Pheobe's Funny Lines - Entertainment - http://maxpages.com/bananer/Pheobe

Favorite Friends Character

Who is You Favorite 'Friends' Character

Chandler Bing

Pheobe Buffay

Monica Gellar

Ross Gellar

Rachel Greene

Joey Tribianni

Current Results

Phoebe: "Hey! Whatcha guys doin'?"
Richard: "Monica's making us watch Old Yeller.
Phoebe: "Why are you guys so upset? It's Old Yeller. It's a happy movie. Come on. Happy family gets a dog. Frontier fun!"

Rachel: "That's not the end."
Phoebe: "Yeah huh. That's when my mother would shut off the TV and say 'The end'."
Monica: "What about the part where he has rabies?"
Phoebe: "He doesn't have rabies. He has babies.

Phoebe: "What, what's about to happen? (Starts watching) I've never seen this part before. Hey, Travis, whatcha doin' with that gun? Oh no, no no, Travis, put down the gun. No, no, no, no, he's he's your buddy. He's your Yeller. No, no, no, the end, THE END! (hear gunshot coming from the TV) OK, what kind of a sick doggie snuff film is this?"

Rachel: (About Pheobe's cookies) "My God! These are incredible! How come I've never had these before?"
Phoebe: "Oh I don't make them very often. It isn't fair to the other cookies."

Buying the engagement ring for Monica:
Phoebe: Chandler, I will handle this! [To the jeweler] How much is it?
Jeweler: 8,600.
Phoebe: We will give you ten dollars.
Jeweler: Are you interested in this ring?
Chandler: Yes! Yes, but I can only pay $8,000.
Jeweler: Okay, I can let it go at eight.
Phoebe: We stand firm at ten dollars.

Phoebe: Listen, I'm sorry about before. Do you have anything here for ten dollars?
Jeweler: Uh, yes, I have these two rather beautiful $5 bills.
Phoebe: I'll give you one dollar for them.

Everyone is trying to talk up Ross to Elizabeth's dad (BRUCE WILLIS!!) to get him to like Ross:
Monica (to Paul): You know, it is so strange seeing Ross here this time of day, 'cause usually he's at the children's hospital.
Phoebe: Yeah. Not looking for dates.

Phoebe: "And now we need the semen of a righteous man."

Chandler [to Monica]: "All right, okay, all right. But if we put on spandex and my boobs are bigger than yours, I'm going home."
Phoebe: "Your boobs are fine! I never should have said anything. Come here." [tries to hug him] "Oooh... can't... make... hands... meet..."

Phoebe: "But if it rains, don't let him look up for that long because this thing fills up really fast."

Phoebe while looking at Rachel in her fluffy pink, bubblegum bridesmaid dress and cracking up: "Oh my God! You look so gooooood!"

Phoebe referring to Monica: "Isn't my boyfriend oh, so dreamy? Wonder what our wedding's gonna be like..."

Phoebe to Monica and Rachel: "You know, if we were in prison, you guys would be like, my bitches."

Phoebe: (About the money she found.) "Ok, ok, let's say I bought a really great pair of shoes with the money. Do you know what I'd hear with every step I took? 'Not-mine, not-mine, not-mine.' And even if I were happy, ok, and, and skipping, I'd hear, 'notNOT-mine, notNOT-mine, notNOT-mine, notNOT-mine..'"

Rachel: "I got an interview!"
Monica: "Who's it with?"
Rachel: "Saks Fifth Avenue..."
Phoebe: "Oh, Rachel, it's like the mother ship is calling you home!"

Roger: "What's wrong, sweetie?"
Phoebe: "Nothing, nothing, I'm fine... It's just, um, it's my friends. They have a liking problem with you. In that, um, they don't."

Phoebe: "You know my friend Abby who shaves her head, well she says that we can do a kind of cleansing ritual."
Rachel: "Phoebe, this woman is voluntarily bald."
Monica: "Well, what kind of ritual?"
Phoebe: "Well, we can burn the stuff they (ex-boyfriends) gave us."
Monica: "Or..."
Phoebe: "Or... we could chant and dance around naked, you know, with sticks."

Phoebe regarding wacko, annoying Eddie: "Is anyone else starting to really like him?"

Phoebe: "I see, so then you were lying?" (The guys teachin the girls Poker)
Joey: "About what?"
Phoebe: "About how good your cards were."
Joey: "I was bluffing."
Phoebe: "Uh huh. And what is 'bluffing?' Is it not another word for lying?"

Ross: "Hey, Phoebes, could you help me out for a sec?"
Phoebe: "Oh, I would but, um, I just don't want to."

Phoebe: "This is madness, it's madness I tell you! For the love of God, Monica, don't do it! (pausing for a moment and then taking a bow at her beautiful performance) Thank you."

Phoebe: "Okay, don't get me started on gravity."
Ross: "You uh, you don't believe in gravity?"
Phoebe: "Well, it's not that I don't believe in it, it's just, like, you know, lately I get the feeling that I'm not being pulled down so much as I'm being pushed."

Phoebe: "The vet said that a dog's ear grows back once in a blue moon, so, we're hoping!" (crosses her fingers)

Phoebe: "I remember when I got my first paycheck. There was a cave-in at the mines and five people died."
Monica: "You worked in a mine?"
Phoebe: "No, at a Dairy Queen."

Rachel in response to Chandler saying that he wasn't making jokes on the Internet with his mystery girl: "Whoa...what's that like?
Chandler: "It's like this, just me, no jokes."
Phoebe: "Okay stop it. You're freaking me out!"

Monica: "So, anyway, I'm cooking dinner for him Monday night. You know, kind of like an audition. And, Phoebe, he really wants you to be here, which'll be great for me 'cause you can "ooh" and "ahh" and make yummy noises."
Rachel: "What're you going to make?"
Phoebe: "Yummy noises."
Rachel: "And Monica, what are you going to make?"

Phoebe: "You know, the soda company gave me $7000 for the thumb (In her soda can) and on the way home I stepped in gum. What is with this universe?"

Phoebe looking at Chandler's new office: "Wow! This is so much bigger than the cubicle. This is a cube!"

About Rachel going for it with Ross:
Monica to Rachel: "It'll be so easy. It's like starting on the fifteenth date."
Phoebe: "Yeah, but it'll be like starting on the fifteenth date."
Monica: "Another good point!"

Phoebe: "Oh, yeah...I'm Phoebe, the daughter you abandoned, oh and, by the way, I broke your dog."

Monica: "We're like some kind of magnets."
Phoebe: "I know I am....that's why I can't wear a digital watch."

About Monica's awful haircut thanks to Pheebs!:
Ross: "How's the hair?"
Phoebe: "I'm not going to lie to you, Ross. It doesn't look good."

Phoebe: "I put a clip on one side, which seems to have stopped the curling."
Joey: "Well can we see her?"
Phoebe: "Your hair looks too good. I think it would just upset her. Ross, why don't you come on in?"

About the people who work for Chandler.
Chandler: "Who doesn't like me?"
Phoebe: "Everyone. Well, except for...no...everyone."

Joey: "Phoebe, what do you think a good stage name for me would be?"
Phoebe: "FLAME BOY!"

Phoebe: "Yeah. OK. Well, at least I didn't let some guy into the forest of my righteous truth on the first date."

Phoebe: "Yeah, but did you rent mopeds?"
Monica and Rachel give Phoebe strange looks
Phoebe: "Oh, I get it...it's not about that...right now."

Phoebe: "How long did you think this cookout was gonna last?"
Ross: "I'm going to China."
Phoebe: "Wow, say one little thing..."

Phoebe referring to It's A Wonderful Life: "I didn't watch the ending. I was too depressed. It just kept getting worse and worse. It should have been called, "It's a sucky life and just when you think it can't suck any more it does."

Joey: "I'm getting paid $500 per donation." (at a fertility bank)
Phoebe: "Wow! You're making money hand over fist!"

Again with the workers at Chandlers work:
Chandler: "Birthday party? No one invited me."
Phoebe: "That's part of the whole not liking you extravaganza."

Phoebe: "I don't know, I mean, he just won't, you know, touch me."
Joey: "He won't even have sex?"
Phoebe: "No, not even that!"
Joey: Wow... did you ever think maybe, you know, he drives his car on the wrong side of the road'?"
Phoebe: "What do you mean, he's not like British or anything."

Tasting the Mocholate Monica asked them to try:
Phoebe: "Sweet Lord, this must be what evil tastes like!!!"

Chandler: "Oh, I think this is the episode of 'Three's Company' where there's some kind of misunderstanding."
Phoebe: "Then I've already seen this." picks up remote and turns off TV

Monica: "Do you have a plan, Phoebs?"
Phoebe: "I don't even have a pla!"

Phoebe: "He's really sweat and in some ways I think he's so right for me... But I HATE that guy."

Ross: "You don't believe in evolution?"
Phoebe: "I don't know, it's just, you know -- monkeys, Darwin, it's a nice story, but I think it's just a little too easy."

Phoebe: "But this is my gig! This is where I play! My name is written out there in chalk. You know, you can't just erase... (realizes) chalk."

Phoebe: "Oooh...headrush. (sits back down) OK, one more and then I've got to go..." stands again "Cool!"

Ross: "Heating device"
Phoebe: "Radiator"
Ross: "Five letters"
Phoebe: "Rdtor!"

Joey: "Phoebes, do you think it would be okay if I asked out your sister?"
Phoebe: "Why? Why would you want to do that? Why?"
Joey: "So that if we went out on a date, she'd be there."
Phoebe: "Well, you know, I'm not my sister's... whatever, I mean it's true we were one egg once, but we've grown apart."

Phoebe: "Look, the one-eyed Jack follows me wherever I go." Moving the card around during the Poker game.

Phoebe to Monica: "Hello kettle, this is Monica...you're black."

Phoebe: "Okay, look -- before you even start, I'm not denying evolution, okay, I'm just saying that it's one of the possibilities."
Ross: "It's the only possibility, Phoebe."
Phoebe: "Okay, Ross, could you just open your mind like this much? Now, wasn't there a time when the brightest minds of the world believed that the earth was flat? And up until, like, what, fifty years ago, you all thought that the atom was the smallest thing, until you split it open and this whole mess of crap came out. Now, are you telling me that you are so unbelievably arrogant that you can't admit there's a teeny, tiny possibility that you could be wrong about this?"
Ross: "There might be... a teeny... tiny... possibility."
Phoebe: "I can't believe you caved!"
Ross: What?
Pheobe: You just abandoned your whole belief system. I mean, before, I didn't agree with you, but at least I respected you. How, how, how are you going to go into work tomorrow? How, how are you going to face the other science guys? How, how are you going to face yourself? Oh!

Phoebe: "Something just brushed up against my leg!"
Monica: "Eeeewww! What is it?"
Phoebe: "Oh, it's just my other leg."

Phoebe: "Yes, yes! Like the man in the shoe!"
Ross: "What shoe?"
Phoebe: "From the nursery rhyme. 'There was a crooked man, who had a crooked smile, who lived in a crooked shoe, for a
while...'"

Rachel: "Uhhh...I mean, this is like reading about my own life. I mean, this book could have been called Be Your Own Windkeeper Rachel".
Phoebe: "I don't think it would have sold a million copies but it would have made a nice gift for you."

Phoebe to animal control woman: "You'd put that poor little creature in jail?"
Monica: "Phoebes, remember how we talked about saying things quietly to yourself first?"
Phoebe: "Yes, but there isn't always time."

Phoebe: "Oh, Boyscouts could have camped under there!"

Phoebe: "You going to the hospital tonight?"
Monica: "No, you?"
Phoebe: "No, you?"
Monica: "You just asked me that."
Phoebe: "Yeah, well maybe it was a trick question."

Phoebe: "Oooh, I have elbows! Aieee!" (Making fun of Rachel and her giggly friends.)

Phoebe: "Yes! Or no...."

Phoebe: "He's a shrink, but not in that shrinky way."

Phoebe: "Joker is poker with a 'J'."

Phoebe: "I've got all new material guys. I've got 12 new songs about my mother's suicide and one about a snowman."
Chandler: "You might want to open with the snowman."

After being shot in the butt with a tranquilizer dart:
Phoebe: "The right side of my butt is numb and the left side has no idea."

Phoebe: "Hey Lizzy." (To the homeless woman with the shopping cart)
Lizzy: "Hey Weird Girl."
Phoebe: "I brought you alphabet soup."
Lizzy: "You took out the vowels?"
Phoebe: "Yeah. But I left in the Y's. Cuz you know, 'sometimes Y'."

Phoebe: "OK. This is a typical lightning-bearer thing. Right there. It's like, ummm, 'Hello, who wants one of my phallic-shaped man cakes?'"

Ross: "A thumb?!"
Phoebe: "I know, I know."
All: "Ewwwwwwwwwww!"
Phoebe: "I opened it up, and there it was just floating there, like this tiny little hitchhiker."

Phoebe: "So, how many chords do you know?"
Chrissie Hynde: "All of them."
Phoebe: "Do you know, like, D?"
Chrissie: "Yeah."
Phoebe: "Okay, do you know, like, A minor?"
Chrissie: "Uh...yeah."
Phoebe: "Do you know how to go from, D to A minor?"
Chrissie: "Yeah?"
Phoebe: "Oh. Does your guitar have a strap?"
Chrissie: "No."
Phoebe: "Well, mine does!"

Pheobe: "Now watch, learn, and don't eat my cookie."

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Page Updated Fri Mar 9, 2001 6:51pm EST