Yes, yes, I know what you're thinking: "Doctor Flabnut?! Prrfft! Don't be ridiculous!". Well, it's true. I have a PHD in..um..that thing..you do when...oh forget it! I'm here to give you an insight into the world of medicine, illnesses...and cheese! Mmm...cheese...zzzzzz..huh? Sorry! Anyway, let's get on with it!

Firstly, let's begin with minor illnesses: 1. Nagganitis. This comes from talking too much about lettuce. The symptoms are excessive nagging and being dreadfully annoying. The only cure is to shove a whole cucumber in your mouth, dress up in a wedding gown and do the hula. If the large cucumber doesn't suffocate you, the nagging might stop.
2. Bloaty Nose. This comes from smelling a lot of fruit. the symptoms are a swollen nose and very painful sneezing. The best cure is to smell a lot of vegetables, preferably lettuce (although don't talk too much about the lettuce or you'll get Nagganitis).

Now for some slighty worse diseases. 1. Eatingitis. This comes from eating day old pies...mmm...pies...zzzzzz...huh? Sorry! The symptoms are eat, eat, EAT! The cure is to EAT ARNOLD SWARCHZENEGGER!!!!! BWAH HA HA!! 2. Entrapotanotimaric cancer. This is from sniffing too many scented candles at one time. The entrapotanotimarus glands become inflamed and useless. It can't kill you, but it can give you a lot of face cramp. The cure is a nice glass of juice, a little nap, and a total entrapotanotimarobotemy. Aaahh..candles... oh no! Face cramp! Aaarrghhyyyaahhhooohhhaayyy!!

Now for the major diseases. 1. Slack Nose. This makes the nose go all sloppy and wet. Leave it for too long and it will fall off! Remember to constantly moon police officers and swear in front of nuns, and you might not get it. Hee hee..suckers...oh, right! 2.Deodorant wrath. This comes from spraying too much deodorant. It makes the victim light headed, angry...and dead. The cure: KILL ALL DEODORANT! HA HA! DID YOU HEAR THAT LYNX?! WE WILL CRUSH YOU!!!