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****Side 2 ***

What's an average day like on deathrow?
Really, no different from an average day out there. It's just a different lifestyle, different job to wake up to, and different priorities. Yeah, it's prison. Men get stabbed here, raped, beat up, and often murdered (executed). But think, the last time someone was stabbed here was six months ago [rechecks the watch] by my watch, over 30 people were stabbed where you're at in the past minute. The last time a guy got raped here was two years ago [rechecks the watch] by my watch, a rape happens every 5 seconds where you're at. The last time a guy got murdered or executed was last month. [looks to his wrist again] By my watch, someone is murdered every 7 seconds where you are. On the level life here is no different. We deal with the same things. Same emotions. We're just incarcerated.

We/i, what do you do on an average day?
On the outside I guess, things seem pretty routine, even though I don't have a particular schedule. There's just not much you can do in a 6 x 9 foot cell for 22 hours a day.
I read a lot, write, study, draw, think and work on my appeal. Everything I do inside these cells should be something towards helping me attain my freedom. I call the time spent in a cell, training. When I was playing sports, we practiced four days before a game. On game day we went out, played, and everyone came to cheer us on. We win and everyone sees how well we played on that night, but what they don't see is those four days we spent practicing. That's when the game was won, in our preparation. So, it's like that here too. When I'm cooped up in a cell, I'm training for whatever opportunity comes my way, on game day.

So what things do you do? To prepare, as you say.
It's hard to say, exactly. I believe in the cosmic flow of energy. If some day I'm reading a law book to check up on some legal papers my lawyer filed, then this is helping me, my cause. But now while I'm doing this, if someone walks up at that moment and says, "Hey, Napoleon, I need to talk..... Well, then I'm going to drop the law book and become a listener. Because I feel like life has a serious boomerang type effect. You can't sow violence and expect to reap peace. Or sow revenge and expect to reap forgiveness. That's impossible And it'd be stupid of me to believe otherwise. I can't turn my back on people when they need me and sit here and expect people to help me when I need them.

You seem to be in virile shape. Do they have exercise weights in the recreation rooms?
No, they don't allow deathrow access to weights because they can be used as weapons. We do pushups, pull-ups, sit-ups, running, and stuff like that to stay in shape.

Do they have computers, televisions...?
Naah, nothing like that. No computers, but, if you can afford one, you can buy a typewriter. No tape recorders but, if you can afford one, you can buy a AM/FM radio. The televisions sit on a stand about five feet in front of the cells. We vote on which programs to watch the night before and the guards change the TV. according to the majority's vote. I don't watch much T.V. though. About the only thing I watch on T.V. is. . get this. W.W.F. Wrestling.

Wrestling?
Ohh, hell yeah! I'm a Stone Cold Steve Austin fan.

Are you serious?
If I put the Stone Cold Stunner on the next guard that walks by, would that answer your question? [laughs]

Yes, that would answer my question. Tell me, what were you thinking or feeling on your first day here?
Once more, it's hard for me to say. I was uncertain about coming to prison, but I wasn't worried about it. I felt like I could handle whatever was to come of being in prison. But I was concerned about being here, sentenced to die, you know. I was sad, angry, scared, I guess, but I was like, all these feelings weren't going to get me off of deathrow so it was on my first night here that I sort of told myself 'Hey, you're on deathrow, now. Perhaps you could've prevented it. Perhaps you couldn't, Who can say? But all that's not important. You are where you are and how you came here is of no consequence except in so far as you can learn from it. What's important, now, is that from here you work to get out. Or change this future that the state has set for you.' So that's where my head was.

Did you have any problems with the guards mistreating you?
Hey, officers are going to be officers. The world isn't short on assholes and if they could fly, this place would be the airport. But the thing is I don't put myself in the position to have an argument or confrontation with these people. There's an old saying that a cat settles the dispute between two mice. What that means to me is - if two mice are arguing, fighting, or whatever, when that cat jumps on the scene, all else is forgotten. Suddenly, whatever it was they were arguing about, or fighting over, is trivial compared to what the cat brings. For me, that's life here. If I was to spend my time arguing and fighting with mice, then that cat is capable of sneaking up on me because I'm focusing on something else. Focusing, and staying focused on what is truly important keeps me from confrontations with guards.

And other inmates?
It's the same. Of course, when I first got here guys tried to take advantage of me. Being new and young makes you a marked target. But I proved early that I could handle that aspect of life here. In my first days, the other prisoners were very helpful. Alot of guys pitched in and gave me stamps, commissary cosmetics, stationary, and stuff that I needed. A cool thing that happened was on my first day recreating, this guy named Bruce Callins pulled me over to the side to talk. He asked, "You know the law?" I'm, like, "Nah." "Well, I suggest you learn. Do you have a paid lawyer or one that you can trust? If not, I suggest you find one. Do you have any family that's willing to stick with you? If not, I suggest you find some, because I'm tellin' you, youngsta, I've been here for over 16 years and the only thing that's kept me alive has been knowing the law, a lawyer I can trust, and a family to love.". . . At the time I didn't realize it but that was some profound advice.

Is he one of your friends now?
Nah, Bruce got executed in 1997.

I'm sorry to hear that.
[shrugs] One of the 85 I've seen die since I've been here, man. I hate to say it, but after awhile you get used to it. You get callous or you finally rationalize this life. Hey, and it's hard to make sense out of senselessness.

How do you cope with living on deathrow?
It's all in the way you look at things. I read a story once about a boy. The little boy got bumped while boarding his school bus and cut his cheek Later, while he's playing on the school ground, he collided with another boy and loosened two teeth. At noon, he fell and broke his wrist At the hospital, his father noticed he was holding a dollar bill, so he asked, "Whatcha got there champ?" I found it when I fell," the boy tells him. "This is my lucky day."
... The good or bad of any situation is going to depend on who's looking at it, We have rainy days so we can appreciate the sunshine and vice versa, yet both are vital to us because we can't live without rain or sunshine. I don't want to be here. I don't want to die here. . it's no playground, but I've got a lot of reasons to smile despite the circumstances. I'm healthy, I'm appreciated, I've got an endless amount of friends and family and love to go with it. Hey, and take all of that away from me and I'll wake up smiling, because I'm alive.
Whether you live in a shack, mansion, ditch, or a cell on deathrow, life is going to be whatever you make of it.

Okay, but describe to me what it is like to live on deathrow.
Hey, you've got to understand, that's like us having 100 women with children come in here and explain what it's like to have a child. They could tell it or describe it to us in a million ways and still neither of us would know what it's like to have a baby. Unfortunately, being on deathrow is the same way, something you must experience to understand. Unless, you went through it at a concentration camp, or slave plantation or something like that. Picture it like being locked in your bathroom everyday, all day, except for two hours of which I let you out to go to your living room, or back porch. After the two hours are up, back to the bathroom. You spend 22 hours a day locked in this little bathroom, no stereos, no computers. You get mail, if someone writes you. You can get a visit, if someone wants to see you. But other than that you can have books, and a radio and the T.V. Oh, yeah, we have GOT to throw in the fact that you're waiting to die. If you lose your appeal , they're going to kill you....I guess that's the main difference from being in prison and being on deathrow in prison... That needle, facing dying a passive death. Being uncertain. It's scary.

So, you are scared?
There is no danger here except what your fear makes. Under other circumstances you can fear death, under these circumstances I think all I have to fear is my own carelessness. I'm going to die one day, whether I do it here or not. Death is inevitable, so it's only a matter of when and how. Death is not my adversary here. Prison is, incarceration, being locked in these cells, dehumanized and degraded. That's my struggle. Like revolutionary suicide, I'm on a mission of liberated suicide. And that doesn't mean that I have a death wish. It means that I have such a strong desire to live life freely that, for me, life without it is impossible.

Do you think you have a chance of getting a new trial?
At the rate Texas is killing people, nobody is safe, but I feel my case is strong. As far as I can judge the efforts we are taking have slowed down the state's eager nerves to kill me. You know with the political powers calling for my blood, specifically, my appeals have been exhausted a lot quicker than most guys here. That's life, but, hey, like I said, we're slowing them down. To win in this thing, to put myself in the position to be free again, I have to do what I'm doing and more. I'm prepared to do it alone. I'm just not capable. So, I've got to find people out there who can help me.

Do you think they 'II abolish the death penalty?
Yes and no. Yeah, I think they'll get rid of it judicially, but it will take generations before we're rid of it spiritually. In essence, no one has the proper inclination or justification for punishing some else. Now, if you think I'm just saying that because I'm here, ... you're wrong. Damn right I'm biased, but the death penalty is a farce. They say it's a deterrent, which is definitely not true. Since I've been here one hundred and seventeen men have come in. About the only thing the death penalty has done besides the terminally obvious is teach children - on a level - that for certain reasons, in certain instances, killing is right. Thus replanting the seed all over again.

So, you 're saying you think they will abolish it, but only decimately?
Not necessarily in that sense. What l mean is that the death penalty is a more complex issue to those who don't understand that it's only a limb to the tree that bears all of society's problems. You abolish the death penalty, then what? You've still got people out there committing capital murder. You kill everybody on deathrow today, then what? You've still got people out there committing capital murder. Now, even a thousand mile journey starts with a single step and abolishing the death penalty IS a step. But it is as asinine for us to believe that abolishing the death penalty solves the problem. We've got to get to the root of this thing and the root of society's problem lies within the heart of society itself

And what is this problem in society?
Man, the same as everybody's. . .the lack of understanding. It's just like mathematics. 2+2 ceases to be a problem once you understand how to get the correct answer of. . . five.
[laughs] No, four. But seriously. Like take the people of ancient China for example. China wanted safety for the hordes that swept down from the North. So they erect the Great Wall of China. . . Think now, this wall stretches for 1500 miles. It's like 12 to 45 feet wide and 20-55 feet high. It was too high for the enemy to scale, too thick for them to tear down, and too long for them to go around. But. . . get this now. . . during the first century of this wall's existence, China was invaded, successfully, not once, not twice, but three times... You know how?

No
The enemies bribed the gatekeeper, they marched in, and commenced to kickin' China's ass. [laughs]

China's mistake was that they spent all of their time, energy, and money into building a bloody wall and didn't spend enough time, energy, and money into building the character of its citizens or, more importantly, its gatekeeper. That's us. We're one of the richest and most successful societies in history materially with our advanced technology. Yet, our quality of life has plummeted. We focus all our attention on getting money, and developing technology, forgetting to focus our attention on getting human nature to shift forward and developing our sense of humanity. Because of this lack of understanding, we have problems. And instead of understanding the problem, we choose to either ignore it or destroy it. It's America-the inscrutable way. We all need to face one intrinsic reality, man, and that's that me, you, society, hell, humans, can't exist if everything that we think is unpleasant is eliminated rather than understood.

Young man, it's a waste having you here.
Nah, man, come one, you're being 'inscrutable' now.

I would have preferred another direction for my life, but I've learned a lot here. Met people I'm glad to have met. Seen things I could've never seen anywhere else. Now, who can say where or what I might of become if things hadn't gone the way they did? We, all of us, do what we do because of where we are. Experience isn't what happens to us, but what we do with what happens to us. Because of this experience I've become the man I'm proud to say I am today. It would've been a waste for me to come here and not change. And not have grown.

What do you think about Bill Clinton?

Uh, uhhh. No comment. My family voted for him twice. Democrats. Off the record. . don't you guys print this, but doesn't that tell you which head our President thinks with? Yes (laughs)
Well, yeah, so figure this whole country is run by a dick.... Ain't that nutty? (Laughs)
Oh, well... that's life. Go figure.

If you would like to read more about deathrow in
America and Napoleon, call or fax:

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