 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
|
|
|
| Funny list to tickle you ribs...... |
 |
| Make sure to come back I am always adding more!!!!!!%#$%@* |
| ||||||
 Sign Guestbook |
 View Guestbook |
> 1. Your last nerve is a distant memory. > > 2. You believe the staff room should be equipped with Valium salt licks > > 3. You stand on your front porch instructing the neighbor children to > "WALK!" > > 4. Junior highers make you feel old but you could not be paid to be that > age again. > > 5. You want to slap the next person who says, "It must be nice to ONLY > work from 8-3 and have your summers free." > > 6. You encourage your husband (wife) by saying, "You are such a good > helper". > > 7. You can tell it's a full moon without ever looking outside. > > 8. You believe "extremely annoying" should have its own box on the > report card. > > 9. When you are out in public you snap your fingers at children who are > misbehaving. > > 10. You think people should be required to get a government permit > before being allowed to reproduce, earned by having worked in a middle > school for 5 years. > > 11. You encourage a parent to check in to home schooling. > > 12. You can't have children of your own because there isn't a name you > can hear that wouldn't elavate your blood pressure. > > 13. You believe in the aerial spraying of Prozac. > > 14. You think that caffeine should be available in I-V form. > > AND..... > > 15. Meeting a child's parent instantly answers the question, "Why is this > child like that?" ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ CHILDREN'S BOOKS YOU WILL NEVER SEE "You Were an Accident" "Strangers Have the Best Candy" "Where Would You Like to Be Buried?" "Kathy Was So Bad Her Mom Stopped Loving Her" "The Attention Deficit Disorder Association's Book of Wild Animals of North Amer-Hey! Let's Go Ride Our Bikes!" "The Kid's Guide to Hitchhiking" "You Are Different and That's Bad" "Dad's New Wife Timothy" "POP! Goes the Hamster...and Other Great Microwave Games" "Curious George and the High Voltage Fence" "The Pop-Up Book of Human Anatomy" "What is That Dog Doing to That Other Dog?" &%*&%*&%*&%*&%*&%*&%*&%*&%*&%*&%*&%*&%*&%*&%*&%*&%*&%*&%*&% BARNEY EPISODES WE'D LIKE TO SEE (BUT PROBABLY WON'T!) "Barney gets a boner" "Barney's night with madonna" "Barney, beavis & butthead" "Jurassic Barney" "Barney talks to the authorities about missing children" "Barney gets the lab results on those green spots" "Barney buys a rubber" "Barney barbecues the backyard gang" "picking up the dino-doo" "Bopping baby bop" "Barney's favorite sailor songs" "Barney comes out of the closet" "Barney meets godzilla" "Barney on a bender" "Barney has needs..." "Barney at betty ford" "Barney admits eating all the adults" "Barney's big purple one" "Barney buys a blow-up doll" %#$%@*%#$%@*%#$%@*%#$%@*%#$%@*%#$%@*%#$%@*%#$%@*%#$%@*%#$%@* You know you have been on the computer to long when..... 1.When asked about a bus schedule, you wonder if it is 16 or 32 bits. 2.When you are counting objects, you go "0,1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,A,B,C,D...". 3.When you dream in 256 palettes of 256 colors. 4.You try to sleep, and think sleep(8 * 3600); /* sleep for 8 hours / 5.When you are reading a book and look for the scroll bar to get to the next page. 6.When after fooling around all day with routers etc, you pick up the phone and start dialing an IP number... 7.When you get in the elevator and double-click the button for the floor you want. 8.When not only do you check your email more often than your paper mail, but you remember your {network address} faster than your postal one. 9.When you look for a icon to double-click to open your bedroom window. 10.When you go to balance your checkbook and discover that you're doing the math in octal. $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ Fun things to do when on an elevator 1. Make race car noises when anyone gets on or off. 2. Blow your nose and offer to show the contents of your kleenex to other passengers. 3. Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering: "Shut up, dammit, all of you just shut UP!" 4. Whistle the first seven notes of "It's a Small World" incessantly. 5. Sell Girl Scout cookies. 6. On a long ride, sway side to side at the natural frequency of the elevator. 7. Shave. 8. Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside ask: "Got enough air in there?" 9. Offer name tags to everyone getting on the elevator. Wear yours upside-down. 10. Stand silent and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off. 11. When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act embarrassed when they open by themselves. 12. Lean over to another passenger and whisper: "Noogie patrol coming!" 13. Greet everyone getting on the elevator with a warm handshake and ask them to call you Admiral. 14. One word: Flatulence! 15. On the highest floor, hold the door open and demand that it stay open until you hear the penny you dropped down the shaft go "plink" at the bottom. 16. Do Tai Chi exercises. 17. Stare, grinning, at another passenger for a while, and then announce: "I've got new socks on!" 18. When at least 8 people have boarded, moan from the back: "Oh, not now, damn motion sickness!" 19. Give religious tracts to each passenger. 20. Meow occassionally. 21. Bet the other passengers you can fit a quarter in your nose. 22. Frown and mutter "gotta go, gotta go" then sigh and say "oops!" 23. Show other passengers a wound and ask if it looks infected. 24. Sing "Mary had a little lamb" while continually pushing buttons. 25. Holler "Chutes away!" whenever the elevator descends. 26. Walk on with a cooler that says "human head" on the side. 27. Stare at another passenger for a while, then announce "You're one of THEM!" and move to the far corner of the elevator. 28. Burp, and then say "mmmm...tasty!" 29. Leave a box between the doors. 30. Ask each passenger getting on if you can push the button for them. 31. Wear a puppet on your hand and talk to other passengers "through" it. 32. Start a sing-along. 33. When the elevator is silent, look around and ask "is that your beeper?" 34. Play the harmonica. 35. Shadow box. 36. Say "Ding!" at each floor. 37. Lean against the button panel. 38. Say "I wonder what all these do" and push the red buttons. 39. Listen to the elevator walls with a stethoscope. 40. Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers that this is your "personal space." 41. Bring a chair along. 42. Take a bite of a sandwich and ask another passenger: "Wanna see wha in muh mouf?" 43. Blow spit bubbles. 44. Pull your gum out of your mouth in long strings. 45. Announce in a demonic voice: "I must find a more suitable host body." 46. Carry a blanket and clutch it protectively. 47. Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button. 48. Wear "X-Ray Specs" and leer suggestively at other passengers. 49. Stare at your thumb and say "I think it's getting larger." 50. If anyone brushes against you, recoil and holler "Bad touch!" 51. As the elevator goes down yell, "We're on an express elevator to hell!" #$#$#$#$#$#$#$#$#$#$#$#$#$#$#$#$#$#$#$#$#$#$#$#$#$#$#$#$#$#$ Where to Hide Easter Eggs Top 50+ places to hide easter eggs. 1. In a blender. 2. in a rabid dog cage 3. IN a grain auger. (preferably running) 4. Near large pieces of running farm equiptment. Note: make sure the kids are wearing loose clothing. 5. next to the plugged in hair dryer in the bathtub. 6. At the top of a rickety ladder. 7. On a porcupine or skunk. 8. In a rattlesnake den. 9. In rat poision (whoops thats where the candy goes.) 10. In a box of razor blades. 11. Next to the loaded handgun. 12. On the main runway at O'Hare International Airport. 13. In the liquor cabinet. 14. In discarded refrigerators. 15. In a trashcan full of hypodermic needles. 16. In Ted Kennedy's car. 17. On a space shuttle launch pad at T-minus ten seconds. 18. At Chernobyl. 19. In a New York alley late at night. 20. On the subway tracks. 21. In Levenworth. 22. In an Iron Maiden. (everyone has one you know.) 23. In the middle of the L.A. Freeway at rush hour. 24. In the titanic. 25. Near downed high tension power lines. 26. Near an uncapped well. (i.e. baby Jessica's house.) 27. Next to Bison in Yellowstone Park. 28. On Old Faithfull. 29. In a tank of piranahs. 30. Next to an open mine shaft. 31. Under asbestos. 32. Near a radioactive waste dump. 33. In a badger den. 34. On a buss in Jerusalem, or Dublin. 35. In downtown Sarejevo. 36. On the shores of valdez, Alaska. 37. With a bunch of blasting caps. 38. In a shed full of fireworks/explosives. Note: Make sure windows are covered so a candle must be used. 39. In a 747 turbine 40. Hide grenades rather than eggs. 41. In a train yard. 42. Zaire (ebola) 43. Hide them at low tide. 44. In a grain silo. 45. In a ford Pinto. 46. In a crash test car. 47. In a rock crusher. 48. In a blast furnace. 49. In a mine field. 50. On a bear trap. 51. On a board with rusty nails poking out of it. 52. Tied to a cow moose. 53. In a toaster. (supply fork to aid in removal) 54. Under a wasp nest. 55. In a heard of anthrax infested cows. 56. Michael Jackson's house. 57. Up the Easter Bunny's Ass. &&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&& things to do during an exam Also fun to do if you just walked into an exam for a class you're not taking. 1. Walk in, get the exam, sit down. About five minutes into it, loudly say to the instructor, "I don't understand ANY of this. I've been to every lecture all semester long! What's the deal? And who the hell are you? Where's the regular guy?" 2. On the answer sheet (book, whatever) find a new, interesting way to refuse to answer every question. For example: I refuse to answer this question on the grounds that it conflicts with my religious beliefs. Be creative. 3. Run into the exam room looking about frantically. Breathe a sigh of relief. Go to the instructor, say "They've found me, I have to leave the country" and run off. 4. Do the entire exam in another language. If you don't know one, make one up! For math/science exams, try using Roman numerals. 5. Turn in the exam approximately 30 minutes into it. As you walk out, start commenting on how easy it was. 6. Do the entire exam as if it was multiple choice and true/false. If it is a multiple choice exam, spell out interesting things (DCCAB. BABE. etc..). 7. Get the exam. Twenty minutes into it, throw your papers down violently, scream out "Fuck this!" and walk out triumphantly. 8. Show up completely drunk. (Completely drunk means at some point during the exam, you should start crying for mommy). 9. Comment on how sexy the instructor is looking that day. 10. Go to an exam for a class you have no clue about, where you know the class is very small, and the instructor would recognize you if you belonged. Claim that you have been to every lecture. Fight for your right to take the exam. 11. Upon receiving the exam, look it over, while laughing loudly, say, "You don't really expect me to waste my time on this drivel? Days Of Our Lives is on!!!" 12. From the moment the exam begins, hum the theme to Jeopardy. Ignore the instructor's requests for you to stop. When they finally get you to leave one way or another, begin whistling the theme to the Bridge on the River Kwai. 13. If the exam is math/science related, make up the longest proofs you could possibly think of. Get pi and imaginary numbers into most equations. If it is a written exam, relate everything to your own life story. 14. Bring cheat sheets FOR ANOTHER CLASS (make sure this is obvious... like history notes for a calculus exam... otherwise you're not just failing, you're getting kicked out too) and staple them to the exam, with the comment "Please use the attached notes for references as you see fit." 15. After you get the exam, call the instructor over, point to any question, ask for the answer. Try to work it out of him/her. 16. Play frisbee with a friend at the other side of the room. 17. Get deliveries of candy, flowers, balloons, telegrams, etc... sent to you every few minutes throughout the exam. 18. Answer the exam with the "Top Ten Reasons Why Professor xxxx Sucks" |
| TENNESSEE | |
|
|
. |
| Visitors: 03407 |