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| You make me want to do harm to myself |
| 11/8 |
| I've been unbelievably depressed this week with my non-existent acting career. So this column will be written with a twinge of sarcasm with just a hint of self-indulgence. I know.. it's such a huge departure from before. |
| I pulled this one straight out of my ass.. |
| For those of you who know me personally, unless you have been living under a rock, I want to become an actress. For those of you who don't, you probably still know that I want to become an actress. In order to become an actress, a well-recognized (or at least a working) one, agents, producers, directors, etc. all say the same thing. You have to have that certain something, you have to be a star. You all know that I like to use examples, so today is no exception. Take for example, the queen of having that certain something Beyonce Knowles. Yes, every word of disdain that comes out of my mouth pertaining to her is laced with complete, total insecurity and jealousy. I admit that. If I went out on an audition for a part, and the part required a pitch-perfect English accent honed by an expensive dialect coach, and a four minute-monlogue memorized the night before to perform, and I completed all these tasks with not one mistake or complaint, she would still get the role. She probably wouldn't attend the audition and get the role. She just has that something. That something that I would give my right arm to have because my life would be a thousand times easier if i did. I have to force my certain something. I have to talk a lot and give the illusion that I'm bubbly and perky in order to appear that I might have that certain something. I don't, its all a lie. But her, she could just show up sit down and she can have anything that she wants. We all need to accept that there are some people who are just better that us. Forget all that positive reinforcement crap about continuing to try and you'll eventually get something. The only way I'm going to make headway into the entertainment world is if the Beyonce's of the world all got really really fat. Its like no other aspects of the personality even matter. It doesn't completely break my heart though. There are many actresses out there without that certain something, Renee Zellwegger, Mandy Moore, Katie Holmes, Brittany Murphy. Except for Renee who's actually a good actress, the other ones need to go sit down somewhere. The most successful ones are stage actresses though. I'm one of those, the hard working, craft-developing actress. Women would respect me and look up to me, they would not be jealous of me, I hate that. That would mean I have to move to New York where its cold. But unfortunately I don't have the money to move to New York. |
| Puffy |
| Speaking of that, star thing. Puffy is a star. P.Diddy or whatever the hell his name is a star. He's not even remotely attractive. He's short. But it pains me to admit that something about him draws people to him. I hate that. I'm pretty sure he has exceptional qualities. He seems to be a savvy businessman, although I'm not really sure about that, he seems to be a good producer, even though Bad Boy hasn't produced a star in years. Rapping talent should not even be a topic for discussion. But we know who he is and he is really famous. You're not even really considered famous until he invited you to one of his party. I can't wait until I'm invited to one and I can tell him that I'm too cool to go. |
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