THE FANTASTIC 9,861: This film is about 9,861 people who gain super-powers. Eventually, they all forget their super-powers and go home. A smashing -3/10. Rating: Utterly rubbish.
HERBIE GOES TO THE CHIPPY: In this film, Herbie goes to the local chippy to buy a portion of fish & chips for someone. (Cough!) Oh yes. A whopping big 0/10. Rating: I wasted £3.50 on THIS?!

THE ADVENTURES OF BARK BOY AND LOSER GIRL IN 2-D! This film is about a silly little boy who has a stupid dream about meeting Bark Boy and Loser Girl, two imaginary dorks he dreamt up. One has the power to turn into a tree, and the other one is just a big loser who cries all the time. Eventually, the bad guys win, and he wakes up. Oh yes, and the film is in 2-D, even though the people in the dream are real actors. A rather smelly -456/10. Rating: Zzzz...sorry, what? I fell asleep.
MAURITIUS: A spin-off of Madagascar. Anyway, four animals get stranded on Mauritius. And I won't rate this film because of it being so ridiculously bad!

AGENT CODY SPANKS: This film is about a strange boy who becomes a secret agent who gets spanked all the time. Eventually he dies. Well, at least there won't be a sequel! A poorly run 1/10. Rating: At least there won't be a sequel!
THE PUKES OF HAZZARD: This is all about two men who ride a car with an increasingly annoying horn. Also, they barf all over the place, winning them the Oscar for 'The most disgusting film of all time'! A barftastic -45/10. Rating: I think I'm going to be sick!

UNSTEALTH: This film is about a ship with a personality of its own: a gay personality, that is! Yep, the ship is completely homo! It ends up with the ship crashing on Fooploo Mountain. A rippingly good 2 1/2 /10. Rating: Splappy!
BATMAN IGNITES: The film starts with Batman being set on fire. Then it's just him rolling around on the floor yelling "Ouch! It burns!" A rather silly 0 1/4 /10. Rating: Booo!
HARRY POTTER AND THE FAT LOLLIPOP: This installment sees Harry finding the fat lollipop. And that's it. A strangely poor -18/10. Rating:.......