tell if
they're going to work or coming home. 160. Q: Whats black and fuzzy and hangs from the
ceiling? A: A blonde electrician.v161. Q: Why are dumb blonde jokes so short? A1: So
brunettes can remember them.A2: Because blondes are so SHALLOW a long joke
wouldn't fit. A3: So men can understand them.162. Q: Why wasn't the Virgin Mary a
blonde? A: She wouldn't have been old enough to bear children! 163. Q: What do you call
a smart blonde? A1: A golden retriever.A2: A labrador.A3: An indicator of a really bad
hangover. 164. Q: Why are blondes hurt by people's words? A: Because people keep
hitting them with dictionaries. 165. Q: Why do blondes have periods?A: They deserve
them.166. Q: Why did the blonde fail at being a prostitute? A: Because she gave blow-jobs
literally. 167. Q: Why did the blonde smile when she walked the marriage aisle? A: She
realized she gave her last blowjob. 168. Q: What did the blonde do when she got her
period? A: Looked around for the bastard that must have shot her? 169. Q: Why did they
call the blonde "twinkie"? A: She liked to be filled with cream.170. Q: What did the
blonde say to the physicist? A: "Why, I just _love_ nuclear fission! What do you use for
bait?" 171. Q: Why are blondes like cornflakes? A: Because they're simple, easy and they
taste good. 172. Q: How does a blonde hold her liquor? A: By the ears.173. Q: How do
you know when a blonde has been making chocolate chip cookies? A: You find M&M
shells all over the kitchen floor. 174. Q: How do you drive a blonde crazy? A: Give her a
bag of M&Ms and tell her to alphabetise them. 175. Q: What job function does a blonde
have in an M&M factory? A: Proofreading.176. Q: Do you know why the blonde got fired
from the M&M factory? A: For throwing out the W's.177. Q: Why did the blonde try to
steal a police car? A: She saw "911" and thought it was a Porsche. 178. Q: What do you
call a blonde skeleton in the closet? A: Last year's hide and seek champ.179. Q: How do
you get a blonde pregnant? A: Come in her shoes and let the flies do the rest. 180. Q:
What's the difference between a blonde track team and a tribe of sly pygmies?A: One's a
bunch a cunning runts.181. Q: What's the difference between a blonde and the
Suez/Panama Canal? A: One's a busy ditch.182. Q: What is the difference between a
blonde and a toilet? A: A toilet won't follow you around after you use it. 183. Q: What's
the difference between a blonde and a rooster? A: In the morning a rooster says,
"Cock'll-doodl-doooo", while a blonde says, "Any-cock'll-doooo."184. Q: What's the
difference between a blonde and a supermarket trolley? A: The supermarket trolley has a
mind of its own. 185. Q: What's the difference between a blonde and your job? A: Your
job still sucks after 6 months.186. Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a
trampoline? A: You take off your shoes before using a trampoline. 187. Q: What's the
difference between a prostitute, a nymphomaniac, and a blonde?A: The prostitute says,
"Aren't you done yet?" The nympho says, "Are you done already?" The blonde says,
"Beige...I think I'll paint the ceiling beige." 188. Q: How do you get a blonde to marry
you? A: Tell her she's pregnant.Q: What will she ask you?A: "Is it mine?"189. Q: What do
you call a dumb blonde behind a steering wheel? A: An air bag.190. Q: Why are there lip
stick stains on the steering wheel after a blonde drives a car?A: Cause she blows the
horn!191. Q: What does a blonde say when you ask her if her blinker is on? A: It's on. It's
off. It's on. It's off. It's on. It's off. 192. Q: Why did the blonde drive into the ditch? A: To
turn the blinker off.193. Q: What goes VROOM, SCREECH,VROOM,
SCREECH,VROOM, SCREECH? A: A blonde going through a flashing red light.

Fax if there are any suggestions email me

KingCoolo@aol.com

Visitors: 03122

Page Updated Tue Feb 19, 2002 10:36pm EST